I want to marry my boyfriend but parents want me to wait
aslaam alaikum,
I am a women age 20, and I have been in a relationship for four years now, we are both sunni muslims, both at the same univeristy doing the same course, we see each other everyday, we pray as much as we can, we fast all ramadan, my parents know about him and so does his mother (his father knows but parents are divorced) about me, but they all saying to wait after univeristy although i have another 2 years of degree left then an extra year for pgce primary course.
We cant wait that long and we have so many arguments about this. i respect my parents decision but our desires for each other make us do wrong things, we have recently stopped but causes more tension between us. All of our friends say we are perfect for each other. Many of my friends have married and still continuing their education which is what I want to do aswell but my parents have these problems (which are not even the right reasons in islam to not get married).
1- hes not from our family ie. cousins
2- my parents scared of people talking about getting married outside of family
3- hes not tall enough....
So as you can see these ridiculas reasons, i have told my mother that its not right that they are keeping me waiting. I am 20 years old and want loads children before I'm 30 to please Allah.
My mum and his mum have met but still want us to wait.
Is it allowed in islam for us not to get married, I tried to do the right thing by telling my parents straight away, and I cant stop seeing him as were on the same course and I love him. We just want to be together without any fuss and sneeking around and doing haraam things, all these unislamic reasons to not get married is culture. I wish my parents can understand that it's ok islamically for us to get married. Please advise what can I do to be with him in a halal relationship.
-Husaina
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Salaams,
Clearly you must stop seeing this person to the extent that you are able. If you have already crossed the boundaries of doing haraam things, it has gone WAY too far. Ideally, you should not even have been in a relationship for four years without even a wedding being planned, but now that things are to this level you have cut communication with this young man. I realize you have classes together, but you must make sure you do everything you can to stay on opposite sides of the room and otherwise avoid any contact with each other. Anything outside of strict class activities is unwarranted and you should not indulge in AT ALL.
I agree with you that your parents are not looking to your best interests because of your needs to marry and the reasons they are giving are weightless, Islamically. However, until they are able to open their minds to the possibility of actually planning your marriage, you need to conduct yourself as an unmarried, single, chaste muslimah.
If I were in your position, I would tell your parents how bad it's gotten and why you need to marry right away (after all this is one of the reasons for marriage- to avoid the types of sins you are finding yourself entrapped in). Hopefully they will see that they cannot afford to keep you waiting, as this type of dilemma could happen with any guy that they might approve of as well- if you liked him well enough. I would also tell him that you are only willing to see him in the presence of your family or his- meaning he can come over to meet your parents or you can meet his. It would be even better if both his parents and yours could meet altogether with you and he present as well. I understand your mother and his mother have already met, but how can they make full decisions if his mother has not met you, nor your mother him?
If all reasonable attempts to unite your families for your best interests fail, then you have to accept that and make a decision to marry against their wishes anyway and accept the consequences that might entail, or respect your families and leave each other alone with no going back. Hopefully your parents will become more reasonable, but if not you still must do the right thing and run from what is haraam.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I am a young girl. like 13 years old. i started a affair with a boy he elder than me about 6 years we started our love as a joke but now it has been a truth. he lives near by our house. i thought of giving a bite to her but now it has been a truth so i loves him truly. as tat truth love never die. truth loves born to gather .
nathasha, you should NOT be involved with this boy. First of all he's going to get you into something haram and sinful. Secondly, he's too old for you and he can easily manipulate you and take advantage of you without you realizing it. Please stop seeing him. When you get older there will be plenty of time for you to fall in love and be married. Now is not the time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
if you in love with someone age is not importanti was i had a girl that young wanted me as i been in bad relationships for many years if youi want him go for him.