Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We don’t know how to deal with our cruel father


I am 21 years old and have 3 siblings more. One brother 1 year younger than me, sister 4 years younger than me and another brother 12 years younger than me. I am the eldest.

My father is a psychiatric patient for last 7 years and so do my mother for 6 years. There are much instabilities from the start of their marriage, She continuously bears everything. But he abuses her mother, sisters, brother in laws and everyone.

Basically he gave all the money and pays and savings etc to his own parents forcefully by not even considering needs of my mother and us. And she also bore that. He used to beat her on none issues. He is an army officer. And is still teasing us badly, he does not even care for our clothes and start fighting and yelling at us whenever we ask him for little sum of money. He is not interested in our studies at all. but I appreciate that he gives us fee for continuing but with so hardships together with that. My mother is continuously suffering and he just does not even give respect to her and her words.

I have been seeing it with my own eyes from my childhood.. sometimes my mother also used to beat him in return for her defence when he used his hands to her hairs and have pulled her whole body from her hair.

My heart is too broken to write all this. and he abused us all the time. My younger sister has become psychiatric patient as well.

Now I am in university and doing graduation, my mother is so ill and as well as my sister, he is ill too but still disrespects, I always yell at my father and do not care for him until he start caring for the whole family.. I have make him understood with my love and care from years but he doesn't understand and change himself.

Now these days he is gonna purchase a 60lacs house and has enough money but he wants to take all things for his property and has made us so poor in return that we cannot ask him for clothes shoes or anything we need.

I sometimes get confused that how to deal him... with love he gets so cruel over us and with harshness he becomes even more revengeful. He says us that we are gonna throw in fire on judgement day because he says we do not ask him for food in house where as its not true my mother has cared for him a lot. And these days is doing so much discrimination. He is also addict to blue films and see it in front of us..

There are a lot more but due to shorter time n size, I can't say more but you people can make an estimate what could be the consequences on our lives, health and on my little bro.!
Please help! We all are depressed because of him.

Rose marry

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    It may be worth speaking with your father's doctor or medical team - his behaviour may be a sign that his mental health problems need more treatment and support. You may also be able to get in touch with support groups for relatives and carers of people with mental health problems. If there aren't any groups near you, online resources might also be helpful, inshaAllah.

    While we are told to respect and care for our parents, that doesn't mean we should let them abuse us and our families. You and your siblings and your mother don't need to accept being hurt in this way, so don't be afraid to tell your father's doctors that they need to do more to help, or to tell your father that his behaviour is unacceptable. You can love and respect your father while explaining to him that he can't treat people the way he does, and while getting him help.

    If he is behaving in an aggressive way, then it's important to ensure that you are all safe. In that situation, it may be necessary for the rest of you to go stay with relatives for a while, or (if you can arrange it) for your father to be admitted to hospital for assessment and treatment.

    Remember to make dua for your parents, and to set an example to your younger siblings by treating your father with respect but not allowing him to abuse his family or behave in an unacceptable way.

    Midnightmoon editor

  2. Salaam aleikum sister Rose Marry,

    I'm sorry to read about your and your family's situation. You're a very strong person and you, your mother and siblings have borne much. Sister midnightmoon has given you great advice.

    In addition to this you have done very well to get through to university. Well done, stick with it and complete your studies. InshAllah I hope that this will make you successful in see curing a good job in the near future. You will still be much needed by your family but with an income of your own hopefully some of the difficulties you're currently facing will ease off. I pray that things improve for you and your family and I'll make dua for you sis.


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