Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Two years of marriage going downhill – what do I do?

Muslim woman in hijab

Salaamalaykum I need advice, I have been married for about 2 years now, I alhamdohlilah have a baby girl, I had an arranged marriage but me and my husband had a choice we got to know each other and agreed to marry. My question is im in a marriage where I'm mentally tortured like my husband thinks I'm dum, stupid, useless can't do anything right. He is constantly verbally attacking always cutting the phone on me when I talk to him. We have hardly got on since we been married, we have had so much down times, I always stick by him and stay quiet and get on with life. But I'm getting fed up he hardly ever touches me, kisses me, hugs me we don't have any sexual relationship (he told me when he was drunk that he watches porn)

It's like we are completely opposite from what we thought, he drinks alcohol which I'm completely against he drinks it on occasions or whenever he feels like it for the last two years I been babysitting him telling him to stop drinking covering the fact he is coming home drunk in front of his parents, his parents have no clue he drinks, well I think his mum does but she just pretends she doesn't and just blanks it out

My question is I'm so fed up of being in a marriage where I'm constantly miserable always asking myself why did I marry him, I feel as I ruined my life, I was a happy go lucky girl, I now feel like I've got nothing going for myself, I feel stupid, dum I feel I'm the reason this, like everything is always twisted into me thinking it's me but it's not me. We have beautiful baby who he loves an adore but everything I do for the baby being up at night, feeding changing all the essentials mummy duty

I do is still not enough he still tells me you can't even look after our child properly I'm the one who does everything for the child in terms of looking after the baby, I'm the one up at night but It's never good enough for him. What do I do? Because apart of me has had enough and wants to walk away. I'm scared that Allah will punish me for leaving this marriage and going towards a divorce. I never got married to get a divorce but I can't take it. I feel like I'm single in this marriage because he doesn't do anything for me and by do anything I mean show some sort of interest. Please advice me.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister, if your husband is drinking and coming home drunk in front of his parents then no offence but who are you? If he has no respect for his parents, no care of halal and haram, then it will be difficult for you. Divorce is disliked and you should try your best to make things work but if it isn't working for you and he is disobeying Allah and you fear for the upbringing of your child because her father drinks and he isn't willing to change then divorce is maybe a healthy option for you. And Allah knows best. May Allah make it easy for you sister. Ameen

  2. Assalam O Alaikum my beautiful sister. I'm sorry but I can't give you a proper response because I'm in a hurry. From what I know about my Lord, He would never punish you for trying to get out of a misery. He loves you and hasn't made divorce haram for you, nor for anyone else. In fact divorce is probably mandatory for you, your husband may as well be a kafir. (note that this is my own opinion, but I used the word mandatory to explain to you the severity of this situation)
    You've tried to change him, his parents aren't even bothered and you deserve much better. ❤
    Give him an ultimatum, tell him to find a therapist and settle his issues and set his life straight or you will leave him. Have the same talk with his parents. After all, not only your future is in question, but your baby's too. Allah has given you all the rights to leave this marriage where your husband is not fulfilling your rights over him, is abusive, a drunkard and probably doesn't even acknowledge Allah. You and your child deserve better, try one last time, and if it doesn't work, then you know the answer.

  3. Has anybody look at behinde story? Arranged marriage! He may aggreed to married you but may had no option to say no. He thought it gonna work but just because it forced on him doesn't mean he really accepted in truly. If he stays with you it will be out of scare of the family, community.... He will never change to better! It will get just worst!
    I don't think you or anybody deserves to got through this, but you should think what your family allow you and leave him if you can!

    • I also think his parents know of his bad habits of drinking. They somehow encouraged him to get married thinking their son will get better after marriage. I have seen many marriages like this where parents get their son married in hopes he will miracally change but in the end the girl suffers and her life gets ruined.

      Sister you don't have to suffer. You can make the choice to be happy and remove yourself from the abuse. Remember you absolutely have no fault in this.

  4. Why do so many Muslims think Allah will punish them for getting a divorce? Where on Earth have they been taught that divorce is an Islamic crime? Islam is a fair religion if you actually bother to properly look into it...Allah has given us options in life so we don't have to suffer oppression and abuse - something Allah strongly dislikes. So no, you will not get punished for leaving a marriage that's not working. Allah has made divorce an option for a reason, and it's not to punish you, but to help you. Allah is the most merciful and compassionate, He's not the most vengeful and hateful - He's not out to get you or to punish you, you know.

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