I want my boyfriend to marry me but he is scared of his family.
Salam alaykum my dear brother and sister,
I am a new Muslim lady and I have a boyfriend who is Muslim too. We love each other so much for four years now, but how sad to say that we have a secret relation from his family. I converted into Islam to take chance that may be one day he will take me to show his parents. I told him its OK if he cannot take me to meet his family but only I want is to be halal with him because I know what we are doing is haram but what we can do? We really love to each other; please brothers and sisters; I need your advice please.
thank you,
Aisha Bilal.
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Salam dear sister,
First of all congratulation about your conversion to islam, the only true religion.
About your boyfriend, he was somehow a mean for you to convert to islam but this relationship is indeed haraam and you need to stop, so you need to give him an ultimatum.
Either he introduce you to his family either it is over between you.
And if he gives you excuses, then you move on. You deserve better. A good muslim brother who will look after you and with who you will improve your religion and increase your knowledge.
If he is scared of his family , chances are that it is because they won't accept you, and if you do go ahead with the marriage, then it will be kept secret and that is not good , there won't be much happiness and blessing (you can read the rest of the post on this site about this subject) or they will put so much pressure on him that eventually he might give up on the marriage.
So you need to be strong, you are a muslim now and Allah's commands come first even before your friend no matter how much you love him.
Because this will be emotionally hard, make some muslim sisters friends so they can give you support.
If you have a mosque near by for instance or a muslim woman's group. Some religious class will help you build up your iman, and meet up with some muslim sister as well
The choice is in your hand !
Salaam sister Aisha,
Welcome to the beautiful religion of Islam. I pray it is a source of peace and that you achieve success in this life and the next. Ameen.
It is true that pre-marital relationships are forbidden in Islam. And Allah has forbidden them for good reasons - they cause so much trouble and strife. Just take alook around the site to see many examples.
I do find it concerning that he is keeping your relationship secret from his parents. That is concerning in any relationship - whether they are Muslims or not. What are his reasons for this? Unfortunately it is not a good sign. When you love someone and intend to spend the rest of your life with them meeting the parents and publicising the relationship is only natural.
My best guess is either he doesn't know what they will say and he's scared, or he knows they will not accept you as Al has said above. Islamically they have no reason to reject you if you sincerely convert to Islam because you believe it to be the truth (rather than to please your bf). But unfortunately it is common in culture for parents to still refuse to allow their kids to marry converts to Islam 'because they are not pakistani/bangladeshi or of the same culture as them.' This is not from Islam.
Dont sell yourself short sister - even if you love this man. Obey Allah (Swt) and do not take this man as a boyfriend. You are worth far more then being a secret girlfriend. We get many posts from girls such as yourself who are upset that their boyfriend is hiding it from the parents. The usual outcome is that the guy never tells the parents. The parents then marry him off to someone else and he leaves the girl.
So as hard as it is, end your relationship with this man for to sake of God. And know that you deserve better. Ask your boyfriend to speak to his parents and approach you (with his family) to seek your hand in marriage. Take the correct route and then God willing you can enjoy a halal, fulfilling married life with him. And if this guy is serious about you he will find the courage to do this.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam Sister Aisha,
Welcome to Islam 🙂 x
As you know boyfriend and girlfriend in Islam is big sin, the punishment in this life (if get caught by true witnesses in an Islamic state), is 100 lashes and Allah (swt) knows best but the punishment of hereafter is way worse than 100 lashes!
Sister you need to protect your faith- ISLAM- your believe in Allah (swt) alone and prophet Muhammad (pbuh) being the last and final messenger of Allah (swt). There are more to this- the six articles of faith and five pillars of Islam.
Until he is not ready, do not see him, do not talk him. Keep distance from him and in the interim you take the opportunity to learn about Islam and your duties in Islam- what is expected of you as a Muslimah. Later, if he becomes brave and full of courage to ask for your hand, then (inshaALLAH) marry him but don't wait around for him!!!
If during your course of learning and practising Islam a good brother propose you or you propose the a -Allah-fearing-and-good-heart brother, then move on with your life and marry the good brother. All we are here to do in this life is make good provision for our hereafter (after death) by worshipping Allah (swt), following sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (swt) and being good to all Allah's creation<--- that's our objective in this life: to please Allah (swt) alone.
Please know your right and value in Islam! Tell the guy that he to marry you without any fear and hesitation. If his excuse is his "family" or any worldly excuse, then it means he is not ready to be a husband to give you the protection, responsibility and care that a relationship requires. This is going to be hard for you or both of you but please DON'T LET HIM to MAKE YOU WAIT until he is ready. Please do not waste your time. We don't know when we are doing to die. It is best to die in state of purity than sin. Therefore, refrain yourself from sin/s.
May Allah (swt) make this easy for you, amen.
Your sister, Parveen
-x-