I want to divorce, he wants another chance
Unhappy marriage
I have been married for 5years and have been unhappy from the very first day. My husband has not been able to fulfill any of my emotional, physical and financial needs. After trying to make this marriage work for all these years now I have come to a point where I don’t love him anymore and have no feelings what so ever in my heart for him.
When I shared this with my husband he now has love for me overnight and is trying to make me stay but even him loving me doesn’t change the way I feel for him. After all the pain and suffering emotionally he has put me through I can’t respect him as my husband. My parents and husband want me to give him another chance (although I have given him many chances), however I don’t think this chance will be a fair one from my side. I have a 3year old daughter from this marriage and I would also like to share that I have been attracted to other men during this time since I am not happy in my current situation.
What’s the best way to resolve this Islamically?
Thanks,
Sana
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Answer given by María M
As salamu alaykum, sister Sana,
I will try my best to answer your question, this is my personal opinion.
Your Heart got drie and now it is hard, that is why you cannot see the love for your husband anywhere, my question to you is, do you want to soften your Heart towards your husband? If you do, I will try to help you, if not just divorce. But remember that once you divorce this is done, no way back and I believe you can give it other try, if you want to.
Sister, are you ready to forgive the past and start from cero, if you do, I will be with you the next couple of minutes trying to guide you to save your marriage, insha´Allah.
1. Talk to your husband, from Heart. He needs to acknowledge you have emotional, physical and financial needs and you need to acknowledge his, once you do this, you have to make a commitment to begin to gain each others love as you don´t know each other, what probably is the truth, this means that forgiveness is the first step.
2. Temptations are everywhere and excuses to fall on them you can count them for millions, then get rid of evil and lower your gaze, you are a married woman. Fall in love with your husband, he may have something that captured you and made you marrying him.
3.Tell him to conquer you, that you need that, you need him to help you to soften your Heart. You may want to give a try to counselling , you may learn good strategies to get out of the routine, to forgive, to be able to understand each other points of view.
4. I am sure everytime you see your daughter you see him on her, at least you love the part of him that is in your daughter, that is a begining to try to soften your Heart.
5. Get closer to your deen, closer to Allah(swt) you will see your Heart softening and looking everyone around, not just your husband with other eyes, your eyes will lower authomatically and your Heart will flourish with Hope, Love and Compassion.
6. Try to give an opportunity to praise him when he does something you like, to smile him when he is nice to you, to touch his hands when you are sitting together, a little kiss, get closer to him, let him know what you want, don´t expect him to guess, look for moments alone to increase your knowledge and your closeness to each other, little things, he may learn from your change of attitude, and he will, insha´Allah.
7. Have always Allah(swt) in your thoughts, words and acts, (Bismillah, Alhamdulillah, Masha´Allah, Insha´Allah, ..)
8 . Pray your salat, recite the Quran and the Names of Allah(swt), read about the Prophet´s (saw) life, make dua.
9. Play with your daughter and include your husband in your games, have family life, go out together to experience different situations and build up good memories together,insha´Allah.
10. To give a try to your marriage won´t be easy, but I think it deserves the effort if you are able to let your Heart soaking in a mixture of Love, Compassion, Forgiveness, Respect, Humility, ... you just need one step more to get to know what real love is about, you have left behind all the feelings that could die, they are dead already, now it is your choice if you want to wake up all the feelings that are just numb by the pain, those ones that will live between both of you till the end of your days, insha´Allah.
Sister, if you need us, we will be here for you, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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As salamu alaykum, sister Sana,
I will try my best to answer your question, this is my personal opinion.
Your Heart got drie and now it is hard, that is why you cannot see the love for your husband anywhere, my question to you is, do you want to soften your Heart towards your husband? If you do, I will try to help you, if not just divorce. But remember that once you divorce this is done, no way back and I believe you can give it other try, if you want to.
Sister, are you ready to forgive the past and start from cero, if you do, I will be with you the next couple of minutes trying to guide you to save your marriage, insha´Allah.
1. Talk to your husband, from Heart. He needs to acknowledge you have emotional, physical and financial needs and you need to acknowledge his, once you do this, you have to make a commitment to begin to gain each others love as you don´t know each other, what probably is the truth, this means that forgiveness is the first step.
2. Temptations are everywhere and excuses to fall on them you can count them for millions, then get rid of evil and lower your gaze, you are a married woman. Fall in love with your husband, he may have something that captured you and made you marrying him.
3.Tell him to conquer you, that you need that, you need him to help you to soften your Heart. You may want to give a try to counselling , you may learn good strategies to get out of the routine, to forgive, to be able to understand each other points of view.
4. I am sure everytime you see your daughter you see him on her, at least you love the part of him that is in your daughter, that is a begining to try to soften your Heart.
5. Get closer to your deen, closer to Allah(swt) you will see your Heart softening and looking everyone around, not just your husband with other eyes, your eyes will lower authomatically and your Heart will flourish with Hope, Love and Compassion.
6. Try to give an opportunity to praise him when he does something you like, to smile him when he is nice to you, to touch his hands when you are sitting together, a little kiss, get closer to him, let him know what you want, don´t expect him to guess, look for moments alone to increase your knowledge and your closeness to each other, little things, he may learn from your change of attitude, and he will, insha´Allah.
7. Have always Allah(swt) in your thoughts, words and acts, (Bismillah, Alhamdulillah, Masha´Allah, Insha´Allah, ..)
8 . Pray your salat, recite the Quran and the Names of Allah(swt), read about the Prophet´s (saw) life, make dua.
9. Play with your daughter and include your husband in your games, have family life, go out together to experience different situations and build up good memories together,insha´Allah.
10. To give a try to your marriage won´t be easy, but I think it deserves the effort if you are able to let your Heart soaking in a mixture of Love, Compassion, Forgiveness, Respect, Humility, ... you just need one step more to get to know what real love is about, you have left behind all the feelings that could die, they are dead already, now it is your choice if you want to wake up all the feelings that are just numb by the pain, those ones that will live between both of you till the end of your days, insha´Allah.
Sister, if you need us, we will be here for you, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister,
When a woman is not satisfied with her marriage, she should immediately make efforts to make it work and attain terms of peace with her husband, but if it is not achieved after all her efforts, she may seek a separation.
If she does not do so, over time her heart will lose interest in keeping the marriage, in keeping her duty to husband and may result in attraction towards men at workplaces etc. who seem to be more kind, easy going and good in behavior and looks.
So to save herself from unnecessary fitna, a woman should seek divorce and marry a man with "iimaan" and should enjoy another marriage and relationship and a new chapter in life in a halaal way.
May Allah make your way easy for you.
Salaam,
Your brother.
***Keeping duty to Allah and being loyal to husband.***
Assalaam
My husband gave me two talaaqs two months ago.. i feel that this marraige could have been saved but i was going through severe depression. Now i want him to be back and we go on fresh start. However, family has been too far involved and my husband does not want to think about marriage any more. it is regretful since i sincerely from the deepest of my heart i love him although he has been unfaithful on the internet. i forgave him many times and my love for him had never stopped. i was just sick in my head. now being seperated i see that he coulld not handle my depression. i feel better now and see clearly. Please tell me how i could get his attention with duas
najlaa
Najlaa, I recommend that you log in and write your question as a separate post. Thanks.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor