Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Too shy to tell my dad that I want to get married

shy man

Asalaamu Alaykum,

I am a student, am 22 years old and I want to get married but am too shy to tell my father.

What shall I do to convince him? Me and my dad plan for me to get married next year but I want it this year 2012.

Please tell me how to tell him. Am feeling laziness, I masturbate mostly everyday.

Please advice me


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23 Responses »

  1. Assalam oalykum wr wb.

    Well your question did made me smile as well as make me want you to detour towards important issue and sins related to masturbation indeed.

    I also want to get married and i also understand your laziness and out of that this action..Well being concise i would suggest you the islamic way to lower your desires.. Its to fast 2 days in a week it will indeed make your lust suppress and the help of allah will be with you for practicing the sunnah of rasul saws.

    Masturbation is haram akhi.. please stop it and also it carries many sexual problems.. such as premature ejaculation., sexual dysfunction and many more..

    Refrain from it as soon as u can..

    May allah protect u from the vice and guide you always to the right path ameen

  2. Salaam brother, honestly when I read your post I just feel so mad!

    On what reason you want to marry? Do you think you can take care of your wife and lead her to Jannah when you obviously cant take care of yourself now? Im saying this due to your haraam acts of masturbating. Its a sin, and you should stop it first before anythingelse

    Pardon for being a bit harsh but im a girl 21, so I felt that I should represen the girl that could be your wife. Please straighten your problem 1st, repent to Allah and prepare yourself mentally and islamically for marriage. Im my opinion,the guy should be the best that he can first before thinking of marriage, not marry to fulfil lusts or sexual desires merely

    One has to preserve their modesty, take care of his relationship with Allah, then only I think he's ready for marriage. Age is not the factor, but piousness

    For the sake of yourself and your future wife. And Allah, I hope you discontinue your nasty habit. Il pray for u after asar today because I truly feel sorry for your future wife

    Sorry if I am harsh

    Allah truly knows best!

  3. Masterbation does not cause any harm however it is morally wrong i am not masterbate im saying dont say wrong stuff also if you masterbate you will do it after you get married because its an addiction so get away from masterbation then think about marriage.

    • Salamu'alaik,
      Brother, I am sorry, but you are wrong. It does cause harm. Apart from the mental and physical effects such as weakness, medical doctors sight the following effects of masturbation:

      a. The nervous system is affected the most.
      b. Besides the heart, the digestive system, the urinary system as well as the other systems are adversely affected and consequently the whole body becomes the museum of diseases with profound weakness.
      c. The eyes become sunken, the cheek bones protrude and there is a black rim round the
      d. Continuous headache and backache.
      e. Dizziness and loss of memory.
      f. Palpitation of heart on lightest exertion.
      g. Nervousness. h. Unable to perform any heavy physical or mental work.
      i. The person dislikes any company and activities and rather likes to sit in seclusion and suffers from weakness.
      j. All the senses are impaired. k. Vision becomes dim, the tongue begins to stammer and ears tend to become deaf etc.
      l. Lastly T. B. or insanity or some other serious disease catch hold of the victim to lead his life to a close.
      m. Impotency.

      If somthing is Haraam in Islam, then it is harmful or wrong in some way or the other, Subhaanallah...

  4. Salamualaikum

    Brother! masturbatIon? It has made you weak and desperate. It has made you impatient. It is seriously harmful to the one who practices it. It is Haraam in Islam and you are making Allah Angry by practicing it. Would you like that Allah becomes Angry with you and you die in that state? Would you like it, if your neighbor or your family sees you masturbate? Would you?
    Then what makes you disobey Allah?
    I know it is difficult, but not impossible. It is a time of test, to see if you be patient or disobey Allah.
    You have to anyway speak to your father that you want to marry immediately because you fear Fitan. Being shy will not take you anywhere. if this is not possible, then you SHOULD be patient. Move away from this place if required and go to a place where you have a Religious environment. Be in the company of the good and righteous men. Practice all the 5 daily prayer, recite Quran with understanding, read and listen to Ahadeeth of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, supplicate from the Duas we find in Ahadeeth and the Quran, which you can find in the book called 'Hisn al Muslim - Fortress of the Muslim', and you can buy this book from any leading Islamic book store including Darus Salam, or download the same as a soft copy from

    In short, keep yourself busy with Allah's Remembrance and abstain from the habit of masturbation because it will only ruin you.

    May Allah keep us all away from this evil habit
    Muhammad Waseem

  5. Dear Brother Abdurrahman448, Walaykumsalaam,

    There is nothing wrong with you wanting to get married, as long as you can support your wife in the right way. I can understand that you may feel shy to raise this topic with your father, so you could speak to another family member, say a cousin, uncle, aunt - basically anyone whom you trust and can communicate with easier? They can speak to your father on your behalf.

    In the meantime, I will encourage you to refrain from masturbation, it is not a good thing at all. If you search this website, you will find discussions giving information on how to refrain from this thing, please read them. Try to keep yourself busy with ibaadah, family, good friends etc. Try to increase your voluntary fasts, salaah, recitation of Quran, Dhikr (rememberance of Allah swt), avoid watching TV with unislamic programmes where people dress and mix innappropriately, avoid music that has sexual and unislamic connotations and lower your gaze.

    Also be sure to make dua asking Allah to assist you in both matters.

    SisterZ Editor

  6. In your question you said it all and i wont have a go at you instead explain things for you, you are at a age when sexual desire is what dominates your mind everyday this is natural and is same for every person in your age bracket.

    What you do with this desire is however in your control and effectively a important factor when considering marriage, sexual desire is the need or want for sex and most commonly this is achieved through sex itself however when one cannot find a mating partner this need builds and eventually a solution is found through masturbation. But the reason it results in masturbation is because the person or mind deems the body and itself unable to gain a mating partner and hence uses its own method, the reason it deems the body and itself unable to find a mate is due to the first word in your question 'shy' or low in self esteem.

    You should engage in your interests more and be more 'out going' this helps your mind since it is always busy and leaves little time to dwell on its insecurities and its sexual desire. this will also boost your confidence and make you believe in yourself more, at this point in time you might think ' i dont want to ask him.what will he say ?' but develop confidence and self esteem and you will think ' i will tell him that i want to get married now since i feel ready' this change in thought pattern will put focus on what you want and hence asking your father will be easy, the laziness is a by product of low esteem and again by applying the above changes this will cut out.

    Marriage is not easy, we start and end up in bed but the time inbetween is very important in determining whats going to happen at the start and end of a day. since you masturbate your mind imagines wild scenes of sex and creates a expectence of something , take note your wife will be human and not a image and she will have feelings, women are incredibly delicate and so make sure you are actually ready for all aspects of marriage, if you can convince yourself that your mentally, physically and emotionally ready then take that confidence and convince your father.

    if you want more specific advice or any help than feel free to ask,

    All the best brother, may you be rid of your weakness and gain strength insha'Allah.


  7. Oh, come on. Everyone is freaking out on the brother for masturbating (and brother Waseem has invented a whole list of so-called "medical symptoms" related to masturbation, all of which are nonsense), and only a few of you have given the brother any practical advice.

    Brother Abdurrahman, take that sexual energy you've got (and your boredom as well) and use it in productive ways. If you are in school, then excel in your studies. If you're not working, then find a job and work hard. Exercise every day, attend the masjid, develop some good hobbies. Become the kind of man that others look at and say, "What a good man ma-sha-Allah, he would make a great husband."

    If you can do this then your father will be motivated to find you a wife, and the right woman will want to marry you, Insha'Allah.

    Wael Editor

    • sorry if it was irrelevant, brother. I just copied that from a medical doctor. Dunno if he was lying. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Jazakumullaahu Khairan everyone. I think marriage is the only solution and a quick remedy InshaAllah!

    • Make sure your 'physical urges' don't cloud your judgement when choosing a good wife.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Yes - do look into marriage properly. It will take some time and you may have to fast in the meanwhile but learn about your rights and responsibilities - think about what you want in a wife and want you have to offer as a husband. Too many young people dont think about these things enough before marrying and end up divorced, and even more frustrated - May Allah protect you and us all.

      So do start looking - you are looking for a wife and a partner for life not just a sex partner.

      Sara Editor

  9. Elhamdulilah marriage is the only answer!! because it lower gazes and it protects from one of the most grievous and major sin in Islam.. Only being capable of supporting your wife economically is not a reason to get married.. ,and also PHYSICAL satisfaction is also a reason .for the marrriage.. Allah has said in many places Qur'an that man and women are for the comfort of each other. There are many people who are capable but they dont let there children marry .or they marry themselves.Does it mean that those who are poor cant marry ?!! marriage has got nothing to do with money? money is important but not that!! BUT NOW ADAYS AS EVERYONE SETS GOOD EARNING AS FILTER.Adding another thing as Mira 91 said that which which should be there but unfortunately it isnt prevalent in our society , a guy can marry a girl who is 10 years younger to him but not the way around?! why? Its piety that counts not the age.. Well thats something different issue. well rollling over to your issue .i would like to shed some light on this below stated hadeeth

    Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. " (Muslim) And he said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. "(Bukhari) And he said, "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. " (Muslim)

    AND TELL YOUR FATHER THAT YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED.ITS YOUR RIGHT TO GET MARRIED (he is your father he will understand ) close your eyes and say it ๐Ÿ™‚

    The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam. MAN OR WOMEN.

    so I would say that you should first rectify and amend your habits as soon as u can !! because firstly you are accumulating sins, getting away from Allah swt and also physically weak !

    May allah swt guide you always to right path ameen and dont forget to fast 2 days a week

  10. Salaam again. I have to tel 3 things otherwise I cant sleep peacefuly tonight

    1) im as a medical student agree with abd waseem's medical list of side effects of masturbation. Eventhough it may not be of practical importance, I dont think it should be ridiculed and ignored. Like he said, its haram, and thus definetely hav bad effects to us (and now we know why)

    2)i dont think and strongly disagree on d opinion that marriage is d only answer to this problem. Allah stated that good men are for good women and vice versa, thus he has to be good first right. And besides, the husband should lead the wife to jannah, not the husband lead the wife to destruction

    Maybe some of us freaked out over his act of masturbation but I freaked out that he would do such dirty haram thing. To some people, considering his age,it may seem normal, but the idea and act of it scares me, scares women. Eventhough it may be a norm nowadays but thats the act of sygaitaan. Repent, pray youl get a good wife and isA Allah wil send one for you

    Allah knows im trying with the little limited knowledge I have.:-)

    • Mira91 - If you acknowledge that you have little knowledge, perhaps you should let the more knowledgeable answer and should learn from it, instead of firing off at a person reaching out for help.

      The irony of the situation is that you are advising the brother to be patient, yet you aren't displaying it when you say you can't sleep unless you get your burden off your chest - without thought to how it might effect the person seeking help.

      It is also of keen importance in Islam that we use "hikmah" (wisdom/strategy) when advising and counselling, the guy himself acknowledges that what he is doing isn't right and needs help and thats what we should offer.

      May Allah swt guide us all -- Ameen


  11. Yes,he awknowledge that he wants help,but he's making it as if marriage is d only answer. Marriage is not a tool 2 satisfy guy's lust! Marriage is a tool 2 spread islam! This brother is committig sin-i hope hes not doing this anymore-and he should repent 1st b4 thinking of marriage-thinking of leading his wife to jannah! Im askin dis brother to stop this dirty habit,repent,get close to allah,n then marry ๐Ÿ˜€

  12. Imane, well said!

  13. ok

  14. Pull yourself together! Man Up! Go tell your father that yyou want to get married!

    And all you people here..SHUT UP and stop acting Holy!

    I bet 99.9% of the Brothers and sisters who commented on this post Masterbate! Dont tell others to stop doing what you still do or what you may have done before marriage..YOU WILL HAVE TO ANSWER FOR THAT ON THE DAY OF QIYAMA..for preaching something you didnt practise yourselves!

    Btw bro..May Allah continue to protect you from committing an act which is much worse that Masterbation..ZINA! Stay away from it at ALL costs.

    Pray..remain patient..Allah'll make a way out for you my man!


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