Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wanting to get married [without parents knowledge]

The first Ahmadi mosque in France

The first Ahmadi mosque in France. The movement was founded in 1889 in India by Ghulam Ahmad, who claimed to be the Mahdi and the promised Messiah.

Question:

I am in a very complicated situation and in much need of advice... I was reading questions about zinaa on this site ... however none of them fully apply to me so I am really hoping that someone can help me. I am 24 years old and currently doing my masters at a university in Canada. When I was 18 years old my parents pushed me into accepting a marriage proposal which I did not feel ready for.

Before this I had had no interaction with the other sex and was very innocent in believing that as long as I do what my parents suggest only good can happen to me. However the guy whom I was supposed to get married to turned out to be quiet literally crazy (abusive, had girfriends whom he had done everything with). I was lucky mashaAllah to find this out about him before getting married to him and I thank Allah for this every day.

This incident made me realize that just by being the good girl and blindly following what your elders tell you does not gurantee a happy life. I began praying much more regularly continuously praying for guidance as well as a good husband.

During my university years I met someone [Imran] whom I fell in love with. It was not a light decision regardless of the attraction between us, I fought the situation continuously. I did not want to go against my parents or religion by committing the first step that leads to bigger sins. However after a year of persuation from his side I said yes to him and now 2 years later we are still unbelieveably in love.

We care and respect each other enormously and both of us have no greater wish at the moment than to get married. In fact the day he first proposed that he liked me he asked me to marry him. [We never wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend, from day one we wished to get married]

There are several problems however that have kept us from doing so.

1. I am Ahmadi and he is Sunni:
I started looking into my religion shortly after I turned 16. The further I looked the more I found it to be lacking in the Ahmadi sect of Islam. I was very confused about my spirituality and feeling guilty about having doubts about the beliefs I had grown up with and been handed down by my parents. Living with this guilt, praying and constantly asking for guidance it was after I met Imran that I have found a more stable understanding of Islam. We are constantly discussing religion and the differences in the many sects and I now have no doubt that the Ahmadi sect is wrong.

Regardless of my beliefs my parents are still Ahmadi and the Ahmadi community is very strict about an Ahmadi person only getting married to another Ahmadi otherwise the individual along with his/her parents is thrown out of the Jammat; which is a very big disgrace. I can not ask my parents to do so for me. I have told them about Imran and they have met him but have several demands that need to be fulfilled in order for us to be allowed to get married.

The one demand that we are unable and unwilling to fulfil is that Imran become Ahmadi. We both feel that this would be a major sin and that Allah will not side with us if we were to take the easy way out even if he turned Ahmadi only on paper. We both believe that as long as we stay on the right path Allah will show us a way to be together.

However due to the fact that Imran will not turn Ahmadi,.  my parents can not accept him to become my huband for if they do they will be thrown out of the Jammat.

2. Our sins.
The BIGGEST problem we have is that in the two years we have been together now we have committed a major sin. We have gone too far with each other and commited zina. I am very ashamed of this and feel constant guilt. I know that we should repent what we did and not talk to each other until and if we can get married. However we are much to dependent on each other and there is just too much love between us. We can not go half a day without speaking to each other.

We tried staying away from each other for four months. However during those four months we were weak and ended up seeing each other approximately once a week. The situation is getting more and more impossible and I'm feeling more and more guilty about what I am doing and yet I can not stop.

My question is: I was wondering if it would be possible for Imran and me to get nikah done without our parents knowing? I have tried speaking to my parents about the fact that seeing Imran and talking to him is against Islam and that I do not want to sin further and if there is any possibility to get nikah done now.

My parents however replied that in order for me and him to get married he will have to become Ahamdi. Since this is something we can not do. We are now stuck. Please if you have time advice me on my situation.

Thank you for your time.
Saima

Sister Z's Answer:

Asalaamualaikum Saima,

Before anything - you are committing Zina and this is a grave sin. You want to marry this brother but how do you expect any blessings in your marriage when from the outset you are displeasing Allah? Yes you have feelings for this brother and you say you cannot keep away from him. But Sister, when our feelings of love for someone or something start to creep past the limits set by Allah (swt), we need to stand back and question our 'love' in relation to our 'purpose in life'.

"And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)"

Lets put a few things in to perspective. As a Muslim, our purpose in life is to serve Allah(swt) and to hope for and work towards a place in Jannah.

In an authentic Hadith reported by Ahmad, it is narrated that the Prophet(saw), said: "The eyes commit Zina, the hands commit Zina and feet commit Zina and the genitals commit Zina." (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith no. 4258)

In another Hadith, he is reported to have said that "the genitals confirm or deny it." (indicating that starring at opposite sex in a lustful way has a spontaneous effect on the genitals and may induce person to commit Zina).

The Prophet (saw) also said: "No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery" Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2475) and Muslim (57).

The Prophet(saw) further said: "If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him." Narrated by Abu Dawood (4960) and al-Tirmidhi (2625); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

Sister - what if Allah were to take your soul whilst you were committing zina or before you had sincerely repented? Is that feeling of 'lust/confused love' it really worth it?

So you need to keep away from this brother both physically and emotionally and do tawbah. As you are so close to each other, moving away from one another will be very difficult at first. However, this feeling of 'happiness' you are gaining through satisfying your desires in a haraam manner will be very short lived and will cause you only suffering in the future. Well already you are feeling extreme guilt - so will be in the future if you continue? It will be easier for you to stop doing haraam if you repeatedly remind yourself of the following:

- Your purpose in life should be to serve Allah alone

- Zina is a major sin Islam and you will surely be punished unless you stop and repent now.

- Shaytaan has deceived you. He has used your interest in Islam to encourage you to become close to this brother. OK, this brother helped you move away from the Ahmadiyyah beliefs and come towards the Quran and Sunnah BUT that then you felt so comfortable that you fell into a haraam relationship with him.

- At the moment your life has been revolving around this 'brother'. It needs to change. Your life needs to be revolving around 'Allah'. Improve your connection with Allah(swt) - when this is strong, you will see how all your other relationships become so much better and less grey.

Remember Allah through Salaah, recitation of Quran, dhikr and lots of tawbah:

"Recite that which has been revealed to you of the Book and keep up prayer; surely prayer keeps (one) away from indecency and evil, and certainly the remembrance of Allah is the greatest." (Al-`Ankabut 29:45)

AHMADIYYA BELIEFS:

As far as my understanding goes, the Ahmadiyya sect is named after Mirza Ghulam Ahmad who claimed he was the awaited Messiah and also the Mahdi. This is contrary to mainstream Muslim beliefs who believe that the Messiah and the Mahdi are two different individuals and have yet to come as there are many other events that will occur before their appearance. Islam predicted that there would be many people falsely declaring themselves to be the Mahdi or Messiah. I and mainstream Muslims believe that Mirza Ghulam Ahmed was one of those many.

The Ahmadiyya Movement believes that Isa (as) died a natural death in Kashmir, India - as opposed to having been raised up alive to Heaven. This is completely contrary to what Allah says in the Quran Verse:4 Ayahs:156-159:

"That they rejected Faith; That they uttered against Mary A grave false charge; That they said (in boast): 'We killed Christ Jesus The son of Mary, The Messenger of Allah.' But they killed him not, Nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts, with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjunction to follow, for of a surety they killed him not. Nay, Allah raised him up Unto Himself; and Allah Is Exalted in Power, Wise. And there is none of the people of the book (Jews and Christians) But must believe in him (Jesus) Before his death; And on the Day of Judgement He (Jesus) will be a witness Against them."

The Ahmadiyya movement believes that Muhammed (saw) was not the last Prophet. They believe that every so often, Allah will send another Prophet to bring people back to the right path - hence the false self declaration of Ghulam Mirza Ahmad as Messiah. This belief is clearly contradictory to the Shahaadah: "There is no God but Allah and Muhammad (saw) is His LAST messenger".

These are just two of the many beliefs that take Ahmadiyya followers out of the realms of Islam and into disbelief and hence I believe they are not 'Muslim' as do the majority of mainstream Muslims.

CAN YOU MARRY A NON-MUSLIM?

From what you have said, you seem to have turned away from the Ahmadi belief and have now come to believe in the real Islam Alhumdulillah. But I still sense some confusion from you.

I am wondering, have declared your Shahaadah internally and externally and made this clear to your parents?

Because if you have truly accepted faith in Allah and His complete religion of Islam in accordance with Quran and Sunnah, it is not permissible/halaal for you to marry anyone but a Muslim man.

Your family can be considered not to be Muslims because of their Ahmadi beliefs, but you must still continue to be kind and gentle with them and fulfil your duties to them as they are your parents. HOWEVER, if they want you to marry an Ahmadi, then they are asking you to do something that is forbidden by Allah. So, I would say yes, you have every right to marry a Muslim man without their permission.

After this - it is up to you to choose a potential spouse in a halaal manner and you need to find someone who can act as your Wali - maybe a reliable Imaam of a Mosque.

Sister, you could use this opportunity to do dawah on your parents in influencing them to come towards the proper Islam, but you need to clarify your new beliefs to yourself first.

Remind yourself of what being a Muslimah is. You have the chance to become a beautiful young Muslimah internally and externally.

- Move away from committing anymore sin.

- Tell your current 'boyfriend' that you need time out to mend your relationship with Allah before deciding your future. If he is sincere, he will improve himself, do tawbah and wait for you too.

- Make sincere tawbah yourself.

- Learn about your new founded religion of Islam through attending talks and mix with good Muslim sisters.

- Speak to your parents about your new understanding of Islam. Maybe they will understand too, see the truth and accept it. It may seem impossible to you, but Allah can make anythying happen.

- If this happens - then inshaAllah your parents will give you their blessings to marry a Muslim man. If not, then you need to find someone to take your father's place as your Wali.

- And finally - once you have become stronger Muslimah, now decide if this 'brother' is the right Muslim man for you to marry. Will he help you live your life according to the Quran and the Sunnah?

May Allah guide you Sister.

Sister Z
IslamicAnswers.com Editor


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23 Responses »

  1. Aisha, how can u say that ur family is living a non-muslim life. who are u to decide if they are right or wrong? only Allah can judge them on that, not u. u didnt agree with the teachings so u left, thats fine. but saying that they are wrong is not something that u have the right to say

  2. asalaam
    i have a question,

    can you marry a women whos your fathers cousin,,

    this girl is my fathers cousin,, but obviously age wise she much younger.
    am i allowed to marry her?

    • liaqat, your comment has nothing to do with the original post, and normally I would tell you to log in and write your question as a separate post, but since your question is so simple I will tell you the answer is yes, you can marry her, but I do not recommend it as she is very close to you genetically.

  3. It feels so good to know that I am not alone! It is an everyday struggle being an Ahmadi Muslim Woman growing up in the West. As all the sisters on this site, I too am in the same situation as most of you. I hate knowing that I’m going to break my family’s heart..But I need to live my own life and be my own person. Having studied and reviewed different religions as well as different sects within Islam i have come to find my own understanding and my own beliefs. For the sake of myself and my parents i would never convert over to Sunni Islam.. And I would want the same from my partner. I would never want him to lie to my family and convert over to Ahmadiyat. We both except each other as we are and we both have come to a middle ground when it comes to Islam, which is to teach our children the basic and fundamental beliefs. Why do we even have to follow a sect? Why do we have to state to the world if we are Sunni, Shia, Ahmadi etc... Why can’t we just be Muslim? And that’s what me and him have decided to just be Muslims, no sect nothing. We all just need to pray to Allah to give us strength and guide us in our decisions. Also may Allah watch over the Ahmadiys in Pakistan as well as other followers of different beliefs who are being killed and persecuted because of their faith.

    • ASALAAM-O-ALAIKUM,
      I think y comments on this thread will help allot of Ahmadi gilrs.
      I'm x-ahmadi same thing when i was growing up my father side was all sunni and my mother side was all ahmadi so i kind of grew up with both religion.
      when i came to canada and got divorce from my so called ahmadi husband that was the time when my heart did realised that how Munafiq and dirty mind these people have.
      after allot BS i moved on with my life but i was very confused about our beleives 'coz my granny (sunni) always told me to follow ALLAH nad sunna of our PROPHET but on the other hand my mother and ahmadya jammat always focused on their so called massiah.
      long story short i was not a good ahmadi and never cared about their teching.
      i met this sunni guy who was ALHUMDULILAAH good sunni muslim we fall in love and very soon we got married i did asked my family for permition but they had the same condition that the guy should become ahmadi which was not possible.anyways afet living with this person i learned the true islam i cant express in words that how much i'm close to ALLAH and PROPHET and living a very peacefull life.
      i feel bad for my family as they r still living a non muslims life i try to keep telling them litte stuff about QURAN's actuall meaning and how they do the wrong interpetation .
      so girls if u guys do find a GOOD SUNNI MUSLIM not anybody who just make u do the sins.
      plz do get married and live the life of a good muslim your dunya and akhirat will be fine.
      INSHALLAH.

  4. ASK GOD!!!!!!!!! most of the people are living in the darkness and you expect them to advise you on such important matters? of course..they'll pull you towards the same darkness as they themselves are living in.
    go ask the one who created you, instead of using internet or 'people' to guide you/advise you.

    offer two special nawafil everyday for a few days and ask Allah mian from the bottom of your heart. the prayers that are done from the core of the hearts shake the heavens!!!
    offer tahajud prayers..for Allah mian says those prayers that are done at that time of the night when the whole world is asleep, He asks His angels to go and see and tell Him if there's anyone awake praying to Him? He says to the angels go tell that man I will give him whatever he wishes for and will bless him and forgive him.

    • Allah has mentioned some of His Beautiful names in the Quran.

      'Mian' is not one of them, so I am training myself to refrain from saying 'Allah Mian' - its a Pakistani thing.

      I am sure that I have heard many Pakistani women call their husband's 'Mian'.

      We should try to call Allah by the beautiful names He taught us, afterall those names describes His(swt) beautiful attributes, whereas 'Mian' doesnt.

      Ar Rahman, Ar Rahim, Al Malik, Al Quddus, As Salaam, Al Malik, Al Khaliq...theres at least minimum 99.

      We can always just say 'Allah SubhaanahuWataA'la.

  5. asalaamualaikum

    so your all from america, well im 17, my parents are ahmedi and i am currently becoming sunni without my parents knowledge. i live in england right near the big ahmedi mosque and people in my family are quite big up. however since i was around 15 i started to really hate the fact that i am ahmedi. for the past two years i have changed as a person, i follow most sunni beliefs but the thing is that i am too young and dependant on my parents and i cant express the fact that i am now a sunni to them. i pray on my own and never go to the ahmedi mosque. i met the imam at my local sunni mosque which i go to regulalrly and he gave me really good advice about me getting married and ive been introduced to a really pious boy whos 21 and goes uni has a job and can support me. we have grown to be friends but inshallah will marry soon. my problem is telling my parents. having ahmedi parents is not easy. i really dont know what to do. someone please help me.

  6. From Sister Z's post :

    "Ahmadiyya movement believes that Muhammed (saw) was not the last Prophet. They believe that every so often, Allah will send another Prophet to bring people back to the right path - hence the false self declaration of Ghulam Mirza Ahmad as Messiah."

    This is not correct. Muhammed (saw) is the last prophet. There will be no more prophets after him & Ghulam Mirza Ahmed was not a prophet. I dont know why ppl make this up by themselves.
    Sister Z, i would like to know who told u this. did u actually discuss this with an ahmadi or are these things just something u have heard?

    • Dear 'S'

      I did not make up this information and obviously neither did I discuss it with Ahmadi. I took this information from Ahmadi websites and also from an ex - Ahmadi.

      I understand that there may be different interpretations of the Ahmadi beliefs and all I know about it is from what I researched and from what I was told by the ex-Ahmadi person.

      If you have a different understanding, I would be useful for you to share it with us please...

      • Assalmualaikum wr wb

        who so ever ahmadi gave u this info its wrong he had no complete knowledge about th claims of hazrat mirza ghulam ahmad sb... i again ask u not to mis guide ppl wit half attained knowledge....

        Hazrat abu hareera(r.a) bayan krte hai k holy prophet(s.a.w) ne farmaya ke insan ke jhootey hone k liye yehi alamat (indication) kaafi hai k wo harr suni sunaayi baat logo mein bayaan krta phirey

        sahih muslim

        How unjust, therefore, it is that despite the belief that Jesus of Nazareth will descend from heaven in his capacity of the Messiah of Israel and that he will be a Prophet and that this would not disrupt the Seal of Prophethood, Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad of Qadian, who claimed to be a follower of the Holy Prophet and a Prophet by way of reflection and declared his purpose to be perfect obedience to the Holy Prophet, should be held to have been outside the pale of Islam on account of this claim.

        jazakallah ...
        May Allah swt guide us all towards th truth ameen n not half attainted knowledge ameen...

        • "for islam", you are mistaken. Isa (Jesus) alayhi-salam will not return as a Prophet, nor as the Messiah of the Jews. The Prophethood has ended with Muhammad (saws). Isa will return only as a leader of the Muslim people, but will receive no wahy (revelation).

          Any claim of Prophethood after Muhammad ibn Abdullah (saws) is a lie and a misguidance.

          With that said, in light of today's horrific and criminal bombing in Pakistan of the sufi shrine, I want to clarify that I am absolutely against violence toward any minorities or sects. It is unconscionable. I cannot imagine how a "Muslim" can do such things. Differences in thought should be resolved through peaceful debate, books, preaching, etc. Never through violence.

          This website is not the place for such debates, however. A better place would be on websites devoted to issues of comparative religion or Islamic belief. This is only an advice website and such things are beyond the scope of this site.

          For the same reason, I will not allow posts and links promoting Ahmadi thought on this website. I allowed you three comments on this post and I think that is more than sufficient. Therefore the discussion on this question is now closed.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • "S" I do not know if you are really unaware of this. But it is well known that this is a claim of the Qadiyaaniyyah. This is also clear from their books, that Ghulam Ahmad Qadiyani claimed to be Isa Alaihis Salam who will descend from the Heavens by Allah's Leave, insha Allah. And it is known from the history that he died in a Mubaahalah with Shaikh Thanaullah Amritsaree Rahimahullah.

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. FAO: 'Girl in the same situation' and others...

    In my reply to Saima, I attempted to explain briefly why marriages between Muslims and Ahmedis are not permitted Islamically.

    I also explained that because Ahmedis reject some fundamental Islamic beliefs, they are not considered as Muslim.

    What is your understanding of this?

    I ask, because it seems as though you are all ignoring this very important piece of information and just continuing to focus on why you want to marry 'so and so'.

    • Assalamualaikum wr wb..
      firstly, for all of u who says kafir or non muslims to ne muslim sect... couple of hadees r as follows... kindly read all momins

      hazrat abdullah bin umar(r.a) bayan karte hai holy prophet (s.a.w) ne farmaya meri ummat par bhi wo halaat ayengey jo bani israel par aye the .. jin mein aisi mutabiqat (similarity) hogi jaise ek paaon k joote ki dusre paaon ke joote se hoti hai yahan tak k agar un mein se koi apni maan se badkaari ka murtakab ho to meri ummat mein se bhi koi aise badbakht nikal aayega ... bani israel bahattar (72) firqey mein batt gaye the or meri ummat tihattar(73) firqo mein batt jayegi .. lekin ek firqe k siwa baaqi sab jahannum mein jayengey... sahaba (r.a) ne pucha yeh naaji firqa kaunsa hai to hazur (s.a.w) ne farmaya wo firqa jo meri or mere sahaba (r.a) ki sunnat par amal pera hoga ...
      ibn majah kitab

      This explains that muslims was to b divided into 73 sects n one of th sect wil go into jannah... wch wil b following huzur 's(s.a.w) n sahaba's (r.a) sunnah... so basically u or i do not know wch one is correct n v shudnt point them out without knowing th complete truth as such...

      hazrat ibn umar (r.a) bayan karte hai k holy prphet (s.a.w) ne farmay jab koi shaks apne bahi ko kaafir (non muslim) kehta hai .. to yeh kufr un mein se kisi ek par zaroor aa padta hai agar to wo shaks jise kaafir kahan gaya hai waqey mein kafir hai to khair warna yeh kufr us par laut ayega jis ne apne musalman bhai ko kaafir kahan hai
      muslim kitab

      so i would say beware o u ppl for whn u do not know th complete truth as allah swt knows more than all of u do.... jus b quite than to call others kaafir else u wont b forgiven from Allah swt wrath on u ...

      May Allah swt guide u and all towards th righteous ameen

  8. I don't agree the excommunication thing either. Why is it that if an Ahmadi girl wants to marry out of jamaat, she is excommunicated but if an Ahmadi boy does that, he can simply CONVERT the girl and get away with it. Complete BS.

    Yes, I agree with "girl in the same situation" Islam means PEACE. lets be peaceful with each other and marry whoever we want.

    THE REALITY:
    Ahmadi boy marries white girl. He gets away with it and gets praised for converting her. Fact.
    Ahmadi girl waits at home until an Ahmadi girl asks to marry her since she is supposed to be a nice good girl and not say anything about what she wants. Available hmadi boys decrease in number due to their interest outside the community. Fact.
    Stupid aunties think they know everything. Fact.

    DOUBLE STANDARDS.
    LOVE FOR ALL, HATRED FOR NONE - really?!
    GET A MOVE ON AHMADI PEOPLE.

    may Allah help us all.

  9. I am also in a very similar situation. I don't know what to do as his parents believe that ahmadis are non-muslim. I have no problem with ahmadi-sunni marriages but I don't understand why everyone else seems to. I am not very well educated in terms of religion and therefore feel like I can not say anything. I don't know why if a female marrys outside ahmadi then she's kicked out of the jammat but if a ahmadi boy marrys a sunni he is not, isn't this unfair? Islam is meant to be a religion of peace, but everyone is making it complicated.
    I need help as I am so confused as to what to do. And I agree, some changes are required especially because we say love for all, hatred for none.

    Good luck to you all and inshallah Allah Mia will help us all

    • Assalamualikum wr wb ....

      sure y not our motto is

      Love for all hatred for none....

      But First make ur beliefs strong n gain more right knowledge n then spread th word of love for all n hatred for none... read Masih maood;s books online avilable too n thn c how loveabl n full of patience man he was...
      one such book i read was By Lain Adamson ... (english author) MIRZA GHULAM AHMAD OF QADIAN

      try readin online or buy it or somethng... n u wud know man who calls ppl towards Allah is never wrong with such patience n love for humanity n evrythng else

  10. AA Dear Saima,

    I was in a very similar situation as you. I'm an Ahmadi girl who was seeing a Sunni guy. He understands that I will have to marry an Ahmadi guy and I have obviously settled with that. However, the problem is the marriage trend in the Ahmadi Muslim community these days. I feel that more and more Ahmadi Muslims raised in the West with Pakistani parents look at wealth as well as degrees. The wealthier you are, the easier it is to get married. The more educated you are, the easier it is to get married. Are we going to school to learn or to get married?! This puts the pressure on many unmarried Ahmadi Muslims and competition for marriage in general, is fierce and we have no option but to look OUTSIDE our community to find a suitable partner. What are we to do? Do we have any other choice? Ahmadi mothers don't ask for our rishtas for their sons so what else are we to do? Moreover, if Ahmadi guys can marry OUTSIDE of their own community, why can't Ahmadi girls do the same? It's a very unfortunate situation of hypocrisy all around.

    If an Ahmadi girl does something wrong, then she is blamed for it but Ahmadi guys have it much easier as when they do something wrong, they are not blamed for it all. Since the Ahmadi community is not as large as the general Muslim community, we do not even have enough choices for partners and when no one speaks up on our behalf, we are left to struggle and live in our parents homes until we're 30 years of age and beyond even.

    There is discussion on chastity in our national programs but NOTHING on PRACTICAL WAYS to actually get married so we can AVOID sin. Everyone keeps repeating that we should look at the character of a person first but in all honesty, who actually does that? People are more chalaak than they seem.

    It's like I don't even want to get married anymore because no one is helping me. I can't be with the Sunni guy I was seeing even though he is willing to convert to Ahmadiyyat for me and I can't marry an Ahmadi because Ahmadi guys are WAY TOO PICKY like their mothers.

    Saima, just know that you are not alone. I would suggest trying to convert the guy to Ahmadiyyat for the sake of your family. Personally I see no harm in marrying a Sunni guy and I hope that our community makes some major changes especially since our slogan is love for all, hatred for none

    Wish you all the best sister. Ws

    • If he is willing to convert, then what is the problem ? I completely sympathesise with you when you say "It's like I don't even want to get married anymore because no one is helping me."
      Have you not thought about writing directly to the Head of the Community and letting him know your feelings ?

  11. AOA SAIMA,

    im in a simliar situation as you...are you still stuck?

  12. Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

    Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

    Sister Z has given a comprehensive answer, mashAllah, and I have nothing to add to that except one thing. If, ultimately, you have decided to become Muslim and abandon the Ahmadi beliefs, then if you decide to marry this man or another Muslim man, your father cannot act as your wali, your guardian, because a non-Muslim cannot act as a wali for a Muslim woman. So when the time comes to marry, inshAllah, you should appoint a wali for you from the Muslim community around you. This way you will have someone looking out for your interests.

    I truly ask Allah to guide you to that which is best in this world and the next. Ameen.

    Fi Aman allah,

    Noorah,
    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  13. Asalaamualaikum Saima,

    Before anything - you are committing Zina and this is a grave sin. You want to marry this brother but how do you expect any blessings in your marriage when from the outset you are displeasing Allah? Yes you have feelings for this brother and you say you cannot keep away from him. But Sister, when our feelings of love for someone or something start to creep past the limits set by Allah(swt), we need to stand back and question our 'love' in relation to our 'purpose in life'.

    "And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)"

    Lets put a few things in to perspective. As a Muslim, our purpose in life is to serve Allah(swt) and to hope for and work towards a place in Jannah.

    In an authentic Hadith reported by Ahmad, it is narrated that the Prophet(saw), said: "The eyes commit Zina, the hands commit Zina and feet commit Zina and the genitals commit Zina." (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith no. 4258)

    In another Hadith, he is reported to have said that "the genitals confirm or deny it." (indicating that starring at opposite sex in a lustful way has a spontaneous effect on the genitals and may induce person to commit Zina).

    The Prophet (saw) also said: "No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery" Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2475) and Muslim (57).

    The Prophet(saw) further said: "If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him." Narrated by Abu Dawood (4960) and al-Tirmidhi (2625); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

    Sister - what if Allah were to take your soul whilst you were committing zina or before you had sincerely repented? Is that feeling of 'lust/confused love' it really worth it?

    So you need to keep away from this brother both physically and emotionally and do tawbah. As you are so close to each other, moving away from one another will be very difficult at first. However, this feeling of 'happiness' you are gaining through satisfying your desires in a haraam manner will be very short lived and will cause you only suffering in the future. Well already you are feeling extreme guilt - so will be in the future if you continue? It will be easier for you to stop doing haraam if you repeatedly remind yourself of the following:

    - Your purpose in life should be to serve Allah alone
    - Zina is a major sin Islam and you will surely be punished unless you stop and repent now
    - Shaytaan has deceived you. He has used your interest in Islam to encourage you to become close to this brother. OK, this brother helped you move away from the Ahmadiyyah beliefs and come towards the Quran and Sunnah BUT that then you felt so comfortable that you fell into a haraam relationship with him.
    - At the moment your life has been revolving around this 'brother'. It needs to change. Your life needs to be revolving around 'Allah'. Improve your connection with Allah(swt) - when this is strong, you will see how all your other relationships become so much better and less grey.

    Remember Allah through Salaah, recitation of Quran, dhikr and lots of tawbah:

    "Recite that which has been revealed to you of the Book and keep up prayer; surely prayer keeps (one) away from indecency and evil, and certainly the remembrance of Allah is the greatest." (Al-`Ankabut 29:45)

    AHMADIYYA BELIEFS:

    As far as my understanding goes, the Ahmadiyya sect is named after Mirza Ghulam Ahmad who claimed he was the awaited Messiah and also the Mahdi. This is contrary to mainstream Muslim beliefs who believe that the Messiah and the Mahdi are two different individuals and have yet to come as there are many other events that will occur before their appearance. Islam predicted that there would be many people falsely declaring themselves to be the Mahdi or Messiah. I and mainstream Muslims believe that Mirza Ghulam Ahmed was one of those many.

    The Ahmadiyya Movement believes that Isa (as) died a natural death in Kashmir, India - as opposed to having been raised up alive to Heaven. This is completely contrary to what Allah says in the Quran Verse:4 Ayahs:156-159:

    "That they rejected Faith; That they uttered against Mary A grave false charge; That they said (in boast): 'We killed Christ Jesus The son of Mary, The Messenger of Allah.' But they killed him not, Nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts, with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjunction to follow, for of a surety they killed him not. Nay, Allah raised him up Unto Himself; and Allah Is Exalted in Power, Wise. And there is none of the people of the book (Jews and Christians) But must believe in him (Jesus) Before his death; And on the Day of Judgement He (Jesus) will be a witness Against them."

    The Ahmadiyya movement believes that Muhammed (saw) was not the last Prophet. They believe that every so often, Allah will send another Prophet to bring people back to the right path - hence the false self declaration of Ghulam Mirza Ahmad as Messiah. This belief is clearly contradictory to the Shahaadah: "There is not god but Allah and Muhammed(saw) is His LAST messenger".

    These are just two of the many beliefs that take Ahmadiyya followers out of the realms of Islam and into disbelief and hence I believe they are not 'Muslim' along with the majority of mainstream Muslims.

    CAN YOU MARRY A NON-MUSLIM?

    From what you have said, you seem to have turned away from the Ahmadi belief and have now come to believe in the real Islam Alhumdulillah. But I still sense some confusion from you.

    I am wondering, have declared your Shahaadah internally and externally and made this clear to your parents?

    Because if you have truly accepted faith in Allah and His complete religion of Islam in accordance with Quran and Sunnah, it is not permissible/halaal for you to marry anyone but a Muslim man.

    Your family can be considered not to be Muslims because of their Ahmadi beliefs, but you must still continue to be kind and gentle with them and fulfil your duties to them as they are your parents. HOWEVER, if they want you to marry an Ahmadi, then they are asking you to do something that is forbidden by Allah. So, I would say yes, you have every right to marry a Muslim man without their permission.

    After this - it is up to you to choose a potential spouse in a halaal manner and you need to find someone who can act as your Wali - maybe a reliable Imaam of a Mosque.

    Sister, you could use this opportunity to do dawah on your parents in influencing them to come towards the proper Islam, but you need to clarify your new beliefs to yourself first.

    Remind yourself of what being a Muslimah is. You have the chance to become a beautiful young Muslimah internally and externally.

    - Move away from committing anymore sin.
    - Tell your current 'boyfriend' that you need time out to mend your relationship with Allah before deciding your future. If he is sincere, he will improve himself, do tawbah and wait for you too.
    - Make sincere tawbah yourself.
    - Learn about your new founded religion of Islam through attending talks and mix with good Muslim sisters.
    - Speak to your parents about your new understanding of Islam. Maybe they will understand too, see the truth and accept it. It may seem impossible to you, but Allah can make anythying happen.
    - If this happens - then inshaAllah your parents will give you their blessings to marry a Muslim man. If not, then you need to find someone to take your father's place as your Wali.
    - And finally - once you have become stronger Muslimah, now decide if this 'brother' is the right Muslim man for you to marry. Will he help you live your life according to the Quran and the Sunnah?

    May Allah guide you Sister.