Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want my husband back; please help me

Missing husband, absent husband, man with suitcase at airport

Husband has left her and she is lonely

Salam sir i am mailing you from pakistan please help me sir.

I got in to my nikah relation on 11/11/11 and was we expecting rukhsati on 20 Feb 2013

But on last Wednesday my husband send me a divorce paper with a cheque that is half amount of meher, her said that another tym he will come on a good date and marry me again.

sir i love him a lot and cant even imagine my life without him. the reason behind this that he always don't trust me, he still thinks that i like some one else and physically involved with him.

sir the day he warned me i quit my university immediately, i had thrown my mobile in a garbage, i had quit all my social activities and just offering, namaz aashura etc.

since nikah he use to ask me that im physically involved in someone else and i always denied, n in our last meeting i accept all his , just to end up his confusion once and for all, sir i want to tell u that i belong to a respected family and a syeda zaidi, i cant even imagine to think about some other person, i cant imagine my life without him, sir plz help me out, and one thing more i am a zakira i am so lucky that i visited iran 3 tymes and iraq once around 2 year back on aashura,

sir i want him back plz help me in this regard, my family knows everything and don't know abt his parents. i use to cry a lot during namaz for him and ask forgiveness for my sins. i dont want to lose him i am deeply involved in him.

sir im waiting for u reply plz its urgent

Asalam o Alikum,

- Amna

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8 Responses »

  1. Salam sis. U have to talk him do istakrah ask ALLAH do not worry sis have hope In ALLAH ask ALLAH to change His heart. N one thing u must and all of us as muslim do love our beloved swa Nabi and Quran N ALLAH. So then ur husband will love u hopefully by the mercy of ALLAH. I ALLAH guide both of u and all of us to the way to Him Amin!!!

  2. Asalamu alikum,

    Sister, I am confused about a few terms as i dont know the urdu words for some stuff...what is a rukhsati? So are you married and have lived with each other or not?

    But basically, I am going to summarize your message to you so you can hear yourself.

    You have:
    - given up school for him
    - you have thrown your cell phone because he doesnt trust you
    -you have droped your social life because he doesnt trust you
    - he doesnt trust you at all and asks if you are involved with anyone else
    -You love him alot

    And he on the other hand:
    -leaves you- which means he doenst love you
    -has trust issues and is very controlling
    - says he will come if you are married why dont you stay and work it out rather than leave...this i find quite childish.
    -he has never said he loves you or cares about you etc and his actions do so as well.

    Sister, if you say you were not with anyone and that is the truth, you shouldnt have to live with someone who interegates you. Dont shed a tear for this man, Allah is maybe saving you from his misery and the life he will provide for you.

    If he truly loved you he would not walk away and rather he would work on the marriage like a real man.

    Sister, you have to wake up and realize that if someone loves you, they behave differently towards you. You have to stop saying that your world is fallling apart, he is just a man, you will meet someone else inshallah and hopefully better.

    Meet someone who trusts you, because trust is very important in marriage, and this man seems a little crazy to keep asking you over and over again and controlling your life that way (throwing the phone, stopping school. social life, etc). He sounds like he will be very abusive and controlling in the future.

    There are reasons why things work out and reasons they dont which only Allah knows the plan. IF he leaves tell him goodbye and dont come back, because marriage is not a joke and you dont divorce and get married whenever you feel like.

    I hope you find someone who is worthy of an adult relationship sister, and may Allah help you in your healing as i know your heart is breaking.

    • I agree. This man is extremely suspicious, paranoid and mistrustful. He will make his wife miserable with his constant suspicions.

      Wael Editor

  3. "i quit my university immediately, i had thrown my mobile in a garbage, i had quit all my social activities "

    Sister, you have done all of this and yet he is still not happy? FORGET HIM, if you have had to do this then this man is a controlling person.

    "but on last Wednesday my husband send me i divorce paper" - this is Allah's way of trying to help you away from this man.

    He is no good, you are best off just forgetting about him and trying to find a better man.

    May Allah help you.

  4. sister samira most pakistani have nikah but they girl don't leave her parents house for many reasons let say the guy is still in school or out of country. and once the guy is settled then they have rukhsati meaning reception. and that causes a lot of problems between couples which is really stupid. my mom is pakistani and dad is arabic and we don't have that in our family. sister Amna, please stop putting yourself for problems if they guy don't want you now why would you want him. you're lucky that you didn't do rukhsati yet. and wind up pregnant. please please think with your brain not heart. im sorry for saying this i been there its better to walk away now before is too late. Allah is trying to tell you something please have faith in him he knows whats best for us. good luck sister

  5. Dearest Sister

    This man is playing games with you. He is insecure and emotionally immature and certainly not ready for marriage. He treats you like a possession, one he knows he can bend to his will. So now he divorces you as he pleases and walks away from you shortly before your rukhsati, hurting you, humiliating you and disrespecting the efforts your family have no doubt been working hard to make for this event and he just expects you to wait for him, till he feels like it?
    Is this what you visualised when you considered marriage? Is this the kind of man you want sister?
    Do you wish to spend your life in an abusive relationship where you are not even allowed to enrich your mind through educating yourself to appease a husband who clearly does not care for you enough to want that kind of growth for you?
    If you make concessions such as these now at the onset, how many even more absurd things would you need to tolerate to soothe his paranoia further down the line?
    I feel the desperation in your plea and I know you're hurting - and truely I understand there are few things in life as painful as a broken heart - but what you feel now is so much worse than what could come if you pursue this - you have a door - take the divorce and do not allow him back in your life under any circumstances.
    The power over your life has been returned to your capable sister, make the right decision for your future and that of your future children and May the Almighty give you strength and solace.

  6. Salaam Sister
    Please please try and read these posts with a clear mind and not a broken heart with over flowing tears.
    Please understand that what the other brothers and sisters have posted is the best advice and you should take it.
    I am talking from experience and I completely understand how you feel and what you have been through. I have been married for nearly 5 years and not a day goes by where I regret it. I had my nikah first in october and ruksati was suppose to be june the following year. For atleast a month he was amazing but then his possessive and insecure nature came out, i regret that i should have told my parents and ended it but i believed that this is marriage and in his terms that he still uses today i have to "take some harsh words from your husband' so i kept quiet and accepted it.
    He was so possessive and like you i was innocent and naive i didnt know anything as i hadnt been in a relationship before marriage. i always dreamed of being the best wife i could.
    sister his insecurites were so bad he accused me of horrible things like the way your husband has and he didnt like me to even step out of the house even if i went shopping with my mum and i wasnt even living with him.
    he would always argue over anything and i became really depressed. when he would ring i would panic and think if i had done anything wrong. i gave up speaking to my friends on the phone just incase he rang and he couldnt get through. my heart used to pound heavily if i used to go out i had to make sure i was dressed the way he thought was decent, and i was always watching my back just incase i get seen. I swear sister there is no peace of mind not for one second,
    what made things worse is he told me about his past and the filth of it broke my heart and made me insecure and to this day i still think about it and he always compares me to his ex's.
    I only stayed with him after the ruksati for 6 months which was put forward to May as i had become pregnant before ruksati. then i split up with him for 2 years a week after my baby was born. then i realised what i had been through and i managed to give myself the confidence and self respect i deserved. I got back with him with the promise of making things better and deep down i did love him and i wanted my child to have his father. I even started to wear the veil for his security even though i am not to keen on it but i pray Allah makes me stronger.
    But to be honest about it he is still insecure and i am sick and tired of bending over backwards to please his every paranoid thought. I am not allowed out of the house or to go to my mums whenever i want. I cant even take the kids out to the park because he thinks i want to mess about with men. I am not the type i am very much like you and hand on heart you dont deserve to be treated this way. I have no life I just stay at home and cook and clean and treat him like a king like he demands. His views on women are very disturbing and frustrating.
    your hurt because your wedding didnt go ahead and i know you had planned for it for months and were excited to be with him and live like a husband and wife. For you he must have been the first man you have ever loved but seriously sister thank Allah as much as you can because he would have made your life miserable and worthless. He wouldnt have given you the trust and respect you deserve. I am telling you this from experience and I have tried to give you a brief insight of what might the future hold if you want to be with him. HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TEARS!!!! Allah has saved you sister and shown you that this man that you love wont love you back or do what you have done for him ever!!!! no matter if you put all the stars at his feet.

    So pick yourself up and wipe away the tears its going to waste over him and just enjoy your life. Go back to university and do what you wish as long as its within the islamic shariah and pray to Allah to bless you with someone who is worth you.
    Another thing i would want to say and it might not apply but my mum has a saying that a person who is a thief will think that the others are thiefs (im paraphrasing)...basically he accused you of being physical with men and doing wrong who is to say that he wasnt doing the same or had something to hide, what made you so sure it was your fault and you had to correct your ways for him.
    Take care and please give us a update

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