Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Very confused about a guy…

Asalaam alaikum..

Can somebody help me or point me in the right direction please...

I met a guy when I was younger (I was 18 at the time) and we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I know this is Haraam, and I have prayed for forgiveness. Unfortunately, he wasn't muslim, however, we were very serious and he wanted to convert and get married. He understood a lot about the religion (his brother had converted and his sister was married to a Muslim), he was the nicest and purest person I have ever met. My parents were not happy with this, and said even if he converted they would not accept this.

We then left things, and never spoke again. It has been many years now (7) and I always think about him.. I am still not married. We have had no contact so I followed my parents wishes but I had confided in my mum not that long ago that I still thought about him. They would not accept him even if he converted because of what other people would say. Now my parents have changed their mind and my mum has become more religious, and has said they should not have discouraged a marriage if he had intention to covert, as it was a blessing if they could help him convert and he wanted to as he was a good person. This broke my heart to hear this after all these years. I then arranged to meet him by getting in contact, and he is now with someone and seems happy, but we could not have a proper conversation as it has been that long. I could tell he wanted to ask me things but he couldn't. He even asked how long he should wait to marry his girlfriend, but I think he was doing this to make it sound better than what it was personally. Can someone please help, what can I do? I really believe we entered each other's lives for a reason. Even though we have not had contact, his relationships have not worked out, he has not had children yet which surprises me... he does seem happy now, but why do I keep thinking about him?! Can someone advice of a dua to read to bring my mind to rest?

Sister B

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4 Responses »

  1. You read SURAH WADOHA many times in a day for mind rest.This is best cure of anixty,depression.

  2. This is your problem, not his. Get out of his life and stay out. You are not being fair to him.

    • This is your problem, not his. Get out of his life and stay out. You are not being fair to him.

      • Hi Sister, what you are explaining can be very difficult situation for you to be in. i understand what you are going through. there is the option that actually he can marry up to 4 wives however obviously you must read into the condition for such marriages as it can be hard. he must provide equally between you in terms of food/clothing/housing etc. Also i cant help but think that you are still thinking about him because you are still single. im pretty certain that when you get married then your heart will be filled with love and happiness and you would not have time for anyone else in your life or heart. dear sister seek to get married to a man whom your father or other mahram consents your marriage to. dont forget the importance of a mahram as a man may seem like an angel to your eyes however nobody knows men like men know men just like nobody knows women like women do. therefore make sure your dad can screen your future spouse correctly and if you want a good easy life then dont forget your dads influence and advice. also im not to sure how good this man you are speaking of really can be, i mean without living with someone 24/7 you cant really say that you know someone. it might be that once living with him you find out a lot of things that you didnt know. perhaps just like he was messing around with you at 18 you might catch him messing around with other girls while married to him and then you will regret getting involved. look whatever passed you wasnt meant for you and whatever came to you was never going to avoid you. submit to the will of Allah and follow the doors that he opens for you no matter whether you agree with it or not. one day you will meet your lord and be questioned about all you did.

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