Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Trying so hard to pray but it isn’t working

Blue sky and sun ays

Asalamualaikum Brothers and Sisters,

I am sorry this does not relate to marriage/relationship but I am in desperate need of help. I have an extremely hard time praying. I want to pray so much but I do not do it regularly. Certain things prevent me from doing it, such as wudu. Even though I know the spiritual benefits and cleanliness of wudu I do not like doing it at all. I would love it if I could just go and pray without doing any wudu but i know that it will not be accepted.

Whenever I pray, I do not feel it in my heart. I do not know why but it feels like I am doing it automatically, as if it is programmed. My mind is shifted to other things & I say the wrong things by accident. I can not bring myself to wake up to read Fajr and I never read prayers on time, I keep calling it off till the time passes by and I miss it. I do not know if this is because I procrastinate or because of what happened to me when I was younger (which I will make a new post about at a later time because this i feel is more important now).

Please help me, if anyone can give any tips for me & for those who are also trying to pray please do. I know that salah is one of the basic pillars of Islam & our Prophet (peace be upon him) said that a one who prays or does not pray is similar to a believer and a disbeliever. I believe this is very important & scary because it does not matter how much I praise Islam if I do not do salat. I also know that we will be questioned about our salah on Judgment Day & that if we succeed in that everything else will be easy for us.

Please if there are any tips to help me, please tell me. Tell me how you deal with those weak moments when you do not feel like praying. I also have not been praying for more than 10 years, I am 21 now & back then when I was supposed to pray I would pretend to pray because I hated it so much. Now I became a little bit more aware of my religion & want to follow it the best way I can.

I also wrote this post to show those people who have difficulties in praying that they are not alone. I know that there are many people who give dawah & who love Islam but have a hard time to pray regularly. Some just go for Jummah prayers & during Ramadan but neglect the rest of the prayers throughout the week/year. I hope the advice you give me will be helpful for them also.

May Allah please bless you for your support & the knowledge that He gave you to help others.

*strawberryfields*


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22 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    I sooo understand what you were feeling when you wrote this. As a matter of fact, I probably could've written it myself! Sometimes I think to myself, "if only I could keep consistent in salat, then I would have most everything all sewn up (spiritually speaking)".

    ...Then I started to realize that it was that very idea that revealed to me how it works with Allah and us and our ibadah, and how we really can do nothing on our own. If we could do all the things we know to do and should do, we probably wouldn't return to Allah again and again asking for His help, depending on His means to make a way for us to be obedient.

    Sister, there will be some days where you feel on top of your game and things come easily and consistently. But then there will be other days where it takes everything you have to do the bare minimum. I find myself thinking about all the days of my life...all the prayers I am "scheduled" to make before I die, and I get overwhelmed. I think of all the wudus and ghusls and fasts, and it all begins to seem utterly impossible.

    I wish I could say that I have the perfect advice for you, the silver bullet to make salat more regular for you, but the truth is I (and many others I'm sure) are still trying to find that switch for ourselves. The best thing I've found to work so far is to treat each day like it is the only day I have to live, that each prayer is the only prayer I have to make for that day. If I miss a prayer, I try not to let it get me down (because thinking of all those missed prayers that must be made up can be very discouraging!). I try to move past it as if I did make it and worry only about the next ONE that needs to be made.

    What encourages me is knowing each day is practice for making the next day better. What I didn't get right today, I will have a chance Insha'Allah to try again tomorrow. Some days we will fail, and some we will succeed, but it is our continual trying and not giving up that is going to make a lot of difference I believe, on judgment day.

    Some days the best we can do is take heart in knowing how merciful Allah is, how He said if we were not a creation that sinned He would destroy us and make a new, imperfect creation that would ask for His forgiveness. I trust that He knows best of all our struggles, and as long as we continually turn to Him with our weaknesses, He will act justly with us.

    I can say this with certainty, your heart is in the right place. As long as it remains sincere and yearning to submit to Allah, I believe Allah will Insha'Allah provide mercies for you when you need them regarding this issue.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Sister Amy,

    Thank you so much for your advice. I have calculated the years I have to make up, how many salahs I am required to make up before I die and I get heavily discouraged! I feel as if there is no hope and feel completely overwhelmed because I want to do Nafl (optional) salats but it will be harder for me to do it if I do my missed obligated prayers. I feel so horrible but it is extremely hard for me to pray, I have been sexually abused by a man who would teach me the Quran and I feel that maybe it has to do with the fact that sometimes my mind drifts somewhere else far away like it did when he was molesting me. After years of therapy I found out that in stressful moments or when I connect something to my abuse my mind gets detached from my body to protect me, which I thought was one of the reasons why it is so hard to pray.

    I will try your advice and see how it works. I hope it does because I get extremely overwhelmed when I think about how much I have to do, and praying regularly has always been a challenge for me. I feel that if I took my prayers one by one I will have success inshAllah. May Allah reward you for your priceless advice. Ameen.

  3. Wow! i just searched on Google "why is wudu so hard to do" and found this and that you are feeling exactly the same way i am and i am relieved i am not the only one, i know for a fact it is the shaytan whispering to us, what i usually do is read Qur'an daily for some time before prayer which may be a bit hard also since you will have to do wudu in order to touch Qur'an but trust me if you force yourself like i have to , you will feel fantastic and i think the cure here would be to read Qur'an every day but would be much more beneficial to read 30 mins - 1 hour before each prayer and so that when you pray you are faithfully strong, ty both the questioner and the 1st answerer here for your advice because it surely was beneficial to me :D, Salem Aleykum!

    • Thank you so much, it is good to know that there are others out there who have this problem. I do know that after praying that's when I feel the best, the guilt keeps building up after each salah i have missed. I will try what you say to do wudu and read the Quran a few minutes before praying and see how that goes, I completely understand that when you read the Quran you get inspired therefore you WANT to pray instead of forcing yourself to. Thank you so much for your advice may Allah bless you.

      • asallamwalaiyum brothers and sisters,

        I have to say, I am surprised that people also have the same problem as me...I'm scared to tell my parents about this especially my mom who is strictly religious and then there is me....trying to pray...crying for help....but never does wudu and pretends to pray for 3 years...I STILL have time to make this up and bring my connection to Allah even closer before I die.
        This is coming from a 12 year old girl

        Please, I need help..this is getting like an addiction...a bad one.

        May Allah bless you with all the help you are sending

  4. sorry not 1 hour, i just read 30 minutes at most, idk why i put 1 hour for :/

  5. I understand your situation. Because we all suffer from this problem.

    We need to keep in mind that nothing comes without some effort. If we want to turn any worship of Allah into a second nature in our life, we we have no other way except persistently making effort.

    My mother started waking me up for fajr salah since I was 9 years old. When she should wake me up, I would have no other option except waking up. Naturally, I would not wake up spontaneously. I would wake up grudgingly. It was OK when I was a kid. However, even when I was like 18-19, I would still procrastinate to wake up for fajr, despite understanding the repercussions of missing a salah. But the key was, I persisted, partly because of the pressure from my mom, and partly to avoid the guilt feeling that arises for missing a salah. After about like 14 years of such persistence, now today, alhamdulillah, fajr salah has become my most beloved salah. Allah has finally made waking up for fajr my second nature, and has defeated the Shaitan in this regard. Now, my alarm needs to ring only once, or someone just needs to touch me a little, and I will jump out of my bed to pray fajr. Listening to the Quran during fajr congregation fills my heart with a great amount of peace and tranquility. If I have to miss the congregation for any reason at fajr, I feel sad.

    So, the key is, you have to be persistent. Allah will make it easy. Two things that will help you become persistent:

    01. Jump into it: Whenever you feel lazy, immediately leave what you were doing and jump into what you were trying to avoid. To win the battle of this life, we have to face the situation and fight it, flight is not an option.

    During a winter night, a scholar was procrastinating to leave out his warm bed and wake up for fajr. He remained in his bed for a while, and suddenly jumped out. He thought his nafs got better of him, and thus to punish it, he poured icy water all over his body.

    We do not need to go to that extreme; all we need is jumping out into what we are trying to delay.

    02. Gain knowledge: Knowing Allah truly, knowing His magnificence, knowing how much He has blessed us with, knowing the sacrifices the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had to endure to bring this beautiful deen in our lives, knowing how much the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) cared and cried for the salvation for his nation, and contemplating how little we do in return, actually makes it easy for us to defeat procrastination. So, earn knowledge.

  6. Sister the other day as i was about to pray i was thinking life would be so much easier if we did not have to do wudu, iam 8mts pregnant at the moment and just washing my feet its like the hardest thing in the world i laugh at myself at a time when most women are closes to Allah what am i thinking suhan'Allahn so weak mined , sister the shaytan is playing with us untill we are under the ground he will not stop so defend yourself against him and clean the wiswas away with wudu for every salat, someone once said to me if you do 40 salats on time and with care thats all it takes to keep it up your whole life time, iam still trying may Allah (swt) make it easy for us all Amiin.

    • Wudu is basically the hardest thing to do for me, if there was no wudu I am pretty sure I would have done the prayers, inshAllah. I definately know now that it is shaytan because it is irrational, we do not want to wash our hands but we do so without thinking before and after every meal? We do not want to wash our face but we do so everytime we come home from outside when the weather is hot and we are sweating?, we do not want to wash our feet but we do so before we go to bed? We do not want to do wudu but we take a shower/bath which is more than wudu. How can we do all of that so easily but wudu is so hard for us to do?

      • I agree. This is what i was telling myself all the time. I, alhamdolillah pray 5 times a day since i went to Umra in 2009. But before then, i had real big problems with wudu. It's the hardest thing on earth, because it's a step to pray. Demon always works and it is very good at it.

        Just remember there is the most beautiful thing waiting for you and Allah waits for you, and you will talk to Allah after you have wudu and finally pray.

        Just think a minute, wouldn't you take a shower before you meet a president? Allah deserves more.

        That's all i can say now.

        May Allah bless us!

  7. Dear Strawberryfields, Asalaamualaykum,

    Such a delightful name you have chosen :0)

    I know exactly how you feel. I know the importance and rewards of performing Salaah and I also know the punishments of missing it. But doing my Salaah is a daily battle for me. Sometimes I jump out of bed for Fajr, otherdays I procrastinate and my nafs gets the better of me. When I do manage to do my Fajr, I feel so elated, I think 'wow Allah must love me and want good for me as I did my fajr!'. I find it is very important to make a conscious intention to pray Fajr on time, before you sleep talk to Allah and plead with Him(swt) to make you pray on time. Read the dua of Rasul(sws) before before sleeping, it goes something like:

    'Oh Allah, I lie down in Your Name and rise in Your Name. If You should take my soul, then please have mercy
    on it and if You should return my soul, then please treat it in the manner in which You treat Your righteous servants.'

    Keep pleading, keep on putting on the alarm, keep on making the intention - even if it doesnt work for a long time. One day soon, it most definitely will inshaAllah.

    ***
    I find the other Salaahs a little easier due to the timing but doing wudu can become an issue for me too. Although alhumdulillah, with conscious changes in my life, I am overcoming them, May Allah make it easier and easier for me and us all. This may sound vain, but I used to find Salaah an inconvenience when out, i.e. at work or a wedding etc due to wearing make up. So I forced myself to change my makeup and although I still wear it, I wear next to nothing but enough to make me look awake(lol). At work, it was hard to do wudu, as I was embarrased when colleagues would walk in on me with water dripping from my face and arms and God forbid anyone catch me with my foot in the sink! (OMG). But since doing wudu has become a habit now, I don't feel embarrased anymore. My colleagues walk in and we end up talking as they watch me re-do my make up, lol. And Alhumdulillah, I've never got caught with my foot in the sink.

    Now I perceive Salaah as a challenge. Its something I have to and want to acheive and so it has become more of a conscious challenge which upon accomplishing I gain peace of mind.

    ***
    I won't lie, I still have to push myself to pray sometimes and yes, sometimes it feels like I'm just repeating robotic actions, but Alhumdulillah, atleast I am doing that, and if I don't do even that, I miss it. So keep on at it, Allah will reward you atleast for your genuine concern and intention. Start with Fard, keep learning about deen and ask Allah to help you. Asses your lifestyle, perhaps you need to make changes to make it easier for you to approach pray, maybe: going to sleep early, changing your circle of friends and work, etc. And also, we all need to remind ourselves of the mercies and blessings that Allah showers on us every second of the day - were it not for Him(swt), we would be completely lost.

    Imam Jamil Al-Amin wrote in 2006:

    “In the heart there is an emptiness and a need which nothing can satisfy except for the remembrance of Allah (swt). The only proof of faith is in struggle, struggling in word and deed, in body and soul. The lack of faith will crush you far more than defeat ever could. ‘And what will explain to you the path that is steep?’ (90:12). Conscious struggle is the path that is steep. Struggle where bitter hardship and misfortune and difficulty becomes sweet tasting to the soul.”

    May Allah make us all steadfast in Salaah, aameen!

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. sister strawberry i used to have the some problem also i was so afraid that i might be losing my faith satan is always trying to do anything that will make us stay far from Allah so i try reading this surahs fatihah,alnas,alfalag,&iklas just by reading them alhamdulillah i am now able to pray with full faith.thats why u must remember Allah always because by remembering u will find the faith & peace in your heart try to read quran everyday so u can stay away from satans whispereds

  9. Wow, for some reason I feel better to know I am not the only one going through this! you have summed up the story of my life!!
    Life is hard with its trials and tribulations but to know that there are other sisters out there going through the same thing makes me feel less alone (even though I know Allah will always be by my side all I need to do is call out for him) all this advice has really helped a lot!

    I have really been through a dark year even though at the time I thought I was 'living life' and 'having fun'! I was so lost but seeing that there is still a part of me that wants to return to the deen I feel like all is not lost. However it needs a lot of hard work and persistence on my behalf.
    I feel so heartbroken when I hear the Azaan and I dont get up and pray! After everything, Allah(swt) is so patient with me/us, he is forgiving if we sincerely repent! Allah (swt) says: "Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you ." Hadith Qudsi.

    I sincerely make dua that Allah (swt) keeps us all close to him and helps us find and stick to the right path and to help us keep strong! times are not easy but I think together we can encourage one another to be the best we can be!

    Allah Bless

  10. Wow thank u so much I thought that I had problems with salah but alhamdallah there are other having the same issue!!! I will try ur methods and inshallah they will work one of my friends told me that the shitan is holding us back but each time we do wudu he gets tired of not letting us like to do wudu . Anyways thank u all for ur advice

  11. These comments really brighten up my day. Alhamdulillah! I am a new Shahadah of about 5 months. I do not come from an Islamic backround at all. My Friends and Family are Khufar and I have been experiencing some rather tough times making Salah and practicing Islam. I constantly make Dua asking Allah to make this deen easy on me and to strenghten my Iman. Some days are great and others are not so great. I have an app on my phone that calls the Adhan for Salah and most times its just so many excuses why i cant make salah or get extremely overwelmed. I have been doing alot of self teaching and studying on my own and i found myself struggling more.. I was attending Islamic classes for new shahada's but for the last few months I havent been able to attend because I am no longer driving at the moment. This post has really put out some soothing respond's and In Sha Allah my Iman gets stronger and I reach a point when making Salah and reading Quran comes so frequent and consistant for me. Also, I make Dua to be able to meet more Muslimahs and build friendships with more Believers then of the dis believers that surround me in my every day life. This Dunya is so difficult to live in while trying to be pious and a slave of our creator (swt). Thanks to Every One for your comments they were truly needed.. As Salaamu Wa Alaikum Rahmatulihi Wa Barakatu

  12. ONLY WHEN WE ARE CRUEL ON OURSELVES, ONLY WHEN WE ARE ABLE TO PRODUCE MUCH, SO MUCH FEAR, YES FEAR , BY THINKING THE CONCEQUENC OF OUR RESPONSIBILITY , DEEPLY AND CONSTANTLY, AND THIS IS REALLY OUR GREAT CHALLENGE, ONLY THEN , WE WILL BE SUCCESFUL
    LIFE IS BASICALLY INNER JOURNY , AND WE NEED CONCERN MORE ON MENTAL WORK, IF WE REALLY PRODUCE ENOUGH FEAR OF ALLAH(S.W), NOTHING IS DIFFICULT, SO THE VITAL LINK B/N KNOWLEDGE AND ACTION IS PRODUCING ENOUGH EMOTION , THAT IS FEAR
    JUST THINK FEARLY, MOTIVATING YOUR SELF. WE LOST THE ENERGY TO MOVE B/S WE DO NOT IN DEEP AND GENUINE ZIKR. ALLAH AKBER

    • Jibril, it's a mistake to focus only on fear of Allah. Fear is a negative emotion and is known not to be a good motivator. Instead, we should focus on our love of Allah and our gratitude to Him.

      "Taqwa" is often erroneously translated as "fear of Allah". In reality it refers to Allah-consciousness and protecting oneself from sin.

      (P.S. please do not write in all caps).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Jazak Allah for that reminder, Br. Wael.

        • Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,
          What happens if a person intentionallly keeps skipping sallah and fasting? How do you make up for the missing ones? After many years of skipping sallah while you know its a sin, how do you start making up? It is said in the hadith "faman sallah bi ghairi wudu fa huwa kafirun" who ever perform sallah with no wudu intentionally, he is a kafir. Allah know i have done that many times, what must i do to repair my faith.
          Jazakalllah

  13. Same thing with me only im 13 I have a hard time except with motivation so grab siblings or friends or something and start praying. I am going to now!

  14. Salam sister, I am also going through similar issue with regard to performing wudu and praying salat

    My recomendations are
    1- Make niyyah and start wudu with bismillah,
    2- When you are doing wudu dont stop it just continue with it and say in your mind in wudu there is blessing
    3 - follow the steps of wudu like wash face,
    4 - after washing face say in your mind time to wash right hand then wash right hand
    5 - say in your mind time to wash left hand and then wash left hand without stopping to think, if you stop then you will have confusion in your mind
    6 - what ever you do, please don't stop making wudu as shaytan wants to confuse you and make you repeat wudu but you ignore shaytan and continue doing wudu
    7 - ignore any negative thoughts or thoughts like you have missed washing a part of body, say in your mind I have not missed anything and continue wudu
    8 - these thoughts are from shaytan he just wants you to stop and all you have to do is ignore the thoughts
    9 - imagine a mad man talking behind you and you know he is not going to harm you and all you do is completely ignore his words and continue with your wudu or Salah
    8 - follow these steps and you will find wudu or salah simple and won't take you too long

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