Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry someone. Should I tell my parents or keep quiet for now?

happy muslim couple

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah was barakatuh sisters. I reverted to Islam a few months ago and I wear the hijab. I am the only muslim in my family.

I've learnt that Abu Hurayrah Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, ‘When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 3090)

But what if I have the person I want to get married to in mind now? Alhamdulillah, I think I have met the brother with whose religion and characters I'm satisfied with. We have never done anything haraam. We have never been alone in a closed environment. He is very pious and acts and dresses modestly. He reminds me of Allah. I would like to marry this man after graduation (I'm in 1st year at university at the moment), but I don't know what I should do. I'm planning to tell my parents, or actually would it be too soon to do this since I've only reverted to Islam for a few months?

At the moment, only me and Allah know about this but what should I do now? Is it haraam to have this thought? I have this intention but I don't know what he thinks.

Please help me out.

Jazak'Allah khair.


Tagged as: , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. Islam forbids a woman to get married without a wali (guardian), and it regards a marriage contract done without a wali as invalid. A kaafir cannot be the wali of a Muslim woman, so if none of her family are Muslims, then the leader or mufti of the Muslims, or the imam of the Islamic center, should stand in as her wali.

    If your parents are not muslim then I don't see a point why you should tell them, have you got any relatives that are muslims? if yes then tell them, if no then go to the leader or mufti of the muslims, if not then go to islamic center.

    I should point out here, islam forbids a man and women to be alone with each other and talk to each other alone that are not mahrams so please stay away from that

    Lastly, marrying early is the best rather than delaying it till you graduate, so I would advice get married as soon as possible, do not delay it as it is one of the tempatations of the shaydan and you will not be able to concentrate on your education as this will stay on your mind everytime till you get married.


  2. Slm sister

    Mashallah on reverting to Islam. Allah surely loves you for guiding you to Siratal Mustiqueem (straight path)

    I commend u for also already wearing the hijab after only 4 months. May Allah bless and guide you all your life Inshallah.

    On ur question, I would suggest get married as soon as you r able to. Ask one of ur girlfriends to find out if he feels the same. Then inform ur parents and chat to your local imaan about performing the Nikaah.

    All the best. Sending u virtual hugs 🙂
    X x X

  3. Dear Anisa, Walaykumsalaam,

    You need a Wali to assist you in your nikah, but your Wali must be Muslim, so speak to your local Imam about this. At the same time, even though your parents are not Muslim, you still have a duty to be a good daughter to them, they will always be your parents, be they Muslim or not. They cannot stop you from getting married, but it would be nice for them to be happy for you, so try to break your choice of marriage gently to them and be kind to them.

    SisterZ Editor

    • Thank you all for your responses.

      @Mohamed: No, I don't have any relatives who are muslim.
      Thank you very much for the reminder. I'll make sure to stay away from that.

      @Aniqah: It would be impossible to find out from any of my girlfriends since I know this brother through a uni sports club and we don't have any mutual muslim female friends...

      @SisterZ: yes this is what I'm thinking. The only concern I'm having is that up until this point, I don't think they fully understand this religion. They think I'm just "trying it out", so telling them now would actually shock them since they'd think I'm too young, and not ready for marriage. I have talked about this topic before but they say I should only marry after I graduate (somehow they think getting marry while studying means that I'll have to stop my studies and can only stay at home :S) plus they'd think there's a connection between me reverting to islam and marrying (I mean they'd think the reason I reverted is to marry a muslim person, which obviously not the reason I converted), and this would cause more confusion...


      • Sister,

        I think the best thing for you to do is this.

        Firstly approach a trusted Imam and ask him to be your Wali. Ask your Wali to approach the man you are interested in and if you get a positive response, your Wali can chaperone your meetings.

        Secondly, if this leads to a mutual interest and you both do wish to marry each other, I believe it is in your best interests to marry him. If your parents disagree because of the reasons they have stated, you will just have to prove to them that they had nothing to worry about once you get married. If you manage to marry a good Muslim man who will co-operate with you and support you to complete your studies, this will help increase your emaan. You will be living in a Muslim environment, you will be able to fulfil your physical desires in a halaal manner, its a win win situation all around.

        Bottom line: It is better for you to marry a good striving Muslim who will support you and give you a healthy Islamic environment to live in, rather than remain in your parent's home or another few years in a place where Islam is not practised. This may mean upsetting your parents, but your focus is your deen and that comes first. Just continue being good to your parents and eventually when they see that you are happy, they will be happy too.

        In the meantime, start helping them to understand your new faith. It will help them become comfortable. And if things progress to marriage with the man in question, get him to meet your parents and reassure them. Parents will always want their children to marry someone who will keep them happy. They mean well.

        SisterZ Editor

        • Jazak'Allah khair SisterZ for your help. I've been trying to tell my situations and trying to find an Imam on many Mosques' (mosques which are in my area) websites under the 'Ask Imam' section, it's been a while but still nothing... I thought it'd be easier to explain my situation through an email and also those advice sections but why is it so hard to actually do that? I was hoping to get a response through those 'Ask Imam' sections since I don't want to tell my friends at the moment, and it'd be hard to actually say the word "I'm thinking of getting married" coz i know they'll all be shocked...

          what should I do? 🙁


Leave a Response