Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel so lonely at times and want to find a wife

dream fantasy

Sometimes you are alone and want to share your feelings, thoughts with some one..but there is no one ... Then some times Internet is your best companion and may be you find some solution or some one very special.

My name is M.S. I am just 24 years old. I am from Karachi. I did my Masters in Computer Science. I am in my field from last 6 years. I achieved each every thing that I imagined by grace of Almighty Allah.

Now I am in Abu Dhabi and working as a web developer. Life partner is one only according to me and created by Allah. I imagined for my life partner when I was in 8th class. I thought my partner will be a Hafiz e Quran and a doctor or medical student. I don’t have any objection if she will continue her medical education.

I will fully support her in every way. I don’t have any face of her just charactertics of her and I am in love with her for a long long time. Now my parents are looking for a girl for me but they unable to find a girl with such charactertics.

I will marry in the upcoming year. Perhaps I will never find a girl with such charactertics. Her country does not matter, her color doesnot matter, her language does not matter. But I am unable to find.  But I searching still with a positive hope.
I cant marry with any other, perhaps I will never satisfy with someone else.

I am feeling so lonely tonight. Just sharing my problem on this forum. May be any one from you can help me. I don’t want any delay in my marriage because I don’t want to do sin and it is very difficult for me to live without her. As every day is passing, I am unable to control myself and concentrate on my work. If I find her my family will accept her I believe and I will marry with her with in a month.

- ssaadshah


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , ,

16 Responses »

  1. Salaam Waleikum Waragmatoelah Hibrakatoe,

    Brother Ill ask you simply, why do you have such high standards?

    You say you will be satisfied with whatever Allah has ready for you, but yet you still have already made your own planning on how you want ''HER'' too be ?

    You can never want a person too be like this or that, every person is a unique human being created by the great ever mercifull-Lord Allah Soebhaan Wataa'Aalah and if you truly love your lord you accept everything/anything/anyone just the way they are.

    Are you telling me that if a beautiful lady comes along who has a pure a beautiful heart, she will be rejected because she is no doctor, or whatever high-class learned ?

    What I suggjest for you the only thing too look for in a wife is simple:

    1: Look for a wife which will help you reach closer to Allah.
    2: Look for a wife which loves Allah more then you.
    3: Look for a wife who ignores you if you dont go to the mosque or read quran
    4: Look for a wife who is honest and has a good and nice heart, towards others.
    5: Look for a wife who does as she says and this you can see in her deeds.
    6: Look for a wife which will wake you Fadjr and is suitable of raising your children
    7: Look for a wife who is truthfull to Allah and too herself, before being truthfull to You.
    8: Look for a wife Which you yourself find attractive/or a important factor which impels you too stay with her.
    9: Look for a wife who knows no words others then those of the Quran
    10: Look for a wife who accepts you for who you are, no matter your past. (same goes for you).

    Brother I cannot give you possibly anymore clues then this ?

    Dont put your standards too high or else you might miss the one, that would be the best for you.

    Leave the Matters into Allah his hands and just trust on your Lord, do you really think he is sleeping ?

    He knows, he Is watching, he is listening, he is waiting.

    Those who show Sabir will be rewarded greatly. Brother go also look yourself, If I understand correctly you are not living with your parents anymore ?

    If not, make a question list, which you find important. (before you go into marriage try to get to know the person through critical questions for example: do you pray, how many times, what are your reasons for wearing the hijab (for show or Allah?) This can make a lot of difference brother, because most of the time you can marry a very fake person.

    Thats why do not be shy, there are very good islamic Halal sites which provide connection, NEVER MEET WITH A GIRL ALONE ALWAYS LET HER BRING HER MAHRAM (meaning her father/brother/ someone blood related which can watch over her).

    Ask certain questions to find out, how she is, too see if she really fits for you.

    Marriage is no joke and you have too take it seriously, Its a once in a life time happening brother...

    I hope this is enough for now, If you need too know more, let me know.

    Raja

    • May Allah reward you for this very helpful response! MashaAllah.

      • No problem My dear sister, I am glad I could contribute to someones happiness.

        If You need any help or advice, or whatever I am prepared too tick away anything you want!

        InshAllah may you all be blessed!

  2. Salaams,

    May Allah forgive me for any indiscretion. Brother, forgive me if my earnest feedback hurts your heart, I only intend to help your yearning by indicating that there may be a bigger picture going on than the one you see in this ideal future wife you are waiting for.

    As I was reading your post, I was immediately struck by the feeling that you have achieved so much, and are looking for a wife as the last accomplishment for your successful life. This life is dunya, it has a beginning and end. All of our acheivements or success in a career or obtaining material things, amounts to little in akhira. Finding an your ideal wife will not crown your success. Failing to find the wife you desire does not render you as someone with no value.

    I understand that we all have ideas and daydreams of what type of spouse we would like to have. There's nothing wrong with that. However, sometimes we can become so attached to our "perfect vision" that we forget that no one could possibly live up to the image we have in our minds. If you did meet a doctor who was everything you wanted and she married you, do you think that she would never let you down or dissappoint you as you share life together? Do you think that she will remain exactly the same person as she was when you met her, never growing or changing or maturing into different understandings? If you believe these things, then the reality will be a harsh awakening.

    Sometimes we love what is bad for us, and hate what is good for us. Brother, it is clear that you are already in love with the idea of who you want to marry. You are clearly too strongly attached to this fantasy if you can say, "I cant marry with any other, perhaps I will never satisfy with someone else". The truth is, brother, Allah should be your only satisfaction. Not a wife, not a companion. I assure you, creation will let you down. Allah will never let you down.

    It's your choice at this point, whether you want to continue to hang on to this illusion and remain lonely, or let it go and open yourself up to something greater which Allah may have in store for you. None of us know what's best for us, even though we all think we do! If you take the chance on saying goodbye to your "dream love", you may find yourself saying hello to a "true" love and your loneliness will be eased.

    • InshAllah

      • Mashallah, great comment from Sister Amy.

        Whether we admit or not, fantasizing is a problem among the Muslims. Being a single male, I think it is OK if I sometimes yearn for physical intimacy with opposite gender, because that tells me that I am a healthy human being. But such yearning for intimacy surely becomes a problem if we become obsessive about it, and then resort to fantasizing most of the time. Because Shaitan then use it as one of his tools, and it obstructs us from building our relationship with Allah (SWT).

        I hope I do not offend the brother who posted the question above, and to be honest, not so long ago, I was also in the same boat. Then I read the following comment in Muslimmatters and it woke me up:

        My concern is this: Muslims have focused SO MUCH on SEX and getting married, and got so frustrated over it that it has hindered their relationship with Allah SWT. In other words, Islam is like a means for this person to get sexual active and that’s just about it. Sounds weird but I think others will know what I’m talking about.

        So yeah, Mulsims brothers and sisters out there (who are single, and I also include myself): make building your relationship with Allah the first priority. Increase your worship and remembrance of Allah. Transform your salahs into events, try to ecpereince salah, memorize quran, fast nawfil fasts, read more quran, give charity, do hajj..the list goes on. If our relationship with Allah is good, everything will turn out good, through the mercy of Allah. If our relationship is not sound with Allah, things may not turn out as we wish, because not matter how we try or make plan, Allah is the best planner.

    • InshaAllah. JazakAllah for this nice reply! I think I am suffering from this 'illusion as well' so your posts were a useful wake up call! May Allah help all those who are searching for a spouse and bring us closer to Allah swt. Ameen.

  3. Assalam O Alaikum sister Amy:)-

    Very nice advice Masha Allah. Couldn't be explained better then that. I would like to add that, marry a women who follows the religion in the true spirit. Believe me, she will always keep you happy. Prophet (PBUH) once said;
    "A Muslim man can acquire no benefit after Islam greater than a Muslim wife who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and protects him when he is away from her in herself and in his property."

    In short look for a sister who is Practising and also the one you find attractive too, but most importantly go for religion, character, personality etc.

    May Allah help us all.
    JZK MKS1982:)-

  4. @Wael/or any other islamic answers.com editor

    Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe dear brother,

    I was just wondering when will myn 2 posts be submitted ? 1 of them is important and falls under fiance, just like this one.

    I just really need help and advice, Allah knows best.

    I hope you can reply, thank you very much.

    • Raja,

      I don't know when you submitted your post, but at the moment there is backlog of approximately 1 to 1.5 months.

      Until your post is published, you may be able to find a similar question/answer on this website.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • thank you very much, btw is there anyway I can work at IslamicAnswers.com ? or in any way HELP ? please...

        • Raja,

          By giving advice on the website, you are already working on IslamicAnswers.com :O)

          SisterZ

          • Really 😀 ????

            Yeaahhh, Awsomee... I hope I can improve further, learn more, help more and 1 day have this awsome autograph called IslamicAnswers.com Editor. hahah

            Thank you very much sister!!!

  5. I just read your comments because of tough routine .. some times we forget so many things.
    I also forgotten I posted any thing like this
    Now I am smiling on my post ...Unbelieve able that me write all these thing.
    I am very confident whatever it is right or wrong
    I know how to make my decisions right that's why I love to lead the people.
    Well no worries.. no tension now.. I am happy
    thanks to all of you who try to help me... I will try to change my mind. Hope soon I will find my sooper dooper partner.
    Rock
    Saadi

  6. I just read Amy View... U r right Amy

  7. Bismillah Al rahman al raheem.

    Dear Brother in Islam,

    You are not alone, millions of Muslims (Brothers/Sisters) are in the same position as you right now, I am one of them. I have just graduated with an MSc degree and almost 30 years old, Al hamdullah.I have had very lonely nights thinking about the issue of marriage. And have wanted to get married for years now.

    Right now as we speak there are millions of young Muslims prostrating (making sujj-ud) and praying to Allah to help them in these hard times to find the best person for marriage.....Be one of these people taking long time in your Prostration, Beg Allah for his mercy and for guiding you to a successful marriage.

    I now almost have a job...Inshallah. And looking now for a wife, including help from family and friends, these are the closest people to me and know what I want....I have this feeling in my heart that things are going faster and my marriage inshallah is getting closer, this feelings is because these last few months I am closer to Allah than ever before in my whole life.

    First of all......this medical student expectation thing is not realistic, what if she is a beautiful Muslima with a Law degree or Math teacher....or whatever, will you not accept her?? Do not make it complicated for yourself make it more easy.....Remember the best wife is someone who loves Allah and will love you and make you the happiest person in the world.

    Second......Now is the time to get as close as you can to Allah subhana wa tala!!!!!!!!!!
    Pray with all your heart and make Dua....the closer you will be with Allah in these coming weeks/months...the faster he will answer your Prayers (he is closer to you than your own veins). Literally ask Allah to speed up the process, you can be as detailed as you want. When ever you feel depressed, lonely and can not concentrate.......make more prayers, more Dua, read more Quran....I can not explain to you what happens, but it is incredible....some kind of cool breeze will be blown to your heart and you will feel more comfortable.....If you have to spend most of your time getting closer to Allah. He will even make you work better with more concentration, while you are at the same time looking for a wife.

    Inshallah Brother, and I am praying for you, that you will get married before the end of this year!!!
    and inshallah me too 🙂

Leave a Response