Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We have had a friendship for five years but she won’t marry me

Dear brother, I am a born muslim. I have a friendship with a muslim woman for 7 years. we understand each other alot and exchange gifts but the problem am having is i wanna marry her and spent rest of my life with her. I finally found ture happiness.


The problem is she only loves me as a friend and we both from different culture am black she is pakistani. Most of pakistan womens only marrys their pakistan men.

What should I do? I am very unhappy with life. I dont pray anymore because I am not happy. I am always upset.I don't wanna marry nobody else but her because I found true happiness and real comfort. She is the value I see. I am not satisfy. I asked ALLAH MOST HIGH for 5 years duwa asking him please give me this beautiful woman. She is a good person who prays.

What should I do? Am not happy anymore. Praying is good but still doesn't bring comfort. In my life am not happy all, I see rich people who are so happy living exotic life with their beautiful wives on a yacht. I feel i have nothing in my life. I work and finished college still am not happy.

Can you help me and answer me brother am so depressed in life.

- hakeem

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5 Responses »

  1. Materialism never brought happiness to anyone. I really don't 'get' this love thing so many people are lost in, what is it? some fleeting feeling, something you saw in the movies (maybe on a yacht ...), a nice idea maybe but real life is different and much better. Love comes from Allah, not on yacht, not by dating. not by rubbing shoulders in the market place. If you live in a manner pleasing to Allah then he will put love between you and your spouse. Why do a wrong thing by pursuing this woman for 7 years, exchanging silly gifts and then expecting Allah to fix it? When did this sort of mentality become a norm, it's beyond me.

    Read this ayat from the Quran and ponder over it's meaning :

    "Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children. (It is) like a rain (Ghayth), thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment, and (there is) forgiveness from Allah and (His) pleasure. And the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment." [57:20]

  2. As salamu alaykum,

    The first thing here is that happiness cannot be found outside of yourself, absolutely nothing and noone will give you what you are looking for, because that comes directly from God and it comes from your inner connection to Him, you have been praising Allah (swt) for 5 years just asking Him to satisfy your desires, asking Him for what you wanted, there is a whole sacred world around prayer, go for it, look for what it is really important, look for the real meaning of salat, look for your connection to the Arrahman, Arrahim, only Him can bring you back the joy of being, despite anything or anyone that comes around in your life, Alhamdulillah.

    You need to direct your life to what is really important, you just finish college, it is a very important moment in your life, take care of yourself, become the man you are called to be, be patience with yourself and the others and, at the right time, you will find the woman that will love the man you are, insha´Allah.

    You were born with the Gift of being Muslim, your first words in the post are those, now that you have finished college, use all that energy you had to study your career, to study your Roots, you have the tools you need to do it, please, find the Treasure that only you can find, insha´Allah.

    Allah(swt) knows best.

    All my unconditional Love and Respect,


  3. Assalamu Alikum Warahmathallahi Wabarkathuhu, Bro

    Mashallah, sister Maria has perfectly pointed out the things i wanted to say. Never loose hope in Allah(swt) because he truly loves those are patient and those who continuously make dua. 5 yrs is long but trust me, it'll be worth it. Allah(swt) might just answer your dua but before he could do that, you've stopped asking.

    You're truly blessed to be born as a muslim so stop worrying about a girl who you had feeling for 7 yrs. Infact, you should focus more in thanking and worshiping Allah(swt) and as time goes, he will surely reveal your future wife. She has no intention of carrying the relationship further, so why waste this precious time?

    Remember those less fortunate than you, those who are poor and always be thankful to Allah(swt) for what you have. Sometimes, we tend to take it for granted. Inshallah, you'll find your faith again and become a better muslim.

    Hope this help.

  4. Assalaamu alaikum brother. I am sorry for all the sadness you are feeling in your life, and the sense of what you feel you are missing. I agree that your focussing your energy too much on the wrong thing. You are doing 'if only.' In your head you have imagined the 'perfect scenario' but the grass isnt greener on the other side. I also wanted to add that if she was good for you, and vice versa she would want to marry you.
    I will be blunt. You are chasing the dunya. It happens to the best of us. Be aware These rich men with beautiful wives and money arent necessarily happy. Not without a purpose. Allah swt created us to worship Him. That is our fitrah dear brother, and our hearts only find contentment in the remembrance of Allah. We can only be truly whole and truly happy when we are close to Allah swt and when we worship Him.

    Brother, if she doesnt want to marry you,no matter how you feel you have to accept it. Wouldnt you rather have a wife who loves you back. I honestly believe that this is a blessing- ALLAH SWTDOES NOT GIVE TRIALS FOR NO REASON- She is not good for you an by doing this Allah has protected you and InshaAllah He will give you something better. Keeping friendships with member of the opp sex is a sin dear brother, it leads to sin and it has led to the pain you are experiencing now -so make tawbah - Know that Allah swt is the Most Merciful and take up this opportunity Allah has given you an turn back to him.

    Apologies for the long post but I want to give a metaphor a very dear muslim (teacher) friend gave to me: Bros and sis forgive me for any mistakes:

    Allah swt has created us humans from two things - earth an water (body)
    - Ruh (soul)
    We spend so long nourishing our body with food, worldy pleasures, fast cars etc that it 'squashes' our soul. Or we spend so long running after these we forget to water our soul. an so we have this 'gap' in our lives if we leave it. This is one reason why fasting is soo benefical for us - we leave nourishing our body - we leave the dunya to nourish our soul.

    We NEED Allah swt, He doesnt need us. So this gap in your life is almost certainly due to your disconnection from your creator and you have displaced ur despair onto this girl. Dont. Keep away from her an from 'friendships' wit other girls. Focus on your deen. Spend time with your fam. Get involved in your muslim community. Enjoy life in a halal way (its a gift). Get involved in useful activities. Take up a sport and dont get bored - keep your mind busy.

    Do your salat, and fast extra if u can, try to improve your relationship with Allah. Ask Him to help u move on and give u peace and the BEST wife for you at the best time. Trust in Him. He loves you as He's given you this trial as He wants you to turn back. Try to open your mind an your heart brother. Sis Leyla posted a beautiful dua on a prev post which I printed. I will share it here. Ask Allah to give u comfort and deen and you will be happy dear brother.

    "Oh Allah, make my love for You the most beloved thing to me, and my fear for You the most fearful thing to me, and remove from me all wordly needs and wants by instilling a passion for meeting You, and when You have given the people of the world the pleasures of their world, make the coolness of my eyes (pleasure) in worshipping You." Ameen

    Very sorry for the long post.
    I pray that Allah swt gives you (and us all) happiness and contentment in this life an the next.
    and that He grants you (and us all) the best spouse

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