We agree on divorce, how does he do Talaq?
As salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I am desperately seeking advice and help . I am a revert sister and I've been married 3 years to the person that introduced me to Islam, Alhamdulillah. He was half practicing and I thought when we got married I would be a good influence enough for him to come to the sunnah. I am now at the stage where I am deeply depressed I am worried for my eman.
The 1st issue: My husband doesn’t always pray all his 5 prayers. He works nights and sleeps most of the day. Sometimes he will combine prayers either at the wrong time or altogether as he cannot prayer at work. Does this invalidate our nikkah?
2nd issue: He is denying my rights as a women to have children. He practices Azl WITHOUT my permission. I have shown him many hadiths and books of knowledge on having children and the wives rights but it has not changed his mind.
He doesn’t treat me with respect, he is often harsh with me and calls me names which hurt me. I am not happy with him and feel I am becoming weak.
3rd issue: His culture, he is asian and he has told me that he wants to move back in with his parents (in a different country) also that involves me living with his brother as well which I am not comfortable with, due to the fact its disliked in islam and I wear niqaab. I am from the uk.
I have prayed Istikhara many times in favour of leaving him but I cannot bring myself to do it.
I know deep down I need to leave him and find a brother upon the sunnah who insha allah can help me work towards jennah.
My husband has said he will let me go and find another brother. But we are unsure of how to do Talaq. Can he do it at home with no witnesses or do we have to go to the mosque and have witnesses.
Jazakallah khair.
- coconut
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Coconut (I feel funny calling you that), As-salamu alaykum,
The fact that your husband misses some prayers does not invalidate the marriage.
The fact that he does not want children with you is a warning sign. It might indicate that he does not plan to stay with you, or that he has no faith in the future of the marriage.
It would be better to go to the masjid and let your husband make the declaration of divorce in front of the Imam, in order for it to be witnessed and everything known and proper. That way you can also get a divorce certificate when the 'iddah is complete, so that future prospects can know for sure that you are divorced.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam-Alaikum,
Sister, the first 2 things do not mean that he is being bad to you or is not acting as a good husband. The third point about moving with his brother is something which you can talk to him and perhaps he'll reconsider.
As you mentioned sister, this guy introduced you to Islam. If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then perhaps its better to help him become better in his deen instead of leaving him altogether.
For many of us muslims the Iman goes up and down. I think the question you need to ask yourself is that can you help him in his "dark" part of life? Perhaps with your effort he can come back to the right path and start his salah.
Regarding the part about not wanting child, I think you should tell him about this problem as well, since you want to build the relationship?
In my humble opinion none of the reasons you mentioned constitute a valid reason to ask for divorce. And if your husband is "OK" with letting you go. Then do not take it as if he is happy to let you go. Some people believe that the person you love, you should let them do whatever they want(within Islam) even if hurts you. Perhaps he is agreeing on the divorce because he loves you and wants to see you happy with him or without him in your life.
May Allah bring your hearts together and keep you together in this world and in Jannah Amen!
Hope it helps.
regards,
Salaam sister cocoanut .(sounds funny).. 2 my own opinion, i dont think it has reached d stage of divorse. .. As regards 2 d issue of child birth, why not try 2 involve his parent or elder's by informing them bitterly about it.. Am sure they won't be happy with dat nd they will try 2 stop nd correct him.... I think u should giv a try, it may work. Sister, dis man invited u 2 islam and it can only be ok when u practise d deen perfectly together.. Try 2 explain 2 him d gravity of sin acquired just by missing d salat. Eg there is an hadith of d prophet that says '' d difference btw hypocracy, shirk(polytheism-kufr) and a muslim is leaving d prayers.. Insha Allah he may change. Another thing is why not try and talk with him on a very high intellectual level and ask him why is he behaving like dat considering d fact dat he made u embrace islam and dat he is not showing good example 4 nonbeleivers 2 see.. Also try 2 ask him 2 give u a geniune answer as 2 why is he depriving u of ur right as a woman... If dis does not work, then i see no reason of u staying with him, only then can u start thinking of divorse ..and Allah will inshaAllah replace him with a better one who loves u,respect ur feelings nd loves God...
asalaamu alaykum
I have marriage problems. i have been married for a year and i am currently staying at my mums house because i am waiting to finish my degree (this is my last year).
Firstly he wasn't showing interest, love or care and i he is not showing responsibility e.g. looking for a house and planning the future for us.
This made me depressed and being unhappy for a long time. i complained to him and he didn't do anything about it. i am worried about his imaan as he doesn't pray his 5 daily prayers properly. recently i found out he tried to tell my sister he has feelings for her and when i confronted him he said he doest like her and he wants to change for me. but i don't believe his words. i told him i want a divorce and he has been crying and telling me to give him a chance. i am scared i might be comming sin for making my husband cry although he has done something wrong. i prayed saltul istikhara before i heard about this and i found out about this and for some reason i feel soo strong about leaving him yet i still love him.
am i allowed to leave him islamically without commiting any sin.
He says he'll swear on the quran that he'll treat me right but i don't know if i should change my mind about leaving him. Please give me legal advice on this matter.
waslaaam
Salaam safiya. . I don't think u are having any problem. . . '"i told him i want a divorce and he has been crying and telling me 2 give him a chance'". . . . . . . . .'"he says he will swear on d quran that he will treat me right'''..... This clearly indicate dat ur has deeply regrete over his past action and it can only be fair if u will understand his point of view. . . Sister, you have 2 thank Almighty Allah 4 blessing u with a husband dat really loves u 2 d extend dat he is crying and begging u 4 a chance when u threatened him with a divorce. . . I dont think there is any problem here, just go ahead and give him d chance and see how he will respond 2 his oath.... (and mind u, if u lose dis loving and caring husband of your's, it might be difficult 4 u 2 have someone like him again.. Am sorry 4 saying dis but it is simply a harsh truth)
Jazakaallah khair mohd. may Allah bless you for your great advice. inshallah i will think about this deeply. its only natural to treat someone so wrong or to over look their good side when they make you angry and tht's what i have done.
yet i was scared to be cursed by the angels by making my husband this sad and that's the reason why i wanted your advice.
i thank you again.
waslaam
Assalamu Aleykum sister. I wish you all the best. But yor story sounds kinda like mine 6 month back. People give advices here so easy like they know that person. My husband cried, swore by Allah and Swore with his hand on Quran that he will change. Now I do not have any feeling for him. I simply lost respect. This divorce thing for me been stretched for over 6 month now.
You know sister people do change sometimes but keep your eyes open. If you do not see immidiate change then sign is that most likely your husband will stay they same.
I believe that when my husband cried he truely believed in what he was saying. But longer it takes for us worse it gets.
Today we finaly decided to get divorce. And finaly i feel peace in my heart. Because i know he will never change. I kept forgiving him for Allah because he swore by him and he kept braking his promises.
I wish you all the best. I hope your husband will not repeat his mistakes. some man learn lesson. some don't.
Walaykum salam sister
i am glad that your happy with the choice u made....i was determined to go with the divorce untill he made me think twice about it and i thought of giving him a go. i have come across thigns like this before where he broke my heart because of similar mistakes but we weren't married then, we were in the process and i am scared he might do it again although he swore on allah's name i have been in love blindly and i havnt noticed all the bad things he has done to me..
anyywy thats the past am just worried about the present and the future.
may allah make all these things go away.
and thanks for ur advice sis
waslaam