Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Upset after fight with mother

Controlling Mother

As salaam waalaykum

So I recently got into a fight with my mother. It was nothing big but she was upset and cried and so I apologized to her. I really did regret everything I did to her and since then I promised to try my best to control my anger.

But after the day we fought, she started telling the whole family of what I did. Now my whole family is like, going against me and this hurts so much. I don't know why, but now I have a sense of hatred towards her. I don't want to hate her but I just can't help it. I don't want to start another fight again but I really don't know what to do?

Any advise? Please help, I'm really confused right now. Thanks.

 sn08


Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister I am going thru exactly the same you are not alone .. You will only find ease in Allah swt x

  2. Wa 'alaikum as-salaam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh,

    I think rather than being confused and hating your mother, maybe you should consider what she is doing as an opportunity for you to learn how to endure patience. The world is so big, and there are billion times of what your mum is doing awaiting you outside, either at your college, work place, or marital home.

    What your mum is doing now might not make much sense to you, but that can't reach the quarter of what she experienced with you from when you were in her womb till now--you behaved in non-sense ways, but she was still patient with you. So please practice to increase your patience and be forgiving and overlooking. Talk to her with love and kindness, and then politely and humbly draw her attention to necessary issues--but at the end, you should still accept her for who she is.

    Also, please remember that the status of a mother in Islam is so high to the extent that, she even comes as the third after Allah subhanahu wat'ala and His messenger (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam). A mother deserves all sort of unconditional love and respect you could ever show to Allah subhanahu wata'ala, expect in worship. Therefore, just like the way you would be patient with a test from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's, be patient with your mum's actions--it is also a test and good for you, in reality.

    Allah subhanahu wata'ala says:

    ''We have entrusted the human being with the care of his parents. His mother carried him through hardship upon hardship, weaning him in two years. So give thanks to Me, and to your parents. To Me is the destination.''
    (Quran 31: 14)

    ''Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be good to your parents. If either of them or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of disrespect, nor scold them, but say to them kind words. And lower to them the wing of humility, out of mercy, and say, "My Lord, have mercy on them, as they raised me when I was a child."
    (Quran 17: 23-24)

    Taysala ibn Mayyas said,

    "I was with the Najadites [Kharijites] when I committed wrong actions which I supposed were major wrong actions. I mentioned that to Ibn 'Umar. He inquired, 'What are they?" I replied, 'Such-and-such.' He stated, 'These are not major wrong actions. There are nine major wrong actions. They are:

    1. Associating others with Allah,
    2. Killing someone,
    3. Desertion from the army when it is advancing,
    4. Slandering a chaste woman,
    5. Usury,
    6. Consuming an orphan's property,
    7. Heresy in the mosque,
    8. Scoffing,
    9. Causing one's parents to weep through disobedience.'

    Ibn 'Umar then said to me, 'Do you wish to separate yourself from the Fire? Would you like to enter Paradise?' 'By Allah, yes!' I replied. He asked, 'Are your parents still alive?' I replied, 'My mother is.' He said, 'By Allah, if you speak gently to her and feed her, then you will enter the Garden as long as you avoid the major wrong actions.'"

    (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 8--Sahih by Al-Albani)

    Hope this helps inshaAllah, and Allah Ta'ala knows best.

  3. As-salamu Alaykum,

    Speaking as a mother, I can tell you that it can be shocking and very hurtful when a child of yours lashes out or says strong words. It doesn't mean that mothers are always right (we are not), but try to be a bit patient with your mother. Talk to her and tell her how you are feeling. That is the best way to heal and strengthen your relationship.

  4. Assalamuaalaikum sister,

    I am also going through same situation and it often happens with my Mom but I try to speak to her without any further delay to convince her that I don't mean to disrespect her or hurt her feelings and empathize with her. Try to speak to her without any delay.

    Mother is more than any other relative hence do not bother about it. Nothing is more important that keeping your parents happy even if they are wrong at times.

Leave a Response