She Agreed to Marry Someone Else, But I Want Her to Mary Me
True love comes from Allah Alone, rest all is from Shaitaan
Assalam-o-alaikum Brothers & Sisters,
I want to completely describe my problem. It is very complicated. We are three brothers .And im youngest. Im 21 years old , I love a girl & she loves me. Its about 2 year we are in contact with each other .We want to live with each other forever. But the problem comes from my Family.In my family Love marriage is hated .
I should give details of it We are three brothers ,My elder brother not the eldest completed his education and is now doing job.He told parents ,he loves a girl and want to marry her.After a one year long struggle of my brother,my parents convinced for his hapiness and agree for the marriage.And said they will do it after the marriage of the eldest brother and it will take almost 3 years.
If the girl's parents accept this ,they will b married.Now brother problem is over and he got his love for lifetime. In all this my parents are deeply hurted ,they wanted us to marry a girl selected by them. After seeing all this situation,I told this to my girl that we cant marry because my parents would never agree and I dont want them to hurt.
I tried to quit contact with her but she didnt and so me. She was hurted because i tried to quit contact and didnt talk to her properly.
NOW HERE more Problem comes .This time from my girl's family. Her cousin living in saudia liked her and send proposal through his parents.Unfortunately her parents agreed and put emotional pressure on my girl and she got agreed.
And told me if i would have given her a little assurity of being with her .She would have never agreed. She is doing it for her parents now. She is doing 20 years and in 2nd year of B.sc . She would get marry after three months .What should I do ? I dont want to hurt my parnets nor her .We truely and truely love each other. Please give me some solution
~ Qasim
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assalamu alaikum
u should follow ur parents and try to convince ur parents for ur choice.otherwise u should leave that girl.GOD BLESS U
As Salamualaikum brother Qasim,
I understand what you feel, but you should know that it could possibly just be infactuation. You are just 21 and she is 20. Such major decisions stay with you for life. You should either talk to your parents or let the girl go.
You say that your parents are hurt because of your brother and you don't want to hurt the girl, too. I believe she will be happy with the guy she agreed to marry. And I believe you should let her go and take care of your parents for now.
Let her marry and either go to Saudia or to her husband's home somewhere. Do not be on touch with her anymore.
It sounds very difficult, but brother, it is not. Shaitaan makes a little particle seem like a mountain, we realize that only when we move ahead with trust in Allah and accepting whatever Allah Chooses.
I hope you will understand and make a sensible decision and honor your parents
Your brother,
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa'alaykumsalam Qasin,
Firstly, you should realize that no calamity befalls a person except because of their own sin, and it can be removed only by repentance.
Despite all the hardship you are facing, you still have to think about the root of the problem and understand the Islamic ruling on it and learn a lesson from what has happened.
Allah says:
“… whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:79]
It comes from yourself because you gave yourself free rein in starting this forbidden relationship and getting to know this girl in a manner that is not approved of in Islam, and because you indulged in absolute freedom in an environment that is far removed from the laws of Allah.
Don’t you see that our Lord is truly Wise and All-Knowing when He forbids men to deliberately look at non-mahram women or to touch them or be alone with them or take them as friends? Allah knows that this leads to haraam things whether it is immoral actions of varying decrees or falling in love, which is the serious and fatal disease from which you are suffering because of your sin.You have become one of its victims, suffering its pain and choking on it.
I would say that there is nothing wrong with making efforts, in halaal ways of course, to persuade her family, such as bringing mediators from within the family, or the imaam of the Islamic Centre .This must be difficult indeed. But before thinking to approach her family, you must first make sure that your family would accept your decision. Another difficult move.
If you succeed, then praise be to Allah.
But if all attempts fail, mediation does not work and things do not go the way you hoped, then you should know that from the point of view of Islamic rulings you can never marry this girl without the consent of her guardian, which is her father in the case, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1102, and by Abu Dawood, Ahmad and Ibn Maajah. Classed as saheeh byal-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2709). The marriage contract will not be valid even if it was approved by jaahili courts and kaafir judges.
Finally, you must realize that you will have to forget about her if she marries someone else. In that case, you should not waste your life regretting losing her. You never know where good may come from. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… it may be that you dislike a thing which isgood for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]
What has happened is a mistake of which you are going to bear the bitter consequences, but you have to be sincere towards Allah and strive to repent and turn back to Him. Obey your parents and do not enter a relationship again. If this girl is not destined to be in your life, then we ask Allah to compensate you with someone better than her. “Verily, he who fears Allah with obedience to Him, and is patient, then surely,Allah makes not the reward of the muhsinoon (good-doers) to be lost.” [Yoosuf12:90]
Wallahu alam.
Even I think that she has made the right decision by agreeing for this marriage. You are just 21 and it will take time for you to finish your studies and get a decent job.
Also, you don't want to hurt your parents by marrying a girl you love, so in this scenario it is better to forget this girl.
Please stay awayyyyyyyyyy from her. if she does not go to saudia don't try to be in contact with her. BEWARE !!!