Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry my pregnant girlfriend but my mother doesn’t agree

Pregnant woman depressed

Pregnant and worried.


i am on here hoping for some advice and help as i am very confused.
im born in the uk and a pakistani muslim.
i got myself into a terrible situation, i commited a major sin "zina" from which my girlfriend became pregnant.
i have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. when she told me she was pregnant i straight away thought the right thing to do was to marry the girl.
she reverted to islam masallah and we got married when she was 10 weeks in to the pregnancy, i told my mother and siblings about the situation with her being pregnant, this has caused alot of stress for my family as they think that i could of done alot better for myself by marrying a religious women.
the situation now after marraige is that my mother is thinking what will my father think when he finds out she was pregnant before marriage as my father is a very religous man.
I am so confused in what to do because my mother wants me to leave the girl as the girl doesnt know much about Islam and i guess some of that is to blame on me as i have been with her for 7 years and not taught her much about islam.
i really dont want to leave my wife as this is the time she needs me most but i also dont want to disobey my mother, i dont know what to do should i listen to my mother and leave my wife because they dont like her and to hide this from my father or should i stick by my wife and help guide her to the right path. this is causing alot of mixed emotions for myself because i want to give my wife a chance and try to make it work but on the other hand my family want me to leave her as she doesnt have much knowledge about islam and they think that i will loose my deen if i stay with her. i also feel guitly because im the last son of the house and i really wanted to have my wife there for my parents. now my family are saying i need to stay away with my wife until she gives birth so that no one knows she was preg before marriage..
this is causing alot of arguments between me and my wife as im confused because my mother wants me to leave her and i feel so sorry for my wife as we have been through so much please i need help im loosing the plot. please help me



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15 Responses »

  1. Hi Brother (Confused_Soul)

    Assalaam, I have read and understand your case, you have made a very big sin and indeed no one is perfect, so i am happy for you that you have then choosen to correct your sin into a halaal way , as u have said, you have got married right? meant in nika? So remember u r in nika and u r in a pure relation and this women is your wife now. Regarding your parent such as ur mother abt what she is telling you, U must make your mother understand now that u r not on his responsibility anymore, stop following culture and tradition brother, this will kill, act as a real man and a real muslim. Try to make ur mom understand, your mission is to make your familly understand, wheather they still dont understand, the decision is not about to leave your wife. she is your wife, you have slept with her and she is pregnant because of u! so how come u left a woman u made pregnant just for silly reason abt what ur mom is saying? how old are you? r u an adult or a kid who still depend on your parent???

    Disobey your parent when u r right, Its not a sin, but obeying ur parent to get into illegal act is strictly forbidden in islam such as forcing someone to break his/her marriage. Try to love allah before you parent and then your parent.

    Whether your wife dont have enough knowledge about islam, this is not the cause, the most important is she has agreed to accept islam and somehow u r faulty as you have not taught her islaam during the 7years u were with her and you have wait so long to live in halaal. well this is the past so forget.

    Brother its never too late for your wife learn islaam, Learning is for every age , race etc, dont let your mind try to make it difficult when its not. if you have a good intension, allah will help you if u repent about your sin to him and ask for guidance to you and your wife, and insha allah your wife will be able to learn more about islaam so that she can grow up your future children in islaam way.

    Trust me brother, Leaving your wife is not a solution, you will never have peace in your life after u leave this innocent wife. muslim or not muslim, after all she is a human, you should have though abt it since ages ago and before u touch her. Lets say you want to obey shaitaan and leave her, what is the first image your wife will think about islaam? Islaam forbid zina and u did it to her and made kid then u left her, so to whom are you taking this girl? she is not a public property brother, sorry for using this word, but just to make u realise that she is a human, and every human make mistakes. and listen to ur heart if u truely love her and stay with her. allah will guide u and have trust in allah. Dont listen to your parent about familly value or hidding familly wotever when is a big sin! you mother want you to leave her so that yoru familly and dad dont no abt that, But have you imagine that allah is seeing all??? can you hide allah? Ofcourse not brother.

    Well its not a big thing to think now, your case is easy , just you have to use your brain and be a realistic man.

    First You are an adult and married which is not anymore on your parent responsibilty
    second nor your parents have any rights or order toward your wife except u and you wife.
    Your decision and any matter regarding you and your wife is depend on both of them only , not your parent !
    and now your mission is to make your familly understand that all, if not understand the next step is to go and stay away from you parent and be with your wife. Try to make ur parent understand everything in islam way and in a good manner and professional. Allah inform them that u r ready to teach her islaam and u r safe with ur imaan.

    And if u r still want to listen to ur parent and leave your wife, then i would ask u some question, y u did not ask your parent first before u start going out with is girl? y u didnot ask ur parent if u can do zina with this girl at first? u have enjoyed and then think of leaving her alone because of devilish though? this is shaitaan brother. running an innocents life will never bring you peace, and whatever u think u can hide for the sake of your familly , allah can still watch it !

    So brother, follow my advise and think positive and insha allah u will be a better dad for your future kid and insha allah , allah will guide ur parent even if not today, in the meant time u go n live with ur wife normal without you give her stress and unhappy because of your familly, and soon your familly will realise and they will reunite at no doubt!

    I wish you good luck and may allah guide you bro, once u go for justice for your wife and in the right way, Allah as first will be happy for your act and u will never be a loser by allah.

    Forgive me if i have used some aggressive words, but honestly u deserve to hear it as it might help you to understand and to know the anger we all have inside when u r against allah.

    Assalaam brother and am sure u will have a happy life with this new convert wife.
    Remember, A convert will learn islam more than a born muslim. 🙂

    • You are completely right. This is a classic case we see time and time again. These men get into relation ships without caring about Islam or their parents. Then when it comes to the crunch and their parents find out then suddenly they can't disobey their parents!!!

      So these men need should have got their parents permission before taking on a girlfriend. Most importantly we should follow Islam then we will never encounter these problems. If you like a girl tell your parents approach the girls parents for marriage. Simple then everyone's happy! No opportunity for zina and disobeying parents as parents will be involved you will exactly how they feel.

      Now confused, you didn't think of your parents before having a relationship with this girl and making her pregnant why are you concerned about what they think now?. Do not ruin your wife and child's life because now is the time to take responsibility.

      Apologise to your parents and make it clear that you can't leave you'd wife. Work on becoming a good Muslim family and a good role model for your child. I am sure once the child is born your parents will be so happy and come to terms with everything. Eventually they will come round. You will have to be patient for now.

    • hi.
      I stumbled on this site looking for answers as to what Islam stands for in these type of issues.i am 3mos pregnant Alhamdolillah.but its with my exBF (ex bcz he doesnt want to do anything with us anymore except financial support though what I need is more of financial.we were together for 2 years). He is a Pakistan-muslim and came from a religious family.But like you said we are human and we make mistakes...but...I dont understand. I know their culture and tradition is really different..I, being a christian never thought abortion as an even though i know i will be bringing the baby alone, i decided to keep it.I was on the process of discovering your religion.He was a great guy.but caught up in between tradition and culture and me. I know im replying so late on your post..just that I felt a little envious with how confused soul stood up for his girl. 🙂
      I loved my bf so much that I didnt demand for marriage or will be a force marriage for him I guess. :).with my promise that I will protect him and his name to his family and to never say anything about our baby.
      The only consolation I have for myself is that IM HAVING A BABY FROM THE MAN I TRULY LOVE even if its unrequited.

      • Dear Jan,

        Congratulations on accepting the pregnancy of your child as a gift and also accepting the big responsibility ahead of raising a child, and that too alone.

        I know that you love your exbf and don't blame him as he was "caught up in between tradition and culture and [you]" but that is exactly what he wants you to think and feel. These types of guys who play around with girls and drop them like a hot potato when responsibility starts calling as they run under their mother's wings for safety never bother to asking their families if they can be intimate with a girl but have no problems following commands of their families when it suits their needs. Again, I know your feelings are not inline with that thinking, but I would say your exbf did an excellent job of playing you with the right words. He knows exactly what he was doing.

        No matter how things turn out for you or for your child or how your feelings change over the next while, I do hope that you don't judge Islam based on his behaviour. I hope that you continue your search, find tranquility, and most of all find the right answers during this critical time.

        All the best to you.

        • Saba,
          thank you for taking the time to reply. Though it wasnt him who directly told me those words about being caught up in between but somehow I felt that he just doesnt want to create an issue within his family circle thus I chose to face the issue alone with my family.
          I knew how much he loved his family specially his ammi and to chose the girl outside his family's standard would definitely break hearts and relationships.he wasnt ready for it.this situation has never tarnished how I see your religion.infact, it was through him that I was able to appreciate it. he was a good one..except for this matter. 🙂
          it has never been an issue of religion the way I see it..its the person itself.thats why I was impressed with "confused soul" with how he stood up for his girl.i hope things went out perfectly fine.
          hope everything will be ok with me and my baby. hope he will eventually find peace within himself too.

  2. Salaam.

    I would advise you to stay with your wife and teach her about Islam. You need to obey your parents yes but only it matters which are halal and good and for you to wrong your wife by leaving her is not good. Your father will undoubtedly be upset when he finds out but it';s just one of those things you will have to face up to. You made a mistake and you cannot turn the clock back BUT after making that mistake you took the best action by marrying the girl and getting her to convert to Islam. Alhumdulilah you did not do what some cowards do and run away or try to force her to abort. If you have not repented to Allah sincerely then you need to do that because when she converted her sins were wiped clean.

    So stay with your wife and tell your parents in the best way that you love them and respect them but it would be wrong of you Islamically to leave your wife, especially as she is pregnant. You know your parents and probably know the best way how to broach it but have adab and maintain the ties - do not allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed.

    Sara Editor

  3. Salam brother, i dont usually read all posts but this one stood out to me and thought i should reply. Two wrongs do not make a right bro, it has been 7 years alhamdillah u are married at the moment i am assuming to the girl and she is carrying your child. The biggest mistake would be leaving this girl especially because shes carrying your child. As the brother said above she is a human and this is her life we are talking about and the situation she is in is because half to blame on u, i have been in a similar situation, i didn't get pregnant but I was in a long relationship with a guy who had a difficult family and he promised that he would marry me and after a few years he left me because his mum forced him to due to similar reasons u stated about what your mum said, he couldnt be a man and do the right thing and this has destroyed my life so much more than i can describe as it would any girls. Therefore in this case where your wife is pregnant i don't think leaving her is even an option and with all due respect your mother should be trying to tell u to do the right thing, not leaving a woman.
    alhamdillah u have married her and done the right thing, and as the brother said before it would be indecent after being with this girl and commiting zina for 7 years to leave her now, i am sure your intentions are pure bro but its time to be a man and face reality, i can imagine its hard disobeying your family but this girl has loved you and been with u for 7 years and she has even converted for u which shows she loves you alot. I hope this works out for the best and inshallah i wish u a life of happiness with your wife. Just a last word, a mother will never hate her son forever, nor will your father it may take them some time to accept or even comprehend the choice u made, but they will realise that your child to be is a piece of you, how isit decent to leave this child and its mother. Inshallah Allah makes this easier for u brother and I wish you all the best inshallah.

  4. my dear brother

    islam taught us to respect and obey your parents and when you think from your parents side then they to have right because evry parents except the best for their kids and they to have hope on you and your family but right now in your situation you have commited a huge sin but now you regret about everything what happened in your past and if you sincerely regret then turn back to Allah and beg for his forgiveness.
    and abour your wife now you have commited a mistake now its your turn to correct it so correcting is not by leaving her you have to stay with her and you have to take care of her and your baby and about islam no one is perfect in this world except Prophet Muhammad SAW so no one is deeni when they come out of their mothers stomach so Alhumdullilah your wife is still alive and she is still having the chance to study about our beautiful religion and if Allah can give chance again and again then why cant we? please give her a chance to change and teach her about islam but please don't give her talaq and start praying sincerely 2 Allah tell him about your situation tell him about your problems and make duaa In Shaa Allah by the grace of Allah Subhanataallah surely your parents will accept your wife

    May Allah Subhanatallah guide evry ummathi Muhammad on he staright path Ameen ya allah

  5. Hey I see you are in a serious situation but all I can say really is
    to pray to allah and repent from your major sin as fornication before
    marriage is HARAM. pray and repent seriously.
    Stick with your wife as to leave her now is just the saddest thing to
    do, explain to your mother how you will help her learn islam and
    you have already did something wrong and leaving her will only
    make it worse.
    TALK to your mother kindly and pray she is understanding.

  6. Hi Brother (Confused_Soul),

    I suggest you be with your wife, you have done a sin and after that you are ready to take the responsibilities for the same and you have done well also, but now the situation required more support from you to your wife, as you said now she need a good support so please do,

    now the family part, one thing you don't forget that you have married, and no body can separate you unless husband and wife agree, so if your family have problem with related to unawareness then you can teach her ISLAM, even if they have problem you must think about your family apart from your dad,

    now the Dad's situation, he don't know that you have done many things, but i suggest you that go and tell your father that this was happen and i married her, think he would be agree, because he also a human being then should understand, but also look after his believe in religion, as per my concern no religion teach you to do such things and run away after doing, you are very good you know because you have done something wrong, but at the same time you have accepted the things and already justice by supporting her and marry her, so this concept to be explain to your father,

    even if he is not accepted ans asked to leave her then just tell them i'll do the same also tell them that after leaving her you are not going to marry any girl, leave her for just days, and you tell your family that you got a good job in other city and get out from the family, just take her with you in the same city and live your valuable life with your wife,

    look my friend, i really appreciate you accepting her as your wife, this is a very big and good thing as per my concern, but why family or father not understand this thing, if they are not understanding you then there is not point in leaving your wife and obey your family members thought,

    you can also ask them why are you asking me to leave her???
    just because she don't know about ISLAM???
    Or else your family or your father need give explanation to the society???
    If i were in your fathers place then i would have agreed with and accepted you, because its better i will fight with society for my child, not to fight with my child for the society,

    once again i appreciates you,
    Hope this will work,
    May Allah Bless my brother,


  7. Assalam alaikum,

    Sorry to sound harsh--I doubt you asked your mother before having haram sexual relations with your now wife, who is carrying your child, so it puzzles me why your obedience to her suddenly matters to you.

    Please be a man and take care of your wife and child and ALSO be kind, supporting and a loving to your parents. Your biggest problem is probably having to hear all the confrontation to which I would say, handle it and accept it for these are the consequences of your OWN choices.

    May Allah ease your difficulties and help your parents to accept the reality of your situation. Ameen.

  8. Hello Im in a terrible situation, I am a christian currently pregnant by a muslim. I was willing to revert and everything. All of sudden he started acting different and then I found out he is married to another muslim. If he went to the mosque and washed his sins away will allah still punish him for what he did to me and this innocent baby im carrying??

    • There are a lot of posts on this site describing a similar situation that may help to answer your question.

      Christianity and Islam do not condone sex outside of marriage--it is too bad that you chose that path for yourself because this painful situation is the result of that.

      No person or place can wash away a person's sins--a person must sincerely repent to Allah including changing their behaviour to hope for Allah's forgiveness.

      May Allah guide you and your bf. Ameen.

      • I also wanted to know if he go to the mosque and wash away his sins will allah forgive him, and him marrying someone else is that a sin while im pregnant?

    • Assalaamualaikam

      It is a shame that you have found yourself in this situation. However, a new life is a blessing and inshaAllah your child will bring light and joy to your life.

      You mention you were willing to revert to Islam - I would advise that you study Islam and if you feel you believe in your heart, enter Islam - everyone is welcome. I am a revert myself, and was raised in a Christian family, and when I read the Quran I found that it answered all the questions and contradictions I had found in the bible and torah.

      By washing his sins away, do you refer to the ablutions performed before prayer? These ablutions are called wudhu, and are carried out to prepare the body and mind for prayer. Just as we wouldn't go to meet an important person in dirty clothes, we should try to be as clean as possible (physically and mentally) for prayer, when we are prostrating ourselves before Allah. Wudhu does not wash sins away, and as far as I am aware there is no place or ritual that can do this - we need to offer heartfelt repentance to Allah.

      In Islam, it is acceptable for a man to have several wives, so if you and he wished to raise your child as a family, this might be an option.

      I can feel a lot of anger in your words, and this is not healthy; rather than focusing on the wrongs you have encountered, resolve to look forward and do the best for you and your child. InshaAllah, you may find that through studying Islam and becoming a mother, your life may improve beyond all your expectations.

      If you require further advice, please log in and submit your question as a separate post for publication in its own thread.

      Midnightmoon editor

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