Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want my four brothers to move out, but I feel guilty.

Four men, four brothers

As-Salāmu `alaykum,

I am 25 years old recently got married.

my mom passed away 2 years before my marriage. I used to live with my 4 brothers and dad. my dad also passed away 3 months after my marriage.

as being the only sister i am very attached to my brothers. After my dad passed away we had to sell our house and had some financial problems due to which my brothers started staying with me and my husband. (my husband's family except his father live in Pakistan and his father with us.)

My problem is its almost 2 years since we are living together but recently there have been small issues between my husband and my brothers and my husband would insist on living separately, but my brothers do not have enough income to survive alone.

I also want to live separately but each time i try telling them i would feel bad as they all look sad. I tried talking to them about it but they wouldn't reply any thing and just say go ahead. This guilt is making me mad. I feel like I am stuck between my husband and my brothers.

My brothers are not getting the idea that i will have to go on my own one day and that one day is now. I am not able to get the privacy a husband wife normally does . I Love my brothers alot. Please help me.

- Noori99


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3 Responses »

  1. I believe you all live elsewhere than Pakistan and if its the west then, it is quite easy to find minimum wage jobs and if all of them start working, i see no problem as to why they cant split rent expenses four ways and get a small place of their own, perhaps near to you.

    I have no idea about their situation in terms of legal, job, immigration and education statuses and hence it would be hard to give better advise for me and for the others.


  2. Salam,

    Mayb help them to find something? Tell them u are gettinng troubles with ur husband?
    They should understand.Please lady dont let it affect your marriage.

  3. Sister Noori99

    You need to take the lead in getting your brothers to move out. I know this is diffucult in your situation, especially without parents living. And the recent conflicts with your husband also might make it appear that he is the source of your desire for them to move out, and cause even more confiicts. Do not allow anyone to throw up these excuses, they are only excuses.

    I suggest you talk to your eldest brother and ask him to step up to his responsiblity as the eldest male in the family and that he lead your other brothers to find a place to live. I would recommend that only you and he talk initially, and make it clear that this is your desire, your husband is not forcing you to do this, it is you who are seeking the course of action.

    Also point out that you understand that everyone in the family is suffering due to the loss of your parents over the last couple of years, but it is time for all of you to be adults and make your own paths to Jannah. That includes you and your husband, and each of your brothers.

    If he does not step up, then you will have to be the adult and make a plan. It does not have to be complex. Give them a deadline to find work and move out, such as 60 days, and remind them that there is the support of pious brothers at the local masjid.

    Also remind them that if they indend to marry one day, they must show they are worthy of a pious wife and begin to take on the responsibilities that they will have of the imam of their family.

    AmericanMuslim Editor

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