Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Under pressure not to marry him


Asalam alaikum brothers and sisters,

I'm posting for the very first time on any Islamic forum. I need your help as I'm in a very difficult situation. I've been in a relationship for a year almost now. I told my parents about it, they refused right away as they had a different ideal son in law in their minds. They are looking for someone whose settled abroad, filthy rich, or who lives in a very posh area. The guy I love earns good, is foreign educated, but he lives in a normal area but not so bad.

Anyway, when I insisted my parents decided to meet him. When they met him at first they seemed satisfied with the guy. They asked him to apply for immigration to go abroad but they'll get me married with him only if he takes me abroad. But then all of a sudden in the past 2 months my mom has started abusing me and calling me with names I can't even mention. Plus she beats me up.

She wants me to back off. And she called the guy to back off too. Only because she has a different man ideal she wants for me. Because she thinks her standards will lower a bit. My whole family my grandparents my aunts are against me even my cousins.

Then my mom came up with another reason to reject my marriage that she got my istikhara done and the istikhara says that I'll get divorced with in 2 months. Is that even possible? How can istikhara tell that? I've done istikhara myself and I'm always positive. Everyone in my khandan(family) calls me with bad names and has finished contact with me. And for no reason everyone's being stubborn.

Does Islam say that parents can marry their kids without their permission? I can't marry another guy.

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3 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    i just can't understand how family's can be so nasty towards their own child. your mum beat you and call you names you can't mention. *sigh* why the abuse.

    to answer, in Islam parents can't force children to marry without your consent, although a lot of family's discard what Islam says cos they don't kno any better, but they put culture/tradition, honor, reputation first.

    istikhara can not be done by a third party, it has to be done by you. plus how does your mother kno you will divorce in 2 months? no one knows the unseen. you said all your family are against you. truthfully i fear for your safety.


  2. Sister, the anwser is NO NO NO- they cant force you to marry anyone whom you dont aprove of. IF they dont like it, then tell them to speak to an imam.

    if they force you to go to a wedding- when you are infront of an imaam, and they say are you ready- do you accept this man- you say NO NO NO NO NO NO NO- they are forcing me and I will never accept this man.

    It doenst matter how hard they beat you, how much they mentally torture you my sister, dont let anyone make you marry someone.

    Do you have a safe place to go- like a friends how, a shelter anything if they abuse gets bad?

    if you dont, i want you to know that there is always Allah. Allah is there for you my dear. No matter how bad things get, make lots of dua constantly, praise him always, make tahajud prayer.

    Before fajr time, maybe 30 minutes before, wake up pray 2 rakhat, read some quraan and make lots of sincere dua. Thats the best time to talk to Allah.

    Also, while you are in sujjod, is another great time to make dua. Just pour your heart out in your lanuage to Allah, dont worry about any fancy dua- just ask Allah for help and know that for whatever you are suffering in this life- you will be rewarded later.

    Just make sure you keep your distance from this person whom you love, because you dont want to commit any sins and make more complications- and pray that Allah make it easy for to marry the person that is good for you- and make difficult the person that is not.

  3. 100% agree with Br. Ahmed and Sr. Samira. Maa shaa Allah, great advice from both of them.

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