Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Too worried for my future

girl innocent

Salaam,

I am 14 years old muslim girl, I really want to get a good answers and find somebody who can answer to my (shameful) questions. Let me begin my story. I am really shy girl, just like my mom. My mom and I never talk about sex and stuff like that. I think it's because we both are really shy to talk about it. However I always had questions that I can't ask my mom. (I don't have any sisters, just younger brothers).

I love my mom but sometimes I think she should tell me some stuff and talk to me about sex. Like you can understand I am a teenager who wants to know many things. I tried to research things from internet but didn't find any good stuff, until yesterday I found this website where there are some good people like me muslims who can understand me, and some good advice.

Lets just get to the point. I know that you have to have a sex to get pregnant. You might think that I am a little(maybe alot) crazy, but I will (I have to) ask that anyway.

- My first question is: "is it sin to be a muslim and have a sex with your husband?" Of course I am not married but I am thinking a little ahead (I am going too far right?)

- My second question is (since I am shy),ย  "do you have to have a sex to get pregnant? I really don't want to have a sex with my husband when I grow up, but I want to have children. It's really emberassing to do that, I can't do it. I am too scared, ashamed, embarrased.

Please don't laugh at me, I just don't have anybody to talk about this stuff.

Thank you so much

Strange girl ๐Ÿ™

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11 Responses »

  1. Waalaikumsalam my dear innocent sister,

    You are not at all strange my sweet sister. However, to be honest, I was a bit surprised to know what you wrote here. I think it is totally fine to have curiosity about such thing as you are a teenager. My answer for your first question is it is not a sin dear to have sex with husband as its relationship is bounded in a halal way, through marriage. Otherwise, you will have reward from Allah to do so with yours in the future when you are married. Sex is also a part of important thing in a marriage dear. About being afraid, I can understand that dear as you are still so young, so you may think it as a scary or embarrassing thing though. I believe, once you get older, you will be able to understand it wisely In Shaa Allah. It is only a matter of time. In Islam, it is an obligation to obey husband, including this stuff, I mean about sex. You will change your mind In Shaa Allah once you get more mature with more knowledge as well.

    Ya sister, to get pregnant, we need to have sex. It is something that I can't explain more, you may find its information any further through Biology dear. It will give you a clear explanation In Shaa Allah. This is only an advice sister but you better not to access internet to browse such thing as it may take you too far. You are a very nice girl. You will know about what you are curious about in its right time dear.

    It is all I can say here, May it be beneficial for you. May Allah help you and guide you always in the right path.

  2. Lol it's ok to be curious about this stuff. I'm 17 and I was exactly like you, I had no one to talk this about to because my mom never talked to me about it. Yes you do have to have sex to get pregnant and no it's not haraam to have sex with your husband. Your young right now and probably think its disgusting to have sex or shameful but you will grow up and get married Insha'Allah and you will have sex but when the time is right and when you feel comfortable about it. You can only have sex with your husband when you get married in a halaal way and everything will flow in an happen at the right time. Don't worry about this stuff right now. I hope I helped a little ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Awwww.. you are such a cute girl ๐Ÿ™‚ . You are not strange but thinking a little ahead, and thats perfectly normal, i also used to wonder about such things when i was at your age. But now i know all and it's not so complicated.

    For your 1st question, no its not a sin to have sex with your husband. It's allowed, and if you have sex ONLY with your husband, its a part of completion of your faith (It will take time for you to understand this). For second question, i think it's rather a medical question, yes children are born only when their parents perform sex with each other. Since you are too young (believe me, its so sweet to be young, i would give all my money to be young again) so with the passage of time you will know all these things. Your mother will never talk with you about sex for at least few years to come because she thinks you are her cute little angel daughter and right now too young to understand all these things.

    It's very nice that you have curiosity to know about things, but i hope that you are trying to understand religion too with such a curiosity. Remember, the day you will stop asking questions, you will stop learning. All people here are very nice and knowledgeable, and i am sure you will always get a good advice from here.

  4. ASSALAM O ALAIKUM
    My dear little sister i hope i find you in good health. It warms my heart to see your innocence and determination to find an answer to your questions.
    let me start by saying that i was also brought up in a same kind of family in which topics like this are not discussed .and i am off the opinion that parents should guide their children through these thoughts , it might be hard for them but it will shield their children from a lot of confusion and in some cases sin. i know this might not be any of my business but your mother should be the one answering these questions , perhaps if you told her how you feel she might her stance on this.
    as far as your questions are concerned i will try and answer them as properly as i can
    1. Allah almighty has created men and women to be each others companions and after marriage love making with your spouse is halal (is allowed) here is a Quranic verse
    . 030.021
    YUSUFALI: And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect
    .
    and no this question is valid and your not going to far ๐Ÿ™‚

    2.you had just answered you second question by your self before ! YES . i know that it sounds disgusting at this time i really do i was there and i went through the same thing in fact i remember when i found out through my friend i told him that he was lying.but when you grow older you will learn a great deal about this DONT RUSH INTO IT .there are somethings that you might not understand right now but with time your wisdom will expand and you will understand the purpose of marriage and every thing that happens in married life
    i hope i have done something to help you out
    and remember never give in to peer pressure
    take care may Allah guide you
    Allah Hafiz

  5. Salaam sister, your age is young and your are curious, and i am glad you found this website; your questions are not shameful they are good, you are seeking knowledge and about topics which are commonly considered a taboo in islam, however they are not at all, i will try and explain as best i can.

    Sister marriage is a big step in life, and as you grow older you will learn of various responsibilities and duties for a female inside a marriage, but marriage is special for many reasons, and one thing that is special and important is sex, you asked if it is a sin, sister it is a blessing to have sex with your husband, the reason for this is because you are the source of happyness and enjoyment for your husband, this is a obligation for the wife and she cannot refuse, in fact shaytan dislikes people who are intimate in marriage and enjoy their sex life, because neither partner will be tempted into adultery(having sex outside marriage) since they are satisfied already with Allah blessings, your husband will also get rewarded by Allah for pleasuring his wife.

    Your second question i will answer in parts but explain in detail, No you dont need to have sex in order to get pregnant, their are many widely used other biological methods to do so, BUT these methods are for those who cant concieve naturally, and so in hindsight the answer is more of a yes if you are naturally capable without the intervention of other methods.
    You have a obligation as a wife to satisfy your husbands needs, and that means his desire for sex failure to do so allows him to file for divorce, not to mention that angels curse you all night that you refuse your husband.
    But do not be scared of what i said, i gurantee it wont come to that because its not embarassing to have sex since you are young your emotions are mixed and you question a few things, but dont worry your desire will change with age, and as long as you remember sex is only allowed in marriage, everything else will fall in place, again scared, ashamed, embarassed, i dont want to explain in too much detail although if you want please ask and i will, but as you come of age you will develop natural desire, and you wont feel ashamed since it is a blessing, time will make a difference nothing to worry about, your shy it can be understood, because the subject has become a taboo in islam, but i hope i helped you understand better,

    I hope this helps, and may Allah guide us all to the right path insha'Allah.

  6. Answer to first question: No it is not haram.

    Answer to second question: Yes you do

  7. Assalamu alaikum
    i have something else to say that i forgot to say in my box above. First of all just to give you some advice....i don't think it is a good idea to look on the internet for info because maybe some people might lie and you will be doing wrong things for the rest of your life. But this site is good for answers. Now you are a young girl and it's not nessacary to worry about all that right now.

    SALAM,
    Zahrah

  8. 1.sex sex is not something dirty its halal within marriage and your mother shouldn't be embrassed to talk about it. sex is actually sadaqah (charity) so its something quiet rewarding.

    2. The main purpose of sex is to reproduce but you can use contraception just for the short term until your both comfortable with each other. Examples of temporary methods of contraception are condoms and birth control pills which are also used to control and regulate periods.

    for question number 2 ask a scholar but I do know that IVF is allowed if natural methods of conceiving a child has failed

    the people answering these questions are normal people so don't take everything they say into consideration as it may be false and misinformed information ask a scholar

  9. Hahah.. Oh my god!

    How innocent I was too when I was a 15 year old young man, I used to think that even a husband cannot see his wife n*de!!!! I thought it was a sin and haram too, but soon my cousin broke all the secrets to me and I'm not that innocent anymore and I'm 24, still more secrets to uncover as I haven't married yet but inshallah I will soon ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Pls my young little sister. Thanks for asking this question. Pls i beg of you to read these advices very well. Pls in your curiosity to know about sex i want to know that sex only for your legally married husband! Do not indulge in pre marital relationship with any man. May Allah guide us to the right part (amin).

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