Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to be happy again like I used to be.


I have been sad for a long time. Since the beginning of this year life has given me tough slaps in the face. I feel sad, stressed, unhappy, overwhelmed, depressed. I am weary, lonely, moody and impatient. I even don't know what happiness feels like anymore.
I need help in getting back my happy. When am around people; I smile, make jokes and act like I am having a good time. It all comes down when I am alone and I feel like I can't take it anymore. It feels like something is eating me up inside. I lost two very close people to me, one to death and the other to deception and betrayal.

I am over it but constantly it seems like I am being pulled back. I cry a lot trying to just figure out what and why things happened the way they did. I relive the pain I have been through almost every minute, I have lost touch and the love of laugh and life. It doesn't seem to reduce with passing time considering that 'time heals'.

I don't think I am doing what I have been destined to do by Allah (swt) when constantly I am feeling like I am down and under. I want to go back to the person I was (happy, bubbly, ambitious, outgoing and fun). Please brothers and sisters help me regain normalcy. Tomorrow is my birthday and I would like to start a new year as a happy woman.

Just wondering if I can genuinely smile again.

May Allah bless you in this Dunya and Akhira for any advice you give.


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15 Responses »

  1. Dear New girl,


    consider yourself very lucky having all such feelings , as i t will lead you to true happiness. ramadan is just round the corner , use this blessed month to find your path and true happiness. its not time that heals, its only Allah that heals. i learned it through difficult experience as well. i heard in a talk that if you want to speak to Allah offer namaz and make dua, if you want Allah to speak to me then read Quran. subhanallah, Allah is so near to us yet we take such a long time and journey to find him. mashaalh Allah has given you this oppurtunity now , so my dear sis smile and walk towards Allah , He will come to you in leaps. its His promise.

    when thoughts like why me? why this happened? what if? come to your mind reming yourself that everything happens by the will of Allah. we may think that something is good for us but may not be ad we may think that something is bad for us butit may not be. Allahis all knowing and wise. he is merciful and compassinate.

    listen to yasmin magahed audio lecture on her website about sabar and rida ( being happy in the will of Allah) i benefitted a lot from it .

    inshallah you will have effortless smile again. a smile that does not require all teeth out but shines through your eyes.may Allah make this journey back to Him easy and enjoyable for you.

    • ^ this is really good advice. I know this is an old post, but I was just going through articles to see if anoyone feels the same way I do, and wanted to help others in the same state as me. I dont know if this person still gets on this account. I just hope that u are doing better now since this comment was last year. 🙂 I will go listen to sister Yasmine because I need a lot of sabar.

  2. Salamualaikum,

    Sister, the feeling you have is something normal in a Mu'min's life. Occasionally, we have such feeling. It is probably a test from Allah, to see whether we thank him and have patience or we turn away.

    You need to drive these feelings away by asking for tranquility from Allah. You need to acquire knowledge about Who is Allah and What He does, and How He does. This will Help you Love Allah and Worship Him better.

    Do all your prayers with as much Khushoo as possible.

    As the friend said above, you speak to Allah when you are in prayer.

    There is a Hadith regarding Surah al Fatihah:

    Abu Huraira has heard Allah's
    messenger declare that Allah
    most high had said, " I have
    divided the prayer into two
    halves between me and my
    servant, and my servant will receive what he asks." When the servant says,
    "Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the universe, " Allah The Most High says, " My servant has praised me." When he says, "The compassionate, the Merciful," Allah The Most High says, "My servant has lauded me." When he says, "Possessor of the day of judgment," He says," My servant has glorified me." When he says, "Thee do we worship and of Thee do we ask help," He says, "This is between me and my servant, and my servant will receive what he asks." Then when he says, "Guide us in the straight path, the path of those to whom Thou art generous, not of those with whom Thou art angry nor of those who go astray," He says, "This is for my servant, and my servant will receive what he asks."
    Allah says in the Quran:

    Surah az-Zumar Ayah 53:
    "Say: 'O My worshipers, who
    have sinned excessively
    against themselves, DESPAIR
    NOT of the Mercy of Allah!
    Verily, Allah forgives all sins.
    He is the Forgiver, the Most Merciful."

    Allah says: “Ask forgiveness of
    Him, and turn to Him (in
    repentance): for my Lord is
    Near, the Answerer (of
    prayers).” [Sūrah Hūd: 61]

    He also says: “Say (O Muhammad): If I err, I err only to my own loss, and if I am rightly guided it is because of that which my Lord has revealed unto me. Lo! He is All- Hearing, Near.” [Sūrah Saba’: Aayah 50]

    Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was once asked: “Is Your Lord close by, so people are to commune with Him, or remote so people should call out to Him?” In response to this question, Allah revealed the verse: “And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am Near. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should heed My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way.” [Sūrah al-Baqarah: 186]

    Allah is near to those who
    beseech Him. He relents to
    them in kindness and relieves them of their distresses.

    Those who are eager to attain Allah’s promise to answer their prayers and relieve them of their difficulties should heed Allah’s call, believe in Him with all of their hearts, and guard themselves from sin. They should strive to be rightly guided. This is why the verse concludes with: “so they should heed My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way.” Abū Mūsa al-Ash`ārī relates: We were with Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) on a journey. It was our habit when we descended into a valley to raise our voices in the praise and glorification of Allah’s name. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
    “Keep your voices to a
    reasonable volume. You do
    not call upon one who is deaf or absent. He is with
    you. He hears you and He is
    near.” [Sahīh al-Bukārī
    (6610) and Sahīh Muslim
    These words of the Prophet (peace be upon him) attest to the fact that Allah is near to His servants and answers their prayers.

    The following Hadith is wonderful:

    Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon Him) related to us that Allah says: “If someone draws near to me a handspan, I draw near to that person a forearm’s length. If he draws near to Me a forearms length, I draw near to Him the span of two outstretched arms. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him at speed.” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī (7405) and Sahīh Muslim (2675)]

    Allah is near to us in His
    attentiveness to our affairs.
    Allah says: “He is with you
    wherever you are; and Allah is the Seer of all that you
    do.” [Sūrah al-Hadīd: 4]

    Allah says: “Verily, we created the human being and We know what his soul whispers to him, and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.” [Sūrah Qāf: 16]

    Allah says: “All those who are in the heavens and the earth ask of Him; every moment He is in a state (of glory).” [Sūrah al-Rahmān: 29]

    Also do supplications of the day and night. Take help from the book called Hisn al Muslim or Fortress of the muslim. Download it from:

    May Allah Help you in this
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Bro your posts are realy helping me out a lot n more dan a lot... I just became 16 on satrday 30th june... N I broke up on 28th of june... All dis things r realy rediculous which r happening to me... M realy very stressed... Its like he doesn't even care doesn't even bother if I am alive or dead... Its ma feeling dat says he's a player and he used me also... I am nt sexualy activ...m a normal girl only 1ce made a danm big mistak... Please please please please help me out from dis... Its realy afectiv my whole life and mi also... Please help me out:( whateva he does when I come to know dat he's chatting wid other girls throgh social networks such as facebook mig33 n stuffs den y is it afecting me so much... Whatever he does y is he always afecting me... Please help me I am realy sufring very badly




  3. Salam sister
    Feeling down,depressed,lost,empty and emotionally destroyed are natural feelings when Loosing someone close to you or being betrayed 
    My advice whether it will help u or not is to think clearly! I know it's easy to say. We all go through times in our life when we feel alone and at wits end what's next, who do I turn to and question why me?
    If someone has hurt or betrayed you, think the feeling your going through now.. Angry hurt, do u want to feel it again?? U need to understand only you can pick yourself up from feeling down or depressed! Believe me I was the same, a couple of months ago I wrote on the same site in despair after my break up I felt exactly how you described your emotions: but believe me have faith in Allah, understand everything happens because of Allah! Simple saying! If your hurt by a person that's not because your being punished its because that persons reality was bought in front of you! Do u need a person like that in your life? No so be strong and think forward don't let ur past ruin your future cloud ur judgements and waste ur time thinkin of people who don't matter! In regards to death and loosing someone close to us, it's difficult to go on and understand their presence is no longer with us however they are with Allah! We will all loose people who mean the world to us, I lost my 3 year old nephew not so long ago someone so small fighter and battled with brain cancer
    Now when I think of him I miss him dearly but the pain and suffering he went through: but then compare him to myself he's a angel! I've come into this world sinned and still am repenting
    Instead he came, short stay lets say but left as a angel
    Remember live your day as your last 
    Every moment you have say Alhumduliah Remember Allah
    Be thankful for what you have
    What you don't; take it as a blessing in disguise
    And think of those who are less fortunate than you
    Trust me when your own mind perspective changes you inside will be alot more happier
    I hope and pray you get out of this as a stronger person

  4. Salams,
    Thank you for taking time to respond to me and give me such great advice.
    There has been a very slight change, alhamdulilah. I still feel the pain and depression weighing down on me though i feel a little(very tiny) lighter now. Sometimes i just burst into tears for no apparent reason. Deep down i know that it all happened for a reason and Allah allowed it to happen for my own good, but it gets so hard sometimes, especially the betrayal. It is still fresh in my mind. What to do?;(?
    The death, i have come to terms with. I still miss my grandmother dearly. The betrayal, not yet. Been very slow in trying to get over it. I have lost all my zest for life. I dont like doing the things i liked before. Like i prefer staying at home to going to lunch with my close friends, eating alone in my room to joining my family at the dinner table. I used to love being around people, now i feel like i cant get through a few hours hanging out with them. I feel like its very unfair that all this happens to me while the betrayer's life may be going on, just like nothing happened. Lord help me.
    Being my first ramadan, i am reading the Quran more and learning more about Allah and Islam. I hope i will pull through the roller coaster Inshallah. Put me in your duas.

    May Allah bless us all.

    • just made dua for you, inshallah , it will get are moving in the right direction, just keep going.

      • Salams,
        Thank you friend, may Allahgive you peace and blessings in this life and the next,

        • w.salam..

          dear m going thru the same condition somehow.. but believe me when u talk to sincere people n friends around u who guide u to Allah's right path u really feel relieved.. whenever dat feeling of sadness comes in ur mind jst think dat u were doing a sin and Allah dont wants u to do it.. he loves us more than our anyone else can.. it was just ur test and Allah wants u to obey him... and dont think betrayers life is going good or it will stay the same...
          Allah just wants u to do more in his way..
          stay blessed..

  5. Wa alaikum as Salam, sister.

    Glad to know your Ramadan is going good, learning about Islam.
    Sister, all this you feel is merely a test from Allah. You are in a tunnel, just look at the end and you'll see the light.
    If there has been something wrong, that does not stop life. Live it in Allah's obedience, as far as possible, insha Allah.

    My sister, Jannah is not easy. It is covered with hardships and worries and feelings such as what you have. You WILL need to have patience and be Pleased with Allah for everything, in order to tear through these hardships and reach the Jannah.
    Patience and Trust in Allah makes this very easy. Please be patient, and insha Allah, you'll find the difference.

    When someone betrays you and continues normal life, this should not effect you at all. You never know what Allah Wishes. If someone is bad, He sometimes gives him everything he wants in this World, and there is nothing left for him in the Hereafter.

    What would you like? To have everything in this World itself, or to have some good here and some in the Hereafter? Rest assured, Allah will not let your patience fail insha Allah. You'll find reward for that. Just be patient and continue life with thanks to Allah by trying to be normal, having no complains at all.

    I hope it helps
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  6. Wa alaikum salam brother Waseem,
    Thank you for that very needed reassurance that all will be well.
    Patience slipped from me but i am trying my best to master it again.
    I pray and trust that i will get through this trial. I woke up crying hours ago and have been unable to go back to sleep. It's almost sunrise. I am praying for peace and tranquility, a regain of normalcy. I hope the light at the end of the tunnel is coming through soon.

    May Allah grant you peace and blessings in this life and the hereafter.

    • Aameen for your Dua

      sister, I recommend you to read the following books:

      1. Enjoy Your Life by Shaikh Abdur Rahmaan al Arifi
      2. Causes behind increase and decrease of Eemaan by Shaikh Abdur Razzaq al Abbad

      If you do not find a hard copy, you can read them by downloading them from here:


      I hope you make best use of this month to regain the Patience and successfully place your trust in Allah

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  7. Salams,
    Thank you friend, I wish you peace and blessings in this life and the next.

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