Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry a married man but I have doubts

Polygamy, second wife, multiple wives

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am a Muslim sister who is about to get married, but the problem is that my husband-to-be has already a first wife.

I don't want to give him up as I love him so much. But I have a doubt if this could affect my marriage to him inshallah.

Please help me clear this confusion.

- helawri

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12 Responses »

  1. Helawri, As-salamu alaykum,

    Before I can advise you, I need more info. Does the first wife know about this? How does she feel about it and how is it affecting her marriage? Does your family know about this? Do you have a wali? Or is this a "secret marriage"?

    And how do you personally feel about being a second wife? Are you okay with it?

    Do you live in a country where polygamy is legal?

    Does this man have the ability to financially support two households?

    Wael Editor

  2. Dear Sister,

    If you have any doubts about this marriage, you should put the brakes on so to speak. Marriage is a life long commitment and there is no need to rush things.There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are feeling and as a woman, I believe your feelings to be quite valid. I applaud you for giving this serious thought before you marry, rather than after.


  3. Why are you marrying a married man?

  4. Salaam... My advice to u should be if u feel he is the type of person that would be able to deal justly between both of u,, pls go on with d marriage... It is not a new thing, alot of men marry more than one wife and they are leading a peaceful and sweet life.. It all depend on the man's intelligence and wise way of dealing with his spouses and d way d wives maintain, respect and take care of there marriages... Another thing is u might tell him to get a seperate apartment for u, may be in different area from d first wife so to avoid to much chaos between both of u..

  5. Before making a major decision, one must do Istikharah. This is an obligation. Ask Allah first. Only He can put light into our hearts.

    Maybe you should all sit down together- you, him,his first wife to discuss the topic. Secrecy is never a good thing and can lead to misunderstandings and hurt. If he is a good man, his first wife may see this and not have a problem with you coming into the family.

  6. salam,

    plz sister all i' m gonna say to u is think about it very carefully before u decide to go 4 it...i have been in the same situation....fell in love madly in love with a married wife who had the consent of his first wife koz she wouldn't fulfill her duties as a wife for years....but him being from a different culture n country has made my life HELL....he's a good husband n father.....he treats us equally n is kind to both of us even when i never seen her....but after we got married she changes her mind and is creating problems all the time....i hate myself i'm very unhappy n miserable,depressed and lonely koz i left my job n family n married a married guy who has a lot of problems n whose family n parents never accepted me.

    plz sis think n take ur time n don't is not everything trust me as everything changes after marriage.

    gd luck

  7. If you already have doubts don't marry this man, you wont be happy and living a lie to extend that you will not see the real issues in front of you, you need to address them before you marry anyone. I am sorry if something is not right better to move forward and look for someone else who can be right for you not second best and i feel this man isn't right for youif you feel like this. If you feel you have doubts find out what they really are is it because he is already married and you are jealous or is it because you don't trust hm and you saying you love him to conceal the real issue. Think long and hard before you marry a married because i certainly wouldn't do it due to the complications.

    best of luck w/salaams

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