IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

I seek for your knowledge and advice throughout this difficult time in my life. Here is my story...I am 23 years old.

Last year around March 2009, my uncle (mother's brother) told my parents about a boy that they wanted to introduce to me. His name is L***,he is 25 years old and lives in XYZ . My parents agreed to this and I did as well and we started communicating via email and phone.

My uncle knows his family pretty well and he also knows about his past. When L was 18 he was involved in a situation where him and his cousins were being attacked by a set of guys. L took something from his garage and sprayed the guys who were trying to attack him and his cousins. Then he got arrested and now has an Assault charge on his record. He learned his lesson and was never involved  in a situation like that again. Since then he is an even stronger Muslim and is very involved in the Islamic community. My uncle respects the person he is and really likes his character. My parents were aware of what L did from before I met him and before we ever spoke and said they will not look down at him for that and will get to know him for who he is.

Him and I spoke on the phone for 2.5 months before meeting. And then we all took a trip toXYZ as a family to meet L and His family. Our families got along very well and Him and I were very happy to finally meet and wanted to continue our relationship. We spent 2 weeks in XYZ. Both families were accepting to our relationship. We still continued to get to know each other on phone until we made another trip to XYZ last yr September to spend Eid ul fitr with my Mom's family and L's family.

It went wonderfully and that is when our families and L and I talked about us getting married. It was agreed and our wedding date was set to July this year. After leaving XYZ we began wedding planning. In early November we were all on a conference call (my parents and I with L and his parents) about the banquet hall we were to book for our wedding.  L and I got into a disagreement about the location and my parents were on the phone listening to our conversation. After hearing the disagreement my parents called off the wedding.

The disagreement was due to the location of the wedding and price of the wedding, and because it is to be in XYZ my family and I wanted a place that was convenient, and L and his family had a lot on their guest list so it was hard for them to afford that particular hall. My parents called off the wedding because they were upset with L and also upset with his parents. L and I worked out our issue and wanted to move forward, but my parents still do not.

It has been over 9 months and my parents completly hate him. They constantly say bad things about him and said they will never accept him. I've tried talking to them but the arguments get completly out of hand. L and I love each other very much and are trying very hard to be patient throughout this process in hopes of my parents coming around and accepting us again. Him and his parents try to call and speak with my parents to work out any problems but my parents refuse to answer the phone.

There was constant arguments in my house and it got so unbearable that I packed my bag and went to my cousins house. I stayed there for 3 weeks and now I've been at my grandparents house for 2 weeks. I feel very bad for leaving my parents home but I only did it for peace and so both sides could relax and think.  Because I believe the more you argue about something the more you will dislike it, and I thought space was needed.

I contacted my Uncle (the person whom introduced my family to L) and he is very suprised at my parents for the way they are acting. He tried speaking with them but they did not want listen. They think L is a fake person and everything he tells me on the phone is a complete lie and they believe he will control my life. I've gotten to know him for a very long time but I do not think that, nor do those who know him in XYZ. Although everything we are going through with my parents we still both want to try and do whatever we can.

He is willing to show or prove to my parents anything but they want nothing to do with him.  It's very hard after getting to know someone and wanting to now marry him that my parents called it off. I don't know what more to do. I'm praying for the best and seeking others advice but I'm being pulled in so many different directions. He is a good person, with wonderful Islamic ethics and so am I and all we want is a Happy marriage together. My parents tell me without their blessing our marriage willl be horrible so that scares me and they also say they will never speak to me again!

I'm stuck and now don't know where to turn.

- tjabar