Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m unmarried and 4 weeks pregnant – don’t know what to do!

Pregnant teen


Assalamu alyakum brothers and sisters. My name is Trirene and i am currently 4 weeks pregnant inshallah.

I am not married yet and live in a VERY strict household. Abortion is not an option for me because i could never do that to my child.

If my parents find out i think they would make me get an abortion or hurt me or the child because they are extremely strict.

I am seeking for help in you all and of course Allah (swt) to help me. I dont know whether to move out with a close friend and not tell my family or suffer. When i am at home i have no freedom at all so i cant even go to doctors appointments or anything. I have to act like nothings different.

Another thing i am worried about is my parents getting a divorce over this. i am sure it will ruin the family somehow. I believe they will play the blame game and think that they are guilty.

Please help me with any advice. I appreciate it! I only have 1 year of college left inshallah and my boyfriend is currently in Japan (as he is in the military). He converted to islam more than a year ago. Please help! JAK!

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14 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    In my view, the most important thing right now is that your baby get the prenatal care it needs. If staying with your parents would inhibit you from going to doctor's appointments to make sure the baby and pregnancy are progressing in a healthy way, or even pose a threat to the physical wellbeing of either you or the child, then to me it's better you stay with someone else who won't be a threat to you.

    You are an adult, and whether you tell your parents or not is your choice. However, if you don't tell them they will find out eventually. Babies are not something that can be hidden forever, and you have to accept that their response is their own and has nothing to do with the baby. If your parents choose to divorce over your decision to get pregnant out of wedlock, I think that would be rather silly. Their lives shouldn't hinge so much on your choices- whether they be good or bad ones.

    The bigger issue here is the fact that even if you have a healthy baby, and are able to work things out so that your family doesn't come to blows, you still have made a very serious sin in having sex outside of marriage and engaging in a haraam relationship. This is an area that needs to take priority in being resolved, so make tawba and tell your boyfriend that he needs to be a man and marry you to make the relationship halal. Neglecting to do this, even if you take care of all other details, could continue to cause consequences for a long time....potentially even into the next life.

    -Amy Editor

    • salam Amy

      I agree with you.Do as sister Amy says,May Allah have mercy on you and guide us to the right path.

    • Hello sister,
      I think you should tell your parents because you should cnsider the childs health and even if you told your parents they cant harm them thr baby becuse it would be a sin if they did. I think you should let your boyfriend man up and marry you, so you can live in a halal relationship with him and your baby. I will pray for allah to forgive you. I wish you yhe best of luck inshalllah.

  2. confusing ...............

  3. Dear Sis

    As Amy has pointed out the most paramount issue here is your's and the babies health. Your duty is to your child first and of course your self. If moving out is an option do it please, as bad health worry and stress will not only effect the baby in an immensely bad way but could cause you issues to.

    Can i ask where is the father in this?? and is he willing to stand up and complete his obligation to you and God and his child and be a man?.

    Far as the parents are concerned they are not kids, We all make mistakes. As Amy said make Tawbah. and live your life to the best you can. You will at some point have to tell your parents, its going to be hard,.

    We wish the best Insh Allah and we will all pray for you.


  4. Your boyfriend needs to come back ASAP to marry you so that when your parents find out, it will be less shocking to them, in that you can tell them you two are married and had a child, rather than you showing up with a baby and no sign of the father. Since he is in the military, he is going to have to make some tough and compromising decisions in order to try and rectify the damage done. May Allah forgive our sins and ease our affairs. Ameen.

    • If the guy is ready to marry her wouldn't she need a wali and how will she be able to tell her dad or someone else who can be her wali about the situation she's in what if they see the guy and aint happy with him.

      Sorry im just thinking outside of the box because you have to think about all the sides to this.
      Anway whatever happens may Allah swt guide her to the right path and gift her with a healthy baby in shaa allah ameen.

      • Ah. You're right. Totally slipped my mind. Thanks for pointing that out brother.

        • lol im not a brother im a sister and your welcome just thought that it is a good option for her to get married but like without a wali its impossible and ontop of that who would be willing to be her wali ?

          • Sorry sister. Yes of course it's essential that she does marry this man as soon as possible in order to better the situation. I think that should be her first option in order to secure the future as much as possible. I think the sister should definitely consult a knowledgeable and competent Imam in order to figure out her options and what she can and cannot do. Of course the brother should accept the consequences of his recklessness and join the sister immediately in finding a satisfactory solution to this problem, because obviously the baby is his as well. Marriage should be the first priority because the man is this baby's father.

  5. inFact i agree with Warrior, your bf can come back and complete is obligation don't take more than a few days for a wedding to smack out in a hurry, as you will not look pregnant yet. Once you marry there is no shock and you not only keep your own respect and izzah but your families to, Surly he can come back for a few days as this is a massive issue.

    He can even take you back with him on and off until he is sorted etc. Please apply the necessary pressure on him to do so.


  6. Let me adopt your baby

    • Bb, we do not allow such offers. If the sister were going to give her baby for adoption, it should be to a relative, a trusted and known family, or a reputable adoption agency. Not a stranger on the internet.

      Wael Editor

  7. I am currently in a relationship with a muslim man. This man from day one has been good to me and my children and i love him. After waiting for some months we consumated our relationship (yes we were both aware this was wrong) I am now pregnant. Prior to getting pregnant we had made the suggestion that we get married. For our situation too many things have lined up correctly and we both just feel as if we are soulmates. He has even introduced me to his mother and sisters and I have spoken to them. Now each time I bring up the fact that we should get married he says okay and we set a date. The date comes and goes and I'm left really wondering will this man EVER marry me. I've told him he can move into my house with me and my children so that he's here when the baby does get here. Again all he keeps telling me is soon soon soon! I don't want to keep pressuring or nagging him. He says he loves me and would never leave me and even made the comment "we're having a baby, i'm connceted to you for life". He also said something about the fact that I'm pregnant and if we are going to get married it would have to be before I am 20 weeks or something like that in order to do it in the mosque. I feel he lies to and i know he HAS lied in the past, but he does it in order to hide the embarassment which i truly don't understand. I know of one time when he's truly lied to me and he's confessed to that, but other times where i know he's lied I haven't confronted him. I love this man soo much. So much so it's causing strife with my family (mother) where because of her ignorant beliefs she doesn't like muslims and she doesn't like the fact that he's african. I'm converting myself partly due to him. He's opened my eyes through some of the conversations we've had he's really opened my eyes to the truth that's out there in the Quran and that's one of the many reasons why i love him. My mother doesn't know that I'm pregnant (i'm 34 yes and she still tries to dictate MY LIFE) she would probably disown me or stop talking to me which doesn't bother me at all. I know I've said alot but i'm just looking for a little help here. I'm committing myself to being understanding of his situation cos like i said i absolutely LOVE this man.

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