Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry young, but how do I mention this to my parents


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I am a young muslim teenager and in my culture it is not common for people to marry young. However, I am afraid of commiting zina, especially since I don't live in a muslim community. I think it would be better for me to marry young, but there would be cultural problems.

I also don't know how to mention it to my parents. My father thinks it is best for people to marry young (for the same reasons as me), but my mother (she's the boss of the family) hates that idea. She thinks people should wait until their late twenties. I don't have a close enough relationship with either of my parents to ask them about it.

Another problem would be my brother. He's always super protective of me.... he even gets angry when muslim guys call me "sister". Please advise me on what to do.

Thanks very much.


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9 Responses »

  1. Dear Young_Muslimah, Walaykumsalaam,

    Please see the following link as a young sister asked a very similar question to yours:

    SisterZ Editor

    • Salam,
      Thank you for your reply. I found that link useful, but it doesn't areally nswer my question. How am I supposed to even ask for marriage? It sounds simple but I can't just say "hey can I marry?" It's more difficult than that. I would appreciate if you could give some insight.

      Thanks again,

  2. Assalam-Alekum,

    Sister, I am guessing that when your father and mother married, your mother was married young and she could not follow her life's dreams of education etc. Its natural of her to think that her daughter should have those opportunities which she didn't had due to her marriage and raising up her children. On the other hand your father seems to know the problems which young and unmarried muslims feel. Sister, mashaAllah your father is on the same frequency as you are. I think you can talk to your father about your VALID problem and see if he understands you.

    Also, talking to parents who have seen the world and who naturally think that they have seen the whole world and know better than their child. Its better to give them some context and background before you start talking to them about a particular problem. Although sometimes they can understand without any background but providing some context also helps.

    Sister, if you think that you are ready for marriage, then you should study Quran and Hadith to get knowledge about marriage. And should be prepared to talk to your parents based upon Quran and hadith. This will give them an idea that you have thought about this and after due thought process and knowledge of your possible duties and possible problems in marriage you are approaching them to help you find a solution. Just going to them and simply saying it will not help your case.

    These are few points I hope they help you. May Allah help you find a husband which is best for you in this world and hereafter.


  3. As salamu alaykum young_muslimah,

    Your words tell me that you are the little one and the girl of the house, then won´t be easy, but you have to begin for the begining.

    You sound as a very balanced girl, very mature, indeed, but there are certain things you should think about before getting married.

    Are you studying? Have you finished your studies? Do you have anything to acomplish before having your own family? Are you conscious of the duties of a wife and mother? Do you feel mature enough to carry with the duties of a married woman?

    If you don´t have a close relationship with your parents, it is a great time to come closer to them, talk to them about what to expect? what to ask for? their experience?, sometimes parents are reluctant to talk to their children about their own experience, but if you get that they open their Heart, the bond will be tighter between all of you. Approach your family with love and respect, you may have beautiful surprises, insha´Allah.

    After thinking a while about all this questions if you answer that you are ready, the next step is to sit with all your family and yes tell them, I would like to marry, I am ready to receive proposals, and probably your mother won´t agree but she would tell other ones about your idea and the voice one to the other will move the wave of proposals, then you will have to choose the right partner that will be with you the rest of your life, the father of your children, insha´Allah. ...Well this goes too fast, I think.

    To get ready for all of this, are you praying your salat? are you making dua? are you looking for Allah(swt) ´s guidance? are you sharing your wishes and dreams with Allah(swt)?

    If it is your time, everything will flow smoothly, if you have obstacles, pray to Allah(swt) for guidance and patience.

    Just something else, because you are in a vulnerable situation, stay within the limits of the halal and don´t let anyone approach to you beyond those limits. This will avoid a lot of pain and suffering from your life, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love and Respect,

    María Editor

  4. Dear Young Muslimah,

    I will have to side with your mother on this one. As the mother of three daughters and three sons (mashallah), I would like to offer you my views on the issue of you marrying so young. If you are worried about committing zina, do not put yourself in that situation to begin with. Go to school and come home when you are done. Don't go hanging around the malls or going to any friends who have mixed company...ever. You have to think of more than marriage right need to think about you. Many girls marry young and don't finish their education or are unable to finish school due to a child or in some cases, your husband does not allow you to finish for one reason or another. I had a good friend who married and her husband even signed a document saying that he would allow his wife to finish school but guess what...he did not let her finish.

    Your mother knows what she is talking about when she speaks of you getting your education whether you believe it or not. Marriage is wonderful but it is a lot of hard work and when the kids are born, sleepless nights, endless piles of dishes to wash, food to prepare and make ,a house to clean and on and on and on and did I mention that you often feel unappreciated for all that you do? Are you ready for all of that...really? Because that and more is just a part of marriage not to mention your duties to your husband.

    Young Muslimah, I married very young and my advice to you is from a life of experience, from a woman who was once a young girl just like you. I did not get the education that I now guide each and every one of my children towards. I couldn't wait to be married and have a family. It would not be until many years had passed that I was able to open my eyes and see all that I had missed out on in my life. All that I should and could have done but did not because I wanted to be married. Don't be in a rush...seriously. Look at your life and see what you are doing and how you can change some of the things that are going on around you that make you want to commit zina. I understand the hormonal changes and all that are going on at this young tender age but if you are not putting yourself in situations where males are present or hanging around with them, it will most definitely help with some of the feelings you may be experiencing. Now...go hang with your mom and talk about your future and what you would like to major in at University. May Allah guide you and keep you on the straight path.

  5. Najah's advice is 100% spot on

  6. Salam,

    Thank you for all of your wonderful and helpful answers. Especially sister Najah.

    • Young Muslimah,

      I am glad to help you love, even in the smallest of ways. I really do hope you will heed my advice and the advice of the other sisters on this Board. I remember when I was 16...I knew everything and my mother knew nothing, or so I thought. We have this mentality that, "oh, she is old, what does she know", or "she's old fashioned". The truth is, even as the years pass by (okay no seriously...their flying), the eyes with which I see are still that of a 16 year old girl. I could sit here for the next hour and tell you of all the things I would have done with the first being to knock myself dead and work for the best grades I could earn. Back then, I didn't care...I hated school and everything about it. I couldn't wait to be done with it and move on. How blind I was.

      I guess my point is, there is no rush in me when I say that. Bored? Find a hobby (quit laughing...I see you!) My daughter who is 16 has taken up photography and is absolutely amazing at using Photoshop. Keep yourself and educate yourself. Plan out what it is that you want to be when you go to College...make your mark in this world. The dishes and housework can wait!


  7. MashAllah, the world is beautiful.
    Really appreciate all your love for each other, may Allah (swt) bless you all.

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