Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Was he just using me all this while?

Self respect

Don't let people disrespect you or manipulate you!

Hello! I am a non muslim girl and two years back I came into a relationship with a muslim guy of my age. I became close to him only when he promised me that he would marry me once I accept Islam. Everything was fine until recently I noticed some changes in his behaviour. After every fight he would end up saying that he would never marry me. He even said that he didn't want to marry me. When asked for a reason then he would just blame me. He would just say that I am not the type of girl he would want to marry. But after sometime he told me that due to some family issues his parents would never allow him to marry a girl who was not a muslim by birth.

What should I do now? I even begged and cried asking him what my fault was. Whenever I ask him why he didn't think about this before coming in a relationship with me then he would very rudely say that he never thought about it then.

I told him that I would convert to Islam and would be a very good muslimah. These days i've started reading Qur'an and have developed interest in the religion. I want to convert to Islam, because I have started believing in Allah.

He says that he won't talk to me from now on because no matter how much he loves me, this is not allowed in Islam and he would be committing a great sin if he talked to me. He says that he wants to break up for two years and during those two years I should convert to Islam and become a practising muslim girl.

But I need to know, is this process this long? Do I need to take two years to get myself converted and become a practising muslim? And also tell me, whatever happened with me was right or wrong? I know whatever the guy is doing is because he wants to turn to Allah and I respect that but in this whole process isn't he doing wrong with me? What should I do now?


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4 Responses »

  1. This guy isnt treating you very well is he. Convert to Islam if you want to from your heart NOT because he is telling you to. You shouldnt do it just to please a guy. His story keeps on changing.First he wanted to marry you if you convert then he says he would never marry then he says his family wont accept. And no it doesnt take 2 years to convert it takes like 2 minutes to accept and take the Shahadah. My advice would be to forget about this guy and move on with your life.

  2. I agree, forget about this boy and move on. He won't come back for you in two years or ever.

  3. My dear sister, I am glad that you are considering Islam and I honestly encourage to look further and study more. When you truly study this religion, you will find that you may not even want to be with this guy. The reason may be that he is not practicing, and when you learn more, you will want to be better as a person yourself. This religion is beautiful despite what the media says.

    No it does not take two years to convert!! It only takes seconds!! Sister, this guy from the beginning as a Muslim he already knew he could not be with you NO MATTER WHAT! And that is the reality of the truth. No Muslim guy would marry a non Muslim in most cases. Now I'm not being rude, but I'm actually looking out for you. Every Muslim guy that is dating a non Muslim knows that actually they don't stand a chance at marriage and that their just gonna have fun with the girl while they can until they get married. Now as a Muslim I think that's disgusting and these guys need a reality check. My sister you have to understand that he already knew he wasn't gonna marry you.

    Notice how you said that after every argument he just blames you for everything and when initially asked about why he doesn't want to marry you, he says it's your fault. Before reading the rest of your story I knew that he was gonna end up saying that he can't marry. And the reason why (which I guessed also) was because his parents will never accept you. Gues what? I finished reading your post and it was exactly what I had expected you to say. So since I already know what you were gonna say, you should take my advice and just keep studying Islam because this guy actually really doesn't want to even try to talk to his parents.

    I am betting already that he didn't even tell his parents yet because he already knows the answer. Seriously, no matter how much he loves, even if he really wants to marry you, which I'm guessing he does, he wouldn't go against his parents or even brig it up. You know why? Because now his parent are not only gonna know that he had a girlfriend (which is forbidden) but that he also wants to marry her?!!?!? He knows his parents best and he already told you that it's like going to the moon and back in minutes. Which is impossible.

    When you learn more about the religion, and I pray that you do, you won't even want this guy. I'm not saying that not being with him is going to be easy, but his just using you.

    And you know what? You're a smart sister and have already figured that he is just using you until he gets married. He only promised you marriage from the beginning because it's easy to lie and let it go when the time to separate hasn't comes.

    You can continue to try and encourage him and tell him to talk to his parents. Which I encourage, but you won't succeed in that since his not gonna try and compromise.

    And there is no such thing as you have to be born Muslim in order to marry a born Muslim. That is just ridiculous and it's another excuse why he doesn't want to marry you.

    And yes his braking up with you BECAUSE boyfriend and girlfriend is forbidden in Islam. But marriage is not. So try to understand why he doesn't want to date you any long. Perhaps he want to turn to Allah and knows that what his doing is a sin.

    May Allah guide you, please everyone make dua for her.

  4. Sister Ami,
    There are always bad and good people in every religion. You can't blame someone for his religion. Islam don't need Muslims. Muslims need Islam. Forget what he says to you. Understand Islam. And recite the Qur'an. And insha'Allaah you will find the answer. Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Will Let you know the answer. You and I need Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) don't need us. Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) is not a human being.

    Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Knows the Best.

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