In love and want to marry, but both our parents are refusing
I´ m in love since from last three years we did a big mistake we had physical relations we love each other very much now wants to marry each other an i did Istakhara also in that Alah shown a good sign so now im very confident about him that he will be with till my last breath but my parents is disagree with him because he is far away from us and even though we both are Muslim my family is not practicing Namaz for % times and his family is very religious, girls strictly do Hijab which i like very much but our parents are not allowing to marry with him i can´t marry with someone else, what should I do please? suggest me.
- Shine
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Salaam shine, I am sorry to hear about these difficulties you are going through.
You cannot force your parents to accept him and his to accept you. You can only try to convince them based on Qur'an and sunnah. Dont know his parents reason, but maybe they are worried due to the distance. Why not try to convince your parents to meet him so they can get to know him and his family. You need to truly ask yourself if this brother is good for marriage. Does he pray? How is his character? How does he treat women? Do you want the same things.
Love alone is not enough to make a marriage work. So ask yourself these questions objectively. Do istikhaarah and ask Allah for whats best for you, ask Him to take this guy out of your heart if he is bad for you. If you are good for each other and parents still refuse, involve an imaam or respected islamic elder to try to convice parents based on Qur'an and sunnah.
Also do not reveal your sin to anyone, especially either of your parents. It is between you and Allah swt. Make intention not to repeat it, and repent sincerely. Work on improving your deen and keep contact in islamic boundaries e.g. no talking,meeting, touching etc. Meetings can only be in presence of a mahram. For now while there is uncertainty try to restrict contact with him to detach.
I pray Allah swt gives you the best spouse.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Thank you for giving me such a nice advise and helping me in this stage where i m totally confuse and helpless i try to do as u have said.
Jazak Allah
As salamu alaykum, Sister Shine,
Masha´Allah, you have received an excellent advice from Sister Sara, I just would like to add the following.
To put on a side confusion and helplessness you should increase your Iman, sounds to me through your words that you miss the closeness to Allah(swt) and his family reminds you of it, Alhamdulillah. you have to do your best, Insha´Allah, to strengthen your bond to Allah(swt), once you begin everything will move smoothly in the Straight Path.
First of all do as our Sister told you, repent from Heart, this is for both of you, you have a link on tawbah on the top of the page, a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is not allowed in Islam, your suffering now comes after being out of the straight path, now that you want to return, you feel in your Heart the consequences of sinning, this all will release, little by little, with sincere repentance and mantaining the straight boundaries between both of you, Insha´Allah.
Second, do conscious salat on time, try to read, recite and listen to the Quran, make sincere dua from Heart to Allah(swt), study the Names and the Attributes of Allah(swt). Focus on Allah(swt), live your life as a blessing and a gift from Him(swt), enjoy your family and accept them as they are, love and respect them unconditionally.
This suffering you have will give up when you surrender completely to Allah(swt), while your Love towards Allah(swt) increases you will see how your suffering decreases, insha´Allah, and mantaining yourself straight and firm, you will see how all the circumstances in your life develop to be the best for you, Insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.
But keep in mind that you are not the only one on this ship, that this man has to be his best too, he has to go through the same process of surrendering, repentance and stop sinning, and acting straight, only this way, if you are meant to be together both of your ways will melt in marriage, Insha´Allah. With this I mean, that you should give both of yourselves a time of inner recovery to be able to approach the situation from cero, act properly, through families and proposing, and this way you will open the way for Allah(swt)´s blessings, Insha´Allah.
Trust Allah(swt), ask Him(swt) directly for help and guidance, be open to Him(swt), He(swt) knows all the ways and the best for us, Alhamdulillah.
Praise Allah(swt), He(swt) is giving you the opportunity to get closer to Him(swt), remember that He(swt) is always ready to receive us, He (swt) is always with us, Alhamdulillah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
thank you sister maria for giving such a nice advice and a precious time i m really very thankful to you i will try to do all the things which all u have mentioned
jazak allahu Khairan