Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m too possessive of my best friend

Angry girl off the track

Brother And Sisters.

I'm seeking for advice from your forum as I don't know who I can approach to help me out in this problem I'm facing. I'm a 24 year old girl and living in Dubai, but originally from Pakistan. I have started practising islam just recently by the mercy and grace of الله عز و جل‎ . I have lived a very tough life- my mom dad are divorced, and I was abused and bullied when I was young.

The problem that I'm facing is that I made a friend 5 years ago.  She's my best friend, and I share everything with her. now the problem is that I feel like I'm always thinking about her, and I'm very obssessed and possessive about her. Like I always want to know what she's doing, where she's going, with whom she's going, who she's talking to, when she is coming online, why she's not replying to my messages etc. Because of this behavior of mine, she has become distant with me, but doesn't end her friendship with me because she loves me and wants to be there with me. But this is making me more insane because now she doesn't share anything with me, and I need to dig out  the information myself by snooping around and asking her sisters etc.

Also, I'm too attached to her. Sometimes I dream about her sexually. I feel like maybe this is because I was raped by my mom's younger brother (my uncle) while my parents were busy in their own fights. He used me because no one was watching the kids. So I don't want to be married. Also, I just learned the importance of marriage in islam, and it makes me really sad that I don't feel the same way. So this is the thing- I see myself spending my whole life with her, and it can't happen that way because she will get married and have a relationship with her husband and I will go insane here, so please help me.

Hoping for helpful advice.

جزاك اللهُ خيراً

-Missy De


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7 Responses »

  1. Salamulaikum,
    My advice if u have means and ability to go for umrah or hajj, or fast extensively praying tahajjud. U will find ur answers very soon from Allah s.w.t.

  2. ALAMUALAYKUM...
    Sister get yourself together ...n let her be hw she is...
    U probably never let someone one get so close.. n shared so much so ur attatched..mixed together to much u feel like u r one other almost.

    U know as well as I know ur relationship is over attatchement..with too much burden cause ur inolved so much with each other.
    Instead build a better relationship with.Allah as thats who you will require in the end im not perfect. Either.

    Bass re focus in other things this friendship is too much feelings fr u and her ..hw can ur friendship be healthy when u give a.flower too much sunlight will it not burn? It has to much time thinking and attachment involved .....get ur self together distancd ur self as well of so much focus on this and let it smell like a beautiful flower.
    Bbass u have gne through alot bass this is the world we.live in be strong fr others ask.Allah to guide ur uncle and protect everyother girl.u cn work fr tht to . U can work for a better tommorrow ..u will face tests but stay strong .....remember who u...r... what ur experiences..
    Bass loook fr a good guy who will respect u look after u..sooner or later u will need to marry....this is a life parrner..
    Stay smiling always
    .ur brother in Islam

    N marry move ur life frword ..marry a guy who cn inshallah take u to highest level

    Bas life goes quick...ur very loving share tht llive between ppl.

  3. Why are you afraid of getting married to a man? How old were you when your parents got divorced? Are you afraid your future husband will find out that you had sex before as your uncle raped you?

    Are you attracted to men sexually as well?

    In my opinion some times fear of men pushes a woman to love another woman. Sooner or later other people will find out about your desires for your friend and it may cause big problem for you.

    I don't see any direct relation of your getting raped by your uncle and your sexual desire for this girl.

    • Please stop mentioning this rape which the OP faced as a child as u r not helping her but instead draining her emotionally. Avoid using parts of her story and concentrate more on giving her some meaningful advise.

  4. Salam Sister,

    By what you have described it sounds that you have a addictive personality.
    You are looking to fill the emotional void you have in your life
    with you friend.I advise you to seek professional counselling and develop the spiritual strength to
    combat the whispers of shaytan as Allah has described that shaytaan is the open
    enemy of humankind.

    Allah may have a mercy on you.

    Allah Hafiz

  5. X2. Please seek professional counseling, salat, and dhikr.

  6. I think you should go counseling what happen to you in your childhood is not your fault. You need to let go and take control of yourself and your own actions.

    Secondly you must stop being controlling towards your friend, your behavior has probably scared her. Let her get on with it, let her be. You concentrate on what you need to do.

    Having dreams of a woman is not healthy this is haraam. You need to work on your emotions and control yourself. You can get married if you want to, don't put yourself down. Address the issues first before heading towards healing in the process may Allah help you and make it easy.

    You need to keep busy in 5 times a day praying, fasting and thriving to become a better muslim.

    What you are describing in your post is not normal behavior I urge you to get professional help from a therapists.

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