Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want my sisters to recover and talk with me and father again

girl innocent

As salam alaikum- I am a 33 year old married man living happily with my wife and kid.

My mother expired 7 years back but before her death when I was unmarried and living with my family there was horrible violence and abuses shared among our family members.

Even after the death of my mom my 2 sisters dont talk with me and my father though my father is living with them they are constantly abusing each other. Both my sisters are very ill now they are almost on bed every second day.

I really feel sorry for them as they are in pain but still their hearts are full of hatred against me and my father they just dont want to talk with me and my father. What went wrong in our family? We are highly qualified people.

Please advise me. I can email you all the personal details of my family regarding age/name/DOB. Please help me as I want my sisters to be healthy and start talking with me and my father. I really love my family, is there something in my house or something done to my sisters and our family?

Allah hafiz

- ishaikh

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2 Responses »

  1. Brother ishaikh, wa alaykum as-salam,

    You asked that we reply by email but we'll do it here Insha'Allah, as that is the nature of this service. We do not need your family ages, names, or dates of birth. Do not give us any real names. We are not going to do any astrology or numerology or other shirk. There is a misconception among some Muslims that Istikhara or advice requires names and birth dates. This is an un-Islamic concept.

    What we need is details of what happened and what is going on.

    What is the nature of the abuse that occurred in your family? Why are your sisters still ill? What is the nature of their illness? Why do they blame your and your father?

    Wael Editor

    • Adding to the reply above, whatever the history is between members of your family, whatever the reasons for the distance/illnesses, the one thing that should not islamically change is that of maintaining relations with kith/kin.

      Allah swt has made it obligatory upon us to keep blood relations and we are not permitted to cut off and not talk to anyone who is our blood relative. We do not have a choice in this. I understand we cannot force people to keep relations and sometimes people do not want you to be in their life, however, you have control over what has been made obligatory from your side and how they respond - they will answer Allah for that themself. So you are obliged to give them the greetings of Salaam, and try to keep the relationship going, even if they aren't interested. This is the case even if your family are disbelievers so what then do you think is the judgement for one whose family are muslims?

      "Fear Allâh through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allâh is Ever an All-Watcher over you." (An-Nisâ 4:1)

      Abû Hurayrah narrated that a man said,

      "O Messenger of Allâh, I have relatives with whom I try to have close relationship, but they sever (this relation). I treat them well, but they treat me ill. I am sweet to them but they are harsh towards me. Upon this the Prophet said: If it is so as you say, then you in fact throw hot ashes (upon their faces) and there would always remain with you from Allâh (an Angel to support you) who would keep you dominant over them so long as you adhere to this (path of righteousness)."

      Ibn 'Umar narrated that the Prophet said,

      "The one who reciprocates the good done to him by a relative is not the one who joins the tie of kinship. He is rather the one, when his relatives treat him badly he treats them well." (Al-Bukhârî)

      Perhaps over time inshallah, their hatred will turn into love seeing your efforts and desire to make things work.

      (Qur'an 60:7-8):

      "It may be that God will grant love (and friendship) between you and those whom ye (now) hold as enemies. For God has power (over all things), and God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

      However, if you want to succeed in this, do it to only to please Allah.
      Being highly qualified does not guarantee happy families with strong bond. How many families do we see in the west who are very highly qualified, all members, yet they can hardly be called a 'family'...yet how many families we see in some eastern countries who are all illiterate yet they love each other to bits and are truly what a 'family' is being about?

      It is not qualification that makes us happier/successful individuals or families. It's Taqwa and abiding by the laws of Allah.

      Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah.

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