I want to marry my cousin but he doesn’t care as his career takes priority over me
Marriage
Assalam o Alaikum,
I am 19 and I am Muslim. My parents are divorced. I lived with my grandparents since I was 4 because my mother is living with my stepfather. Since my childhood; I always felt attracted towards my cousin who is 7 yrs older than me. He knows my background very well, he comes with his family to our home once a month.
His acts always inspires me, he is polite, generous and caring. He prays five times a day. I'm very very shy to express my feelings. There is conversation gap between us but I really want him to know that I like him. It is just me who talk less with him because I am afraid if he knows about my intentions. Sometimes, I feel that he knows that I like him that's why he is avoiding me or maybe he likes me too.
Sometimes, I am just confused if it is lust or love!
His mother who is my aunt is very close to me, she asked his son to marry me because she always liked me but he chose his career and said if I can wait for him 4 to 5 yrs then he will think. My grandparents have planned to get me married as soon as possible and he knows that! It is just like he doesn't even care about me because he made me an option :(. I am really desperate to let him know what I want? Maybe he doesn't even think about me or maybe he HATES me :'( because he never gave me any intention like that!
Secondly, if cousins' marriage took place, is there any genetics problem with their children?
I haven't shared this problem with anyone for years!
Please help me out!
Muslim Girl.
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Muslim Girl,
If your cousin is not interested in marrying you then he's not interested, and you must accept that. It's not a matter of hating you. He simply does not wish to marry you, and that's his right.
Do not give any weight to his words that you should wait several years and then he will "think" about it. That's not a real promise. That's the kind of thing men say when they really mean, "I'm not interested."
You are attracted to your cousin because you have been around him since childhood. We grow to covet what we see. But there are millions of fish in the sea. There are other men who are just as attractive, kind and nice as your cousin. So try to get over him and cooperate with your grandparents plans to marry you to someone else.
As far as the genetic issue, we just discussed this in detail recently. There is a slightly higher risk of genetic abnormalities with first cousin marriages. See here:
Can I Marry my First Cousin?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalmualikum
good u like ur cousin . according to my knowledge i their will be
no genetic problem in ur childerns after marriage
but i say when every u marry him just marry as per islam and
enjoy ur married like as per islamic laws and follow our prophet pbuh
sunnah
i say u keep control on ur feeling and dont go for sex with any one before marriage
i.e before nikha
and never marry any non muslim
plz give little time to ur cousin so that he can settle in his carrier and let him become
financialy strong after 1 or 2 years u can marry him
just expressing ur intrest with ur anty and with ur mom that u like ur cousin
and u want to marry him
u can also ask him to enggaged you and continue his carrier after may be 1 or 2 years
he can marry u as soon as he settle
pray to allaha in ur namaz and ask for his help to generate love for u in ur cousin
hearth and to marry i know allaha will accept ur dua and soon ur cousin will marry u
allaha is only 1 who is capable to do any thing in this universe
just keep believe on him i,e allaha and dont forget to offer 5 time namaz a day
Do not mislead this young woman by saying that soon her cousin will marry her, etc. You do not know the future.
The fact is that the cousin is not interested in marrying her. He has made that clear. Why should she waste her time waiting for someone who does not want her?
She should instead pray to Allah to bring her a kind, righteous husband who will be the joy of her heart, no matter who he is.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
you seem to be from india .... hyderabadi funny English 🙂
Salam sis,
You should Tell your grandparents about your feeling..
Asalamoalaikum sister,
You are absolutely right when you say that you are an option for your cousin. He is immersed within his career and probably wants to advance more in his field before wanting to settle down. Although he may have feelings for you, his desire to advance in his career takes precedence of wanting to get married. I don’t think you should take this personally because he hasn’t expressed to you or your family directly that he is interested in you (until his mother asked him). He has agreed to consider you down the road if you are willing to wait. I don’t think you should bash yourself and think that he hates you. I believe he just has different priorities than you do and although you may be ready for marriage right now, he doesn’t seem to be.
The question that now arises is, are you willing to wait that long? If I were you, I probably wouldn’t. There is no guarantee that things would work out in the end as even though he said he’d consider you down the road if you’re willing to wait, it doesn’t mean he might not change his mind in between and decide he wants to marry someone else or he just doesn’t feel for you anymore.
I suggest you speak with your family directly about this and request them to speak with your aunt of getting married to her son sooner, if he really is interested. If he wants to get married to you that bad, he will strike a compromise. If not, then you know that he just isn’t ‘that interested’.
-Helping Sister
I agree with Wael, your cousin is not interested in you, find someone else. You are wasting your time believing in something that will never be yours, find someone who will appreciate you. Sorry your cousin is not interested in you FACT and why would you want to wait 4 or 5 years in something that isn't going to happen, you dont know the future or what will happen tomorrow. Live your life how you want it not by waiting on someone who will never keep their promise.
Assalamu alaykum sister,
i agree with Wael and Samina. you should not wait and waste your time because he is not even interested in you.if he was he would come and ask for marriage now and not in few years. do not wait and waste your time as you wont know if he really will keep his promise.maybe after few years he changes his mind and marrys someone else instead!go and tell to your family they should find a good muslim guy for you so you can get married inshAllah.
i may change my mind but it is too difficult for me because whenever i convince myself he comes to visit my family and i can't stop my feelings towards him!
it is not i m crazy about him but it is....i like him.
i think whenever i will marry another person i won't feel loyal to my husband because before him i liked my cousin..and it is wrong!
i think i must not marry anyone!
Assalmualikum
i request all muslims plz dont marry hindus and other nonmuslim and disblivers
plz keep control on ur feeling and dont do any haram which is prohibited in islam
best way to keep control on ur feeling is to keep fast and seek allaha guidance
keep fast every monday and thursday during norman day to control ur self and dont watch any sex movies or any sex related material
i know that! your answer is not related to my question so keep ur views with u!!
dear sister,
Please talk openly with your aunt and grandparents, " if your cousin wants to wait for 4-5 years ask for an engagement now".
If your aunt does not agree for engagement now then just forget your cousin.
After 4 -5 years who knows if your cousin will fly with another woman. What you will do?
At 19 sister you are really young. You have your complete life ahead. You may get a prince who will make you forget your cousin. After marriage try to get involved in some hobby.