Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Troubling Sister

Horrible sister

Salam.

my sister is around 37 and unmarried, where as i am 6 years younger than her. i am not married as well.  she doesnt want me to get married . she doesnt want any of us to have a happy life. i liked a boy who got married , he lives in our neighbour. what she does. she backbites all the time about him, provoking my other sister to have fight with him and me. she provoke my sister to the level where i fear that she will beat me and she says such things that i will grab his collar and beat him in public.

she fights with me. inquiring all the time about him. she ask me to show my computer history, my Facebook history that you check his profile. you didnt forget him. leave him. you are girl with bad character. he is three years younger than you. you dont even spare kids. everyother day she put false blame on me that you are after boys. you are desperate for marriage. if you have moved on who is the other guy. you are unfaithful and cheapster. i ask her to mind her own business. i am helpless i am thinking to block her from my facebook. i am sick of explaining. we get into fight. she remains normal for one day and next moment she is backbiting about him whenever i try to say something. she says you defend him.

she has got my elder sister beaten by the other sister. she continuously speak about one topic to the point where the person is about to kill the other one and she gets happy. if i try to discuss she starts shouting so that my other sister would listen and come and have a fight with me. what should i do. why i am being punished, what is my mistake. i have no control over love. i dont have any sort of contact with him. she says dont you even look at his house.

P.S parents are helpless. they cant control her.

sorry for poor english.

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11 Responses »

  1. Aselam u alaikum,

    Dear Sister, I'm sorry to hear the trouble you're having to deal with.

    Sometimes, the people that seem the toughest and the most firm, rigid and harsh in their behaviour towards others have some underlying grief or problem that they are trying to cover.

    Is it possible she has such a problem? How was her childhood like? Was she like this then? When did this behaviour start?

    Try showing her love which can cause her heart to soften towards you. Try doing activities together. I know this may seem difficult as you are describing her as hard to get along with. But bond through activities that she likes. Love, appreciation and understanding can make the hardest of hearts soften.

    It seems like she is wanting control over you for some reason. Perhaps she has insecurities that she will lose control over you...?
    ...

    If nothing works, you need to sit down and have a polite chat about how she is making you feel. Clearly her behaviour and attitude towards you isn't good for your mental health. Could you perhaps explain to your parents how she is along you feel?
    You said they are helpless and don't really have control over her.
    They can help you with your situation at least, if they are unable to get through to her, unfortunately.

    I wish you all the best.

    • Oh my God ruby you have such a way with your words ❤
      I was literally filled with hate for this girl's 37 year old sister and was about to type the meanest reply ever for her. I was probably gonna make this girl break ties with her family astaghfirullah. This is such a beautiful reply and I couldn't help but write a full comment of appreciation for you. Apart from cooling my sudden anger upon reading this post, you've also helped me see this story from a completely different point of view! ❤__❤ you might have also saved me from a number of sins; I would've given this girl the horrible advice of framing her sister to a mental asylum thus potentially finalizing my own destination to hell, I would've snapped at someone in my house because of how angry this post made me and/or cussed her sis out with the most innocent choice of words (though my intention counts) in this Holy month of Ramadan ❤ You've not only given this sister the perfect advice but you've also saved me from sin and made me feel sympathy and compassion for her poor sister. Thank you Ruby, for sharing your reply with us. May Allah bless and reward you for every reply you've given on this website and overall fill your life with happiness and make you a resider of Jannat ul Firdaus. ❤ Assalam O Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. Oh and dear Aylin, please pray to Allah for your sister and guide her towards Islam, it won't help her at all being a Muslim by name.

      • (Selam Editors,

        I posted a reply to Sis Sierra here.
        I attempted to post it twice. It's not showing.
        Did I break a rule of your website? Please do let me know as I am unaware.

        Regards. )

        • Wa alaykum as-salam Ruby. We did not delete any comment of yours. I checked in the trash folder as well and there is nothing there. I'm not sure what happened to it. Maybe it didn't go through for some reason.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Thank you for checking, Wael.

            Perhaps, it is in the junk/spam folder as it was quite lengthy...? I'm not sure.

            If you can not locate it, no worries at all.
            It was quite a long train of thought, so I won't be able to repeat it anyways.

            (Please delete this message. It is for your attention only.)

          • If there were more than two links in it, it might have gone into spam. Unfortunately I already emptied the spam folder this morning.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • I've read your replies sis. ❤ I really REALLY needed those words at this phase of my life. I don't really know how to explain it, but in a way Allah has answered my duas by making me see your comments cuz I've learned a lot from you. Husn e dhab, I am surprised to say I was clueless about this information but everything you said matched with our role model, Hazrat Muhammad (SAW). Seriously, thank you for actually caring to reply twice, thank you for your dua; Ameen. I always prayed to Allah to show me the right path and make me good with His Creation and to never ever treat anyone unjustly. You've taught me how to deal with people and life in general, now all I have to do is implement these teachings in my own life ❤ thank you so much Ruby, I would've typed much more and umm wrote this comment in a way it would've made much more sense but I'm in a hurry because my phones battery is about to die. Also, I had found your comments in the spam folder earlier, idk there's been a lot of spam comments lately and it must have been a mistake on the editor's part but now the spam folder has been cleared up and your comments are gone 🙁 I had seen them earlier and I would've replied to this thread right then but my phone has a thing with shutting off at the wrong moments and I got caught up with work and forgot. I HAVE ALREADY READ THEM THOUGH AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. ❤ assalam o alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

          • Wa alaikum aselam wa rehmatullahi wa berakatuh Sweet Sister.

            Glad you could read my response, elhamdulilah!

            InshaAllah, I wish you all the best in implementing these Sunnahs in your life. Truly following the Sunnah of Rasoolullah and the ways of the Salaf Saliheen is what will bring us peace and joy and steadfastness.

            If you want to learn about these concepts, please read books of Imam Ghazali - absolutely phenomenal.
            Imam Ghazali and Mevlana Rumi (Rahimullah Ilayh) are amazing and I hold them very close to my heart. Please read their works if you get a chance, inshaAllah.

            There's a specific text I read- If I remember correctly it was called 'Ayyuhal Walad' by Imam Ghazali, Letter to a Disciple.
            Try to read that, inshaAllah, if you get the chance.

            Mevlana Rumi's poetry is inspiring and eye-opening too.
            I find that when I read it with a clear head and open mind it brings so much tranquility and peace. It makes your heart flutter and brings a spiritual...highness, if you can call it that..
            ..

            All the best. Please keep me in your duas and you will be in mine too.
            X

      • Ameen to your kind du'as, dear Sister Sierra.

  2. As she is unmarried at the age of 37 that might be the reason for her to throw her frustration on all of you .
    Better you all search and get her married to some boy .She will get busy in her own life later .

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