He has walked out on me whilst I’m pregnant
As salam alay kum dear brothers and sisters.
In June last year I got myself involved in a relationship with a married man of 5 children. This man was someone I had known since a very tender age of 14 and at the time he was 17. I got to know him through family and we became good friends. He had always liked me however I was very young and naive and was completely oblivious to how he felt towards me. A year later he was flown over to Pakistan and was pressured into getting married. Despite it being against his wishes, due to extreme family pressure he consented to marriage. He arrived back to England a few years later. By this time I started college. As he discovered this he too registered into college and managed to enrol onto the same course as me. Our friendship continued for a few years before I left for university. During this period I started to grow a liking for him, however I controlled myself knowing he was married. When I left college to go to university, I moved away from home and left behind everything to enjoy university and to make new friends. I briefly kept in touch with this man and he made a few visits to see me just as a friend but not long after we lost touch.
There was a big gap of 13 years where we both carried on with our lives separately. I focused on my career and my life in general and remained single. He too carried on with his life, his marriage, well so I believed. As time went on, I often heard my parents speak about his family. Unfortunately both his parents passed away during these years and I had heard his life took a turning for the worst after their deaths. He suffered from severe depression for many years. He had never been happy in his marriage anyway but after his parents had died he became extremely bitter towards his wife however remained married to her. They had 5 children together.
Just last year our paths happened to cross again during a charity event that I was involved in. It brought back memories. We exchanged numbers and started meeting each other. He shared everything about his personal life, his marriage, his children with me. I found out how sad his life was... his marriage wasn't like a marriage - just two people sharing the same roof while living two separate lives, with little or no compassion, just constant bickering and arguing. He claimed that even though they had made 5 children together they had no feelings towards each other. She was soon to be separated from him as she was in the process of leaving the family home. We became very close and soon started a physical relationship. He claimed he had loved me since I was a little girl but couldn't pursue me because of what his parents forced him into and that now I had come back into his life he wasn't going to let me go. I fell for it..........
A few months went by into our relationship and his wife left the family home and took the children with her. I started visiting his family home and we pursued a very intimate relationship. During this time I fell pregnant. He promised he would get a divorce and speak to my parents for marriage before I started showing. I waited and waited but nothing happened. His lack of effort in sorting out this mess left me with no option but to have an abortion. I had such strong feelings for him that I couldn't let him go and just wanted to be married to him. At this point I should have seen the tell tale signs, but my heart controlled my mind and I carried on with this relationship. The whole marriage situation, his lazy attitude towards sorting out his divorce put a big strain on our relationship therefore we constantly argued. And as time went on he put his family home up for rent and started sleeping at a friends house until he got a smaller place of his own. He convinced me to move out with him. I fell for it and ended up renting a 1 bed apartment. The lease was taken out under my name. I continued to push him to sort the divorce so that we could make our relationship halal. He reassured me he would and that I just had to be patient. Unfortunately I fell pregnant again and this had a big impact on my mood. My hormones went everywhere. Often leading to more bickering and arguing again mainly about his lack of effort in sorting out his divorce.
Just two days ago he dropped a bombshell on me by saying he couldn't do this anymore and that as much as he loved me he couldn't carry on living with me. I was shocked by his decision. I trusted this man with my life. I left my family home to put a roof over his head, have the lease signed under my name which he has left for me to deal with, and on top of that he has walked out on me whilst I'm pregnant with his child. I am left anxious and extremely depressed. I have absolutely no one to turn to as I left my family home to live with him. I really don't want to abort this child but I'm totally confused as to what will happen if I kept it and had no support from the father. I seriously do think he has moved back with his wife to be with his children, but where does this leave me? Please can someone help me and recommend a solution to this problem which has potentially destroyed my life. I put my faith and trust into this man and gave my everything to help him only for him to do this to me. Please help me find a solution to this problem as this has left me to a breaking point.
Jazakallah
SUhail2345
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Wa'alaykumsalam,
Is this familiar, "As you sow, so shall you reap" ?, you are now facing the consequences of your evil doings. I'm not suprised about your situation as I know there are many 'players' out their who play with women and they blindly play along naively. This happens, infact bound to happen, only when Allah is dis-obeyed. You know what ? That man is a player. He tricked you, fooled you, used you and finally as usual dumped you. You didn't see it coming did you ? You expected a 'happy ending' just like in romantic holly/bollywood movies huh. No sis, thats not possible if Allah is dis-obeyed, but thats surely possible if its done in Islamic way with Allah's blessings and mercy. Only religious, righteous people will see if danger is approaching them, that is, with Allah's guidance ofcourse but you missed it and it hit you head front unfortunately.
It really seems as though your Islamic knowledge is very less. Are you praying 5 times ? Reading Quran ? Etc ? Because, there seems to be no hint of regrets or ill feelings or guilt in your post when you've committed FORNICATION, ABORTION etc.
Now, are you aware that having boyfriends/pre-marital relationship is forbidden in Islam ?
Are you aware that fornication is forbidden in Islam ?
Are you aware that abortion is forbidden in Islam ?
Are you aware that you can never get married in your life without your father's permission in Islam ?
Are you aware that you can marry that man (with your father's approval) without him divorcing his first wife in Islam ?
Are you aware that breaking family ties is forbidden in Islam ? I can go on sister. Pity yourself for the state you brought yourself into and what horror might be awaiting you 🙁 . But for everything there is a solution and its in the Quran.
That man is a player/troll/playboy because, he lied to you about his life. He surely did. You don't know whats really going on in his life except what he tells you and so he makes up these false sad movie-type story so that you feel sorry for him and fall for him which he succeeded. Since his wife is in his home country, he needs some fun in england and he succeeded to get into your pants. All what he said is a lie, if he was sincere, he could have just married you by approaching your parents without even divorcing his first wife but he didn't and divorce is just an excuse to keep you waiting and him, fulfilling his sexual needs. Thats his main aim it seems and when he's done with you and you're pregnant, you now become an 'old toy' for him, he's bored of you and he moves on to find new one I guess. This happens to someone when they transgress sharia limits, when they breach and disobey Allah, when they choose their own life partner without parents blessings and guidance, when they mess with married men, when they ignore Allah's words etc, they are for sure going to face the wrath of Allah, the curse of Allah and His angels and be void of Allah's blessings and mercy and face the punishment of Allah in this life and the next.
But as I said, there is a solution, the first thing you must do is to stop all these evil satanic animalistic acts/deeds/behavior and your best course of action would be, to keep that beautiful innocent baby inside your tummy and never ever even think of killing it like you did with your first baby soul. Abortion is not an answer to anything, infact killing a soul is like killing the whole mankind according to Allah. Don't punish that innocent soul inside you because of your sins, then get back/fix your relation with your parents and explain to them what happened and if you fear your life would be in danger by your parents then you may seek help from local organisations or you can live alone and leave that man for good or if you wish you can marry him WITH your father's permission. Marriage without father's permission is invalid in Islam.
Pray your daily prayers and ask Allah to guide you, have mercy on you and bless you with something good. Go enroll yourself in Islamic classes and learn about Islam, its rules and regulations, its teachings etc.
Allah will forgive you for committing fornication, abortion etc if and only if your repentance is sincere by avoiding doing these evil deeds. If you don't fix your relation with your parents, sorry to say, hell might be your abode as parents hold high position in Islam.
Before marrying, seek your parents guidance and wisdom, seek Allah's guidance by praying salat istikhara and never go searching a spouse all by yourself as you might choose someone purely on romatic style, lust or infatuation and most parents seek 'compatibility' and our prophet advised to marry a religious man with good character. I believe next time, you'll seek your parents help as you are aware now that your judgement is terrible.
Do what is halal and then put faith and trust in Allah and not on a 'man'.
May Allah guide you. Ameen
MashaAllah
Could not b explained better.
MashAllah Sister very well explained
salaam
can some clearfication be given by the editors on the issue of abortion with quotes from the Quran couse i have been told that it is not haraam
Assalaamualaikam,
Abortion is considered to violate the principle that human life is sacred, as described in many instances in the Quran and Hadiths, such as "And verily we have honoured the children of Adam" (Surah al-Isra, v. 70) (please note that translations from the original Arabic can vary depending on the translator).
There has been a lot of discussion of this issue, and the conclusion so far as I am aware is "aborting a foetus has been declared unlawful (haram) with the consensus of all the Muslim scholars" (Imam Ibn Tamiiyah).
We are told that the soul of an individual enters at 120 days (4 months) after conception:
"And verily we did create man from a quintessence (of clay). Then we placed him (as a drop of sperm) in a place of rest, firmly fixed. Then we made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood. Then of that clot we made a (foetus) lump. Then we made out of that lump bones and clothed the bones with flesh. Then we developed out of it another creature (by breathing life into it). So blessed be Allah, the most marvellous creator." (Surah al-Mu'minun, 12/13/14).
"The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said ' The seed of one of you remains in the womb of the mother for forty days in the form of a Nutfa (sperm). Then it remains like a clot for another forty days, and then for the same number of days like a lump of flesh (when the formation of the limbs and the growth of the bones begin.'" (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
After 120 days, abortion is therefore considered to be the taking of a life, and as such a grave sin. Prior to this time, scholars have described it as a violation of the trust given to the mother by Allah, who has granted them a new life to protect - this too is a grave sin.
There are some circumstances in which abortion is permissible, such as when the mother's life is in danger - "If one is overtaken by two evils, one should choose the lesser of the two" (I apologise, I cannot recall the reference for this quotation, but I believe it is from the books of Usul al-Fiqh). If someone is considering abortion for a different but severe reason, such as the foetus showing abnormalities incompatible with life, these reasons should be discussed with a knowledgeable scholar so that an acceptable solution to the situation can be found.
Any errors in this are my own, and Allah knows best.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Alaykumsalam Fozia,
Who exactly told you it is not haram ? And did you actually think that abortion is not haram AT ALL Or you thought its not haram at early stages of pregnancy like few weeks ?
walaykum assalaam
علي بن عبد الله آل الشيخ, no i had been told that in certain situations it is not haraam but also when you are in a bad situation with you partner where he is very abusive and you fear for your life and the life of the unborn baby you can abort
i was told that by a person who i do not want to name but to be honest with you i have been blessed with two children yes i wish that they had not seen the violence that had been inflicted on me by my ex and some of which he inflicted on them but i could never had considered on aborting even though it breaks my heart to have to say that i did lose a baby whilst pregnant because of his hitting and every time the month of June comes i fall apart
i always wish i could have protected my baby, but Allah knows best
allah hafiz
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear of your unfortunate incident. May Allah compensate you and give you peace.
Yes it is true that abortion is permisible in some extreme cases but the situation you gave (i,e. abusive partner) is not a valid reason at all for abortion as one could easily leave that abusive partner and keep the baby but if one doesn't want to leave the abusive partner then that person must always abort when pregnant due to the same reason of fear for having an abusive partner. Do you think its valid now ?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 140:
Most surely they became losers, who, in their folly and ignorance killed their own children; and made unlawful what Allah had provided them as sustenance, falsely ascribing prohibitions to Allah. Surely, they went astray and were not at all rightly guided.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 151 (part):
You should not kill your children for fear of poverty; for We provide sustenance for you and will provide sustenance for them also.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 31:
Do not kill your children for fear of want; for it is We Who provide for them, and for you as well. Indeed, their killing is a heinous crime!
The heinous act of intentionally killing one's unborn child is akin to the crime of murder in the Sight of Allah Subhanah; abortion of an unborn child, absolutely regardless of whether one aborts a fetus which is a day old or in its ninth month of pregnancy, is absolutely forbidden, impermissible, an abomination and a grave sin in Islam.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Do not invent a lie on Allah.
http://quran.com/16/116
You yourself don't know whether the Arabic word used for child their is fetus or after the child is born. We have fiqh for a reason.
The abortion issue has always been a hot topic. It was believed until now that abortion in the first three months of pregnancy is permissible. It was believed that the soul of the fetus does not enter the body until the fourth month of gestation and therefore killing the fetus is permissible. This of course is a myth and the holy Qur'an certainly condemns the killing of both the born and the unborn children.
"Losers are those who killed their children foolishly, due to their lack of knowledge, and prohibited what God has provided for them, and followed innovations attributed to God. They have gone astray, they are not guided." (6:140)
Abortion, what is it ?
Webster’s dictionary defines abortion as the: 'expulsion of a non-viable fetus during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy '. Remember that, in the abortion performed today, the abortionists induce the expulsion of a viable fetus, or in other terms kill the living fetus to bring him/her down. What is the stand of the Qur'an on the abortion issue ? Let us find out.
Qur'an and the first revelation therein :
The believers know that every word, letter, name, number and gesture in the Qur'an is chosen deliberately. It should not surprise us to find out that the name God chose for the first revelation of the Qur'an, was not Muhammad, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, The Sun, the Moon, the Iron, the winds, the stars, the night, the people, or the Jinn etc. The name God chose for His first revelation was "The hanging embryo", Sura 96. This hanging embryo stage starts about 6 days after the fertilization of the ovum, not after three months of pregnancy. How significant or insignificant is this choice, it is up to you to ponder. Let us keep this in mind while studying the rest of the Qur'an that deals with this issue.
Killing the soul or the body! :
Some argued, on no basis, that the fetus in the first four months do not have a soul yet and therefore it is permissible to kill him/her. They do not realize that the soul has nothing to do with abortion. In abortion you are dealing with the physical body and its life, you are destroying the physical body of the fetus not the soul. We cannot kill the soul even if we try. Whether the soul entered the fetus body in the first minute of life or after four months of pregnancy is irrelevant to the abortion issue.
Killing, condemned:
Killing any person is strongly condemned in the Qur'an. God has made life sacred. Killing the children is specifically condemned as they are the helpless victims in every society.
"You shall not kill any (Nafs) person - for GOD has made life sacred - except in the course of justice……."(17:33)
"You shall not kill your children due to fear of poverty. We provide for them, as well as for you. Killing them is a gross offense"(17:31)
"Say, "Come let me tell you what your Lord has really prohibited for you: You shall not set up idols besides Him. You shall honor your parents. You shall not kill your children from fear of poverty - we provide for you and for them. You shall not commit gross sins, obvious or hidden. You shall not kill any (Nafs) person - GOD has made life sacred - except in the course of justice. These are His commandments to you, that you may understand." [6:151]
What does the word "Children" in the verse include ?. This word "Children" is the translation of the Arabic word "Awlad". "Do not kill your (Awlad) children..".
One author of an abortion article claims that, the Webster’s dictionary defines a child as "Young human being" which is true but is also half the truth. The dictionary also defines a child as " the unborn or recently born person". That author used this half truth to support his opinion that killing the unborn children is not covered by these verse, 17:33 and 6:151
Again the same author has been misinforming the reader by claiming that the word "Awlad (Children)" and "Walad (Child)" in Arabic are used ONLY for the born children. He concludes that the order in 71:31 and 6:151 applies only to the killing of born children.
The truth of the matter is that both the words, Children in English and Awlad in Arabic are used for both the born and unborn children in their prospective languages. The order in 17:33 and 6:151 applies to both born and unborn children.
A simple and extra effort by that author would have saved him and those who believed him the big confusion. The Arabic dictionaries describe the unborn child as "Walad in the mother’s womb". The born child in Arabic is called "Maolood". "Walad" in Arabic like the word child in English can be used for both the born and the unborn. Although the word "Walad" is derived from the root "Walada" (to give birth), it does not mean that "Walad" has to be born but rather related to the process of birth. The word "Walid" in Arabic is used for father, only because he was a partner in causing this birth to happen and not because he was born or gives birth. God used the word "Maolood" in the Qur'an, (31:33). Had God willed, he could have said, "Do not kill your Maoloods" (born children) to specify this category of children.
In 17:31 and 6:151, God is ordering us, not to kill the born or the unborn children.
God cares about the first three months of pregnancy:
The sincere student of the Qur'an will find out that God is telling us in 2:226 and 65:4 that the first three months of pregnancy are so important that a divorced woman will have to change her life plan if she found herself pregnant. The matter is no more of her own concern, but it is God’s concern. God’s concern is for the pregnancy and specifically for these first few months of pregnancy. Women who get divorced have an interim of three months before getting married again. This is done MAINLY to see if they are pregnant or not. God then orders them to forget their own wishes and plans and respect the new life created in their wombs. If the first three months of pregnancy were not important God would have told these women not to wait and to have abortion and keep their life plans as they wish. If a married woman get divorced before having a full marital relationship with her husband, she does not have to wait for three months, 33:49. She would have no interim. Since there is no chance of her being pregnant , the matter is only of her concern.
God cares about the whole three months of early pregnancy as much as we can see from the Qur'an’s treatment of the divorce cases. God named his first seemingly highly scientific revelation, after the hanging embryo, not by accident. This hanging embryo, is a stage that starts in 6 days after the fertilization of the ovum.
The New Creature:
"Then we developed the drop into a hanging (embryo), then developed the hanging (embryo) into a bite-size (fetus), then created the bite-size (fetus) into bones, then covered the bones with flesh. We thus produce (Anshaa) a new creature. Most blessed is GOD, the best Creator." [23:14]
In verse 23:14, God described the creation of the human being from a tiny drop until he produced a new creature. The advocates of abortion in the first three months of pregnancy, consider the way God described the production of a new creature in this verse (by using the Arabic word Anshaa`) as their proof of the time when the soul joins the body of the fetus. On this basis, they claim that it is OK to kill the fetus before that, since he/she does not have a soul. They are missing many points here. First, abortion has nothing to do with the soul as we explained before. In abortion you kill the physical body of the fetus. You do not and cannot kill the soul. Therefore the time the soul joins the physical body is not important and irrelevant, and God never elaborated on it in the Qur'an. Second, the word (Anshaa`), in 23:14, is used exclusively in the Qur'an for the production or construction of a physical being, human or non-human, e.g. the humans, the trees, the clouds, communities etc. Please see 23:14,19,31,42; 6:141; 11:61 and 53:32. This word (Anshaa`) or its derivatives have never been used by God in the Qur'an to describe anything that has to do with the soul. To assure the believers, God used another word (Nafakha) repeatedly to describe the joining of the soul and the physical body. See 3:49, 5:110. 15:29, 21:91, 32:9, 39:72 and 66:12.
The use of the word (Anshaa`) to describe the new creature is referring to the physical body of the developing fetus and not to the soul. The fetus will look completely different then, compared with the way it started as a tiny drop. Check any embryology book to appreciate this vast difference.
Note also that God used the word (Anshaa`) four times in sura 23, to give the sincere believer the clue he/she needs.
The Exception:
As we all know, every rule has an exception including the religious laws. In case of unusual situations, abortion may have to be performed to save the mother’s life. This is permitted, not only during the first three months of pregnancy, but during any time during the pregnancy. Cases of rape have no place in this discussion. Women who are victims of rape have enough time (6 days) to use available medical treatments to avoid any possible pregnancy.
In Conclusion :
Qur'an condemns the killing of born and unborn children (6:151, 17:31,6:140,60:12), i.e. abortion is murder.
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You had no business meeting up with another woman's husband. However sad his life is, it's really not your issue or problem to stand by his side - neither as a friend or definitely not as a mistress! Allah has thankfully given people choices in life - this man could have gotten a divorce from his wife if he felt that miserable with her, so why did you allow him to drag you in to his mess of a life when the solution to his problem was/is quite straightforward? You should have told him "sorry, but your marriage is none of my business, you should talk to your wife about your problems instead of me. Bye!". It was and is not your job to fix him or any other men's shattered lives and make him/them happy - you, however, made it your job and now you're the one left used, with harams on your record and with major problems regarding pregnancy outside of marriage. Abortion is not halal, so unless you want another grave sin added to your record, you just have to accept that you've had some very poor judgement and have to bite the sour apple and deal with the consequences.
Assalamu'alaikum,
Sister, when a person fails in relationships, s/he looks for support, comfort, and a distraction. Some resort to drugs and alcohol, some choose to end their lives, some look for illicit relationships and ignorant men and women fall prey to their evil intentions, and some of them choose to have patience and look for alternate blessings of Allah, because the doors of His Blessings are open.
Sister, if what this man said was true, then he must have chosen to be in an illicit relationship to distract himself from the pain and also find outside his home what he could not find inside. A person does not differ between halaal and haraam in such situations. But the parties involved are answerable to Allah for their deeds.
He did have an option to marry you and make your physical relationship halaal, but he chose not to, perhaps he does not want a second wife, or he is tired of 'being married' and has lost belief in relationships, or he was just using you to have a physical relationship because he knew you would fall for him. And Allah Knows Best if there was any other reason.
You asking him to divorce his first wife was wrong. Allah's Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has prohibited you from doing so. The following hadith narrated by Imam Bukhari Rahimahullah in his Sahih is a proof:
Narrated Abu Hurairah ﺭَﺿِﻲَ اﻟﻠﻪُ ﻋَﻨْﻪُ : The Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said, ``It is not lawful for a woman (at the time of wedding) to ask for the divorce of her sister (i.e. the other wife of her would be husband) in order to have everything for herself for she will take only what has been foreordained (by Allâh) for her.''
You have read above that abortion is unacceptable in your case. It amounts to killing an innocent soul, which is prohibited. Zina in itself was a sin, which has a severe punishment ordained in Islam. So do sincere tawbah and move ahead in life. You have two options, one: raise the child alone, two: get married to someone who understands you and will help you Please Allah.
Make your choice and seek Help from Allah. He Is indeed very near. May He give you what is best.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You are to blame for trusting this man again and again even after he let you down and for making the poor choice to engage in this haraam relationship. I am sure you know that now and knew that before too.
Reading that you already had an abortion and now you are pregnant again worries me for your baby. Do not have an abortion--May Allah give you strength and may you turn to Him for guidance now, Ameen.
Though what this man did to you is horrible, you have to be the one to put a stop to it. Hopefully since posting this question, you realized everything and do not allow yourself to be involved with him further - as he will just continue to use you. I doubt he will stop because he had no problem with the first abortion--for him, you are just a mistress--all he had to do is be kind to you, make some more empty-promises and play a good game and it will continue. You will have to be firm and strong despite your emotions and despite your circumstances.
You are not alone--Allah is with you if you all the time and you simply have to turn to Him. Acknowledge your grave mistakes, make Tawbah, and do the best for your baby - you really have no other choice.
Assamualaikum i am unable make an account currently so i am posting my question here plz for ALLAH's sake ans me!!!
Aalia, you need to log in and submit your question as a separate post. It will be published in turn Insha'Allah. And please use proper English in your post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Suhail,
Assalamu alaikum, dont be feel so grave about ur situation sometimes worst things happen to us coz Allah wants to remind us our wrong doings. Ur not alone i been in ur situation 10 years ago. I did the same thing but that if only i can turn back times i will never do it. Believe me u can leave life without that irresponsible guy. And pls dont think again to abort coz its haram n the child has nothing to do with what mistake the both of u have done.
Why dont u try to go back in ur family and ask for forgiveness? Family will always be a family n no parents can push there child away if they are sincere in asking for forgiveness. And be always attached with Allah, coz even everyone leave us Allah will always there for us. Try to be strong for ur child. Insha Allah u can bare the hardship of life n always remember in every hardship there is ease, in every hardship there is ease.
brother i am unable to make an account it shows some kind of error plz answer my question here its urgent i would immensly grateful
Aalia, make sure you answer the matcha captcha question when you try to register.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalaamualaikum
brother wael thanks for your concern
i have posted my question,when is going to be published??
Aalia, we have a lot of questions in the queue, so it will probably be a month or so.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamualaikum brother wael please help me out as month is too long n i fear i may do something wrong in such a huge span....for ALLAH's sake plz help me
I have deleted all the comments you left and I'm placing you on moderated status. I'm tempted to ban you for violating the rules of our website, and delete your post. But I won't. Your post will be published in turn, Insha'Allah. Be patient.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam'alaykum bro,
Just asking, Is there any consideration for some people who are in dangerous/desperate situation ? I mean one month or so is a really long time to get some advice and some people end up doing the wrong move, I just hope they atleast go to other websites or ask imams and find some solutions.
Secondly, Is it true that all the 'new post' you put up every other day are 1-2 months old and thats why we rarely get the 'OP' replying/commenting ?
It would be nice if the waiting period isn't that long as some people seriously need immediate advice.
Possibly increase the number of new posts daily or every other day?
Sorry, I know its non of my business but just curious.
Wa Alaikum as Salam,
When many people submit their posts and a queue is created, it would be unfair to publish someone's post that was submitted last, before publishing the older ones. If there is an exception, our team decides that it requires to be published immediately and we do it.
Most people posting here require serious help, so a little more patience is advised as we can not publish all posts at once. They have to sit in a queue and wait for their turn.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ali, those are good questions. We do have criteria for judging an "emergency post" and those get moved to the front of the line.
The delay depends on how many posts we have in the queue. There was a time when we had over 100 posts in the queue and the wait was three months or more - crazy, I know. Then there was a time earlier this year when we had no wait at all. Right now we have 60 pending posts. We typically publish two per day, so the wait would be one month.
As I recently explained on another page, the issue is that we can only do so much per day. We Editors all have families and jobs. Each post has to be edited, major spelling mistakes corrected, paragraphs added, and then we add an image, categories, tags and a summary. It takes time. Then the question must be answered, and that takes time as well. There's no sense publishing ten per day if they're not going to be answered.
We added one Editor this year and I'm hoping to add another, Insha'Allah. That might help to alleviate the problem somewhat.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I see.
3 months :o, the questioner might forget or ignore that they've submitted a question for this reason we don't see the questioner even replying or commenting in most cases which is sad but understandable as you've explained how the system is. Maybe 3-4 posts per day can bring the waiting time down to 15-20 days. Normally, I've noticed that all posts gets answered within 24 hrs after publishing which is good. Anyways hope it gets improved in the future and be more popular.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
You must pray to Allah for a new and good editor soon. It might be dangerous as they might give up on this site.
Also, she is apparently in a desperate situation so don't her get scared by threatening her with banning!
Remember sister, we respond slowly as we are under the decree of Allah but make dua to Allah as he responds immediately! And He is in control of everything.
Also, check out the dua section of this website.
Wa Alaikum as Salam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu
Brother Gibran, in sha Allah, she won't. She is strong and shall wait for Allah's Decree.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Aalia,
I read your story and I would have advice you but as brother Wael said be patient and in turn your post will be published inshallah. Your story is not uncommon and there is nothing to get impatient. This is a test from Allah remember. Allah is watching you that how you keep your patient and have trust in Allah. In the mean time pray and ask for forgiveness cry to Allah. In this site there are lots and lots story like yours. While you waiting for your post to published go to home page and look in the filter such as boyfriend and girlfriend issue you will find some of the answer from there.
If I may give you one Islamic advise, it would be, RUN FAR AWAY FROM THAT EVIL MARRIED MAN AND TURN TO ALLAH IN REPENTANCE.
Wa Alaikum as Salam,
Sister Aalia, I just want to mention that I have deleted your last comment (not brother Wael).
You violated the rule that you were supposed to post your question separately and not post on someone else's page.
We mostly receive posts of nature such as yours and we post them in thier turn. We have no power to help people except through Allah's Tawfeeq. And everyone who posts here follows the guidelines of our website, so even you are expected to do so.
As you said, كفى بالله ولي وكفى بالله نصيرا . If you actually believe in this Aayah, you would not do anything wrong to yourself and you will have patience. You are not alone in your situation, sister. There are a million others and we receive posts from tens and hundreds. Now tell me, can we publish a hundred posts in one go? You are hence being advised to keep calm and have patience. In sha Allah, your post will be published in its turn, without any injustice.
Thanks for your reminder about this hadith:
كلكم راع وكلكم مسؤل عن رعيته
which means: every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock.
But here, I do not think there has been any wrong. And May Allah Forgive everyone of us for our shortcomings. If we ignore the posts submitted by people before you and publish your post, that would be wrong. I hope you understand and expect that you will display patience as a true believer in Allah.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSLAMALAIKUM
ALIA PLS TAKE ADVICE OF THE EDITORS AND HAVE PATIENCE AS
DIDNT UNDERSTAND THIS AS THERE IS NO DANGER TO YOUR LIFE IF YOU TRUST IN ALLAH-
Just asking, Is there any consideration for some people who are in dangerous/desperate situation ? I mean one month or so is a really long time to get some advice and some people end up doing the wrong move, I just hope they atleast go to other websites or ask imams and find some solutions.
ALL HAVE ADVISED YOU THE SAME LINES -pl have patience-
Allah commands:FAISBIR SABRAN JAMEELAN-
Which means:Persevere with the beautiful perseverance-Be patient with a beautiful patience-------Be steadfast with the best steadfastness
Allah says in the Quran:O you who believe ! Be steadfast and be supreme in your perseverance [3:200]
For your Lord’s [cause], be patient and steadfast [74:7]
For every hardship, there is a relief or ease [94:5-6]
Allah does not impose on any self any more burden that it can bear [2:286]
When to show SABR?
In harm, injury, mischief, damage, poverty, bodily affliction, distress, lack of means of subsistence, misfortune, calamity, a state of pressing want [show patience, endurance, equanimity and adherence to the Laws of Allah] [2:177]
In the state of war [show steadfastness] [2:250]
In fear/In hunger/In case of loss of money/ In case of loss of lives/In case of loss of fruits [of your toil] [show patience, endurance, equanimity and adherence to the Laws of Allah][2:155]
On whatever may befall [of calamities] [show patience, endurance, equanimity and adherence to the Laws of Allah] [22:35]
In the face of rejection [show patience and endurance][6:34]
When people make you a laughing stock for your True convictions [show equanimity and composure] [23:110-111]
In seeking your Lord’s Countenance [show steadfastness and perseverance][13:22]
When wealth, fortune, plenty or ease comes after poverty, misfortune, scarcity, or hardship [show equanimity and adherence to Allah’s laws][11:9-10]
While waiting for Allah’s judgment [results of your actions] [show patience, calm and tranquility of mind] [7:87]
In sexual matters [show Self-constraint and self-control] [4:25]
What are the Rewards for SABR?
Glad tidings [2:155]
Allah is with those who are Sabireen [2:153, 2:249, 8:46, 8:66]
Allah loves Sabireen [3:146]
Allah’s salawat [blessings] and Rahmat [2:157]
The help of Angels [i.e. the Forces of nature], (as a result of SABR and TAQWA [3:125]
The reward in full, without reckoning [39:10]
Double reward (as a result of SABR, repelling evil with good and spending in the cause of Allah ) [28:54]
The best reward [11:115, 12:90, 16:96]
Leadership (of nations) [32:24]
Goodly residence in this world and much better reward in the hereafter [16:41-42]
The highest place and paradise [13:23-24, 25:75, 29:58, 76:12]
Success (in the both worlds)[24:111]
A good end (result)[13:22]
May Allah guide you. I am trying 10 years now with no child. So to me yours is a blessing.
Oh, it was so sad reading your story and the answers you got, you must be heart broken, I had a similar experience myself and can understand your situation, unfortunately in Islam men get all the benefits and be sure if you were man you would get different answers!! Men are always winners!!
u had a similar experience so u can understand her better. well i get this part but it would b so much nicer perhaps if u could also explain how u got out of that mess. if u could manage to.
''unfortunately men get all the benefits in islam... Men are always winners'' lol where did u draw that one from??
Absolutely wrong. Totally false.
Know that Allah is just and Islam is a religion of justice. Winner or loser depends on the deeds and not on gender as you've perceived.
Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded. (Quran 16:90)
Am sorry but in a way, i think men do tend to get away with a lot of things than women.
Some people might not agree but its a fact. You might a as good a muslimah as you can be.... Then a man will from the blues come into your life, turn it upside and leave as if nothing happened. The society will then put all the blame on u and tag you with all kinds of names. Yet, the man will go on with his life scot free.
For instance, if a man and a woman are both divorced, society will be supportive of the man and make up excuses as to why his marriage didnt work but for the woman, ...its a totally different story...
Salam'alykum,
We both can agree that those men who do that are wrong doers and sinners isn't it ? And so it has nothing to do with Islam. Islam clearly taught us the difference between morality and immorality and that immorality comes from satan. So its totally wrong for anyone to say that "Islam benefits men and men are the winners" because Allah clearly told that those who obey Allah and do good deeds are the winner and those who transgress are the losers. Gender discrimination has no place in Islam.
and no man can be scot free and winner when he does wrong or oppresses people because he is cursed as Allah said "No doubt! The Curse of Allah is on the zalimun ( mushrikeen , wrongdoers, oppressors)" (Quran 11:18), and so knowing that Allah is ever watching and recording the deeds and when Allah said “And whosoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger and transgresses His limits, He will cast him into the Fire, to abide therein; and he shall have a disgraceful torment” [al-Nisa’ 4:14] how can one think that men or women are winner when they do wrong ?
Islam doesn't benefit only men but all muslims whether male or female.
Salam Brother
I understand that Allah SWT is not baised and we shall all reap what we sow sooner or later.
My issue is that the society itself is baised. When a man and woman commit a sin, the society tend to put the whole blame on the woman. Its the woman who should have been more patient, more forgiving,know better, etc etc.
I thank God for all His favours and blessings, and am sure many of my sisters out there do, but trust me, at times due to the experiences have been through i just cant help but wish i were a man.
Then thats the society's prolem. Its a disease of ignorance. They should not speak without knowledge and they should not slander according to Islam for its a sin.
I know of some men who wish they were women because they can just just stay at home, eat, sleep, pray and be free the whole time, they don't need to pray or fast during menses, they do not need to do jihad(battlefield), they don't need to work and the husband will provide all, prophet said mother 3 times and father one time who deserves better tratement and respect etc etc all these thoughts are wisphers of satan and being ungrateful and so we must seek refuge with Allah from the cursed satan and be grateful. Men and women are created different, distinct and unique with differents rights equally balanced.
Allah said "Verily we have honored the children of Adam" (Isra 70)
Well you right..Alhamdulliah to Allah for everything and may He make the journey easier for us all cus trust me, at times this journey of life can be sooooo difficult and complicated that you get scared of what the future holds and haunted by the past mistakes, poor choices, etc etc...#sigh!
Either ways, Alhamdullilah Alhamdullilah cus it could have been worse.
Assalam alaikum,
When you said "i think men do tend to get away with a lot of things than women," That is precisely why men are the maintainers and protectors of women. It is also why a woman has to have a wali when she gets married, but a man doesn't.
As for :"The society will then put all the blame on u and tag you with all kinds of names. Yet, the man will go on with his life scot free.", though this may be true in many cultures, even in the West if you read the news lately about some women who were victims to sexual abuse, we women (and men of course) have to always put Allah's opinion above societies' opinion always. If you constantly worry about Allah's opinion, the opinions of society will no longer matter. Life's exams will begin to prioritize naturally and you can have peace even when you are alone and no one stands with you.
I do understand what might have made you write your comments about Islam, but we have to remember to not judge the rules of Islam as prescribed by Allah swt as being unfair through observing people. The ones who twist and take what benefits them and leave what doesn't from Islam is indeed manipulating a perfect way of life. Allah will judge their behaviour and they will be answerable.
Make du'a for your difficulties and remember Allah always as you will find peace in His remembrance inshaAllah.
Wasalam.
"He claimed that even though they had made 5 children together they had no feelings towards each other"
He said this and you believed blindly. in the beginning of a relationship every man says this and I wonder how come girls believe them and fell in their trap.
without having feelings towards each other how come they have 5 children......how can you be sooooooooooo fool and naïve.
You know the truth but stillllllll you wanted to believe him and went ahead with your desires and relationship and now your are crying when he left you after making you pregnant twice ....
you are suffering because of your own mistake. you spoiled your career and future with your own hands.