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Transgender – need advice

Transgender and Islam

Transgender and Islam

Hello everyone,

I am a 24 year old FTM transgender. This was something that I discovered about 3 yrs ago (I always knew that I wanted to be a male but I just didn't know what exactly was going on). when I found out that I am diagnosed with GID (Gender Identity Disorder) I did not took it well. After going to therapy for few months and confirming that this is what is bothering me I thought that I cannot do anything about it and I just have to live with it and that's it. I did not know that in islam it is not haram.

after 2 and half years (I was depressed all the time and almost everyday when I woke up I would regret why am I alive) my depression got worst to a point that I was thinking about killing myself but I went to therapy again and this time I made a decision that I am going to accept it and do something about it.

in the past 5 months I came out to my siblings (my sisters & brother) and also my close friends (6) they all accepted it and have no problem with it and the next people in my list is my parents. They are out of country and will be back soon and I am planning to tell them.

I was hoping that I could get some advice on how to present this to them. my parents are past 50 yrs n their thinking is old school so I hope someone in this forum who has been through something the same or similar situations could provide me some advice on how about I go and tell my parents that I am transgender and I've decided to go on hormones and get all the surgeries?
my siblings are sure that my parents will accept it but it will take them time but I am really scared that WHAT IF THEY DON'T, there are a lot of stuff going on my head right now and I am really nervous how to tell me so any advice coming my way will be appreciated.

thank you,
Salman

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19 Responses »

  1. Salaam
    Plz plz do not change what Allah has made u into I'm pretty sure that it is haram for u to do this accept who u are beatify urself look in the mirror and love urself. Dnt go to ppl that out of Islam they will lead u even more astray. I understand this is a very difficult time for u but everybody in this life is tested and this is ur test so plz don't fail by changing what Allah created u as. The truth is all this is in ur head about feeling like being a Man U are a women so be happy with this. If u believe u are happy u will be. Pray to Allah show him u are happy with ur life and ask him to help you. Ur real life will begin when u die. Sister every bodies life is hard it's not easy but u can find happiness in other ways not just by being male. Good luck and May Allah bless u with true imaaan

    • Plz dnt be offended an if u said anything wrong plz tell me

      • Tia
        I agree with everything you said except one.
        I would have been offended, and I have been in the past when someone says "It's all in your head"..
        I know you meant well. I can tell by your entire post. And everything you said was for the sake of Allah al Hamdulilah.
        Just that one line is a bit harsh, and in my opinion incorrect.

        But you have still been much more positive than most others ๐Ÿ™‚

        • Salaam again dear

          I'm sorry for saying that to u that it is all in your head. I tried to use words that would not offend. If you need any advice or just a chat I'm your sister and I'm here for you inshallah. I know sister I dnt know you but I feel for you. Salaam
          Take care

  2. Please be very very careful with your decision.
    As always Allah knows best!
    And I would encourage you to do as much research as possible. I would encourage you to seek the opinions of as many sheikh's/imam's as possible.

    I had strong feelings for many years that I wish I was a woman.
    But after all of my research across the years, I have never been able to feel comfortable that surgery and hormones are the solution.

    I have read hadiths about what goes in the womb. I have read verses of the Quran about changing Allah's creation. I have read hadiths about the man imitating the woman and vice versa.

    In my opinion, for myself I have come to think that this is the Will of Allah. That this is a test for me.
    My own personal Jihad.

    I've had feedback on Islamic forums, with people quite harsh.
    People saying it was all in my head (like Tia above)
    I need to be stronger in my connection with Allah etc.

    I don't think it was all in my head.
    And I do believe GID is real. But I personally am too scared of the consequences of the recommended treatment on Judgement day.

    I understand that my opinion on the Islamic validity of the this treatment is irrelevant as I am not a scholar. And Al Hamdulilah that is true!
    I am only sharing my opinion to help you understand where I have come from.
    The best solution is to speak to an imam/sheikh.

    So the best advice I can give to you is
    1) Don't worry, I know it's not all in your head.
    2) Be careful, and consider that this could possibly be just a test from Allah
    3) Continue to look to Allah for strength and mercy.

    As always, Allah knows best.
    May Allah forgive me for anything wrong that I may have said!

  3. I can understand your dilemma as I have been through it, I am female now but was born a boy. I changed my gender and over time I lost my family and close friends. I live a life which is full of lies now, because I look like a women I have to lie to People in order to live life in a normal way. It's not in your head we were just born like this, if I had the chance to turn back time I would never have gone through with surgery to alter my body because all I do now is fear my creator. I would advise you do sabir pray to Allah this life is temporary please don't go on to hurt your parents and live your life in regret. May Allah be with you

    • Did you have both male and female sexual organs? I can understand some one going thru surgery if their gentials are not properly formed.

  4. Salaam

    Please do not go ahead with the treatment. Naturally you are a woman and islamically you will always be one! Look at it like this, it's your jihad and test from allah swt. I'll make du3a for you inshallah I hope you make the right decision.
    P.s telling your parents will destroy them ๐Ÿ™

  5. assalmalaikum
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/islam-and-transgender/
    ITS ALL IN YR HEAD AND THAT SATAN IS INFLUENCING THAT SMALL THINKING INTO A BIG EVENT -SAVE FROM THIS-JUST WEARING THE DRESS OF A WOMAN A MAN CURSED AND WOMN IMITATING MEN IS CURSED IN ISLAM-WHERE ARE YOU????????
    This is merely a test from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, such as with all men and women who desire to go beyond their fitra. Allah in His infinate Wisdom and Knowledge of all things has ordained you as Men and Women, your sustinance and your death through the Angels that blew in the spirit into your mothers womb when you were an unborn child. Your parents raised you as the child they knew, are you that ungrateful to smash their memories of your being, are you that ungrateful to your Lord? Obey Him and Obey His Messenger and you will be successful.

  6. Assalaamualaikam

    The general consensus of the international medical community is that Gender Identity Disorder is indeed a genuine illness, and can lead to people experiencing great distress and confusion. It can be hard to live with, but one of the most important practical things you can do is to find a supportive specialist - someone who knows about the condition and with whom you feel able to talk freely.

    Many people may say not to tell your parents, but I would disagree with this - I've seen too many situations in which people hide their health problems from their loved ones and then struggle to keep the secrets and deceptions going, causing even more distress. Shaitan's whispers are often heard loudest when we are alone, so it's important to have support to silence them.

    Rather than jumping in with a concrete statement about your gender, you might find your parents would be more sympathetic if you explain to them that you have been diagnosed with a health problem and would appreciate their support in living with this. They may not understand what you are going through, but you are still their child and inshaAllah they should want to help you through your tests and difficulties. Maybe you could arrange for your doctor/therapist to talk to them as well, so they can learn more about GID.

    Making a decision to undergo gender reassignment treatments is a huge decision, and one not to be rushed into. There are several scholarly opinions on the matter of whether this kind of treatment is permissible Islamically, so I would strongly recommend getting in touch with Islamic scholars and asking their opinion on it before making any final decision. These treatments aren't a cure for GID, so discuss with your specialist about what outcomes you could expect, what effect these treatments would have on your body and mental state, and what other treatment options are available.

    Pray to Allah, ask Him to guide you, and trust in His love and mercy. May He protect us all from Shaitan's whispers and may He grant us all strength to follow His guidance.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  7. AsSalamu Alaikum Sister,

    I agree with all the advisers above, as I believe they know what they are talking about.

    1) Don't worry, it's not all in your head.
    2) Be careful, and consider that this could possibly be just a test from Allah.
    3) Continue to look to Allah for strength and mercy, and to seek His guidance always.
    4) Find a supportive specialist.
    5) Inform your parents about it.
    6) Get in touch with Islamic scholars and seek their opinions.
    7) Don't seek opinions from people who do not have proper Islamic knowledge (with the exception of a specialist who will not go against the Islamic laws), as they may lead you even more astray.

    May Allah help you and us all. Ameen.

  8. Asalamo Alaikum,

    By lookin at your username' it says Salman-Afghan' so i assume that you are an afghan; I am also an afghan too. After reading your post i cannot say i understand where you're coming from because i haven't been in your situation, but i do can say is that i know how you are feeling.
    All i can advice you (just like other brothers/sisters said) that please accept of who you are (as a female)
    You should instead be grateful to Allah (swt) for not making you a handicapped or disabled human being, trust me i have an elder brother which is the age of 26 and was born as disabled and there is times that he ends up crying because he cannot walk, he cannot pray and that he cannot do what we (brothers/sisters) do.
    But you, mashAllah have everything.
    To make it short and simple.. as an muslim afghan girl i advice you to accept of who you are my dear and do not tell your parent's about anything because i know how elderly afghan parents mentality is.. They won't be able to accept the fact that you are a ftm transgender.
    Your brothers/sisters told you that they are sure that your parent's might accept you, but my dear they are just saying it so they could make you feel at ease but if you look at this way.. they are not the one telling you, its the Shai'tan whispering into their ears.

    Whatever you do, please always remember that Allah is always watching you.
    May Allah shower his peace and blessings upon you.
    Jazak'Allah Khair

  9. Asalam o'alikum,

    first of all I would like to thank each and everyone who has shared their opinion with my post. Thank you I really appreciate your response ๐Ÿ™‚ I would like to share with everyone that I was able to speak to my parents and thanks to Allah (SWT) they accepted this and give me their full support on this.

    I know that some people are saying that I am going to change Allah (SWT) creation; my question to you would be this --> IF I was born blind and there was a procedure available that I could see again, would your answer be the same that I shouldn't do anything because that is not what Allah (SWT) wanted for me and I am changing his creation. I don't think so

    I guess I should've give a little bit more of background on my decision. last time that I wore a girly dress was when I was 2 yrs old, since age 3 I haven't done/wore/did/said anything that makes me a female EXCEPT my physical body and at age 3 I changed my name even because I did not liked the girl name I had. (this is what my mom told me)
    up until age 12 or 13 I was okay with everything but when puberty hit I started to hate myself and always prayed to Allah (SWT) to end this life because it was hard to be alive and pretend to be someone I am not.
    after age 18 & 19 (I guess when I was mature enough) I prayed and read the Quran and asked Allah (SWT) to guide me into the right direction and I did not know what GID was at that time.
    2010 was the year that I found out the term Transgender, up until may/june 2013 I did research and asked sheikhs that if it is haram or not but it is not. A lot of people mix homesexuality with transsexuality but they are 2 DIFFERENT things.
    Homesexuality is haram but nothing has been mentioned in the quran where it says that you cannot change your gender. FYI- GID is a health problem and some people call it an illness/disease BUT in the Quran it does say that Allah (SWT) has created a cure for every illness/disease.

    after accepting this and coming out to everyone I can tell that right now the relationship I have with Allah (SWT) is the best thing ever happened to me. I've became a better human being and a better muslim. I do agree that you have to do a lot of research and make sure that it is not a phase but I am sure making this decision at age 24 does show that I am in the right mind set (if you disagree with this then that is not my problem)

    for those who say that I am going against Allah (SWT) or that I should accept whatever god has given me.
    please do not get me wrong, I am more than blessed that Allah (SWT) has given me this life and such an awesome people but you have to know that this journey is about my life and this is the journey that Allah (SWT) has given me, if I am not wrong every brain has its own gender and some times things like this happen and even back in the times of our beloved prophet Muhammad (SAW) there were people like this but at that time this medical procedure was not available but now it is so I am more than lucky that I am born at this time since I can correct this. when you say that Shaitan is putting this in my head and all that well let me tell you something...when I was hiding this from everyone and didn't get help I was mad at Allah (SWT) and I used to smoke and drink alcohol every day just to show him that I was against this but since the time that I accept this and put it out there...now that I do anything I think twice what Allah (SWT) would think and I make sure I do not do something to upset him.
    I know that this life is a test and if anyone is looking for happiness on the earth then they are in the wrong place because this place was created to break your heart and this is a place that Allah (SWT) tests every soul and I take this as a test for myself. Also, our physical bodies is not important because when we die our soul go to Allah (SWT) not body.
    Every soul tastes death so I am sure one day I will die and if that day is tomorrow or next month or next year there will be no regret because I am true to myself, Allah (SWT) and my parents...and Allah (SWT) is the only one who I have to answer to and the reason I am on this earth is that Allah (SWT) has a purpose for it.

    oh if anyone thinks that I've made the decision about changing my sex too quick then you're wrong, I've gone through 2 therapists and now I am on the waiting list to see the therapist AKA gatekeeper who will actually say that YES I do need to get sex change and will confirm everything so it won't happen over night (which I wish it did) but deep down inside myself I know that I have to do this in order to align my brain with my body.
    I've made my decision and will not change it ๐Ÿ™‚

    FYI-
    Anyone who is confused about their gender please wait until your at an age where you mature enough to make decisions then after that please go into therapy for at least minimum 6 months and do a lot of research then make a decision.
    the journey will be a very LONG journey and there will be obstacles and people who will try to change your thinking BUT always be strong and have your trust in Allah (SWT) because he who doesn't have anyone has Allah (SWT) and if you have Allah (SWT) you got everything ๐Ÿ™‚
    always keep in mind that you only have to answer Allah (SWT) and no one else...and Allah (SWT) wants to see you happy always, he will test you along the way and do things which will not make sense for us but he knows the best ๐Ÿ™‚ remember everything happens for a reason which Allah (SWT) knows best ๐Ÿ™‚

    thank you everyone for your input and may Allah (SWT) bless each and every one of you.

    Take care and always remember Allah (SWT)
    be happy

    regards,
    Salman

    PS - if anyone is going through the same journey as me and if you're pre everything in this journey I would love to share info and experience with you, just message me private and I will give you my email ID ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Assalamu alaykum

      "I know that some people are saying that I am going to change Allah (SWT) creation; my question to you would be this --> IF I was born blind and there was a procedure available that I could see again, would your answer be the same that I shouldn't do anything because that is not what Allah (SWT) wanted for me and I am changing his creation. I don't think so"

      The comparison isn't the same scenario!

      I have heard this before, and believe me I wish it was true (as someone who wishes they were a woman instead of a man) but it not a fair comparison.

      Someone blind has vision impairment. Their eyes do not work.

      But someone with GID has (in most cases) fully functioning genitalia.
      So any surgery would not be restoring function, but changing function.

      I believe this may be some of the logic behind Al Azhar (Egypt) decision to allow surgery in cases where ambiguity of genitalia exists.

      So it is important to realise that GID isn't comparable with blindness.
      The simple fact is GID isn't like anything else!
      It's a tough, and tormenting condition. It affects your whole life. The psychological aspects are devastating.
      I understand that...it's the reality of my existence.

      And only Allah knows best whether current treatment (i.e. surgery) for GID is permissible.

      All I can say is that with the above logic, as well as Al Azhar's verdict...I can't allow myself to participate in this sort of treatment.
      And I live with that decision purely for the sake of Allah.

      I can't say whether it is haram or halal.
      Nor can I tell you what to do.
      I can just share my thoughts, my opinions and my experiences.

      PS. this site does not allow private messaging/ sharing of contact details. It's 100% anonymous

      • @onceconfused " But someone with GID has (in most cases) fully functioning genitalia.
        So any surgery would not be restoring function, but changing function. I believe this may be some of the logic behind Al Azhar (Egypt) decision to allow surgery in cases where ambiguity of genitalia exists."

        A woman can never function like a man. She may be able grow some facial hair, make her breasts disppear, may have a little P....but never get the real feeling of sex like a man does via process that leads to seminal discharge.

        As the name implies, GID is a identitity disorder when people are unable to identify with the sex they are born with. It may appear to be a minor issue to most readers, but it is certainly life and death issue for the OP.

        I am afraid some people who go thru this surgery may even feel worse after they go thru this. That is the reason doctors make people think for months before making a decision.

        I think any one with this order should try normal sex for at least few years before going for the surgery.

        • I dont understand your reply...especially the first paragraph.

          Perhaps you miss understood me

          When I said a person with GID has (in most cases) fully functioning genitalia I meant they are a born with fully functioning genitalia.

          Hence their isn't any impaired function (eg. Like someone who is blind)

          I never said nor implied that surgery could give someone fully functioning genitalia.
          I think you misunderstood me

    • Salaam

      I feel for u and it's opened my eyes to wider problems which exist in this world but I'm sorry just reading what ur saying is making my heart beat so fast and is giving me a feeling that ur making a big massive mistake. I feel u have been going to non Muslim therapists who will never understand ur religion. I can't even begin to understand how hard all this must have been for you and I wish that Allah will guide you and make ur life easy for you. If you have even a slight thing that is saying This is agianst Islam then please put it all on hold because u could regret this more one day and you could be even more unhappy. Take care

  10. assalamalaikum
    DEAR I DONT THINK YR SENSE ARE WORKING RIGHT TO COMPARE A EYES MATTER WITH A GENDER MATTER-
    ALLAH GIVES DISEASE OR BLINDNESS IS LIKE AND EARTH DIFFERENCE-
    WITH YR CASE YOU ARE DEFYING THE CONCEPT OF GENDER LIKE MALE FEMALE WHICH HE MADE FOR US FROM THE BIRTH OF ADAM TO THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT-

    I FELT LIKE LAUGHING WHEN I SAW THIS-IF I was born blind and there was a procedure available that I could see again, would your answer be the same that I shouldnโ€™t do anything because that is not what Allah (SWT) wanted for me and I am changing his creation. I donโ€™t think soโ€

    AND INSTEAD OF AGREEING TO YR CRIME- YOU ARE ARGUING ON THE MAJOR CRIME AND BECASUE IF PERSON DOES NOT AGRE TO HIS/HER FAULT THERE IS QUESTION OF ASKING FORGIVENESS AT ALL-
    What Is The Spreading Of Indecency?
    On the basis of this principle, in Islam, there is a severe fight against every act or deed that pollutes the atmosphere.
    As a matter of fact, a sin is like fire. When there is a fire at one point in the society we should try to cool it down or to contain it. But if we fan the fire and thus carry it from one point to another point it will engulf everything and then nobody will be able to control it.
    Apart from this, the greatness of severity of a sin in the eyes of the common man and the apparent protection of the society from pollution, in itself, is a big dam against the flood of corruption. The circulation of scandal and shamelessness and spread of the sin openly breaches this dam, makes the sin light in public eye and makes pollution easy.
    we must know that one day each and every organ of our body will be asked to account for the deeds done and that it will be a hard questioning.

    • I think your heart is in the right place trying to help this person but your tone is harsh and cruel!

      You are laughing?

      How do you expect to help if you act like this?

      You should be kind and understanding...this is a difficult time for our fellow Muslim. Our fellow belief. Part of our ummah!

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