Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Unclear result of isteqara

English Translation of the Dua for Istikhaarah

Dua for Istikhaarah

Assalamu alaikum. I like a guy who is 5yrs younger than me and also his mother is my cousin. We like each other from many years.

2yrs ago we both did isteqara for our relation if we're not meant to be then make us move or else show us some way out to make it halal. Nothing seemed to be outcome of isteqara that time.

Then again we did isteqara last yr when he was also planning to go for US. Even this time he wasn't getting much strength to talk to his parents but somehow managed to msg them and firstly his father reply was ok We will decide with isteqara and then they said his mother did isteqara and did not get any answer in her dream (as she get indications in her dream when she tried isteqara for other things). She said us to move apart as the society won't accept our relation happily.

I was not satisfied with her reply so again this time I decided to msg his father through the guy asking for marriage and this time actually the day fr leaving for US came and so his father on his way to airport asked him to just end this. He will be happy in future with the girl of their choice and so will the girl (me) be, if we listen to our parents. His father gave no proper reason to leave this relation except for the society. The guy is in thw US now we thought we should end it but still we're not able to.

I'm not able to understand what was the answer of isteqara. Our hearts are not able to accept to move apart even now. It's been 8months since he left for US. On the other hand, his father and mother and his siblings had rough time in the family as their father started questioning the upbringing of his other children too. If the isteqara answer of his mother was really NO then atleast they would be satisfied with their decision? I'm really confused please guide me in this situation with your knowledge.

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1 Responses »

  1. Salam,

    There are a couple of things going on here. First, if you're relying on istekhara then you do it, get an answer and act accordingly. You could've just said years ago that since neither of us got a yes we should end it. You didn't do that, you continued to like each other for years. At this point it, assuming you're a good muslim woman and he's a good muslim guy, you two should just get married. As you two have not gotten a no from Istekhara and have continued to like each other.

    As for the parents, they're not really interested in you two getting married. They'd like to raise the value of their son and get the best possible. Kind of like buying a nice car. They don't know if you two have deep feelings towards each other. They're other concern now is which other children are developing emotions and stealing their opportunity to make them married to whomever they like. I doubt Istekhara has much to do with their decision.

    Lastly, Allah has given your guy the right to ask for your marriage and for your family to accept that offer. There is no condition that a good Istekhara must happen before that happens. So please don't blame Allah that Allah did not make it happen. Both you and this guy have been given the means to make it happen and Islam supports it. If you two do not marry then it is because this guy chose to like a girl without seeking marriage for years and then sought it and got a no.

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