Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Toxic In-laws, Miscarriage, Depression – What should I do?

Muslim woman in hijab

AoA Sisters,

I need an urgent advice. Kindly let me know at the earliest. My english is not that much good so pardon me for any mistake.

I have been married 11 months ago complete arrange marriage. My parents are very friendly with us. they have never restricted us unnecessarily. Infact I was doing job before marriage. When I got engaged, In-laws said to leave job. I left as it has never been my priority. My parents told them I m not much aware about household works. They said we'll help her no problem.

At the time of Barat, my husband came for photoshoot and took dinner with me in dressing room. At this my MIL got angry at the ceremony and kept quiet. Anyways, from next morning I observed they were totally different from us, quite typical. Anyways I tried to adjust in them. They always wanted me even in my early days to be with them at 8 am. We never go out of city as my husband wanted to take his parents along him and they were not interested.

After one month of marriage, their maid said she cant do work. So I started cleaning with my MIL. and she wash floor just like (1st rub it with brush then with jharoo then viper and then with cloth). I have never seen such things and in start I get so much tired but I did. With the passage of time, due to illness of my MIL I did all this alone. As far as cooking is concerned, she never allow me to cook but I always assisted her. It was just like I provided her everything and she cooked. As stove was away from kitchen. She didn't like that I go in my room at 1st floor to take rest. My MIL and FIL always insisted us to stay at groundfloor even in my early days. The room they give us at floorground was a common room. I didn't feel comfortable. and I discussed it with my husband. He also don't like it but he sometimes go upward to take rest sometimes not. My husband job was at evening shift from 5-11.

In Ramadan, my MIL stitched suits of my sister in laws and I have to stay with her. She stitched till late night. At 1 o clock I used to go to my room to take rest and at 2 30 I have to come back to help for Sehri Preparation. Husband always said to me stay with my mom. This way things were going on.

MIL since day first taunted me, didn't like any work, always said to everybody she is very slow in work, she doesn't know how to work etc.

At night when my husband came we take dinner and then spend time with them watching tv or else and then we go to our room at 12 or 1 o clock. Once my husband said i m feeling sleepy and both of us go at 11. In our room we were chatting till 2 or 3 o clock. Next day when we came down she said to me u people were awake till 3 o clock. I kept quiet. Then at that day when my husband said to her mom ok mom i m going she said why are u going u people awake till 3 o clock and he sat again.

My MIL did different things so that I may expect and became angry with me time to time she doesnt do it. Husband also got angry on it.
Anyways when she left such totkas, I became pregnant. Now again my life became hell. She doesnt let her son to worry about me. Every time she said its not a problem it happens to every girl. Then she had a belief that I cant go out till 3 months even to meet my mom. I said ok. She never allowed me to wear black dress. Once I wore black trouser she said to me go and change. I did. Anyways, she said now you cant go upstairs. I came at 8 am and stay whole day there and go in my room at 12 or 1 am at night. In start, I felt nausea or sometimes I couldn't sleep whole night but in morning if I came late downstairs she became angry and started shouting. She didn't care if anybody is there or not. Once I told my mom because I was not feeling well and she didn't much care. She was cooking for her daughter rather than giving me any attention. she insulted me too much why you told to your mom. For me she always said this happens to every girl. Its not easy to be a mother. My sister in laws visited most of the times and I have to b around whole day there even when I was expecting. At that time my condition was I always felt sleepy 24 hours. whenever I sit somewhere either on sofa or else I slept there. Mostly I started working at 10 am and then take rest at 3 or 4 pm and if my sis in law came then I cant.

She always created misunderstandings between us. On 30 dec, she scolded me you don't do dusting in your room. I told her whole day I spent downward then how can I do. then she said to my husband your room is so tidy how u live there. he said ask her she is standing infront of u. She said she don't listen to me etc. I go to my room and had a fight with my husband and his behavior forced me to call my mom while weeping. my husband disconnected the call and told my MIL. She used bad language. She knew nothing she should ask her parents to provide a home full of carpets etc. I said nothing but stayed there quietly. Husband said to say sorry to his mother. I did.

On 31 dec I felt severe pain in my abdomen. When I told her she urgently took me to doc nearby. She said baby is safe and recommended for me to take bedrest. But she got satisfied baby is safe. When my husband came he gave me a rose. I took with a smile and say thanx. She said she didn't take it happily. If there would be some else girl she would be happy like no one. remember how your sisters got happy on this. then said to my husband she made us affrightened. Baby is ok. and said to me go and give dinner to your husband. I said I cant stand up but she said go and do. my husband also said me u will give me dinner. I did. then my husband said to me go to your room. when i came he became angry with me. whole night i had pain but he was not that much concerned due to his anger. in the morning i asked him that after 2 jan (when i had an appointment with my doc) i want to stay for few days with my mom. He said call your brother and go right now.

I called brother and when I was about to leave. Husband go as he had to for some work and told his mom. When I told my MIL that I have asked my husband and now may I leave. She said how could both of you decide. There is no elder in your house and stuff like that. she awoke my FIL he said the same things too. then both of them started complains to my brother. He said if u are not willing I will not take her with me. then they said no u take her with you. and I came to my mom on 1st jan. brother took me to visit doc. from 1st jan to 6 jan nobody contacted from in-laws or husband. then i contacted him we had a fight and then things sorted out. he said u have to come by your own i will not come to take u. I said my brother is not at home but he said then call my father and ask him that he send my husband to take me. i said i will not do so. he said you have to come by your own. i somehow manage my bro to come and take me. there husband complained him alot of stuff and then nobody in In-laws was talking to me.husband then talked to his father that let her go this time. he gave me a lecture. but still nobody talked.

Next day my bro in law made a coffee and asked me to give to FIL. I gave him and didn't notice there was his shoe nearby. he got angry that I did it intentionally. I said sorry to him again and again but he insulted me didn't accept my any excuse. i kept weeping apx 3 hours. then my husband said i cant sleep like this. He took me to his father and said sorry on my behalf again and again. then everything came normal.

after few days again my MIL started the same things complaining and creating misunderstandings between us. We had fight one after other day. even husband said to me i am not happy with you or this lifestyle. in the meanwhile I had a problem I told my husband. He took me to doctor in emergency. MIL wanted to but was not allowed to go there. when I came out she asked me what she said. I told her she said take complete bedrest and it may b some infection. my MIL said to my husband this happens no need to worry. and he did not. At that day too he was angry to me. In-laws went to attend a wedding and I was alone at home. I didn't get well till next day. I told her she said to me now take medicine for few days no need to go to doc. I said I am not well and I have to go.

Then she took me to a doc near by at evening and doc told that I miscarried. My child was of 5 months. My FIL said right away she went to her mother and then child died. Husband didn't talk. Next day I got aborted. There too husband behavior was very arrogant. He was not allowing me to talk to my mom. I told my parents to take me along them. after I came home with my husband, FIL didn't answer even my salam or said a single word to me or my mother. then my sister said to my MIL to send me with them but she said no we'll not allow. Husband also said the same things. FIL Bro-in-law. they were all unite. both parties had a great fight. In-laws said alot of bad things about me. I was quiet at that time too. FIL at the end said your daughter is not the right person she created misunderstandings. She should not tell everything to her parents. Husband at the end talked to me and said me not to leave but i said i cant. Let me go. then I said sorry to everybody and came to my mom in rickshaw when my husband had car.

its been 2 months nobody from my in-laws contacted me. after 12 days i call to my husband. since then i am in contact with him but he said you are wrong you were wrong. Now i will not allow you to use mobile and come and make everybody happy here. you have to bear their behavior now as you are wrong. I said i will not come this way solve my problems. But he said he will not accept any condition. now he want to live with me. I want to live with him. But I felt myself helpless to give a chance to his parents. I don't want to live with them. They will behave worst with me. Kindly help me what should I do?

Should I go back?my husband said me so many times I come to pick you but I said I will not come this way. Else some elders from my family should discuss and take guarantee. he said believe on me but later on he said and did what they say. As he did the same in Jan.

Please tell me in these circumstances, Should I give him another chance?


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14 Responses »

  1. Salam sister,

    Sorry I did have a tough time understanding some things, but in all it seems that your mother in-law is just an unhappy person. Maybe due to illness.. From fatwa's I have read about these issues, it seems as though your husband has responsibility on them.. But if they are causing problems in your marriage for unjust reasons that your husband should help them without living with them. He has to take your marriage as the top priority in this situation. I'm sorry your going through this situation. Also, if he knew you were not accustomed to housework before marrying you... he should accommodate to have another maid come to help. May Allah swt make it easy on you.

  2. NO do not give him another chance under any circumstances. He had to many chances already and he doesnt even sound like someone who deserves a chance in the first place.I don't even think he realises what kind of a looser he is. You should be happy things went this way, trust me you don't want to have a child with someone like him. Everything happens for a reason. Be happy and get rid of him for good dear.
    You should work on your self esteem sister, you need to speak up. Why did you let your in laws treat you as a slave??? You are not their servant. In fact you have no responsibility to them. Yes you should respect then just as you do respect your neighbours, but that's it, you are not their slave to clean and do the housework ect. You don't even have to live with them!!!! Islamically you have every right to have your own place with your husband and shouldn't tolarate any mental or physical abuse from anyone. This kind of people won't change so don't waste your time giving him chances. 11 month wasting your time was enough so get rid of him. He doesn't respect you and your marriage. You deserve better. Get khula. Stop talking to him. Don't contact him anymore. Start working on yourself, you must have very low self esteem since you tolarate a lot of abuse from your in laws and your husband for so long. You need to respect yourself. Don't let anyone abuse you.know your worth sister. Inform yourself about your rights in marriage. Make a lot of dua to Allah insh'Allah He will bless you with someone who is worthy. Your husband and in laws sound absolutely disgusting, be grateful you know their true colors and do NOT go back. Thank Allah and get rid of them.

  3. No sister. They will be even worse with you when you go back, and will make it impossible for you to return home.
    This happened to my friend, married a man who had really abusive parents, and she was a spoiled daughter who had never worked before and they practically made her a slave.
    She went home because she couldn't take the treatment and 2 months later they collected her but humiliated her parents and made her stop talking to them.
    Eventually she nearly committed suicide because they were really bad to her, and her husband didn't respect her either

    I am
    My saying this will happen to you to but your husband is actually telling you: come back so we can treat you the same way again.

    You keep having to say sorry and you have to sit with your mother in law all the time like some servant.

    She even doesn't let you have much time with your husband.

    Unless he gets his own place far from them I can't see how going back this time will be different to what you have already endured.

    He doesn't seem to respect you much either from what you have said and it's probably better to leave now than to continue living like this.

    I don't understand why it is so bad that you tell your parents what is happening. It shows they know what they are doing is wrong and they are covering up their own disgusting behaviour.

    I don't tell my mum everything, but if my in laws suddenly started saying don't tell you mum about this or that I would think to myself why do you not want them to know?

    Hope things sort out for you. I know there is a stigma attached to leaving your husband but you really need to think about whether that is how you want to spend your life, because it will not be a happy one.

  4. It seems that you have know peace and you have a lot too say.My advice first is learn understand your faith because success in this world and in the hereafter is only Obeying Allah's commandments and teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH. OTHERWISE you will live a hard life in this world filled with uneasiness stress and no Barakah. The answer to all your problems is building a connection with Allah. Praying salah reading quran and observing halal and keeping away from haram...If this person has Iman the greatest gift a humanbeing can receive he will always be smiling no matter what tests come his /her way.. You don't need anyone to listen to your problems.Conditions and problems are the sins that we commit.And lastly we must protect are Iman.We must be connected with pious practising muslims.We must have some attachment with mosque. We have to have a daily schedule. Make time for Allah.Allah will make time for you.And for this individual reassess your situation because you have rights and if you want to leave at least remind of the day of judgement and our purpose in this world.This is the only solution that brings people together perfectly.It's called unity with harmony.UNDERSTAND. PEACE OUT

    • Raul did you even read her post???

      • I know Raul never sticks to the topic. He talks about stuff assuming the poster is not into their religion. It's annoying. This is not the place to be a tabligi, thinking your getting brownie points, and assuming everyone's a sinner.

  5. I know how it feels like to be in your situation but believe me more than your in laws fault it is your husband who failed miserably in this relationship. He said to you no mobile (so that you are detached from your family) and then serve his family until they become happy... Do you think they will ever become happy? They are heartless people, believe me, those who cannot show compassion to a woman who lost her child are worthy to be served? I know separation divorce single life all this is very tough but at least you will be happy that you stood up for yourself. They have and they will continue to treat you as doormat. I am so sorry dear marriages are not meant for this... Islam does not teach that the wives be treated like this...yes its all cultural society norms etc but do we really have no choice to take a stand for ourselves and reject the norms which wants us to be the slaves of the spouse family just to have a tag of word 'married'? May Allah(swt) help you with lot of courage...Aameen

  6. Assalamualaikum Dear Sister

    The situation you have described is just an example of how a marraige is being destroyed by culture. Wives don't have the obligation to live with husbands' parents and all the matters regarding your life should be decided by you and your husband alone. Your husband's parents have no right to dictate or interfere in your lives. It is very ironic that they are interfering so much in your life whereas on the other hand they don't want your parents to even know about the situation. Furthermore your husband should not let himself be influenced by his parents in regards to decisions about his marriage. Parents have rights and should be loved, cared and respected. However spouses have rights as well but your husband is being swayed by his parents dictations and totally ignoring your rights. My advice is not to immediately agree to go with your husband but first ask him to work on this marriage. Set some conditions and ask your husband to accept them and work on them:
    1. Ask your husband to provide you separate accommodations; a house or at least separate portion of the house where you can live without interference from your husbands' parents.
    2. Agree that you wont disclose your marital affairs with your parents on the condition that he will likewise refrain from discussing matters with his parents. Any decision concerning both of you will remain between both of you without any interference from his family.
    3.Say to him to stop blaming you for the miscarriage and be kind and sympathetic towards you.
    I am sure your problems will be solved if you guys work on your marriage. Right now you need to be firm in your decision and have to persuade your husband to agree to give you your rights before going with him.

  7. I can't recommend you going back to that family. They sound abusive and entitled. They should not complain that you talk to your mom or cut that relationship in any way. The fact that they keep trying to do that says that what they are doing to you is wrong and they are worried that word will get out and others will know that they treated you poorly.

    The condition that your husband is placing that you will not have a mobile number is to help them feel safe that they can continue to abuse you and that you will not have any way to contact the outside world.

    I think they just need a free maid to help them in their old age. Maybe they're worried that she's going to lose that if your husband falls too in love with you. As it is, it seems every time he starts getting feelings for you or worries about you your MIL tells him every girl has these problems. And then when he does something nice for you she tells him your reaction wasn't good enough. Seriously, just leave these people alone. Their main concern is getting a maid and keeping their current state of life. You need a husband, not a place where you give up a good paying job just to become a maid. Also, please go back to your regular job before marriage.

  8. Thank u so much sisters for your precious time. Actually Currently I get tensed thinking that he'll divorce me as I love him too. Anyways I have stopped talking on mob now apx minimal and my parents are talking to his parents. And as expected my in-laws bombarded with lot of fake stories about me. I have put all decisions on my elders if they will feel there is some chance then they will send me back with some conditions putting forward to them.So far they have just listened to them and have not said a single word. In next meeting they will tell our issues and some conditions. then it will be decided.
    Kindly keep me in your special prayers.

  9. Aoa,

    Actually i forgot my previous login details and i have to make a new id. This is my story.Sorry for being too long please read it completely and advise me urgently.

    On 2 April 2016, I went back with my husband and in laws after a sitting with my family. They said they will not stop me using mobile and will have a maid for cleaning house. He will give me monthly pocket money. Will go to my room after breakfast and lunch for few time.
    In the start behavior of my in laws was good not that much bad. Some Slight rare taunts. On 12 April 2016, I had my first wedding anniversary. my husband didnt make anything on it as on 22 march (my nikkah day) I was not with him. the day was usual. My husband said so many times he loves me alot. I was happy in it. He said with love he doesnot like to use my mobile infront of him or his parents. I said ok. I can make call to my parents from his phone and as we spend whole day with his family so I had to talk to my mother infront of them.
    In May 2016, my husband has to go on an official trip. I have to shift with my MIL in her room as she couldnt let me sleep alone. My husband specially gave me his sim so that he can talk to me anytime. But when he did so, my MIL couldnt bear it and taunted me like before marriage he used to call us now he forgot Or this mobile again came in your hand etc.
    when he came, i opened the door and he met me with a smile. his mother get jealous on it too and didnt talk to him. Next day when he was showed pics to all of us and then started showing me and his dad some old pics, she got jealous on it too and went from there with few taunts.
    My husband arranged an Umrah Trip for my MIL and FIL. We were having good and bad days but my MIL interference was like that she didnt get change after Umrah too. FIL after behaved very good to me always guiding me with advises. Husband behavior was sometimes very good sometimes very bad even than before.Twice he verbally abused me in anger. Three times he raised his hand on me on different occasions but didnt beat me.
    Once through out he gave me pocket money of Rs. 500. and when i visited my mom's place, I purchased a dining table mat as it was needed. I was happy for the first time i purchased something for my home. Husband was ok but MIL reacted on it. said to my husband too she should tell me. I would have purchased much better etc. But in turn he never gave me out pocket money since then. But he took me with him to market once in three months to purchase something for me and which was definitely not everything only what he felt necessary.On return from market, I have to clear all kitchen work before going to get asleep.
    Once due to my problems, my parents again talked to him telling him about my problems but except he got angry on me after going home nothing changed.
    In Aug 2016, my SIL had a miscarriage and stayed with us for a month apx. I tried v best to be kind to her and help her the best way i can, she went through the same or even worst situation i had at my miscarriage but her mother didnt realize that it could be because she did wrong to me.
    In Nov 2016, my FIL died suddenly with heart attack. But now the more difficult time started for me. MIL was the most sympathized person. husband was emotionally very weak as he was very much attached to his father.
    We shifted down in a room. I tried my best to be part of their pain. Stayed with them till late night, get up early in morning, attend all guests, could not take rest through out the day as I was the bahu to attend everything, take care of pets (a parrot, 12 hens, ducks and rabbits-my husband's hobbies), tried to share pain of all siblings of my husband, recitation for my FIL, along-with having my own health issues which were making me weak internally. but yes i still tried to avoid my MIL. Her behavior was still very bad. She needed my husband specially around her while having dinner or else. Although her daughters or someone was always around her but if nobody was I tried to console her with a very good heart.Allah knows my neyat. I really had all my sympathies to her. Throughout these 40 days i was not allowed to go somewhere even with my husband. Once we had to attend a darood mahfil from their relatives. with hard heart MIL allowed me to go but instructed to be back after half hour and had all record like u left at this time why u came back. my husband even fought with her on this investigative behavior that dont send her with me next time if u have to do so.
    In those 40 days my husband got angry with me on an issue i didnt know and didnt talk to me. I was already going through a tough time. I asked him tell me the reason he didnt. I tried all my best to make him talk to me.but he didnt After Chaleeswa of my FIL i came to my mom for 2 days and refused to get back as I was feeling emotionally too much weak.
    On that day my parents have to attend a wedding that they cant miss so they took me along with them. I told him not to come we r not at home but he came and then called me on mobile and loose talk with me. My father heard and next day ask him to divorce me.
    He asked him to meet me only once and when he came I again melted and things get settled and went back with him.
    But after that he didnt talk to me in front of his mom, nobody was talking me there. I felt guilty, He wanted me to say sorry to his mom. I said so but she returned. My parents were worried. I started weeping as I get alone.
    Then things get settled slowly. I again tried to adjust in them. MIL became over protective about her son. once he said to me u make paratha for me. MIL got angry. She always scolded me u dont cook in the right way. rice are overcooked. breads are under cooked etc.
    But I was still happy when my husband talked to me smilingly. One day my aunt came to give wedding card of her daughter as she lives with my mother in a house. She asked her to send me for few days. MY MIL was in iddah. My aunt said some things(like u can open door while hiding yourself, call your daughter, phupo for those days who use to came mostly) to her when she was trying to do propaganda. I was not there at that time. When she left My MIL mood was very bad. I asked her what happened she didnt tell me any thing and when my husband came. She told him How my aunt was interfering and a drama created. He called me why your aunt said so. I was quite as i didnt knew anything till yet. I tried to go to my room quietly. But then my husband behavior was very rude that come and ans me. for the first time i reacted infront of everyone. and then huge drama created. he said call your parents. i call my mother weepingly. she got upset too. i thought i would leave now. My father came and again he settled things. My husband behaved very nice infront of him.
    Next few days i was very reserved with my MIL, she was not talking to me which tensed my husband and he asked me to say sorry to her. I said i wont. she could tell me if she was hurt but she created all drama to make us fight. he till date didnt believe on it.
    next weak my MIL first time had an issue with her daughter. every one was saying her wrong as she was wrong too. She always stops her children to meet their phupo and specially was over protective about my husband. According to her, his phupo (who was un married) tried to take him from her while all her children were too much attached with her phupo. Anyways by seeing her weeping, again my heart melted and I console her and again stays with her throughout the day talking to her as i was doing it since my FIL Death.
    Next week I ask my husband to take me market i have to make some shopping. He said he will not buy a new dress for me and he will not attend this marriage with me as his mother is in Iddat. As I was not allowed to attend any marriage accept some very close cousion whose special invitation should come to my inlaws. This marriage was just like my younger sister as we lived in same house.
    But after all this he didnt refuse me to go. He said to me get ready and went downstairs. when i came he asked me to take permission from MIL. I said she will mind as earlier she did. that after getting ready why are you asking him. I asked my husband to ask for permission as it always look very difficult to me to ask permission from her. He said no you ask her. I anyways tell her that we are going. she didnt respond.
    when we came she pretended to be sleeping when she was not. i called her no response then my husband called her then she pretended that she just woke up while my SIL daughter was with her pretending the same told the truth. Then I started showed her my things in which she took no interest. My husband said you are not showing her in proper way and showed her everything. Then she started on wedding card name was written of the husband of my SIL and they created lot of problems for her and look we have not created any problem. I said no its ur name written on card not my husband. she then again said to him. when i dont want to ask her for any permissions why he forces me to do so. blah blah.
    I got furious on it. As i was trying to be very nice to her forgetting all her ill deeds to me and she is again playing game on me. I didnt say anything to her.but i go to my room i was quite. My husband mood also spoiled. and he went for a sleep. I then ask complain him for the first time your mom did wrong to me. and ultimately he slapped me twice.
    I was shocked. He then said sorry to me but I couldnt forget that pain.
    Next morning Sunday i didnt talk to my MIL. Husband also didnt pay much attention. But I completely held my MIL responsible for it. On Monday morning I came to my mother place for wedding stay.
    After a weak, when I have to went back my husband said his younger bro will pick me. As he was free too, i asked him to come by himself (everybody asked me about his absence in wedding) which he refused and at the end he said baithi raho
    At that day I came to know my mother has hepatitis C too. I get worried and I thought I will not go back now and will take care of my mother.
    After few days we again had contact on phone in which he said u are wrong but i can not live without you come back home. i refused that solve my problems first.He threatened me by many ways. I will divorce you. will involve your neighbours etc. He said wrong things about my parents too abusive language and then said i was in anger babasi thi.
    I started job but didnt tell him as I started job just to get myself out of depression. and was ready to leave again if it settled. In May 2017 he came to my parents home with her senior colleague to settle down the matter. They waited for me two hours discussed with my mother and sister in which they say i was accused in all matters. when i came he said i will do the way you say just come with me.I became ready but ask him to wait for my father and ask permission from him too as he supported me at that time by just me saying. He waited and said sorry to him and he became ready too. but at that time my mamoo phone rang up and he said to me how can you go like this when no elder from his home came to take you. He said i see no future in this relation. One of my aunt also stopped me donot go like this. One of my uncle always favored him also stopped me dont go this way. I still wanted to be with him. I asked him for me please assure every one you will not let this happen again. He said i will not ask any body. you should support me when your parents have no problem. My father got furious on all this situation as he is a patient too. I took him with me otherwise he could harm himself on that situation.My husband went all alone.
    After that I told him about my job too. then he tried alot to convince me to come back but i said to him keep me in separate home. I also wanted to live with him but i thought it a necessity for my happy life. He was not willing. He cant keep his widow mother alone. Sometimes he became very nice to convince me some days very rude. We had fights on phone as he was not convincing with me. I was not agree to come that way.
    Then he went for Hajj with his mother. That was again very emotional for me. that he left me alone, didnt care for me. Even I said him dont go without me i will come. But he went till end he said to me come home. May I come to pick you. I said no. Only point was he should do some effort, struggle, sacrifice for me than just talks.
    During Hajj he didnt text me even once. those 40 days were again very heavy on me, My relation to Allah became more and very strong. and I thought I will not let him exploit me when he will come.
    He came and contacted me. I avoid but ultimately talk to him but now I became more rigid on my demand to have a separate home for me.
    after 10 months we were apart one day he said to me i want to talk to u. and started I did this to you that to you. nobody cares for you than me. and you always left me. It is only me always tries to save this relation. then questioned something about my character and asked me few questions all were about why you left me every time. His talk about my character made me quiet. I said i will not answer any thing. He get furious and divorced me on spot all three at once.then texted me.
    I became like mad I searched whole day any way that we may reconcile. till yet couldnot take proper meals and going through with all trauma,devastated, depressed like life ended. So many times ask for death from Allah.
    He contacted me after that too saying i still love you and you forced me for all this. One day I responded him too. Clarifying my many acts during these 10 months that I only did so that he may convince.
    Then he told me there is a room for us to reconcile. Come back I cant live. I asked him i will not and can not come to that home and that people any more. If you can arrange separate i will come after proper fatwa if there. He never get agree on it. He still blames me and my family for everything. Still he does not agree his mother was ever wrong.
    He has not given me any written notice till yet as he says I dont have strength for it. I am practicing Iddat since that day.Left my job. Tomorrow my brother will collect my belongings from that house. He said to me I have told my mother she has no issue if u come back. I will take fatwa on it too. Come back and save us.
    I have few questions:
    1. Should I really go back and save this relation?
    2. Was my decision and demand right or I was doing unjust to him or his mother?
    3. I really love him and want to spend my life still with him knowing that he is not that much right person. but I cant bear his mother anymore. I just have very strong feeling of hate for her.
    4. He says now as I will have no support of my family he will have a good happy life for me. Would it really be?
    and what after three divorces we can really reconcile?
    5. What should I do to get out of this depression?
    6. I am worried about my future, loneliness too. I feel like at the end i will remain all alone with regrets
    7. Please everyone tell me How much I am guilty. I have written it so long so that I can tell you maximum true picture. I dont say I am not wrong. I am open to criticism too.
    Please guide me I posted it in seperate post too not posted yet. but I need an urgent guideline. Please Guide me for the sake of Allah.
    Thank You
    Your sister

  10. Aoa
    Please help me in this regard.
    I seriously need urgent advise on it.


    A sister

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