Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Unsure of my sexuality and career path.

diverging paths

ASA everyone. this is my first time here and my first time doing something like this so hopefully this will go well 🙂

I'm currently in highschool, will be graduating in a year and a half. I have two major issues bothering me right now.

1- My sexual orientation. I flinched just while typing that, haha. But I keep on having these thoughts that I may not be straight. I try to push them away but that just makes me think about them more. Everytime I convince myself they're not really there they manage to come back with reinforcements the next day. I'm not even sure they are legitimate or not- it's not like I've ever been in a relationship. It kills me almost everyday, I feel like I'm either supressing who I am or don't even know who I am. There is one person in particular I feel 'curious' about per se, but once again I don't know how far that feeling goes beyond just wanting (really badly) to know if something could be there. I have nobody to talk to, for obvious reasons I cannot talk to my parents, my muslim friends tend to be the gossipping type, and my other friends wouldn't understand the situation in relation to my culture and religion. Last night I did istiqara but to no avail. To be honest my whole head wasn't in it because I am having exams at the moment, so I am planning to try again when they are over.

2- Career. I have to start making choices, and I am utterly confused about where to go. im an artist and really want to pursue that, but I understand I need to do something practical as well. I just don't want to cage myself into a career which I hate. My parents want me to go into a 5 year med program...I'm not that interested in medicine even though my entire family consists of doctors. And my mother keeps bringing up marriage even though im not even 18, and im afraid they'll force me into a passionless, dead end relationship and job just so I'm financially secure. I'm just really scared, lately I've been prone to random fits of crying, even just hearing a sad song will set me off sobbing. I can't talk to anyone about this, and I feel like I have nowhere to go.

If anyone can offer advice.......thank you. 🙂


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2 Responses »

  1. Salaam Badra,

    As we grow we have many questions we ask ourselves, this curiosity is innate and so in life we question many things, for example what colour is water?, and why are the clouds not always white as in the books, as time passes and we get older we grasp the concept of each better and have a better understanding, its a key part of the growing up process and over time our curiosity decreases as we learn more about our enviroment.

    One such curiosity is our sexual orientation, you see in life when we are curious we seek answers from reliable sources, so that we know what is right and correct, but as with everything shaytan tries to intefere and tell us something that to us appears correct but in fact is incorrect, now when it comes to being attracted to the same sex it seems 'normal' or fine, since it has become widely accepted by society and so our curiosity is no more and we presume ourselves 'gay' or 'lesbian', but society belongs to shaytan and so that is not a reliable source for our curiosity to be answered by, so we must ask the only reliable source we have, Allah (swt) and follow his guidance, in islam the only permitted relationship is between male and female inside marriage, any other is seen as sin and haraam.
    The shaytan will always urge you or give you desires to chase something, and in this case sexual desire his purpose is to make the wrong fair-seeming or acceptable, and you must be wary of this, at your age you are still developing and so you become a easy target for shaytans game, but you must find yourself and follow the path of Allah, avoiding falling into this trap, the feelings will torment you to levels that are unbearable but you can make them stop, remember Allah only allows us a relationship inside marriage with the opposite sex, anything else is haraam and we are sinning and making Allah angry by engaging in anything other than what is commanded.
    Start praying 5times a day and keep asking Allah for guidance, try to keep in wudhu for as long as possible, its harder for shaytan to intefere with us when we are in a state of cleaniness(wudhu), and when you pray to Allah you will come to understand that these feelings go overtime, and your attraction to the opposite sex will develop as you leave high school and enter the next stage of life, the fact you had no-one to talk to made it hard for you, and when these thoughts torment you over and over again you begin to accept them to reduce the dissonance that they cause you, if you accept then shaytan will exploit until you develop the haraam idea further and indulge in even bigger sins, so please pray and find yourself again, let these thoughts run their cause, and do not let these feelings control you, instead pray everytime you have a bad thought, recite Allah in your head and these thoughts will leave, overtime you will see the difference, i hope this makes some sort of sense to you, and i pray that you are guided to the right path insha'Allah.

    Your at the age when you start making your future life choices, and what you choose now will impact your later life, so take your time and think about it, our parents want the best for us in terms of credibility, and none is higher than being a doctor, it is valued and respected highly among the asian community, sadly todays youth feel the pressure of their parents and are forced to study medicine, without actually enjoying it, but you must decide to study a course which you are happy in because sometimes job satisfaction impacts on your personal life when you have a family etc., so talk to your parents and explain that you want to study art and whatever else you want, its common people study joint degress and so you can inlcude that practical element in your study aswell, i am sure once you explain your reasons they will understand, because its what makes you happy as their child, they want you to achieve the highest available but its a preference rather than something mandatory, i think when it comes to education and earning in general people fail to consider, these are not the source of happyness, and the poorest man on earth may well be the happiest, so choose something that makes you happy and can support you sufficiently, and im sure you can talk your parents round.

    Marriage is the biggest choice we make in life, after all it is when we agree to spend the rest of our lives shared with someone we love, but on timeless occasions parents take this liberty out of our hands and choose our partners for us by force, i think its important not to feel emotionally blackmailed or helpless when in such a situation, and instead explain to our parents our true feelings, and what rights islam give us in marriage, your still young and if your not ready then you have a right to say no, and you should exercise your rights to avoid that trap of a passionless relationship, and you have a choice who you want to marry, ok boyfriend/girlfriends are not allowed, but if you like someone then its your choice if/who you wish to marry, your parents cannot disagree if the man is right.

    Dont be scared and dont cry, Allah is with you and that should always make you smile, its been hard for you to keep this to yourself and no-one to talk to, i hope coming to this site has helped you to express yourself and release the tension built up, now wipe away the tears and be strong, pray as much as you and keep faith in Allah, always ask him for guidance and you wont faulter, in life many challenges will come but with Allah on your side you will overcome them and succeed.

    I wish you the best and hope you understand what i have said, may you follow the right path, and may you see happyness and quell those tears and may your fear become your strength and love in Allah, insha'Allah.

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