Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Unfaithful husband and no intimacy in our marriage…

Lonely woman

Salam my dear sisters n brothers

I'm Fathima, I'm 21 this year, already I've posted one of my painful story but now these days I believe it'll be ok but everything went to the extreme. I'm the only person suffering a lot here, life is short and we all are here to doing deeds, this world is not permanent, all the people around me are very selfish. I'm a person with a very soft heart and never ever thought to hurt others, very quiet and I can keep very patience on everything. All my friends and family members are usually telling me that this much of patience is not good for life, you can't solve your problems by this, just need to talk frankly but I can't do so. I've grown up with that kind of mind, and I'll hide all my pains and problems to others cos I never want to hurt them by telling my problems. Other people around us will also have problems so why I need to make them sad by this. I'm a girl with this kind of mind set, but now I can't even bear all the problems around me. I bared so many I crossed so many.

As my old post my husband is very unfaithful to me he just spent all the time with escorts. Omg, I can't even imagine a life like this. When I was getting married I was so elated and wondered - dreamt a lot about my future. Now all it went opposite. Everything is upside down. I followed Islamic way in my marriage so I didn't try to know about him before. He had too many affairs before marriage as well but after I believed he'll change. But really he is such a good person and very kind with me still but lying like hell so many lies. I don't even want to tell this to others cos I believe Allah is only 1 I can tell all my problems. I made duas all the times but my mind is so upset. I just need a advice cos I'm in dilemma, depression and broken heart.

Another truth about my life is I don't know how to say that we're reaching our 2nd anniversary on May but I'm still virgin, he doesn't like to do that bcos he doesn't like to have a baby, but I like to have babies and love babies a lot, but accept that. I too say it's ok cos I only thought about his happiness, but now I got only tears from him, but still I can't hate him.

I don't know in this very hard painful situation my heart never wants to lose him so that I'm pretending to be ok, he always spent so many times outside in this home. I'm just alone - only Allah is with me, but he always tell me that don't go outside cos you are very beautiful some may misbehave with you. But I'm wondering why he can't find me beautiful and attractive. All my beauty is for him, and if a girl in a affair after marriage he'll be the 1st person to judge that but in his life he can't be perfect.

I'm very sick these days and I'm strong enough for anything, I can't bear all these every passing days, passed with my tears, just crying alone is the only gift he gave to me, so painful, I believe only Allah can ease out my problems. I'm always praying to Allah to never give this kind of problems to others, you all too pls pray like this and don't forget to add me in your duas. Please give me your valuable advice.


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

14 Responses »

  1. OP: Another truth about my life is I don't know how to say that we're reaching our 2nd anniversary on May but I'm still virgin, he doesn't like to do that bcos he doesn't like to have a baby, but I like to have babies and love babies a lot, but accept that. I too say it's ok cos I only thought about his happiness, but now I got only tears from him, but still I can't hate him.

    That is very unusal....does he get erections when he is with you. Don't blame yourself for this. If he does not want children he can do sexual intercourse with a condom. It does not make sense a man whose wife is a virgin after one year goes to escorts to have sex for money. Is he close to your age or much older. You should talk to your mom or some one else you can trust.

    • 11 years age gap between us.allah'll ease my problems, Pls ask dua for me

      • Maybe he has some disease? Some sexually transmitted illness?

        • No he doesn't have any disease cos 2 weeks ago we wnt to inject flu injection, Dr jst said to gav our urine sample to check cos these days so many sexual disease r spreading here, we gav it n we got the results both of us r negative.

          • sorry sister but all the signs show that he is sadly gay!
            how does he not have sex with you after 2 years of marriage?
            escorts- can be male too or trannies
            LEAVE HIM

  2. This so painfull may allah reward u for all the pains ur going through. May allah give u more patience and stranght in the future. I wonder sister why he married u whn hes happy being single and cant take of his wife??? Sister u said ur beautiful and attractive then whts stopping u from divorceing this man??? Its ovious hes not respacting u nor care about how ur feeling? Then why u stil want to be with him?? Take my advice sister dont west ur life on this man. File for khula find a good brother get married again and start ur life again. If stay and wait u will only west ur time.. Thses kind of men never change. So stop hoping and move on. May allah help u and ease all ur problams ameen

    • But sister divorce should be the last resort not first.
      Maybe after sometime her husban will change as fathima is continuously praying to Allah swt .
      Sometimes when strangers are married, these kinds of things occur especially when there is a lot of age gap. It might be that her husband is too busy and have heavy responsibilities as he's always outside and he thinks that he may not be able to take the responsibility of child. i mean we cant understand a person's psychic.

      Fathima , you should get close to him as i explained , remove the distances between him and you , when he will be close to you then you can understand the reason of not having children as you said that your husband is very kind and good with you , so there shouldnt be any problem getiing close with him. he wont reject you , dont be scared. , Allahs wt helps those who help themselves.

      • Too busy doing what ? Spending time with escorts. Spending time watching sex videos.

        Even if strangers with large age gap get married, it doesn't take them almost 2 years to get intimate.

        May Allah make her situation whats best for her.

  3. Maybe you should stop being quiet and get frank with your husband. Arrange romantic dinners and attract him through every possible way you can. You can change him, talk to him , joke with him , get frank. make him fall in your love. He lies to you and you bear it? come one be sharp , grasp his lies. Tell him you are his partner and he has no right to hide anything.

    • B4 I'm very friendly with him, still I talked to him in such a manner, I often suprises him with gifts n i tried to cook his favourite dishes, I jst always think about his happiness, I know he 2 loves me n he never want to loose me, but one thing he addicted to sex videos, the extreme of this made him to do so, sometimes I can't even bear all this, he too tried to hide those to me, now I usually talk to him about islam n sins n the punishments for those sins, now he started to pray as well. I believe he'll change, allah'll help me. I'm a very religious girl I afraid to even think abt any men in my life b4 marriage cos I just need to give my whole love to one person who I get married like that i gave whole love n life to him. Ask dua 4 me pls

  4. AOA
    Sslam to my beloved worried sister. I can feel to what extent she is going through such pschological problems. I Allah is the best emancipator of mankind. I salute her being so courageous girl. But I request her to answer me that If her husbend loving caring and has every happiness but keeps her virgin(he may have no interciurse for on reason or the other) no matter how long. Would she still love her husband to live through out their lives?

    • W.salams, I can't hate him, i don't understand why I can't hate him in this hard situations, I'm loving him so truly, I'm very strong in my iman Allah will help me n he'll definitely come back to me i allah. Pray 4 me

  5. Dear Sister

    Marriage is a sacred bond and allows husband and wife to engage in sexual intercourse in a halal way so that they might not go astray and seek such intimacy from others. Just as a husband has a right to get such intimacy from wife, a wife has equal rights on her husband so your husband should not neglect you and cheat you off this right after all the restraint you have shown in your past of remaining chaste. Furthermore wanting children and bringing them into the world is part of the marriage deal. It is always advisable for bride and groom to discuss such important issues i.e children, life goals, future plans etc before the marriage in the presence of a mehram so that both parties can know what the other person is expecting from the marriage. In this case,your husband is completely disregarding your wishes for having children which is not fair and you should explain it to him. I think you should break your silence and discuss these issues with your husband and a calm and wise manner. Marriage takes effort so instead of quietly bearing everything you should try to make your marriage pleasurable for the both of you.


  6. Salaam Sister,

    Very sorry to read about your difficult situation. May Allah make it better for you and bless you with happiness.

    I understand your mentality because I too was the same way but then I read a book titled "No more Mr.Nice Guy" and it became clear to me that my thinking was wrong. Now I have learned to live in a more relaxed and respectable manner. If you can then please read the book or search the internet for information regarding it. It will be very beneficial.

    Sister what you are thinking about patience is wrong. It is true that we have to be patient and seek help from Allah. But Islam also teaches us to stand up for our rights and not be oppressed. If you are a strong person as you say then you have to stand up for your rights and speak up. You are doing wrong by keeping quiet.

    He is an adult and he has married you. He consciously accepted you as his wife then he has to fulfill your rights. Few months is ok but for so many years not fulfilling the rights of a wife is wrong and unacceptable.

    Your husband spending time with escorts is unacceptable. You have to speak clearly to him to stop or else you will not accept this behavior from him and leave him.

    Sister you have to learn to respect and value yourself first, then only others will value you. You know why he doesn't come close to you, because he doesn't value you as a wife. You know why he doesn't value you because you don't value yourself.

    He doesn't value your opinion about having babies because he doesn't value you. As a muslim wife it is your right to have babies and it is your right to have intimate relationship with your husband. If he doesn't give those rights then it is ok for you to ask for divorce. You are young and you have a long life ahead. Don't waste your years with a man who doesn't understand the value of marriage in Islam.

    So have some self respect and value yourself and stand up for yourself. Suffering in silence is not patience. Standing up for yourself and facing the consequences is patience. Only then you will be known as a strong girl. Weak people suffer in silence not strong people.

    If you want to come out of depression and upset mind then you have to take some action. You have to talk boldly and face the consequences. If you keep quiet and keep suffering then your depression will not finish. So take some action and demand your rights from him.

    Sorry I have used some harsh words, but it was necessary to wake you up to the reality that your husband doesn't take the marriage seriously and he doesn't take you as a wife seriously. It is upto you to talk to him and ask him to value the relationship and take responsibility.

    The most important thing. Make dua to Allah that if your husband is good for your duniya and akhira then keep both of you together if not then make both of you separate.

    May Allah bless you with lots of courage.

Leave a Response