Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love, but she wants me to become Christian

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I'm a Muslim man who is in love with a christian girl, and she says she loves me too.  I'm ready to marry her, but she wants me to convert to her religion. I dont have a problem with her religion but she has a probem with mine, so even though we love each other I don't think this is going to work out.

Her mom is very influential in her life, and only wants her to marry a Christian man (which she did before, but they divorced two years later). I wanted to stop talking to her, but she doesn't want me to do so. She keeps saying that she loves me and wants to be with me, so I don't what to do now. I'm very confused. Please help me with ideas.

-iba1988


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15 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    SURPRISED HOW CAN SHE EVEN THINK OF ASKING YOU TO BECOME A CHRISTIANS IN THE 1ST PLACE WHEN YOU LIKED HER YOU COUOD HAVE ASKED IF SHE AGREES TO REVERT TO ISLAM AND THIS POSITION WOULD NIT HAVE COME-
    DEAR IB 88 YOUR DISOBEDIENCE TO STEP INTO LOVING BEFORE MARRIAGE IT SELF IS HARAM-THEN THE TANGLE YOU GOT INTO IS DUE TO THAT STEP AND NOW LOADING SO MANY SINS ALREADY ON YOUR SELF YOU ARE INTO MORE BAD STATE OF AFFAIRS IF YOU DONT RETURN BACK TO YR ORIGINAL POSITION THAT IS INDEPENDANT SINGLE AND FORGET EVERYTHING YOU WILL LAND NEXT IN TO KUFFR IF YOUR INFATUATION TAKES YOU ON TO MARRRYING A GIRL WHO IS A POLYTHEIST MEANING WHO ASCRIBES A PARTNER TO ALLAH FOR WHICH THEY STAND OUT OF THE FOLD OF ISLAM AND BLAMEWORTHY FOR PUNISHMENT-

    “It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kafir (non-Muslim), whether he is Jewish, Christian or an atheist because the man has authority over his wife, and it is not permissible for a kafir to have authority over a Muslim woman. There are decisive texts from the Qur’an which refer to the prohibition of such marriage. For example, Allah Almighty says, “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikun (atheists) till they believe (in Allah Alone)” (Al-Baqarah: 221)
    And “And never will Allah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers” (An-Nisaa’: 141)
    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?
    He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
    Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.
    The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.
    And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
    So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
    The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
    Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

  2. Brother,

    There is nothing to be confused about here. Move on. This woman no matter how wonderful a person she is, is not going to save you from the hell fire. If she wants you to convert to Christianity, are you fine raising your children Christians knowing full and well that Mohammed is the final messenger of Allah...question mark. Subhanallah how we are fooled by the Shaitan at every turn and how we blindly allow him. May you be strong in your convictions as a Muslim and not let a pretty face turn you away from what you know to be the last and final religion sent unto mankind.

    Salam

  3. AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother,

    I agree with Brother ALI YOUSUFF and Sister Najah

    Also, the way this Christian woman is behaving, if she did not win you to become a Christian at this moment, and then she still marries you for the sake of the love she has for you, chances are that she is going to win your children and make them Christians in the end (she will be strong at that time and she might even use civil divorce and have custody of the children). And also if you are not careful yourself, you might end up joining her religion during your marital life (May Allah forbids this to happen!). Such a woman is the type you should never marry until she has really understood Islam very well in her heart, and has embraced it on her own for the sake of Allah, and not for the sake of love.

  4. Dear Brother,

    Don't become a victim due to your love for her.

    Our Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (Deen) and character and if religion becomes an issue (by any mean) in a love relationship, such relationship wont last irrespective of your strong efforts and positive thinking to deal with it.

    I have been in such situation and i made mistake of trying to deal with but ultimately I failed and now regret it. , thus, i would advice don't be confused and break up with her. I know it will be hard...very very hard...but it will be the right and wise decision.

    Seek help of Allah (swt) to make it easy for you.

    Your sister.

  5. Dear Brother,

    Dont be a victim due to your love for her.

    please note that Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (deen) and character.

    Religion is most important part of life and if it becomes an issue (in any way) between two people, then that relationship, how strong it may sound, does not lasts long!

    I have seen many examples around, so in my opinion, is not healthy and you should break up with her, i know it sounds very very hard to do, but it will be wise and sensible decision.

    Seek help of Allah (swt) to make it easy for you.

    Your Sister

  6. Dear Brother,

    This sentence is a red flag to me: “Her mom is very influential in her life......."

    There is no doubt in my mind that after you two get married , she will raise your kids as Christians under her mother’s influence , and if you are weak in the Deen of Islam , then most likely they will convert you too and you will end up joining the religion of Shirk. Authubillah, May Allah protect you and every Muslim from it.

    Please, protect your Deen and ask Allah SWT to send you a beautiful, pious Muslim woman with whom you would build a strong Muslim family and raise your children as true Mu’mins, InshAllah .

    Please, do not neglect your Hereafter and remember Allah SWT would never forgive Shirk.
    "Allah forgives not (The sin of) joining other gods with Him; but He forgives whom He pleases other sins than this: one, who joins other gods with Allah, has strayed far, far away (From the Right)."
    [Al-Qur’an 4:116]

    Salams,

  7. When you say you would like "ideas" because you don't know what to do, do you mean that you would like someone to give you advice about whether its a good idea to convert? No one is going to do that for you.

    It seems like you have two choices: convert so you can marry her, or, break off the relationship. She is NOT going to change her mind. Women are very close to their families and they will not risk alienating them.

    You will find someone else. Once the pain of the separation subsides, you will move on. In the meantime, you may want to consider whether there are any muslim women in your community who may be suitable for marriage?

  8. salaam,

    well move on no one is more important than Allah.
    If someone wants you to take the wrong road he she aint worth it
    Do you want to lose Allah for a woman?
    Tell her you cannot see how much she loves you
    seems like shaitan is working here

  9. Peace be with you,

    Listening to you, I can say that you know what you want and you know what to do, you said that is not going to work out and that you want to stop talking to her. This is a big no to this relationship and nobody has told you, this has come from your own insights about your situation.

    What I would like to add, it is that all of us deserve someone that love us just as we are, when someone wants to change us, that it is a red flag in any kind of relationship, the love felt for this people is not real love, they don´t love us as we are, they love us as they want us to be, they love the image that they have created of us, that is not real.

    I understand through your words that you love her unconditionally and this is what causes your confusion, but when we have in the table our roots, our own family, our culture, our future, the future of our kids(insha´Allah), the essence of who we are, ...We have to think with a cold head and see the facts, the acts and with all this information, trust God, pray Istikhara if you want and then take a firm decision and act accordingly it.

    Thank you for listening to me.

    Peace be with both of you and both of your families,

    María

  10. ASSALAMALAIKUM-SHE WILL PUT YOU IN THIS STATE OF IMAN-
    Surah Ibrahim 14:21-22 | Intro | Display | Recite |
    وَبَرَزُوۡا لِلّٰهِ جَمِيۡعًا فَقَالَ الضُّعَفٰۤؤُا لِلَّذِيۡنَ اسۡتَكۡبَرُوۡۤا اِنَّا كُنَّا لَـكُمۡ تَبَعًا فَهَلۡ اَنۡـتُمۡ مُّغۡـنُوۡنَ عَنَّا مِنۡ عَذَابِ اللّٰهِ مِنۡ شَىۡءٍ‌ؕ قَالُوۡا لَوۡ هَدٰٮنَا اللّٰهُ لَهَدَيۡنٰكُمۡ‌ؕ سَوَآءٌ عَلَيۡنَاۤ اَجَزِعۡنَاۤ اَمۡ صَبَرۡنَا مَا لَــنَا مِنۡ مَّحِيۡصٍ‏ 
    (14:21) Then all of them will appear exposed before Allah,28 and the weak ones will say to the haughty ones: "We merely followed you. Will you, then, protect us from Allah's chastisement?" They will say: "Had Allah shown us the Way to our salvation, we would surely have also guided you. Now it is all the same whether we cry or suffer patiently, we have no escape."29
    28. The word baruz means to emerge and also implies to become known. That is why it has been translated into “shall appear before Allah”, for it implies both these meanings. As a matter of fact, all the people are fully exposed all the time before Allah but they do not realize it. They will, however, realize it on the Day of Judgment when they shall be presented before the Greatest of all Judges that they were fully exposed before Him all along. So much so that every deed they did and each and everything they thought and desired is known to Him.

    29. This is to serve as a warning to all those people who follow others blindly or obey and submit to tyrants because they say: We are weak. They are warned, as if to say: You should note it well that those leaders, saints, officers and rulers whom you arc following blindly today, will not be able to protect you at all from the chastisement of Allah. Therefore, you should consider it well today where such people, whom you are following or obeying, are themselves going and where they are leading you.

    وَقَالَ الشَّيۡطٰنُ لَـمَّا قُضِىَ الۡاَمۡرُ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ وَعَدَكُمۡ وَعۡدَ الۡحَـقِّ وَوَعَدْتُّكُمۡ فَاَخۡلَفۡتُكُمۡ‌ؕ وَمَا كَانَ لِىَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ مِّنۡ سُلۡطٰنٍ اِلَّاۤ اَنۡ دَعَوۡتُكُمۡ فَاسۡتَجَبۡتُمۡ لِىۡ‌ ۚ فَلَا تَلُوۡمُوۡنِىۡ وَلُوۡمُوۡۤا اَنۡفُسَكُمۡ‌ ؕ مَاۤ اَنَا بِمُصۡرِخِكُمۡ وَمَاۤ اَنۡتُمۡ بِمُصۡرِخِىَّ‌ ؕ اِنِّىۡ كَفَرۡتُ بِمَاۤ اَشۡرَكۡتُمُوۡنِ مِنۡ قَبۡلُ‌ ؕ اِنَّ الظّٰلِمِيۡنَ لَهُمۡ عَذَابٌ اَ لِيۡمٌ‏ 
    (14:22) After the matter has been finally decided Satan will say: "Surely whatever Allah promised you was true; as for me, I went back on the promise I made to you.30 I had no power over you except that I called you to my way and you responded to me.31 So, do not blame me but blame yourselves. Here, neither I can come to your rescue, nor can you come to mine. I disavow your former act of associating me in the past with Allah.32 A grievous chastisement inevitably lies ahead for such wrong-doers."
    30. When the criminals will charge Satan with leading them astray, he will plead guilty, as if to say: You yourselves see now that all the promises and warnings made by Allah have come out true and all the promises which I made have proved to be false. I also confess that it was all deception that I gave you false assurances of prosperity, beguiled you by greed and enticed you in the snare of great expectations. I assured you that in the first instance there will be no life in the Hereafter, and that, if there be any, you will be freed by the intercession of such and such a saint. The only thing you have to do is to make offerings before him: then you may do whatever you please, for he will deliver you from all the consequences. I repeat that I said all these things and asked my agents to say the same.

    31. That is, you cannot say and prove that it was I who forced you to follow the wrong way, whereas you wanted to follow the right way. You will yourselves admit that it is not so. I did no more than this that I invited you to falsehood in opposition to the invitation to the truth and tempted you to vice instead of virtue. But I had no power to force you to the wrong way, if you desired to follow the right way, when you had the power and the option to follow either of the ways. Now I am ready to bear the burden of the wicked invitation I extended to you, but you are not justified in any way to throw on me the burden of accepting my invitation for you did it on your own responsibility. You should, therefore, yourselves bear all its consequences.

    32. This is a clear proof of shirk in practice, as apart from shirk in creed. As Satan will charge his followers with making him a partner with God, it is obvious that as far as creed is concerned there is no one who makes Satan a partner with God in His Godhead or His worship: nay, every one curses him for his evil ways. Nevertheless, people obey and submit to him and follow him blindly, as if he were their god and that is what has been termed shirk.

    Let us now consider this thesis from the opposite point of view. Someone might say that this does not hold good, for this is based on a mere saying of Satan which has been cited here. First, this objection is not sound because Allah Himself would have refuted it, had it been baseless.

    Secondly, this is not the only instance of shirk in practice in the Quran. Here are a few more instances of this.

    (a) It charges the Jews and Christians with shirk because they set up their priests and monks as their Lords besides Allah. (Surah At-Tauba, Ayat 31).

    (b) Those who follow the superstitious customs have been called mushriks. (Surah Al-Anaam, Ayats 136-139).

    (c) Those who follow their lusts have been charged with making their selves as their god. (Al-Furqan, Ayat 43).

    (d) Those who are disobedient to Allah have been accused of worshiping Satan. (Suranh Saba, Ayat 60).

    (e) Those who follow man made laws without Allah’s sanction have been reproved for setting up the makers of the laws without Allah’s sanction as partners with God. (Surah Ham-Sajdah, Ayat 21).

    All the above instances are clear proofs of the fact that shirk is not confined to this creed alone that one might set up a partner with Allah in His Godhead as an article of faith. But it is also shirk that one should follow and surrender to someone other than Allah without any divine sanction or in spite of a divine prohibition. Such a one shall be guilty of shirk even though the follower might be at the same time cursing him whom he follows and obeys. The only difference between the two kinds of shirk may be the extent of the crime and not its nature.

  11. Brother while I agree with the others that under NO circumstances whatsoever should you even consider changing your religion, the most perfect way of life, in my opinion, you should try working things out, one last time instead of dumping her straight away.try educating her a bit about Islam, remove that stereotypical 'extremist' image most non Muslims have about Islam.try to figure out why she has a problem with Islam.tell her firmly that you will never change your religion, but Islam is a religion that respects her religion enough to allow the marriage of a Muslim man to a Christian woman.I would not accuse this girl of impiety or loose character simply because she is a non Muslim and has apprehensions about Islam, may be she has just some mis conce ptions about Islam and is ignorant.try talking things out with her and her Mom , give it one last shot.maybe she and her mom might change their minds and she might even convert,once she views Islam in a different way, in the way it really is, a tolerant and just religion!if she and her mom persist in their rigidity, THEN you should terminate the relationship in a decent and tactful way.sorry, but dumping this girl just like that after commiting emotionally with her, (even though the reason is valid) without giving it one last shot just seems like a breach of humanity to me.just stating my opinion though.best of luck.

  12. Assalaamualaikam

    I think that you've already answered your own question, when you say "I don't think this is going to work out". It's also telling that while you mention your love for her, you say "she says she loves me too". Both of these suggest that in your heart you already know what to do if she continues to insist you choose between her and your faith.

    If you wish to have a final try to resolve things, pray istikhara first and trust in Allah to guide you to what is best for you and protect you from that which is bad for you. Try to explain how important your faith is, that it is not incompatible with marriage to a Christian and that you are accepting and respectful of her faith, but that being Muslim is not up for negotiation. Faith is an important part of who we are, so not respecting this indicates a lack of respect for you. Be clear about what you need and want from a partnership (for example, to practise your faith without criticism, to be able to raise your children in Islam), and think about other areas of life as well - work, living arrangements, social activities, contact with relatives...

    People in marriages don't always need to share all the same opinions and practices, but where they don't, there does need to be mutual respect and acceptance, and a commitment to discussion and compromise where appropriate.

    I'm reminded of a quotation that my grandmother told me about, from a TV programme she used to watch: "Don't make me choose between you and God, because you can't win".

    May Allah protect you and help you keep on the straight path.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  13. Ya salaam, how can you wana go from a complete religion, a complete way of life, a way of life that will make you successful in the hereafter to an incomplete religion that they don't even know which bible is correct of theirs, man-made where as the Qur'an is directly from Allah to nabi muhammed saw sent millions of years ago and has not been tampered with in anyway ... Although it is allowed for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim female but on condition that you tell her about Allah every day ... Show her this beautiful deen and inshallah she'll be guided remember Allah will only give guidance to those who wish for guidence

  14. she may be fun fr u here but dnt frget here after whtabout ur children ? dnt u wnt them to be muslims?

    be scared of Allah. she has to give tht one up dnt let her boss u about.

    ur a person to we have deen , the great example of the prophet... I dnt knw hww u cn stay cool...
    just educate her she may cme to the faith.

    just man up go n tell her to tell her mum she likes a guy, n go meet her mum.

    n talk. I understand she may reject u but no need why u cnt carry on trying to convince her.

  15. Brother,
    No one and nothing in this world is worth losing Islam over. Tell her no and run. There are many muslim girls out there who are looking for muslim men to marry. Forget this girl, and do not let the relationship get any deeper. You said she has a problem with your religion (Islam), and you still want to marry her?

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