Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want my non-muslim husband to convert to Islam.

interfaith, torn, children, marriage problem, lonely

My husband and I are both 23. He is hindu and I am muslim.

Before we got married we decided that if we had children, they would be taught each religion. I had my doubts about this but eventually I agreed to it.

We have been married for 9 months now and I feel like I've made a huge mistake. I love my husband, we've been together for 7 yrs, but I can't accept that he is Hindu. I don't want my children to practice hinduism at all.

I've asked my husband to convert but he says that he is a proud hindu. We plan on getting divorced because of this. I want, so badly, for him to convert to Islam but I don't know what else to do. Divorce seems like the only option.

Is there anything else I can do to make him convert?

-Amina4852


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32 Responses »

  1. Sister Amina, your marriage is invalid and unlawful. Islam does not allow marriage to a Hindu. I think you have already seen the reasons.

    It does not sound like your husband is willing to convert to Islam, or is interested at all. There is nothing you can do about it. We cannot control or change anyone else. We can only control our own actions.

    Your relationship with him before your were married was also not allowed in Islam. My suggestion to you is, once you have freed yourself of this relationship, focus on your own practice of Islam. Educate yourself about Islam, do your prayers, try to practice your religion and build your relationship with Allah.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Sister, in addition to Wael's words, I want to remind you that if you break your relationship for this reason, then this is a sacrifice for the sake of Allah(swt) and Allah will reward you and help you through this difficult time.

      Allah(swt) tells us in the Qur'an in Surah al-Anfal, Ayah 28: "And know that your wealth and your children are but a trial, and that with God is a tremendous reward..." So we are confronted with the most fundamental question: 'Whom do you love more? Allah or '.......', in your case 'this hindu man'? Allah(swt) further says in the Quran in Surah At-Tawbah, Ayah 24: "Say: If your fathers and your sons and your brothers and your spouses and your clan and your possessions that you have acquired and the commerce that you fear may slacken, and the dwellings you love - if these are dearer to you than God and His Messenger and to struggle in His way, then wait till God brings (the fulfilment of) His Command; God guides not the rebellious people."

      In the time of Rasul(sws), new Muslims left their mothers, fathers, husbands, wives if they became barriers to them practising Islam. You are now in the same situation and regarding this: Allah says in Surah al-Mujadalah, Ayah 22: "You shall not find any people who [truly] believe in God and the Last Day and who [at the same time] are loving anyone who opposes God and His Messenger - even though they were their fathers, or their sons, or their brothers, or their clan. Those - He has engraved faith upon their hearts, and He has strengthened them with inspiration from Himself; and He shall admit them into gardens through which running waters flow, therein to dwell forever. God is well pleased with them; and they are well-pleased with Him. They are God's party..."

      Your commitment is to Allah, and so painful as it is, you will have to make a difficult choice, since staying in this relationship will continue to be an obstacle in your way to Allah. But making this sacrifice for His(swt) sake will surely cause Him(swt) to be pleased with you as Allah has promised in the above ayah. Be strong my sister and listen to your instinct. May Allah replace this difficulty and pain with sweetness of eemaan and may He(swt) accept your repentance, aameen.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thank you for adding these comments. I answered the sister from a legal perspective, but I should have taken a moment to acknowledge the fact that the sister now wants to do the right thing; and that doing it will not be easy; and it's an act of faith and courage to repent in these circumstances.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Also i advice the muslimah who post their question
    That "ohh im a very strict muslim and i love a non muslim amd want to marry him and all that "
    Plz
    If u displease allah n reject the commandments of quran ull never be happy

  3. Truebloood,

    This sister made a mistake. Perhaps she was weak in faith at the time. Now she has realised and wants to find a way back to Allah. So your judgemental comments are not helpful. Alhumdulillah this sister has woken up, with the right guidance inshaAllah she will find strength to leave the hindu man.

    If any of us have not committed a particular sin, that does not give us a license to judge others. It should make us humble as we realise that Allah has protected us from that sin and hence be grateful for Allah's Mercy on us.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Judging ppl or saying something to the ppl who have done a msitake and we have not done the same mistake.
    Is an usual human nature

    Never cry over spilt milk

  5. Dear SisterZ, With regards to the above, i have a question to ask, if the Hindu husband finally converts to Islam, what is the status of the marriage now? Do they need to re marry in Islam? If yes then will the civil law still stands on them?

    • Mira,

      The marriage is not valid Islamically. So if the hindu man genuinely reverted Islam, they would need to conduct nikah.

      Civil marriages are different to Islamic marriages and differ according to the law of the land, so the sister/brother in question should research into this.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. and this is why i do not agree with mix marriages. Wael has stated the facts in islam.

    You cant except he is a hindu yet you known him for 7 years and continued dating him, married him for 9mths, you both agreed before marriage you teach your children both reglions yet you had doubts about this and you had a child anyway. Now you want to divorce just because he is hindu and you dont want your child practising hinduism. You want to keep your faith intact but you kept ignoring the fact this man was hindu and he has rights as well, you cant change him just becasue the cover is not the same as you. I cant help but think you used this man for a child and now turning the tables around him for your own mistakes but what you say and want is it and marriage over. I cant believe you want divorce now like nothing happen. Maybe other people reading this will realise mix marriages isnt something you can just hide from the truth and keep lying because they somehow always catch up.

    I am sorry for being harsh but I feel your pain deeply. You cannot change a person who is from a differant reglion to you FACT. 7 years and you didnt see what this person was doing to you, 7 seconds reading your post i could see and i hate to point this out even bringing a child into this marriage was not going to save you to keep hoping one day this man would change because you both were lying to each other. My advise to you is practice being a good muslim and ask allah for forgiveness and pray to allah your child does not suffer from your mistakes.

    • Whoo i said the same thing but mine was trashed

    • Salaam,

      Sister stamina, what are you saying?

      "I can't help but think you used this man for a child"

      Firstly, from what I have understood of the post, the sister hasn't yet got children with him. I think she was talking about the future when she talks of what she wants her children to be etc.
      Secondly, even if she was to have had a child with him, your statement makes no sense sister. Why would. She use him to have a child...because there were no other men walking on the face of this earth who could give her a child?
      Why would she "use" him to get a child out of him having now known after marriage how she cannot accept her children being involved with Hinduism (alhamdulillah for that)? Who would risk bringing a child in the world with anyone if they knew they are gonna separate...what kinda desperation would cause a woman to use a kaafir man for that purpose?

      I know this is probably not a nice or fair thing for her (so called) husband to go through however you need to look at it practically here. She has no other option..she HAS to leave him. They aren't even seen as husband and wife by Allah. No benefit is achieved for her deen or dunya by feeling sorry for her partner.

      Wassalaam

      • Salaams faith

        I have re-read the post thank you for correcting me I apologise.

        Of course you got to feel sorry for the man he is still a human like everyone else he has feelings too. Even if he is kaafir she dont has a right asking him to convert it was fine when she knew him of 7 years and then being married to him. Do you not realise even being married there are loads of decent sisters still waiting to even get married vice vera our brothers. Surely they would think twice accepting such marriage. As for kids there are women who are desperate to keep a man only way to have him where they want him is to have a child to trap him you been suprised how many are about in 2 side faces of roop. He is proud hindu what does that tell you? Can you honestly tell me a person would change just like that their reglion regardless man or women. It has to be accepted on both sides and if you dont have that in the first place then this is something that was not yours in the first place. What really disappoints me is when couples who are dating and it is either muslim, hindu or sikh it is fine seeing each other though dating even though it is haraam. But has soon as they marry the reglion becomes a big issue especially when kids are brought in and all of the sudden it matters surely even thinking of having children this sort of marriage would put you off.

        • Samina,

          I think you are missing the point completely and are reading into this from a very suspcious perspective. Everyone has different levels of faith. Some people are extremely weak in faith and during this time make some big mistakes. But some of them are very fortunate, because Allah may bring a situation into their life which removes the veil of weakness and ignorance from their hearts and they become aware of their sins. For some, this point of awareness may very well arise when they have had children. In this case, it has taken the sister seven years to become fully aware.

          Sister - this is the cycle of life. Weak faith, sinning, making mistakes, becoming aware of one's sin, feeling regret, turning back to Allah, repenting, becoming strong in faith, being forever grateful to Allah for having showered His(swt) Mercy on us. So please don't judge the sister - instead help her and be thankful to Allah that He(swt) has been so Merciful to you, hence 'you' have not fallen into the same error.

          Perhaps you have sinned in some other way? But that is between you and Allah, right.

          SisterZ
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Salaams sisterz
            no I have not even sinned and I have no reason to ulhumdiallah its called having respect and keeping your iszaat intact for the sake of allah. Strange how quickly a person points this out and assume everyone is the same. Everyone who do wrong it is between allah and your faith lies with allah. I was not being judgmental but i can see how it can come across this way. I apologise

          • Samina,

            You don't get the point at all. I reminded you that you are human, like us all and so are prone to sinning. None of us are perfect, we have ALL sinned, be it a major or a minor, be it to a lesser or higher degree. I did not suggst at all that you have sinned as in the initial post.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Sister Samina,

          As they say - better late than never; don't you think it is better that atleast when the time comes to get serious, form a bond that is to last and has some meaning to it (marriage), unlike dating, people start considering the deen and its requirements?

          I see your point in how people do not take religion seriously when they are dating and when marriage comes in the equation, it becomes an issue. However, we need to be careful with our approach here - its not the latter that is a mistake but the former. The fact of religion becoming an issue when marriage is introduced, that is a good thing as that is how it should be. However the problem is only with regards to religion not being an issue when dating or getting to know someone for marriage. U get me? It should have been important ALL along not just when getting married.
          So instead of telling people who have gone through this whole process that basically stick to it because before marriage it did not matter to you, so why does it now..We should tell them of practical steps to take and to walk out of the relationship as no other alternative is available. Its not like the dating of non muslims (or muslims of course) was permissible before marriage either.

          "Of course you got to feel sorry for the man he is still a human like everyone else he has feelings too. Even if he is kaafir she dont has a right asking him to convert it was fine when she knew him of 7 years and then being married to him"

          If she has any compassion in her heart, she will naturally feel somewhat sorry for him. You cant control emotions like that. But it is not wise to advice anyone in such a siatuion to feel sorry and look at how unfair things have been to the husband..because if you think about it, the only thing that this feeling would want to make the sister do is pity him and not let him go through it. So basically these emotions here of feeling sorry for the disbelieving spouse etc are not helpful for the deen and if anything, she should not be reminded, encouraged or made to feel worse over what her partner is going through. Do you understand where I'm coming from?

          It is unfortunate but the reality of her life that she has to now leave this man now and end it and in order for her to accomplish this, suppressing her 'emotions' towards this man would be the wisest thing in order to make this a little easier for herself.
          Wouldn't you agree? 🙂

          Was salaam

          • Salaams faith
            I can see your point too and i agree with it 100% i was being very harsh, maybe some are weak and allah does show answers later. I am old fashion and have the same values has my parents but don't expect others to agree I do not agree with divorce unless it is a good reason not because you changed your mind now because your partner is a Hindu and all the sudden having kids religion matters. So for this lady it is better for her to leave him i agree. I really am sorry if a have offended anyone but its what i believe

          • Samina,

            May Allah give you the ability to understand, aameen.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Explained well Faith

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Salaam Samina,

          You have not sinned?! Seriously?! Wow sis teach us the art please, lol. Sister I'm gonna have to persuade myself to think that you have misunderstood what SisterZ was trying to imply. She didn't mean to say that you have sinned the way the questioner here has, she was referring to sins committed generally, which ALL of us commit day and night. So if we all commit sins then what gives us the right to be harsh to someone just because he has committed a different type/level of sin? Plus its not helpful anyway to do that.

          This reminds me of a story narrated about Isa a.s in the bible. The authenticity of it can be doubted but I think the message remains. An woman who had fornicated was brought forth and the people wanted to stone her and before they were about to do so, he is reported to have said, let he without sins be the first one to cast a stone. Do you understand the message here?
          (By saying this though I am n-o-t undermining Hadd punishment)

          Also sister, are you aware of the prohibition for a Muslim woman to be with a kaafir man? Do you realise we have no choice in this?
          To believe that she can in any way that she can remain with this man is a very modern n liberal thought if anything, not backward lol. Changing you mind and wanting to seperate be because you husband is a Hindu is one of the best reasons for seperation. We cannot even call this 'divorce' coz remember as per the shariah, they aren't even married.

          • Salaams Faith

            lighten me what sins we make day and night lol

            I fail to understand why people think it is alright to get to know one another from another religion and continuing committing haraam whilst dating and all of sudden they want the other person to change a soon as marriage is involved. If this was fine when dating then why ask this person to change you had fun with them before getting real so whats going to change now. Thats right islam does not allow this sort of marriage and it is invalid 7 years should have been long enough seeing the truth not waiting 9 months after marriage deciding what you really want. I did miss sisterz point.

            Lesson be learn to all muslims make the right decisions in the first place before marriage, a mistake can be avoided and for others maybe not so lucky.

          • Well...err, some of us commit sins during the day, some during night and some during both. The phrase I used was supposed to emphasis the point that we sin repeatedly, day in day out, thats all. I have yet to meet any human or Muslim who who is sin-free. That's why we are human and not angel.

            When the devil tries to make our sins look insignificant and trivial in our sight, we should remind ourselves of the greatness of He against whom we are sinning. Inshallah that way we will become more righteous individuals inshallah.

            May Allah swt forgive our sinful souls and shower his mercy on us without which we would surely be doomed. Ameen ya rahman ya raheem.

            Was salaam

      • Thanks for this comment sister Faith, I had wanted to reply myself, but you put it in perspective.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. Why do v even bother about non muslim such that it turns out that we like to live our entire life with them

    I guess the problem lies with us

    Ppl are fools , which follow the devil(non belivers)

    Those ppl are foolish despite of knowing everything , they still follow the devil(believers)

    • Truebloood,

      Your comment above is foolish and arrogant. Non believers are not 'devils'. They are humans like you and I, they are on a journey as are you and I. The only difference is that they have not yet seen the truth in Islam. They are our brothers and sisters in humanity and they make up part of our Ummah.

      You asked 'why do we even bother about non-Muslims'? Your question makes me shudder. Do you know that Abdul Wali and Maria, my two fellow Editors used to be 'non-Muslim', so many of todays most knowledgable and good Muslim scholars used to be non-Muslim, the strongest the companions of Rasul(sws) used to be non-Muslim, some of his(as) wives used to be non-Muslim. All of these and many more catergories of people reverted to Islam - why? Do you think if the muslim people in their communities had thought as you do: 'why should we even bother?', they would have learned about Islam? These beautiful people may have been drawn towards the light of Islam perhaps through the good manners and kindness of other Muslims around them.

      The other day, I watched a documentary which showed some hindu people in India worshipping in the River Ganges, those same people also thought a baby who had been born with extra limbs was a god (astagfirullah). But I cannot be and refuse to be rude to these people or call them devils as you have done - that is so wrong and so arrogant. Instead I felt so grateful to Allah at that point for giving me the understanding and wisdom to believe in Him(swt) and His(swt) Deen. And I asked Allah to bring those hindu people to Islam too.

      You 'Truebloood' and I are Muslim because of Allah's Mercy, most certainly not because we are intelligent beings. I also find your way of thinking and your comments extremely negative and had I seen your comment pending, I would have deleted it.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Sisterz i havent called non muslim devil , n im no saint myself , i may be the worst muslim there is in this world

        And u say that the non muslim are away from the light of islam correct and is the jobs of muslim to spread the msg of islam to them that also correct ,
        But sister not in a way like the above sister marrying them and then converting them

        And i mean by this is that the nonmuslim should convert for the love of islam not the love of marriage

        And im proud to be born as a muslim although many muslim revert are better than me but at the end iam a muslim by birth

        Other thing , ppl worshipping anything to anything , its called foolishness in my eyes
        Good to know u dont have a prespective same as me , but i am i n u r u

        Thirdly , this so called non muslim u say our r brother and sister in humanity

        Dont forget that these so called non muslim are also the enemies of islam and muslim
        Eg palestine , iraq , chechenya , kashmir etc etc

      • Abdul Wali .... you mean the "site owner" ?

        • Abdul Wali is one of our esteemed Editors. I am the website founder and Chief Editor. If you want to learn more about our editorial staff, see the About Us page.

          Wael
          Islamicanswers.com Editor

  8. Dear Sister Samina,

    1---I must reming you and myself that as muslims we should always be humble and have respect on non muslims. None of us know which rank allah has put us or know where we gonna go after we passed away.
    The person who you think have done major sin, might do something else to please allah which could make that person be in a right path and go to heaven. And us thinking we have done lots of good deeds, might do something small to displesae allah, audhu billah min dhaalik.

    One day, Prophet Muhammed ( sal-lal-lahu alai hi wa sallam) told his companions (Sahabah) the story of two women: "A prostitute was guided by Allah's truth and ultimately went to paradise because she gave water to a dog dying of thirst in the desert." While a dog was going round a well and was about to die of thirst, prostitute saw it and took off her shoe and watered it. So Allah ((Subhana wa taaala).) forgave her because of that good deed." And for the other women, Prophet Muhammed ( sal-lal-lahu alai hi wa sallam) said, "A woman was tortured and was put in Hell because of a cat which she had kept locked till it died of hunger." Prophet Muhammed ( sal-lal-lahu alai hi wa sallam) further said, "You neither fed it nor watered when you locked it up, nor did you set it free to eat the insects of the earth."

    From this hadeeth we understand it could be small 3amal which can put you in haven or hell. Therefore by our naked eyes we cannot see or judge who is in which rank. We can only do our best and ask allah to guide us. We will go to paradise becasue of his rehma, not because we have not sinned.

    2---It is our behaviour and approach which will help people be intrested to learn about Islam. also it is our behaviour which can make non muslim to judge Islam, while is to do with muslims not Islam.
    Prophet himself had very polite approach when preching and it was his khulq and kindness which attract non belivers to convert.

    I will concentrate on this sentence "no I have not even sinned and I have no reason to ulhumdiallah " Subhanallah !!!

    The Prophet (sas) informed Uthman that he would enter Paradise

    Even after knowing this, Uthman bin Affan RadiyAllah anhu used to cry until his beard was soaked each time that he stood at a grave. He used to say , “ If I were standing between the garden and the Fire, not knowing in which one of the two I would end up I would rather be turned into ashes before I learned my fate.”
    Now, How can we be soo confident that we have not sinned, while sahaba like Uthman was in constant worry and not sure of his destiny.

    Al Hasan al Basri was once described as follows "Whenever he aproached us it would seem as if he has only just returned from the burial of his best friend, and when he sat in a company , it was as if he was a prisoner sentenced to death by having his head cut off. And when ever the Fire was mentioned it would be as it had been created especially for him".

    Therefore lets have polite approach on others, we ourselves no matter how many times we pray, are not sure, we are worried and we keep asking for allah to grant us khusnul khaatima (Good ending). We should never judge, only we can give strong advice based on prophet hadeeth , his preaching and qur-an.

    About the advice for our sister, Wael has already given brilliant advice. This what is needed (constructive islamic advice) not unnesessary critisism. From what we can see our Sister has already realised what she has done is wrong based on the consequenses.

    Sister Amina may allah make your life easy, and reward you jannat firdaus by sacrifying your family for allah.

    Aman

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