Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to convert to Islam, but my family won’t allow it

lonely alone depression separation divorce loss

You need Allah

I'm 17, i have been going out with a Muslim guy but i was an atheist. Ever since i met him as friends he's inspired me about Islam and now where going out and i really do want to convert to Islam because i strongly believe it is the true religion and i wish i was enlightened sooner.

However my family wont allow me to convert to Islam. They are Hindus and dont mind me being atheist but dont want me to be a Muslim. I know that I am supposed to obey my parents but if they come between me and Islam, then it is right to go to Islam even though it includes disobeying them.

I am willing to do that but my parents dont buy halal meat. My mom cools and she cooks haram meat like 5 times a week and i cant tell my parents that i want to be Muslim because they will disown me. I try to avoid haram meat as much as possible. I dont buy it when im out, but when im at home there's rarely a substitute for what my mom's cooking and I know this sounds crazy but i cant even regularly turn down what my mom cooks because they are strict and would tell me to eat it especially if i've been turning it down.

I have been turning it down and eating substitutes at hone recently but i can rarely find them available. I told my mom i want to be 'vegetarian' but she said no. I dont know what else to do. I have to eat haram meat at home or i'll starve.

I feel really guilty eating it and for the past week i haven't eaten it. I've been starving myself and eating a few bananas :/ This isnt even healthy. What should I do? Could Allah forgive me and understand that i dont have a choice if there's no other solution?

- Nadia07


Tagged as: , , , ,

18 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam sister,

    Alhamdulillah, it is wonderful that you have decided to become Muslim.

    As Muslims, we are guided to respect and love our parents, but not to follow them if they wish to enforce unIslamic rules. Reverts in particular can face difficulties with family not understanding or even actively opposing our faith, but we must trust Allah to guide us through, and value our spiritual wellbeing as more important than material matters.

    In the very early days of Islam, the Muslims underwent huge trials, as their friends, family and masters turned against them because of their faith - they suffered physical and psychological torture but kept their faith.

    Unfortunately, people in the world today frequently have a negative view of Islam, usually due to a combination of fear of the negative portrayals circulated in the media, and a lack of knowledge of the reality of Islam and Islamic teachings. It is understandable that, if your parents see Islam in a negative light, they would be worried about their child entering the faith. It may be that in time they will see through your example that their fears were not based in reality.

    With regards the meat issue, you are within your rights to choose what you eat; if you wish to eat a vegetarian diet, it is reasonable to do so. You could help your mother to prepare meals, and make a vegetarian dish for yourself - she may well appreciate the help in the kitchen, and may therefore be more amenable to making vegetarian meals if she sees you're willing to help and learn. You could research the health benefits of eating less (haraam) meat, and highlight the animal welfare issues as well - these are valid points and would support you in either eating halal meat or eating a vegetarian diet.

    Practising Islam in secret will not be practical in the longer term, so I would advise you to think about plans for the future - how to educate your family about Islam, what you plan to do with regards living arrangements and employment... You don't need to have all the answers yet, but it's worth thinking about the questions and what's important to you in solving them. Look for reputable sources of guidance, and make contact with a mosque or community centre, who can help you learn about Islam.

    Lastly, you mention that you are now going out with a Muslim boy. In Islam, premarital relationships are not permissible. Many young male and female Muslims try to overlook this, and pretend it's not applicable, but it's Islamic guidance, so all Muslims should follow it. If you and this young man wish to be in a lasting and valid relationship, in accordance with our faith, then you can get married - but be careful that you make the right choice based on what is best for you. Without knowing the details of your situation and his character, I cannot advise on this, other than to encourage you to take time to get to know and love Islam for its own sake.

    Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. Author: Appalled &
    SORRY TO REPLY TO YOUR OBJECTION-
    IT IS SIMPLE YOU DONT HAVE SENSE AND EXPERIENCE FOR THIS REASON I SAY YOU ARE TRYING TO OVER TAKE THE FORUM DECISION TO PUT UP MY ANSWERS-

    AND JUST IMAGINE A GIRL REPORTING SHE IS STARVING FROM ONE 1 WEEK DUE TO NOT EATING HER MOTHERS COOKED FOOD AND IF THE MATTER BECOMES SERIOUS IN THE PARENTS MIND THEY TAKE -1ST OF MARRIAGE TO PUT AN END TO THIS FOOLISHNESS WHICH FEEL WILL HARM THEIR REPUTATION-

    YOU ARE NOT AWARE THE WORD SLOW MEANS THAT SHE WILL BECOME DISTANCED FROM ISLAM YES IN THE NAME OF RELIGION IT IS FIRST THE SAFETY OF THE GIRL WHO TURNS TOWARDS ALLAH AND SHE IS 17 YEARS AND YOU CANT UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF HINDU PARENTS WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR OWN DAUGHTER IS INCLINED TOWARDS ISLAM-

    THEY CAN EVEN GO THE EXTENT OF HARMING HER IN SO MANY WAYS-

    FOR THAT ONLY I ASKED HER IF SHE HAS AN ALTERNATIVE SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS OR KNOWN MUSLIMS-

    IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS TO OBJECT SOMETHING WHICH FEEL WITH MY EXPERIENCE TO ENQUIRE SO THAT SHE CAN BE REST ASSURED OF SUPPORT FROM MUSLIMS THERE ARE MANY BOYS WHO WILL COME FORWARD TO MARRY A REVERT AS THEY WILL SEEK THE PLEASURE OF ALLAH FOR TAKING THE STEP TO ACCOMMODATE A PERSON WHO COMES IN TO THE FOLD OF ISLAM-

    I HAVE NOT GIVEN ANY WRONG ADVICE NEITHER ASKED FOR ANY WRONG ANSWER.
    COMING TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE-
    I firmly press you to monitor and edit posts where the reputation of this forum and safety of a querent is put at risk.
    WHAT RISK YOU ARE VERY SELFISH TO USE THIS WORD WHEN SOMEONE IS FACING STARVATION FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH-

    I DONT THINK YOUR OWN OPINION MATTERS TO ME IN ANY WAY I KNOW THE PLIGHT OF SO MANY GIRLS EVEN IN MUSLIMS FAMILIES I GET CALLS FROM INSIDE THEIR ROOM WHERE THEY ARE LOCKED -AND PARENTS ARE BEATING HER TO JOIN IN THE FUNCTION OR READING IN THE SHABAN IDD AS THEY FOLLOW FROM THEIR FOREFATHERS TIMES ....

    SEEING THE SERIOUSNESS I WANTED TO ENCOURAGE HER NOT TO BUDGE FROM THE STAND SHE HAS TAKEN AND ALSO NOT TO REVERSE BACK DUE TO PRESSURE FROM HER FAMILY.

    IF THE SITUATION REQUIRES I FEEL IT IS THE DUTY OF ALL MUSLIMS TO SEE THAT THE GIRL HAS TO BE SETTLED IF SHE NEEDS HELP FROM MUSLIMS AND FOR THAT THE MARRIAGE IS ONE OF THE STEPS [SUNNAH]

    QUESTIONS ARISE IN THE MINDS OF NEWLY REVERTS -THEY ASK THEMSELVES WHO WILL MARRY ME-

    YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE STATE OF MIND OF THESE PEOPLE SO IT IS BETTER YOU KEEP YOUR B TO TO YOUR SELF IT IS THE MATTER BETWEEN THE EDITORS OF THE FORUM AND ME IF THEY FEEL SOME THING IS ABSURD THEY ARE FREE TO ALTER THE SAME BEFORE PUBLISHING MY REPLIES.

    HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND NO REALLY YOU DONT THINK YOU HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD OF REVERTS LIVES- THIS NEEDS A LONG PERIOD OF INTERACTION TO PUT YOUR SELF IN THEIR SHOES-TO KNOW T HE FURIOUS NATURE SATAN MAKES THE PARENTS WHEN IT COMES TO REVERTING TO ISLAM-

    REGARDS

  3. Assalamualaikum

    May Allah grant you the strength to seek the true path.

    I have never been in such a challenging situation but from my personal experiences, as long as your intentions are pure you will prevail over these challenges.

    Here are few comments and some advice.

    1) In Islam the connection with Allah is the most importance, in the sense that your actions should reflect that Allah is the only worthy of worship and everything else is just creation, the rituals come second. I have seen a lot of times that new muslims get overwhelmed by rituals and forget that in our hearts we have to recognize who Allah is. (I base my above comment on the fact that many of these commandments about daily aspects of our life were revealed after the individual muslims had realized who Allah was).

    2) You might be unaware of this fact, but under necessity many Haram things become Halal. Now I am no expert and cannot give you a ruling on this, but if you are serious about Islam then you will eventually find a way. Maybe start consuming fish (sea food) which has no issue with halal or haram, maybe start preparing for yourself something extra, and put the meat on your plate but only eating the vegetables and lentils. Just don't rebel against your parents rather happily endure the difficulties. Occasionally eat outside, maybe keep some dry food in your room as well. If you slowly decrease your intake of Haram meat products it will not be too hard on you nor will it come as a shock to your family. (Your mom will Inshallah understand as her motherly instincts will overcome her hate for Islam Inshallah)

    You are in a situation which is reminiscent of early muslims, you will find a lot of courage after reading the details about the hardship of early muslims. It will give you some wisdom to handle your situation as well.

  4. Dear sister, really glad u embraced islam, dont leave it, just keep researching more, which we all muslims should do anyway to learn about what we should do and what we shouldnt do. Someone onbherebadvised u to learn hinduism, but sister u know islam is true, now u need to just built on that, learn more on how to get closer to Allaah and how to practise islam in ur situation and in the future hopefully, plz dont waste time on learning hinduism now. Here is a site, any difficulties u have u can hopefully discuss them with the advisors on islamreligion.com ... May Allaah make ur affairs easy.

    Ur an amazing muslim dear sister, may Allaah make u even more amazing. But plz dont harm urself sister, plz talk to knowledgeable people. If ur in birmingham, UK, u should visit green lane masjid which helps, educates, and offer many services (girls basketball etc even), for reverts and young people, like u. So may be visit it, if ur in birmingham.

    Hope everything goes well for u sis. Right now, u need to have a one to one chat with the advisors on islamreligion.com theyre experienced in such matters, hopefully theyll give some good advice. And get back to us when u need further advice, dont hesitate.

    And well done sister, for taking the right path - islam - at such a young age, ma sha Allaah tabarakAllaah, but like me, u got some learning to do, but plz dont harm urself, and plz end ur relationship with the boy my dear sister.

  5. When someone has realized that Islam is true, it is unwise to ask that person to look at Kufr and Shirk again. If one is convinced about her Creator, why would she not accept the fitrah and embrace what she should embrace?

    Umar Radiyallahu Anhu did not need to study Islam and Shirk thoroughly in order to accept Islam and become one of the best
    Some Aayaat of the Qur'aan were enough. Najjashi did not require to study Christianity and Islam thoroughly. He heard the Quran and was in tears. And Abu Talib is a contrary example who looked at Islam since it began and began to grow, learnt it, but he died as a Mushrik. Why?

    The answer is Allah Gives Tawfeeq to whoever He Wills and a person who reverts to Islam hates to return to Kufr, just as she hates being thrown into fire.

    Sahih Bukhari has the following hadith:

    Narrated Anas ﺭﺿﻲَ اﻟﻠﻪُ ﻋَﻨﻪُ : The Prophet said, ``Whoever possesses the following three qualities will taste the sweetness of faith: 1.The one to whom Allâh ﺟَﻞ ﺟَﻼﻟﻪ and His Messenger Muhammad become dearer than anything else. 2.Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allâh's sake. 3.Who hates to revert to disbelief (atheism) after Allâh ﺟَﻞ ﺟَﻼﻟﻪ has brought him out (saved him) from it, as he hates to be thrown in fire.''

    Instead of asking a new Muslim or a person inclined to Islam to study Kufr and Shirk, we should teach them Islam in the purest form, as understood by the companions of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Assalaam waalaaikum wa rahmatAllahi wa barakutuhu, dear sister.

    Masha Allah, it is so good to see many people of my age to convert to Islam. Alhamdullilah.

    The main problem is regarding the meat, right? But, sister, you haven't mentioned what meat your mother cooks. I can only assume it's chicken or mutton or quail/duck since most hindu families don't eat beef. I hope no one consumes p*rk in your house.

    "...and she cooks haram meat like 5 times a week...". This is pretty much insane from my POV. I opinionate that meat should be consumed at most 5 times a MONTH.

    Tell your mother that you're sick of meat these days. Like brother Mulla Naseeruddin said, ask for fish. It is nutritional and good for your brain.

    If your mother still insists on buying other meat, elaborate on halal meat. Tell her that many articles support (some are against) halal meat. It is "germ free" and no taste of blood is found in this meat and is a healthier alternative. For the time being, do not let out its main concept, i.e. the meat being slaughtered in the name of Allah, because I can conclude that your parents could actually avoid buying it if they know this fact.
    That's all I can say about meat.

    But sister, do you pray to Allah? Have you started building your 5 pillars of Islam? I'll share you this guide given to me by a kind editor of this wonderful site. It teaches the way our beloved Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasalaam) prayed:

    http://ebookbrowse.com/en-my-prayer-booklet-inner-pages-pdf-d233735884

    What are you going to do in Ramzaan this year? I'll pray to Allah to give you strength to endure the tests set by your parents.

    And you're in school I suppose? You have to grit your teeth for one whole year until you get to college to continue following your deen properly without any fear.

    Sorry for being a bit meddlesome and I hope I've helped you very much. May Allah bring out the fruits of your struggle soon. Insha Allah.

    Hydden.

  7. Hi Appalled and condemn this.
    why do u want this girl to reconsider her idea of converting to islam when she has clearly stated that she truly believes in it?

    Perhaps you dont know but a lot of wise hindus simply dont find any logic in their ridiculous mythogy nor find the exhaustive hindu rituals of any benefit. The first step any revert or convert takes before accepting islam is rejecting his old false religion.

    I suggest u to watch some revert interviews and stories and u will c a large number of them who first became atheist and then Allah guided them further to the ultimate truth.

    I cannot comprehend y any muslim should ask a convert to study the false and rejected religion thoroughly before accepting islam unless he is hurt by the latter's decision for some reason and wants him to reconsider it 🙂

  8. Salaam alaykum sis!

    I feel you, I know it is hard. You are in a tough situation, but thrust Allah swt, because Allah doesn't give us anything we can't bear. As I understand, you want to convert but you haven't cause of your parents. I would advice you to do it, but don't tell your parents yet, until you feel it is safe. I am also a convert, I said my shahadah 7 months ago, alhamdulillah, but I haven't told my family yet because I know they're not prepared to know that yet.

    Some posts say that you should study Islam more so you are sure about your decision. I understand what they are trying yo say, but if in your heart you believe that Islam is the truth, you could say your shahadah and keep on studying Islam. I said the shahadah about 3 weeks later after starting to study Islam, but I was so sure about Islam from day 1, I knew it in my heart. I was Catholic before, but Islam made so much better sense to me. Everyday I learn something new concerning Islam. You will have your ups and downs, and many times because of your family it won't be easy, but know that Allah swt loves you so much that wanted to remove the veil from your eyes.

    I also had a Muslim boyfriend, and to be honest, he introduced me to Islam. He was so happy when I said my shahadah, but I wouldn't have changed religion just to make him happy. I reverted to Islam wholeheartedly, to get closer to Allah and strive for Jannah. He is your boyfriend, so he probably has a lot of influence in you, but I really hope you are doing this for your sake and not his. People come and go, but Allah swt will never leave you. My boyfriend and I broke up one month after my shahadah, it hurt me so much, but maybe he was Allah's source to get me close to Islam, but well, Allah knows best. Everything is a lesson, and after the break-up, and with the pain that came with it, I got to understand why relationships like this are haram in Islam. You're only 17, but you have to think on what you're doing, reflect about it, and no matter what happens between you and him, please stay in Allah's way.

    Islam is a beautiful religion. It is actually easy to follow, because it leads you to be the best person you could ever be, and if something is not, it will become easy eventually, inshaAllah.

    About the food, I don't really know what to say. Lucky for me, my mom doesn't cook pork a lot, just in very rarely occasions, and what she does, I say I don't feel good or something like that. If you can't avoid haram food, inshaAllah Allah swt will forgive you, because Allah knows your struggles.

    Stay with your parents, and try very hard to have patience. My family is very anti-Islamic and almost everyday I'm hurt about what they say about Islam, but little by little I try to tell them how Islam is peace, and I try to get rid of their misconceptions. It is very very difficult for me. Even that I had a Muslim bf, I live in a non-Muslim place, I hadn't found one in my city or cities closed by. I hope you have Muslims sisters and brothers around you, or just someone from your extended family that could help you if things get bad, because I have no one, but even if I did have someone to go to, I would try my best to stay with my family and leave that as the last resource. I am 23 years old, and my family's reaction is scary for me, so it must be so scary for you, at 17.

    Make dua a lot, Allah always listens. Don't get impatient, because if something doesn't happen right away, it doesn't mean that you weren't heard of, maybe it isn't meant to happen right then or inshaAllah Allah has a better plan for you than the one you had for yourself. Allah is the most merciful and the best ever, I just love Allah so much <3 I am so grateful Allah has taken me to Islam. I hope one day you'll be so grateful too.

    http://www.islamic-message.net/cims/books.aspx I downloaded some books from there, inshaAllah you'll find them useful.

    Jazak Allah Khayr

    Your Islam sister 🙂

  9. Allah says
    “And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
    {Quran 51:56}

    Have you declared the shahadah ?

    If anyone has a real desire to be a muslim and has full conviction and strong belief that Islam is the true religion ordained by Allah for all human-being, then, one should pronounce the “shahada”, the testimony of faith, without further delay. The Holy Qur’an is explicit on this regard as Allah states :

    “The Religion in the sight of Allah is Islam” (Qur’an 3:19)

    in another verse of the Holy Qur’an, Allah states :

    “If anyone desires a religion other than Islam (Submission to Allah), Never will it be accepted of him; and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (their selves in the hell fire).” (Qur’an 3:85)

    In addition, Islam is the only religion prevailing over all other religions. Allah states in the Holy Qur’an :

    “To thee We sent the Scripture in the truth, confirming the scripture that came before it, and guarding it in safety :…. (Qur’an 5:48)

    Mohammad, the Prophet of Allah (Peace and blessing of Allah be upon him), said :

    “The superstructure of Islam is raised on five (pillars) : testifying that there is no God (none truly to be worshipped) but Allah, and that Mohammad is the messenger of Allah, performing the prayer, paying the Zakah (poor-due), fasting the month of Ramadan, and performing Hajj.”

    if you haven't declared the shahada then do it right now..

    The Shahada can be declared as follows:

    “ASH-HADU ANLA ELAHA ILLA-Allaah Wa Ash-hadu anna Mohammadan abduhu wa rasuluh”.

    The English translation is:

    “I bear witness that there is no deity (none truly to be worshipped) but, Allaah, and I bear witness that Mohammad is the servant and chosen messenger of Allah”

    By saying the shahadah you will enter into islam.

  10. Its all about you that how much you are saying the truth to be responsible for your these words and how will you take a final step to Islam. 1st of all you should visit (unauthentic link deleted by the Editor) and contact with them for complete help. There islamic coverage is world wide specially in Pakistan and India. Many non muslim singers, actors and others accept Islam through them. 2nd You should not destroy your time in forums even you will dishurt and will change your mind. So just contact with Islamic Aalims for real help, that is not impossible online. May Allah help you.

  11. @ZOHAIB - a link to a book for you. Do read.. -> kalamullah . com/Books/kitab_ut_tawheed.pdf

    @Nadia07 - go to this link to learn more about Islam inshaAllah. -> Invitation2Islaam . wordpress . com

    note: please remove the space before and after the . in the above links and search.
    _________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  12. Hi there,

    I don't know if you've managed to sort out things by now since this is kind of an old post but I recently came across it. Your story touched me and although I'm a born Muslim, I understand what you must be going through. Shortly after reading your post, I was reading the Quran and came across this verse:

    "We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to Me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did." (Surah Ankaboot: verse 8).

    It instantly reminded me of you so I decided to share it with you 🙂

    May God grant you relief in your struggle.

  13. Hello.., (I'm a girl)
    Your problem really do resembles mine. I may be young. Not in my teens yet, gonna be a middle school grader soon. I've Ben best friends with a muslim girl from aghganistan in 3rd grade. Just one day since she transferred to my school, we've been talking to each other like a lot! Besides we are neighbors.. Then she started to explain Islam things/rights to me.. Which made me inspired to accept it and believe it. Which was surprising at first though.. My parents believed in Christian which made me sad and heartbreaking. I didn't want them to end up in Hell.. So was my sisters. I told them Islam rights which they never knew. But they didn't accepted it. So one time I cried a lot which gave me a headache or couldn't sleep at all. I tried to stop wearing shorts and avoid pork products, to be somehow prepared to be muslim if I really can. But it failed. Every time I feel guilty, so I just left out pork meat. And if I can I avoid mostly shorts. I also wanted to tell them I want to be muslim when I grow up but didn't had the confidence to say it. So I just asked a simple question," Mom, What if I will become muslim? What will you do?" She quickly snapped," You will never be one!" I started to feel sad again. When she started to say things like they aren't true and stuff. I really wanted to shout at her and punch her face for once but she was my mom. Every time when I see/hear the word Islam, religion. I was always scared that Hell will be near.

    I really hope we can believe what we want some day. That is my only wish. (Allah)

  14. Seriously? My mom's the same! She's a non-practicing Catholic, and the MOMENT I even brought up dressing modestly, she kept telling me that it's bad, that she doesn't want me to be Muslim, all that. And she calls herself tolerant, talks badly about Donald Trump, claims to be a feminist, and then her real self comes out.

  15. Am a new secret convert and i decided to tell my parents about it dad got furious and decided not to pay my fees and college expenses since i am in college i was shown the light of islam by my friend qho latter became my boyfriend i know its haram may Allah forgive me but i didn't convert coz of him but the was the one who guided ne through Allah i need your help please i dont know what to do

    • Hanna: i was shown the light of Islam by my friend who latter became my boyfriend i know its haram may Allah forgive me but i didn't convert coz of him.

      Your so called b/f most likely will leave you after he had enough sexual enjoyment with you.

  16. I want to convert to islam but my parents also not allow this.i want to do for my own wish how its possible..

    • As-salamu alaykum sister. Of course you can convert to Islam and you do not need your parents' permission. Please see the comments already left on this post, especially the one by midnightmoon. If you mean literally how to convert to Islam, see this page that explains the process of becoming Muslim:

      How to Convert to Islam

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

Leave a Response