Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Verbally abused by parents, should I leave home?

violent dad parent

Asslamu Alaikum brothers and sisters

1) Verbally abused by parents, should I leave home?

I just wanted to ask firstly is it right for your dad to call you names and say horrible things to you? And what should he do after hes been unkind to his daughter? If I get enough replies I will explain what has happened. Is it right for him to do that?

Also, I was wondering you know how Allah loves people that will sacrifice anything for him to love him and Islam? Well, what about sacrificing for family? Because I live in a house where they don't practise Islam much only I do. Me and family are Muslim but I just feel so lost being at home and around them.

I've tried to get them on the same level as me to pray more gain more knowledge etc but it's failed and I am having problems at home. I have been threatened by parents, called bad names and more and I cannot go on living like this please tell me if its best I leave?? I'm so confused!

2) I prayed Istikharah and immediately had this dream

My question is regarding my dream I had after praying istikhara. It was so clear.

Basically Im having a few problems at home because this guy who i want marry came to ask for my marriage but my parents blamed me and were horrible to me in many ways.

I am finding it very hard to live in the house as I am being put down but also because I'm finding it hard to pray and please Allah. I pray all 5 salah everyday I read Quran everyday and read Islamic book to gain more knowledge. I am repenting for my past and my sins. And I have been for the past 2 years. And my parents think that I'm not praying to Allah but to the man I want to marry.

If I want to do dua for someone no one can stop me right? But for parents to say that is wrong. Anyway I did istikhara if my marriage to this man will be good and whether I should stay at home or go because of what is happening. I prayed the istikhara after isha and went to sleep I then had a dream after Fajr that my dad had a big argument with me and I got my stuff and walked out my house and went to the workplace of the man I wanted to marry. I just wanted to know what does it mean?

Allied Allah to help and guide me and show me what is right regarding what I asked in my istikhara and this was the dream I had. Please can someone help me out as I am in a difficult position.

- Sister.T

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6 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,

    First of all, it is never okay for a parent to verbally abuse their children (although my own husband does it daily to his own children). It is not acceptable period. Parents are supposed to set a good example to their children ... how can they do that when they are acting more like a child than that of an adult?

    Do not leave your home. It appears there is more going on here than your parents verbally abusing you. Why is it that your parents refuse this man?

    I understand your frustration...I do. This sort of behavior exists in my very home and although it isn't on a daily basis, it really affects all of us deeply.


    • Verbal abuse is worst then physical abuse. It brings down your self esteem and causes depression. The self worth of a woman is important. She should be valued. If a man cant value his children or his mate , he has no respect for others. Verbal abuse should never happen. But some people are over controlling in behavior and like to control others. They put down others because it makes them feel good about themselves . They have low self esteem of themselves and by doing that they feel they are better then that person. No one should stay in that situation .

  2. Salamualaikum,


    You haven't mentioned the reason for the abuse, which would have made it easier for.
    Generally, parents always intend good for their children and beat them up when they find a mistake. Though wrong, they do it. But this is temporary insha Allah.
    But in your case, I sense a different issue. Is there any other issue?

    The answer to your second question may depend on the reason that we do not know. That is, if your parents reject this person because he is Religious, then you should probably ask them to look for another Righteous person, and say you won't marry a person otherwise.

    Yes, the dream does point to the man, but make things clear before you take any step further.
    Why did they reject him? Why did they blame you for his proposal? And so on...

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  3. Sister.T, Asalaamualaykum,

    Of course it is not right for parents to name call or be unkind to their children or to anyone - but without a detailed explanation of what is going on in your home, none of us can determine how bad the situation is. Hence it is difficult to advise you. No-one can tell you that it is best for you to leave your house and marry such and such man based on the little information you have provided.

    If you want some helpful advice, please add more information here insha'Allah. May Allah make your situation better for you, aameen.

    SisterZ Editor

  4. salam SisterT,

    It is not right for parents to call bad names and say horrible things. Parents should be nice and kind towards their off-springs, unless if the child misbehave then they do have the right to be angry. However, in reality, it is quite common for parents to be mean, impatient and horrible to their kids without any justified reasons, inshaAllah, it shouldn't be forever.

    One of my friend she did not have smooth relationship for many years with her father, but around her age of 25/26 things changed and now they live life as if there was no tension or any bad ever between them.

    I do not know what your father did to you. If he beats you, tried to strangle you or keeps threatening you that he will kill you (Allah-forbids) then yes there is a big issue and you need to do something about it.

    Recently, I have seen many Muslim girls trying their utmost to practise Islam but their family are barriers and prevents them from practising Islam. These Muslim girls are also facing problems, taunts and bad name callings at home. Some of these Muslim girls bears it patiently (never reacts to bad) and some don't.

    In your case, I think you should stop preaching Islam to your family. With patients you practise Islam and let your parents or family be. I don't know if you do this but one way to resolve this, is for you to be more helpful around the house work. Like without anyone saying, you take the initiative by getting up clearing the table plates and go wash them, put away. Hoover the house, put the shoes on the shoe rack etc and many more. These little kind acts is not only act of worship to Allah (swt) but will eventually may make your relationship better with your family.

    Overall, if your situation how it is in your post then you shouldn't leave your parents home. You have to stay with them till you are married to someone of your choice.

    Now regarding this brother in your life. Well, this could be the main reason why you and your family not getting along as well as greater practise in Islam. You want to marry this brother. To be honest, you need your family's opinion on this. On what bases they are refusing your choice?

    How much do you know about this brother and his family? From where have you gathered your sources about him and his family? If you know this brother only through him then it is not good idea or reliable enough to give your ultimate trust of yours to him. I am not saying he is bad or good but you do need to find out about from other trusted people of his charcter and his piousness towards Islam.

    Marriage is one of the most important decision of one's life. You need to be 100% sure about your choice. If your 100% sure and your parents are refusing for non-religious then you can still marry this brother by making an imam your wali. However though, it is better to have parent's blessings in marriages.

    Sister, you shouldn't think that marriage is solution to your problems. Your situation is not good at home but it doesn't mean by you leaving home and marrying will slove it. See how patiently our example prophey Muhammad (saw) dealt with pressing situation like yours. See how revert sisters deals with their sitution. You need to find ways to make your relationship with your parents better and not ways that will distances you from them.

    May Allah (swt) makes it easy for you.ameen.

    Sister, Parveen

    • I was born a daughter but I was a son to my parents all my life. I sacrificed everything for parents. I worked hard gave them spending money. Payed for their medical
      Bills. Because I disagreed on something small my father stood up to hit me . He threw glass bottles at me . Told
      Me he will curse me . Told me he will go to my workplace n tell them about me . He went on to say I will have many accidents in my life . He told me to leave this house as I was staying here for nothing . He said I looked stupid . He damaged my car and said he will further damage it. He told me to leave this country. I am
      The bread winner for my parents. He has brainwashed my mother against me . I left another country only to come back n take care of them. He shouts and screams at me. I fear my safety n I live like a prisoner in my own home. He said my work is hell but he will make it even more worse then hell if I continue to stay here. I wanted to take my own life at one stage from
      All the verbal mental physical and emotional abuse. But I cannot do it. How will I face Allah.
      Dear friends make Duaa for me . I will read Istikharah for the next seven days . My heart tells me
      To leave my parents for good . Mama has a stroke for over 30 years . Why is this all happening to me. Why is my father so mean and wicked . Yet he goes to the mosque and prays . Allah where is the justice???????
      I have no support from my brothers or sisters. I have severed ties with all of them. My heart is broken to pieces. Only Allah can fix my problems only Allah can have mercy on me. I don’t eat or sleep properly I go to work everyday with a heavy heart. It is so difficult for me to work n yet subconsciously deal with my problems on the home front. I am 49 years old
      Never married for reasons only Allah knows. I’m
      My parents eyes I am a good for nothing but why Allah why then am I the chosen one to put up with there abuse after everything I have done for them. Is this my reward???

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