Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Want to marry a Muslim man but I’m scared

unhappy woman, upset woman, with laptop

I'm concerned by everything I read about Muslim men.

Hello there, here is my story .

Basically i met that guy a 2 months ago . He is 22 year old just a year younger then me he is Algerian obviously Muslim i am Christian  . I met him in the pub where im going . I have seen him few time he also had his eyes on me but he never come to speak to me . Until the night i went to him and i asked him for his number he gave it to me. Not long after that i found out that his English is so poor and thats why he did come to speak to me. I said to him thats not a problem for me  and im gonna help him with everything .

He start text me calling me asking me to go out but i was skeptic about all this cuz i had enough of guys which are just taking a p*** of girl . And i said to him that im not gonna go out with him cuz i think he isn't ready for me . But since that time something change , he changed his behavior , he became more serious about me. One night i went out with him and somehow he fell in love with me .

He start talking about marriage straight after our second date . This is all one girl can dream about , but it was too soon for me . I was in love with him as well but i was suspicious. How come this guy fell in love with me just after couple of dates ? He wanted me to go and meet his parents .

At first i thought he wants to merry me for visa. But then he said to me he wants to merry me by the Islamic law. Which mean he wants to merry me only Islamicly . I agree with that . I met his parents all of them are so friendly with me. All of them loves me . Everything is just perfect . I love him . I love the way he treat me i love everything about him.

But the thing is that i cant get read of all the bad stories for Muslim guys  getting married for European girl after that they take them back to their countries and  keep them there as a prisoners and beat them. We all know how the media represent to us the Muslim culture. So i cant get read of all this . And im scared to trust him because of that . Cuz basically everything just happened so quickly in the time of  3 week. He wants to marry me just because he wants to live with me. So he said that if we want to live together we are supposed to get Islamicly married.

Is it this marriage that much important for the Muslim people if they want to live with someone ? Do they really need to get married if they want to live with someone ? And if one day he wants me to go to his country how can i protect myself of being treat as  a slave and kept there as a prisoner ? And is there any chance i can found out about his intentions for me in the future?

Sorry for my English.


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4 Responses »

  1. Miss Catholic

    Sorry to say, you have blamed his command over English that he has been very poor in it. You being an European and morover a Christian your command over English is more pathetic than even an algerian brother. Lol. Dont take it personally just conveying something to you in a joking way 😛

    Coming to the point sorry once again for being blunt. Since you are asking if the marriage is important and all well in your religion it must not be so does it means in other religion also it should be the same ? For a moment think about it from HUMANITY point of prospective. Are we animals ? Today with one tomorow with someone else ? Astaghafirullah.

    He wants to Live with you after marrying you. His intentions are clear. If you are SKEPTICAL about it then move on by forgetting this brother. If its too quick for you take your time and ask the same time period from him to think over it keeping in mind your own CHARACTER, FAMILY BACKGROUND and everything, by forgetting for a moment that you are EUROPEAN 😛

    All the Best

  2. I dont want to be mean and im not making the decision for you in the end its up to you and ultimately its Gods decision as all our happiness lies in His hands and His alone. First of all, he met you in a pub, im not implying something but because he Is a Muslim man that you met in a Pub, that is already suspicious, secondly, 3 weeks? It just sounds a bit too weird i dont know if thats the right word, thirdly, you met his family and they all love you and done... seal the deal and get married? Something doesnt doesnt sound right. Yes i know relationships work when they just come and propose and get married but this doesnt sound right from the word go... do some research on him first. Who was he with at the pub, who he knows something abd be 100% sure.

  3. Everyone else who replied you, just tried to help you but did not reply your questions. But I will

    Q: Is it this marriage that much important for the Muslim people if they want to live with someone ?
    A: Not only Islam, all the major religions in the world suggest marriage. You ask your priest, and you will know it. In Christianity it is also important to get married before live with someone. You see a lot of people live without marriage because none of them follow their religion still they claim themselves followers. The difference Islam made is, a Muslim can not claim himself a follower without really following it.

    Q: Do they really need to get married if they want to live with someone ?
    A: Same like above

    Q: If one day he wants me to go to his country how can i protect myself of being treat as a slave and kept there as a prisoner ?
    A; Your idea about Muslim people keep their wife as slave and prisoner is completely wrong. To western girls their behavior may seem to be a kind of dictator. When the girls protest that, it may lead to verbal and often physical abuse. But making a girl as a slave or prisoner is a habit of criminals, and it has nothing to do with Muslims. When you are in another country, you can keep on touch with your country embassy/high commission to have more protection.

    Q: Is there any chance i can found out about his intentions for me in the future?
    A: Nobody can read other people mind. But your whole story says that you should take more time, understand each other before taking any step. Normally people decide to marry after years of relationship. Anything that goes too fast may have some problem in it.

  4. Hello Sister, Hope you will find mine is worst than yours (English).

    I would only interested to speak islamic point of view. Sister, Islam prohibited to a man to have any relationship with a strange women other than his wife (By relation, it means to look, to touch, to smile, to speak etc). Since it is Haram to do any such prohibited things with a women, Islam suggests, if you are interested in a strange women or fall in love with her, immediately go and propose her and marry her so that you can avoid the prohibition or Haram for which one will have punishments in world hereafter. Hence, thats what an ideal man should do once he feel interested in a women. But meanwhile, an ideal muslim man will never be available in pubs. Islam also prohibited alcohols and such places where one can find strange women.

    I suggest you that, if you love him back, go for marriage. Dont be judgemental on every muslim based on what media speaks about. Islamic law says that a women in marriage not to do any of man's work and man should pay her even if she wants to charge for her breast milk which given to their child. Islam condemns such acts of prisonerism etc. Prophet (s.a) the messenger said "Best among you is the one who behaves good with his wife". It is the mentality of people and not islam which created such bad situations post marriage.

    Most importantly, before answer your questions, you should become muslim by will without any force. If you becomes a muslim with only one purpose of marrying him, its not valid and you cannot be a muslim in virtue. Hence, study Quran and Hadees, understand islam and then embrace islam post which you can do whatever a muslim women is allowed to do. But ITS HARAM AND PROHIBTED TO HAVE ANY SORT OF PRE-MARRIAGE RELATION.

    And to your questions..

    It is not mere important to marry but comulosry to marry if they want to live with someone and fornication (may Allah protect us from such sins) is the greatest sin and will have to face severe punishments for that.

    I think its your mentality which makes you to scare. Im not saying not be protective but marriage is all about faith with each other. You should submit yourself to him. If you feel really uncertain about the guy, dont go for it sister. But one thing sister, if he is a man of piety who performs daily 5 times of prayers in time and obeys Allah, take my authenticity that you cannot feel better security with anyone else than him.

    So study Islam, understand whether he is a practising muslim or not. If he is a practising muslim, just blindly go for it. If he is really concerned about 5 times daily prayers, does not take alchohols, does not gamble then he is a practising muslim but most importantly 5 times of daily prayer, that too in time.

    These are the daily prayers
    1. At early morning (approx. between 5AM to 6AM)
    2. At noon (approx. between 1PM to 4PM)
    3. At evening (approx between 5PM to 6PM)
    4. At evening (approx between 6PM to 7PM)
    5. At night (approx between 8PM to 5AM)

    Please post back on any further query or clarification.

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