Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am lost, if sins are forgiven I want to die, I want peace.

Holy Book, Word of Allah, Message from Allah

Quran 2:2 "This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah"


For last few years living in the west. I could never get things on time, lost trust, can never develop belief as I studied, I was fine till the age of 28, but after coming to west someone involve in Zina, ask me to help him to stop zina, but instead of stoping him I´ m now doing it for last 4 years, already I had lost hope, been through to severe depression, seen failures, very sensitive, scare of dying not Allah.

I ´m very simple, shy, people take advantage of my simpilicity. I don´t know my purpose of living. Worship I don´t know. God don´t help me the I begged, prayed. Had lost love, no proper job. Still better in many thinks but still not. Felt guilty, still inside somewhere, but failed to stop doing zina. tried for marriage, everyday prayed to God to help me but none. I don´t know I´l l be able to stop after marriage now.

Talk no more, discussion no, I help others who are near to suicide few times,I´ m very good in encouraging, strange thing, I ´ve seen that those who were close to me we worked to achieve something, he always got and I couldn´t, same struggle, efforts sometimes I had more efforts but still other one was successful not me. I complain yes I do.

People come to me describe their problems and something happens that their problems get solved immediately but not mines I don´t know, I´ve been observing this for last few years. I don´t know why? I ´m sinful man still,  if they give me respect on face to me or they do it from inside of their hearts they get their problems solved, I pray for them,  then y my prayers that I do for myself to stop doing adultery, or other things don´t happen. I got no answer for these questions. masla taqdeer is problem for me.

I´ m struck now can´t come out and there is no one who can bring me out. I c signals in daily life and think they are from God, I don´t know how to make right decision, I don´t know how to choose from two things the right one, I ask God tell me he don´t and many times I choose wrong.

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7 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum,

    Your problem is not so big. The solution is easy.

    All you need is a will and above your will, the will of Allah.

    Allah says in Surah al Layl:

    5. As for him who giveth (his wealth/ loved things for Allah) and is dutiful (toward Allah)
    6. And believeth in goodness;
    7. Surely We will ease his way unto the state of ease.
    8. But as for him who hoardeth (his wealth and achievements) and deemeth himself independent,
    9. And disbelieveth in goodness;
    10. Surely We will ease his way unto adversity.
    11. His riches will not save him when he perisheth.
    12. Lo! Ours it is (to give) the guidance
    13. And lo! unto Us belong the latter portion and the former.

    What beautiful teaching Allah gives us. Whosoever wants to be good, Allah will make it easy for him to do goodness and whosoever wants to be bad, Allah will make it very difficult for him to do good.

    An example, any normal person: If he sees a thing, and intends to steal it, Allah will make it easy for him to steal and become a thief. But if he sees a thing and intends to restore it to its rightful onwer, Allah will make it easy for him to be a honest man of high morals instead of becoming a thief.

    So "will" to change is most important. If you have slightest of will, Allah will make it grow, if you seek His help.

    Beseeching Allah for help is fard on every Muslim. So read Qur'an, follow what Allah commands and be not friends with people who take religion as a past time and whom the life of the world has beguiled from the remembrance of the Hereafter.

    No need to worry for your problems. Ask Allah to forgive, wake up at nights for Tahajjud. Read Qur'an, seek knowledge of Islam. Do not read with the intention just getting sawaab, but read it with the intention of acting upon it.

    Life is short, so seek forgiveness and cleanse your sins before death comes.

    Allah says in Surah Al Insaan about what to do to get in to Allah's mercy and He speaks about the disbelievers, how they love this fleeting life and forget that a Heavy Day of Judgment.

    23. Lo! We, even We, have revealed unto thee the Qur’an, a revelation;
    24. So submit patiently to thy Lord's command, and obey not of them any guilty one or disbeliever.
    25. Remember the name of thy Lord at morn and evening.
    26. And worship Him (a portion) of the night. And glorify Him through the livelong night.
    27. Lo! these love fleeting life, and put behind them (the remembrance of) a grievous day.
    28. We, even We, created them, and strengthened thee frame. And when We will, We can replace them, bringing others
    like them in their stead.
    29. Lo! this is an Admonishment, that whosoever will may choose a way unto his Lord.
    30. Yet ye will not, unless Allah willeth. Lo! Allah is Knower, Wise.
    31. He maketh whom He will to enter His mercy, and for evil doers hath prepared a painful doom.

    Make Qur'an your love, make it your life. Insha Allah you will be among the most prosperous in this Dunya and in Aakhirah.

    We make du'a for you.

    • As salamu alaykum, brotherMunib,

      Thank you very much, from all my Heart,

      María Editor

      • Salaam Sister,

        It is my duty as a Muslim. I seek no thanks for this.

        It is important for every Muslim to take up the Qur'an first than other books of scholars. This is my personal view.

        The Qur'an has the right to be read first and above any other material for whosoever seeks a way of approach to Allah.

        May Allah accept our efforts.

  2. As salamu alaykum, brother Nomad,

    Thank you very much for sharing and opening your Heart. I do know exactly what you have gone through and what you are going through and I acknowledge the deep suffering you have.
    My beloved Brother, I would like you to begin from cero from now on, like a baby just born, I am being very serious about it, but I will see you crawling, your first steps, your first run, your first words, your big smile, your shining eyes full of loving compassion, your first fights, your Heart crying because they didn´t understand your depth, your shining Heart claiming for Allah´s voice and guidance, my beloved brother, your struggles to be accepted as who you are, being different and sometimes feeling used, losing hope and trust in a world that don´t know how to deal with the subtle energies you are able to handle, with the inner strength and Light you were blessed with.

    Time to learn how to get far from evil and closer to Allah(swt), He(swt) listens to you, watches you, knows everything about you, but you have been surrounded by evil, to the point that you doubt, time to change that, don´t doubt, thank Allah(swt) because everyone that has got close to you, has seen His Light, thank Him(swt) from all your Heart, and learn the lesson, you haven´t been punished, your big Heart has suffered so much for everyone, you have been helping many through all your life, Allah(swt) has seen it all, and now you are ready, ready to acknowledge His Power, ready to submit to Him(swt) , you were a vehicle that helped others to get closer to Him(swt), your time to be tested came to you, I´ve read these:

    High status can only be attained through suffering, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him said, when he was asked which people suffer the most. He said, “The Prophets, then righteous people, then the next best and the next best. A man will suffer according to his level of faith. If his faith is solid, he will suffer more, but if his faith is shaky, he will suffer less. The believer will keep on suffering until he walks on the earth with no sin.” (reported by al-Tirmidhi and others).

    In Quran Allah says:

    "Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe," without being put to the test?" [29:2]

    Dear brother, this will help you insha´Allah.

    Also read this small book: 33 ways of developing khushu in salah.

    You can also read this beautiful salah series by Jinan Bastaki.

    To keep yourself protected and mantain you far from evil, would be good if you read about the Prophet´s Life, you recite the Names and Attributes of Allah(swt), read the Quran slowly, consciously, you can do what the Prophet(swt) did every night to recite surats 112,113,114, three times and surat Al-Fatihah, and if you want ayat Al-Kursi, I do believe when you begin to work on yourself to strengthen your bond to Allah(swt) you will see His Guidance as a shining Light in front of you, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah. Get ready my beloved Brother, these struggles are necessary to polish all the hardness that still surrounds our Hearts, you have been Light for many, Alhamdulillah, you are getting ready for the next step, don´t give up, please, we need you.

    Allah(swt) is the One to take you out from where you are and bring you back to the Light, Insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah. You are blessed with many, many blessings, give yourself the time you need to recover yourself and do always everything, in the Name of Allah(Bismillah), always thank Him(Alhamdulillah), always submit to His Last Word related to everythig(insha´Allah) always acknowledge His Power (Allahu Akhbar), due to Him is everything(Masha´Allah), He(swt) is the One(La illaha illa Allah), Praise Him(swt) with all your Heart, you will see your Heart shining again, my beloved brother, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.

    To know about your Presence in this world has maden a before and and after in my Life, be sure, you are making a difference in my Life, Alhamdulillah.

    If you want me to tell you anything else, please don´t doubt to let us know.

    May Allah(swt) bless you for being who you are and guide your steps to the Straight Path. Ameen.

    You can do it, Brother Nomad, you can do it, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

    • Brother, remember you have a link on top of the page that will guide you through repentance, Tawbah.

      • This will help you too, insha´Allah.

        Sister Sara, shared with us the following in other post, deserves to be written again.

        "The whispering of the devil if the starting point of all evil deeds. It begins as a whisper and turns into an evil thought. Then the devil pictures the thought in your mind and turns it into a desire, which later becomes a will. He then makes you forget all the consequences and bellittles the outcome of the sin, until you see nothing but the fulfillment of your lust. It is in the stage that the devil dispatches his soldiers to urge you to achieve your desire whenever you show any negligence" (Ibn Qayyim - Tafsir Surah Nas)

        "Do you recognise this process? When you feel desire you may be at the thought stage or the later stage but remind yourself that shaytaan is whispering to you and remember that Allah is watching you."

        We know the process and, second by second, we have to stablish the boundaries not to let the evil get close to us, insha´Allah. Repenting sincerely, giving up the sin for the sake of Allah(swt) and not going back to it, with Allah(swt)´s help, insha´Allah.

        This dua is specially touching: "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah
        (There is no Might or Power except with Allah)

        Please forgive me not tell everything in one step.

        María Editor

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