Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We want to change my child’s Last Name

lonely child, abandoned, father, son, child

I remarried when my son was 2 years old. His biological father has been absent since then. No contact no support. We do not suffer from it and my husband loves him as his own. I know that the Quran is clear on the question of adoption with name change. It is a struggle for my husband and I because now our son is almost 6 years old and coming to understanding.

In our case, his biological father has completely opted out of his life. He shouldn't have to be the odd one out if there is no bloodline to associate with. We are really at odds about what to do. We really want to change his name.

-atkjenkins


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22 Responses »

  1. Salaam to the best of my knowledge (please correct me if I am wrong) but you should not change a childs last name in order to preserve lineage. I am not sure if this can be compromised or not, you may have to contact a scholar but although it may cause a little confusion with your son it is important he is aware of his lineage and as long as he has a loving father figure and mother then InshaAllah the small detail of his surname won't be a problem. If he asks about his surname and his father try not to make a big deal out of it, be honest, sit him down and tell him. But make sure you remind him that you and your husband love him. Alhumdulilah that he treats him as his own. By changing his surname it is like hiding his lineage - he is less likely to ask and either way he is supposed to know the truth so it is unavoidable. Please note though dear sister, that I am not a scholar - so it may be good for you to contact one as we cannot give fatwas here.

    And Allah knows best.
    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor
    x

  2. You should not change his name. He is still his father's son, even if the father is absent. In Islam the biological lineage is very important.

    You said you do not want him to be the odd one out. But children do not care about such legalities. They care about being loved, being with parents who spend time with them, treat them well, and raise them right.

    Leave his name as it is, and don't worry about any longer. Don't let it be a cause of stress. Just love the kid and that's all you need, Insha'Allah.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Hi Alsalam mu Alaikum

    Changing childs last name is forbidden in Islam.You must not change his biological father,s name.And they are various hadith on that.

    Our prophet(s.a.w)said(one of the greatest lie is to call a person after a man who is not his/her father)Al-Bukhari.

    And he also said(s.a.w)(whoever is called after a man who is not his father and knows that,so paradise is forbidden for him)Al-Bukhari and muslim.

    And also (s.a.w)said(If anyone makes a false claim to paternity,or being a client of other then his own master .There is upon him the curse of Allah,the angles,and all the people.Allah will not accept form him any recompense in the form of obligatory acts or supererogatory acts on the day of Resurrection)Narrated by muslim

    And Allah the Almighty said in the holy Quran(Call them by the (the names) of their fathers,that is juster in the sight of Allah)surah al-Ahzab

    This proved that a child must be called with his father,s name whether he is alive or dead and his last name must not be changed. All the legal documents of the child should continue to show his biological father in the parenthood column.keeping his real fathers name will not effect his life since you and your husband are there providing him love,care and shelter.I think that all every child needs.may Allah make him a good and obedient child for you.Ameen

    • As-salamu alaykum, when you fill out your comment if you don't have a website to put in the URL field, please leave it blank instead of writing SS. I end up having to delete the invalid link each time. Thanks.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Please don't attack me,people.I simply say this because I think I understand the predicament the sister is in.

    My sister was divorced. Her daughters father has NEVER seen his daughter. My sister registered her as ------- binti (her biological fathers firstname) -(my sisters surname-not her step fathers) . I don't think there is anything wrong with this,is there?

    • Hi sister Laa,qah

      This is also called changing childs biological fathers name.It does not matter whos name your are keeping because you are still changing her biological fathers name.It is forbidden in Islam to call a child with the name of the person who is not his own father.It is looking like as if you are saying she is not having a father.It does not matter whether he is seeing his daughter or not.At the end he still her real and biological father.Every child is proud to be called with his fathers name.we can change the childs name (only) if we dont know his father or the family witch he belongs to.But when the fathers name is known we must not change it.

      As Allah said(call them by(the names)of their fathers,that is juster in the sight of Allah.
      And prophet(s.a.w)said(whoever intentionally related himself/herself to someone else instead of their,father paradise is forbidden for him).

      so, you can see the rule of Islam on changing a child his biological fathers name.Tell your sister to keep her real fathers name it will not effect her life and what if she ask about her real father?.Tell your sister to show to her daughter the love,compassion,care and shelter.it will be much better for her then changing her fathers name.may Allah bless you.

      • Okay theres some confusion here I think. Sister Laaiqah said:

        My sister registered her as ------- binti (her biological fathers firstname) -(my sisters surname-not her step fathers

        She clearly mentions that the fathers name was put down..binti so and so. Her fathers name has been put after the child but the mothers surname has also been put.
        So technically speaking, the child has the fathers name next to theirs and lineage can be easily known by that.

        Or have I got this wrong? Not saying that what her sister has done is right/wrong - her question would still remain.

        Salaam

  5. Atkjenkins, Salaam sister,

    As everyone here has told you, its not allowed. You cannot change the surname as that is what reveals his biological father. Lineage is taken very importantly in Islam.

    I don't know if you are aware of the story of Zaid (ra), the adopted son of the prophet. Ibn Umar (RA) reported that after the Prophet (saw) freed Zayd ibn Harithah and adopted him, people used to refer to him as Zayd ibn Muhammed until the verse the following verse was revealed,

    "Call them by (the names of) their father's, that is more just in the sight of Allah..." (Al-Ahzab 33:5)

    Once this principle became part of the divine law, the Prophet (saw) was instructed to further emphasize it by a series of warnings. For example, on one occasion he said,

    "He who knowingly attributed his fatherhood to someone other than his real father will be excluded from paradise." (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood)

    I just wanted to emphasis how many of us sisters, who have been divorced and with children, and specially in the case of those whose ex husbands have walked out completely from the child's life, want to remove the surname. I really do understand the urge...I've been there and been tempted myself many a times too, especially when I think of the future and how my daughter might feel like why she is the 'odd' one out , and all these kind of thoughts - im sure you know exactly what I mean.

    But ignore them, and remind yourself of what Allah prefers. Consider this as a sacrifice for Allah. We want something but we arent allowed to do it because as Allah says "...that is more just in the sight of Allah." So how can we benefit ourself, or our child, by doing something which goes against Allah (Swt)'s orders?

    Its only a surname...its not like the reality of who the father is can be (or should be) hidden, so having the name at the end of theirs - its not like it will cause the child some kind of psychological damage!

    By following the orders of Allah and preferring that over what our soul desires, we will attain success and pleasure inshallah.

    Was salaam

  6. I wanted to ask the same question as i went through domestic abuse and ran with my children.

    (Remainder of question has been deleted. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. But you need to log in and write the question as a separate post, Insha'Allah. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  7. Asc my Muslim brothers and sisters

    If a woman is pregnant and she is not
    Married and never was and the man in question is denying this
    Child. Should I give my child my surname since his father is denying
    Him? I wanted regardless what I wanted to give my child his father's name but my dad is advising me not to
    He said you must give ur surname? The thought of my child having my surname doesn't sit with me but what does the deen says?

    Thank you very much

    • Aisha, yes, the deen says that if you are unmarried and the father denies parentage, you should give the child your last name. If you could convince the father to take a paternity test it might make a difference. But if he's denying paternity then that doesn't seem likely.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • ASALAMO ALAIKUM ! I WANT TO ask that I'm recently blessed with a daughter and my husband named her with his father's name (my daughter's grandfather) instead of giving his name to her so is it right to change the sir name of our children even when the biological father is alive ? Please inform me as soon as possible

        • Areeba, if you mean that your husband gave your daughter his father's name as her surname, that is acceptable in Islam. But if you want to change it to the father's name then yes, you can do that too.

          Often in the Islamic naming system, the first name would be the given name, the middle name is the father's name, and the last name is either the the grandfather's name or surname. In my case, for example, my father was Hesham, and our family name is Abdelgawad. So my name is Wael Hesham Abdelgawad.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • But isn't that same case ...children should be called by their father name ..like my daughter name is Fatimah mansoor and my husband name is usman mansoor.its not like fatimah usman or fatimah usman mansoor ...so I think its not right ...

  8. My question...... Please, if an infant is adopted from an orphanage, the surname given to all the children are the same. Once that child is sent out for adoption into an islamic home, shouldn't the name be changed since she was given the name at the orphanage not from her parents. Also what if you met the mother of the baby and gave you permission to change the name? Please I need your candid opinion

    • Why does the orphanage change the child's name? They should keep it the same. And if you know the birth mother, then the child should carry her last name. The entire principle of adoption in Islam is that it is guardianship. We do not hide the child's true ancestry.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • ASALAMO ALAIKUM ! I WANT TO ask that I'm recently blessed with a daughter and my husband named her with his father's name (my daughter's grandfather) instead of giving his name to her so is it right to change the sir name of our children even when the biological father is alive ? Please inform me as soon as possible

  9. m not sure if this forum is active. Heres my question. My husband passed away when our daughter was two months old. He did not get to register her name but we had decided her first name. When i was filing her pprwork i used my husband's first name as my daughter's surname. Would that be wrong according to Islam?

    • Sania, your husband's first name could be your daughter's middle name. Her surname should be either your husband's last name or his father's name.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I've been divorced for 3 years and I'm getting married soon. My ex husband was very violent and abusive and we have no contact with him whatsoever. My daughter is 6 and we will be living in the same area my ex husband is living in. I really want to change my daughter's surname for her own safety but I'm not sure if that's haram

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