Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am trying to avoid him, but he is persistent

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Assalamualaykum,

I am a college going muslim girl from India. I study in a co-ed college, but I wear a burqa and do not talk much to the boys in my class. But there is this non muslim boy in my class who is interested in me. He is a nice guy and minds his own business. He has a good image in our class.

A few months back I started noticing that he is always looking at me. Thrice he tried to strike up a conversation with me, but I avoided it to the possible extent. I have been trying to show him that I am not the kind of girl who would carry on any kind of friendship with a boy, but he is devotedly pursuing it.

Although he never did any objectionable thing and he has been very respectful to me all this time, he makes me nervous. His presence makes me uncomfortable. I try my best to avoid him, but it looks like he wants it otherwise.
Sometimes I feel that I have started liking him, and I do not want that to happen because I know it is unislamic. But sometimes the temptation is so great that I really have to struggle myself out of it.

I know that I have never done anything to gain any attention from his side, but he still looks at me and likes me.
Am I at fault for this? I am the only girl in my class who wears a burqa and doesn't have a boyfriend,  because I am afraid of Allah. I do not want to make Him angry, but now I am stuck.

If he continues like this it will be more and more difficult for me. Please advise me on this matter. I have prayed a lot, and have asked for Allah's help. I have trust in Him, but I do not want to make any mistake. Please help.

-SOA

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6 Responses »

  1. Wa alaikum as salam.....
    Sister.... U can tell to that boy straight away to stay away from you... Say that you aren't a person who is interested in any kind of relations like that..... Tell him to stay away from you or else you will be complaining to the authority in charge.... Avoid even having eye contact with that person....
    If he still doesn't backs off ... I suggest u must complain to the authorities.... And I suggest u to take a proper decision as soon aa possible because even I am in college.... and one of my very class friend experienced the very same problem... And she later faced a lot of problems in her near future.... But Alhamdulillah everything is normal now...

  2. Its better to avoid silently rather than talk him straight away. If u talk him or try to let him knw that u r not that kind of girl it would b problm for u cz we don't knw boys if he take u as a challenge thn it would b difficlt fr u. May b he start following u or do something to gain ur attention. So its better to avoid him do ur own tasks do not bother where he is looking or what he want to say. He will not do such if he get 0 response from u ur side.

    Stay blessed.

  3. salam.alaikum
    dear sis keep on ignoring him,thats the best solution . n keep on telling ur self theres a huge difference of religion,,n he could be nothing but a big problem in ur future life.

  4. Wa 'alaikom alsalam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatuh.

    Some people have advised you to keep ignoring him. I disagree. I think he will continue to bother you because: 1) he might be seeing the whole getting you to conversation with him thing as a challenge and that could make him persistent 2) maybe he doesn't fully understand to which extent his conversation attempts make you uncomfortable and not realise that you need him to stop 3) maybe he thinks that you want to cornerstone with him but that you're just shy.

    So I think you should tell him in a very straight forward manner that you don't wish to speak to him or interact with him. There is no need for young be rude or offending but be strict and explicit. If he continues to bother you you can calmly explain to him that talking to him contradicts your religious values and that your Lord means more to you than anything. You claimed he was respectful? If he really is then he will respect your wish and leave you alone.

    Sister, clear your mind and try to think straight for a moment here. Is it him that you like or the fact that he is giving you attention that you're not used to? Or could I be the fact that he is so persistent?

    You say he is nice. The world is filled with nice guys so why would he be special in any way? And it could be worthy to keep in mind that every guy is a nice guy until - well - they're not.

    And finally would you like to waste your time thinking and daydreaming about some guy your Creator does not approve of you marrying?

    May Allah guide you and grant you a righteous Muslim spouse.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    You are doing the right thing - keep lowering your gaze and asking Allah to help you.

    If this boy presses the issue - as in, he keeps trying to make conversation when you have made it clear you are not interested in doing so, or he tries to follow you about or make you feel awkward - then you could raise the issue with your tutor. They could then (tactfully) explain to him that he is behaving inappropriately, and spare him and you further awkwardness. It may be that he doesn't appreciate how his behaviour is coming across, as he might not understand about Islamic limits (especially if he is a non-Muslim).

    Alhamdulillah you are showing modesty and strength of deen by covering yourself and observing Islamic limits.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  6. so from al the other girls he goes aftr the one in a burqah, maybe his intentions are something else and your not able to make out of the situation for what it really is , and if your so god fearing why is there a level of difficulty, why do you sometimes feel like you started liking him , doubt his intentions are to get with you especially from out of all the girls in college, try to change your mentality

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