Unhappy Marriage – A Result of Forced Marriage
Salaam Everyone !! This is my 2nd time writing about my life and how unhappy I am with my husband. I have been married to him for 4 years still no kids at all. I'm working on having a kid but I have no feelings for him.
I got forced married to this guy my dad liked. Now he's my husband. He's also in USA with me and I know there no way of me getting divorce. I'm so unhappy with him; here are my reasons. He hates me having friends or talking to them - he has friends to go out/chill/party/dinner - he can have friends, but I can't. I only go out with one of my close friends, and she's a very good Muslim with two kids and happily married. The only day I go out is Saturday. He hates it - one day of me going. I told him I have a heart too; I want to go out - you're out 7 days and no job, at least I work.
I honestly hate life so much. He hates the way I dress. I'm Muslim, I cover myself fully, I don't show any skin and am also hijabi. I'm so tired of this life. I wish I could just end it.
My parents care about him more then me. He hit me not once but every time he has hit me, leaving all scars on my hand. I have pictures of it but my parents think I'm lying - think I did that to myself. Any Duas, wazifs will help - anything. Thank you. May Allah Bless you all.
Muslimah Angel
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Assalam alaikum,
I pray for you and your happiness. I read your previous posts. You received a lot of detailed advice which was quite good. No one understands Pakistani parents unless you have them. From everything I have read, it seems that you want permission to get a divorce and moreover that you want your parents to be happy and pleased with you. Personally, I don't think it is possible. You will have to face the consequences of whatever choice you make. Either you remain in your marriage where you are suffering emotionally and seems you have been physically abused which is completely unacceptable OR you divorce and face your parent's unhappiness. The problem is not out there. It is in you. You want everyone to be happy with your choices and you do not want to face any kind of backlash. In order to be happy and have your rights fulfilled in this world, you have to fight for them, it isn't a luxury. I may sound harsh, but it is so true and sad at the same time.
All I can say is re-read your previous advice, make du'a to Allah and I will also pray for you too. May Allah give you happiness. Sometimes, I found when I was going through the worst in my life, I stopped asking Allah for specific things. I started making du'a to Allah to help me in whatever way He thought best because I felt that I had no idea what that was - submit yourself to Allah and ask Him for guidance. Tell Him that you are lost and are fully dependent on Him alone and that you seek His Mercy, Compassion, Guidance and all from Him. Allah listens to all despite us ignoring this fact.
May Allah ease your pain and replace it with happiness. Ameen.
asslam o allikum
i have read your last post and i have a personal experience of stressfull marriage. if i was you i would get out of this marriage soon as i can
. i m from female from pakistani origin living in uk .i havebeen in unhappy marriage for past 20years and life has been massive struggle . i have three young children for their sake i had to thrown my life down the drain so from my personal experience i will advise you to do istikhara and take it from there sister. may allah help you and guide you to do right thing.
pakistani parents will never allow you to get out of this marraige because of "WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK IF OUR DAUGHTER GOT DIVORCED"
salaam
my dear sister you need to get yourself out of there forget about seeking your parents permission they will have to answer up to allah please do not consider having children with this man you need to keep yourself safe get your self out of there you need to call the police when he attacks you take those pics to the police.
think about it sister whats next sister he beats you till your black and blue and a baby sister how you so sure that he will change or that he will not attack you while your pregnant or even worse cause you to miss carry by attacking you
get out while you can sister
allah hafiz
Assalamalaikum,
I would like to agree with all those who are suggesting to move out of this life of extreme misery,and unending torture.I am myself , struggling hard to get rid of a husband who is a torture in every sense of the word.With two young kids ,I have re-located to a different state and he has followed us here also. But I am determined to give good life to my kids and Allah is being really kind and helping me because I have taken the initiative of helping myself.Even my relatives are not with me.But I feel the presence of ALLAH all the time and I am doing everything from a court case,to meeting the commissioner of police and of course taking help from Ngo.With firm faith in ALLAH and myself ,things are going favourable foe me.People who are helping and motivating me are not related to me at all.YOu just decide and take the plunge and Allah will guide you and make this struggle easy for you.I wish all the good luck to you.The power is inside you only,you just have to use it.15 0f march,is really crucial for me and I know i will be a winner.
You too can be a winner and a master of your own life.May Allah bless you with lots of courage to do it...Ameen!!
I don't know I can do this life is killing me how can I get divorce
Help me
Assalam alaikum,
Sister, you are an adult. You should behave like it. Part of it is the culture and training you received - it may be that your likes/dislikes were never valued and your decisions were probably never yours. That is how it is supposed to be. Allah has put you to the challenge and you have to decide what you want, do it, and be firm in your decision whether it is to be with him or without him.
If you have explored all avenues and there is no hope - you need to end this and move on - again, I do not want to read too much into what your wrote previously, so please clarify...does your husband physically abuse you?
Do not have any child with him, even if he doesn't abuse you because the state of your marriage and your deep unhappiness needs to be dealt with before introducing a child in this environment.
It seems you and your husband live with your parents? You just have too much going on and too much to sort out. I would say physical abuse is a deal-breaker. Get counselling if you are not sure what to do and then make a decision, and stick by it. Doing everything to make your parents happy is not an answer. If you want to only please people and not consider your own feelings, then you will have to suffer silently but that is no way to live.
May Allah ease your pain and guide you. Ameen.
You have to make the choice to get out if the state of affairs is as you describe. Allah knows best.
do not expect your parents to be celebrating your divorce with you. You will have to know how to respect them, be polite but at the same time, SAVE YOUR OWN LIFE.
You need to go speak to an imam or two or three who is willing to work with you and understand you.
Be confident sister. You do not need PERMISSION from anyone to FEEL that you are entitled to a divorce if the situation is as bad.
I do not encourage divorce but your situation sounds bad. You and your spouse seem like you have different life goals, values and moreover he is not supporting you and he is hitting you on top of that.
You dont have kids..which is a blessing! GET OUT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.
To the editors,
It could just be me, but it appears that the silhouette of the stressed girl in the picture is holding a cigarette next to her forehead. It isn't completely clear, but if it is, it sends the wrong message.
I never noticed that before.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I noticed it too.
AS Forget counseling, if this guy has hit you on more than one occasion, that too out of the spur of the moment, as a NEWLYWED, in a forced marriage. That sounds like a lot of layers of problems.
I not only think you should divorce this guy I have no respect for your parents in this situation. Not only did they force a marriage upon you (blatantly haram btw) they denied there was any problem. I grew up in a similar situation. You also said this is hurting your relationship with your deen. It might be better to cut off ties with your parents at least temporarily if they are moving you much further away from Islam or making you think about abandoning it.
Again I dont know how financially independent you are, and how easy that might be, but dont be afraid of reaching out to your friends.
Salam wailaikum in islam (from my understanding) a husband should not hit his wife. So lets say if you agreed to marry someone and they hit you should you go along with the marriage even tho u knw in your heart he will do it again. Apologises for asking the question on this post
Could somebody plz advise on the above situation.
Family have also said a husband should not hit a wife
To hit less hard than "Jackie Chan" style is still pretty hard. Isn't the meaning of "dharaba" interpreted differently? Does it mean and in fact translate to the word "beat"? Does it by chance mean separation? When translating from one language to another meaning may be lost or sometimes misinterpreted.
Isn't it also that the beating should only be a mere tap (in some interpretations) and with a "miswaak"? Hitting lightly can mean something different to men of different physical strength; I would like to see more light shed on this matter, please.
I have heard many different interpretations on this matter and therefore unsure. This is a highly debatable topic and I would want to hear more on this from the editors please. JazakAllah.
Saba, I have published a short article here: Wife Beating is Prohibited in Islam. It has links to longer articles with more information. As you said there are different opinions, however it is clear to me that the stronger opinion is that wife beating is not allowed in Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JazakAllah - very informative and thoroughly explained.
SALAAM EVERYONE
LASTNIGHT I HAD A DREAM OF A MAULA PRIST
THAT HE DIED IN MY DREAM AND EVERYONE WAS GOING TO HE'S
FUNERAL AND IM LIKE HE WAS SUCHA GOOD MAN
HE DIED I DIDN'T SEE HE'S FACE OR ANYTHING WHAT
DOES THIS MEAN IM SCARED AND WORRIED
Women you don't need you parent's permission, you have a freakin' salary..And this man is despicable how can he hit you, does he have even a bit of fear of Allah? On top of that he doesn't even work... Him not working is enough of a reason for you to leave him and is allowed in Islam..A man is to provide for his wife...I can understand how you were forced into marriage it is easy for Pakistani parents to force their decisions on their daughters especially but you earn women, you are independent enough to break free...
assalamualaikum. Might be a bit of a late answer but i found this jus now n i couldnt not reply. Hope everything is fine now but if it isnt i suggest that u either make ur husband see sense or simply get a divorce. In islam u r not supposed to just keep quiet when u r being hurt. Another thing is that since ur elders r not supportive of u u should b very careful since shaytan finds it easy to mislead a single person esp one who is going thru a lot of emotional stress. Keep faith in Allah inshAllah ur troubles will b over.
I have got married recently but m not happy wid it coz wt I dreamed to have a lyf partner ...it couldnt happend although I prayed alot for a handsome good looking lyf partner ... my husbnd loves me cares me but I always hurt him by saying u r too elder than me . U r not handsome etc etc ... I hate my lyf plz help me wt shld I do how should I make my self happy wid him some times I think to comit suicide but I can't n I won't coz I love my lyf ..n m bcomng dr . I wanna help others I cant die ... plz help me how should I make myself happy wid such a ugly man
hina, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah. And please give us more details about why you married this man, how big is the age difference, what (if anything) you like about him, etc.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
hina: I hate my lyf plz help me wt shld I do how should I make my self happy wid him some times I think to comit suicide but I can't n I won't coz I love my lyf ..n m bcomng dr
Would you treat ugly patients the same way as good looking ones when you become a doctor?
You should also let your husband know what things you like about him?
Becoz of my father n my awl siblings were so happy frm this proposal therefore I married to him ..e is 28 years old n I m 22 years ....I cant login as my id password I have forgotten ...plz ans me here thanks alot ...
I hope you find a way to divorce him. Don't try to have a kid with him. It'll just make it harder to get rid of him.