Want to be forgiven for sins and become a God fearing Muslimah
I am now in my 24. i have done a lot of mistakes in my life...i do not know what is the intensity of those mistakes.
i was born in a middle class family.my mother's family is religious,but my mother was not as religious as her sisters.so we children are not so religious.we do not offer namaz regularly. we do not do anything to please ALLAH. but i feared of hellfire, so i began to start reciting Qur'an everyday.
my father is a business man. he dont offer any prayer at all but he tell us to offer the prayers regularly.so my habit of reciting Qur'an also get stopped.
i have a lot of friends.many of them are boys.but i do not do anything bad until i was 14.but a lot of bad incidences occur in ma life.some of ma close relatives abused me in my childhood.but at that time i do not know about all that things.but when i came to realize it, i feel guilty for all that happenings even though i dont do it intentionally.the people who have done the mistake walk in front of me as if they are the good person in the world.my parents do not know about all these.later somehow i develop the habit of masturbation.once i came to know all these things are haraam in Islam i stopped the habit.but whenever i sit alone i had the same feeling.
one of my friend told me if i repent to ALLAH he will forgive me.i began to repent sincerely.after my schooldays when again i am at home i have the same feeling and i masturbate.when i reached college there i got a friend who always insist me to offer prayer.i loved her and began to offer prayer again.she created me the fear of ALLAH.i am very comfort after that.but everything go beyond my imagination when i met a boy in our college.i like him very much.we began to talk and send messages.our relation began to turn another way and at this point of time he left me.
i thank ALLAH because nothing bad takes place between us..but shaithan was following me.he made a trap for me .so i fell in that trap.I fall in love with one of my close friend and we wanted to marry.but the relation between us was too terrific.he always wanted me to do everything in the way he likes.he always scolded me.i began to hate him.everyday we quarrel each other for some reason .i am fed up with him.i want to leave him.but he does not allow me to do like that.but when i try to go away from him i feel all alone.so i cannot leave him.the relation grows more and more.
he always insist me to convert to his religion for our marriage.but i dont like that.i tell him that i cannot leave my parents so he have to be converted to marry me.he agreed .we began to talk too much of time about unwanted things.one day he touched me and kissed me.i still remember all those incidents.i get much closer to him,but i feel like i am cheating my parents and wanted to leave him again.even though i have lot of friends i do not have any best friends.i dont know how to keep secrets.so i keep on telling this things to some of my friends.they all scolded me for having such a relation.after all this incident i feel i am the worst thing in the world.
i dont know what to do.i really hate myself for doing all these mistakes.i want to end my life.i feared if i live more, did i commit more and more sins?i dont want to talk to any one.i lost faith in everyone including me.i began to curse myself for being this much worst.i realize how bad i am.i am very good in my academics.after all this incidence i lost interest in studies and i am now poor in my academics.i lost interest in everything.i become too lazy...after that when i tried to be a good one my friends began to make fun of me, by saying that"you cannot change.you are that old chap,you cannot change".
this again create a negative effect on me and i believe i cannot change.i dont know what all mistakes i have done in my 24 years of life..now i want to be changed and repent from my heart.i want to be a good one and need my eman back.but i know the mistakes i had done cannot be forgiven by ALLAH.i did mistakes while i know that its a mistake.brothers and sisters please help me to convert to a good god fearing one.advice me how to get rid of unwanted thoughts,memories of that boy whom i loved,the memories of those abusing.now my parents are searching for a groom.
i want to tell all my mistakes to my parents.but i feared.they cannot tolerate this.they loved me that much.they had done everything for me.they cared me,but i feel like i have cheated myself as well as them also....i am so much depressed that i cannot do anything.some of my friend advice me to go and seek the help of a psychiatrist..but i dont like..what to do..please include me in your prayers also and please give me suggestions
- Amaama
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salam sis. read innalillah he o inna illaher rajiun as much as you can. also keep make dua ALLAH will for give dont worry and ask ALLAH to protect you from shytan AMIN!!!
also learn about Islam as much as you can.
go on YouTube and watch the stories of the prophet's you will learn alot. how shytan is misguiding people and how he is trying to take us in hell.
may ALLAH save us all AMIN!!!
Salaam sister.. I'm also of your same age, people kept telling that i cannot change.. But that inspired me to change. I have left contacts with all the non mahram guys. Needs patience. But now i have most peaceful life..! Dont fall into the acts of devil.. May Allah protect us..
Ameen
There are two things which are extremely wrong in your question:
1. i dont know what to do.i really hate myself for doing all these mistakes.i want to end my life.i feared if i live more, did i commit more and more sins?i dont want to talk to any one.i lost faith in everyone including me.
I read somewhere in the internet that, we, the children of Adam are 'supposed' to make mistakes. BUT it is those children, the best, who do not sit around after making mistake (cursing themselves and bullshit) but who REPENT afterwards.
Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Do you have two eyes that can see? Do you have a two hands to eat with and two legs to walk with? You sure have a brain to distinguish between wrong and right. So was it that is keeping you from repenting?
Sister, please understand you have a life because it was given to you by Allah. And only Allah has the right to take it away. And you don't get to decide to 'end your life' because you/circumstances has messed it up. YOU need to repent. You can't be afraid that if you 'live more' you'll make 'more sins'. In fact, you should have this spirit in it ' if I live longer' then I will 'have more time to repent' and that maybe 'make Allah forgive me and I can finally go to heaven :3 ' . Okay? Because that's my theory. I did go through a time in my life where I was I felt hopeless like you and thought how would Allah EVER, EVER forgive me?
But remove that hopelessness. It is said that true Muslims are NEVER hopeless, because they know there is Allah and if you pray to Him everything becomes alright. And He is the most Forgiving. Do you there's a saying that goes like 'Forgiveness is Divine'. You know why people say that? It's because it's hard on the human part to forgive another human (say the other human caused some serious damage to the first human). But guess what Allah is NOT human (astagfirullah). He is Allah, the One and Only. Most Merciful Oft Forgiving. So don't be scared sister. Pray to Allah, ask for his Mercy, Forgiveness, Love and Protection.
Sister do you ever imagine yourself paralyzed? (Haha, I know it's out of the blue). The thing is, when I feel lazy to pray, I imagine myself paralyzed. Allah has given me the ability to pray and repent to him. What if tomorrow I get into a car accident and become paralzyed? Then I will be praying from the bed all the time and sure I prefer standing and praying to Him.
Allah didn't make you paralyzed, He didn't make me paralyzed either. So why waste time? Lets pray and repent! Allah takes our repent-prayers in until our soul leaves our body (during death) and the Sun rises from the West.
2. but i know the mistakes i had done cannot be forgiven by ALLAH - this is the 2nd very wrong thing in your question. But we've already discussed it in the first poing.
About your parents, if you think that the mistakes you have done will be hidden away, there's no need to tell your parents about any thing. In fact, as Muslims, we are supposed to hide (note: I said 'hide' not 'lie') our sins. And if Allah hides our sins, we are not allowed to disclose it. What I can think you can do for your parents is to make good academic results - trust me, nothing makes your parents like good grades!
If you do need to meet with a psychiatrist do that! I mean I understand in the East if you meet one of these doctors people assume you've gone 'koo koo' ie crazy. But if you do think you need some help, go get some! There's nothing to be ashamed or be scared about. It's like you have high fever for a month and you go visit the doctor. Is there any shame in that? No, right? So if you think that your mind is getting blogged, you can go to psychiatrist. Although, at first you can pray a lot and try to find peace within yourself.
So now your main question, you want to be forgiven for sins and become God fearing. So none of these (forgiveness and fear of God aka FOG) cannot be bought in a store with money. FG cannot be blue-tooth-ed from one person to another.
Forgiveness is something you can hope from Allah.
When you give an exam, you prepare well for it, give the exam and 'hope' for good results. Your hopes are high when you know you have prepared well and your hopes are low when YOU KNOW you didn't prepare well.
So prepare well for Allah's forgiveness! And hope for the best.
God fearing. Okay so you telling me you don't fear God? I mean, you 'want' to fear God, but you don't? Seriously sister?
Let me tell you a secret, deep down inside, you already fear God. Because if you didn't fear Allah, you wouldn't be here posting your question or reading this far into my answer.
So now you have to acknowledge that fear and amplify it. One way to do it is to learn more about Islam.
I know you can change. Change for the best.
Best of luck. May Allah Guide us all. Ameen.
aslkm, The Teenager a wonderful advice to her as well as to all the people like me who have gone through a very bad and sinful time. i'm happy that i'm repenting for the sins i made and asking forgveness from allah whenever i feel lonely ,ashamed of myself ,depressed or some evil thoughts come to my mind i just start reading quran or recite astaghafar this will get my mind back on the right path i would tell others also to do this and thanks a lot for your advice which made me much more happier
Very good replies by you people.. Dear I have been committing sins for past 15 years which noone knows except Allah Almighty.. But HE has always hidden my sins and people say I am a shareef, noble and gentle person, which I know i am not!. Now, I want to make a pact with God that i will never committ those worst sins ever again in my life starting from January 1 2016.. I hope God will 4give me and accept me back..