Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wanting to marry him and make it official

Ex-husband, ex-wife, the ex

Beware of the ex!

Salaam

I am 21 years of age and I met someone at the age of 17, we started off as friends and I became very close to him and we ended up in a relationship. 1 year down the line I found out he was involved with someone else, someone he kept relating to as his "Ex."

The relationship between me and him carried on and I constantly asked him about this other person but he kept denying it. I knew she was on the scene but I didn't want to back down without a fight, 2 years later my family had found out and forced me to end the relationship which I did where I ended up changing my number and losing contact with him.

1 more year went by and within that year I tried so hard to forget about him and move on and get myself back together. 1 whole year went by and he contacted me, I was hesitant to reply but still went ahead and replied. Eventually we got close again and got back into the relationship, I have always told him he is the one for me and he is the one I want to marry.

Few more months down the line I found out his "ex" was still on the scene, she had contacted me to back off and I had found out he had been round to hers in that year that me and him stopped contact and he went to ask for her hand from her father. When he got in contact with me he ended things with her.

Recently some stuff had kicked off and he told me he ended things with her and didn't want to be with her because of what she did, and he can't cut off contact with her just like that because she is suicidal and because of her habits. He told me he wants to be with me and he wants to marry me but would like for me to finish university first.

my family don't like him because of this reason, but deep down he is a good person and I know that because I have seen both sides of him.

I am very confused, he tells me he want to be with me but I don't know if he still in contact with her. She has told me she will not back down until I back down because she wants to Marry him.

I love him so much and we have been through a lot together, he has always stood by my side regardless when he was able too. I can't see nobody in my life but him and I do dua everyday for Allah swt to strengthen our relationship through deen and Islam. I just don't know wether I am ready to trust him again and I feel like he sometimes lies to me when it comes down to her because he knows the way I will react back.

I know my family don't like him and it is difficult because it is either him or my family and I love them both very much! I don't know whether to speak to my mum and to get married to him so we can move on away from all of this and I can finish my studying after marriage. Everytime I mention the word marriage to him he just says finish your university and then comes marriage.

i am so confused I don't know what to do!

Star!

 


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    Having a relationship with a non mehram without marriage is Haram.

    So, first of all, repent sincerely to Allah for the sin you have committed by doing Zina.

    Shaitaan will whisper you to try to make you think it's all about love and will make you to do Zina.

    If he really loves you, then ask him to marry you and stop contact with him, because he is non mahram. If he really loves you then he'll wait till you finish your studies and then ask you for marriage. If he's misguided by shaitaan and is only seeking your company to do zina then he'll not respond in a kind manner.

    Be ready to sacrifice the pleasure of Zina for the sake of Allah and to attain Paradise. Inshallah in the future whoever Allah will make your Husband will be good for this life and the Hereafter.

    May Allah make it easy for you.

  2. OP: Recently some stuff had kicked off and he told me he ended things with her and didn't want to be with her because of what she did, and he can't cut off contact with her just like that because she is suicidal and because of her habits. He told me he wants to be with me and he wants to marry me but would like for me to finish university first.

    He just want to use you as long as he can. If he can't cut off contact now with the other girl, how will he cut contact to get married to you.

  3. I am a man and I know how things work. Look its straight forward. Ask him to marry you and make it legit. If he CANT do that then break all contact with him. I feel he is hiding under a mask and to get away from the other girl he wants to marry you. He needs to understand what he is doing is wrong and if marriage is not in the equation he should leave you both alone. You got to remember that characteristics will be passed onto your children. Is this what you want your kids to be like? You need to be careful because guys can go to high levels just for temporary pleasure. Is he really saying what is he saying? Or is it all a show. In regards to his ex, you could get some information off her and ask her why he left her? Maybe he might do the same to you? She is your sister and you both need to help each other out.

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