IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

The Prophet(saw) said: "Ask yourself for a decision, ask your heart for a decision (saying it three times). Righteousness is that with which the soul is tranquil and the heart is tranquil, but sin is that which rouses suspicion in the soul and is perplexing in the breast, even if people give you a decision in its favour" (Mishkat)

Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe dear brother and sisters.

My Dear brothers and sisters, I am in need of your help.

InshAllah will you be able to help me through Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah his strength.

As you can read the Title of the post, its about the fact that I am questioning myself if I should continue this affair/word given I have with this young lady.

I am 18 years old and she is 17.

As I have read in before posts from other Muslim brothers and sisters when you intend to marry someone look for the woman that will help you reach higher places in the Islam, so a lady with attention to her Deen.

But is it also wrong for me if I have certain expectations such as looks, body size and etc ?

Do not get me wrong please, the first thing I wish to have in a woman is certainly a woman who has a good heart in other words also meaning a strong Deen. But I was wondering from a certain Hadith I read.

A Woman is made from the mans chest, the chest of the man is round, so is the woman, so do not try to straighten her or else you will break her. Therefore I rather want to find a woman who has a very good heart, kind loving towards others the way the Prophet Hazrat Mohammed Sallu Alayhi Wassalam wanted every brother and sister to be towards others. InshAllah will Allah then guide that woman and make her an even better Muslima, is it wrong for me to Long for a such a dream woman ?

Before I agreed to anything I first went to her parents to see if they would be okay and also introduced her to my parents.

But now I actually regret this all, because from the very beginning there has been nothing but problems, fight and mishappenings and I am not getting closer to Islam through her, sometimes it even sees more further. She was a woman who wasnt acting like a proper Muslima should, and InshAllah Allah granted her grace and she went to wearing a kind like Hijab long clothes, practizing (she say so, I also hope so). But this is where it stays I guess, she cannot move forward on her own.

And from the beginning of the relationship, I have had nothing but fights with her and then I get confused because Allah Soebhaan Wataa'Aalah said love lies in being forgive full towards each others (correct me if I am wrong, Astagfiroelah). But I have been forgiving her now for more then 10 months (Every day a fight isn't basically fun, Literally everyday not kidding or overreacting).

I do not even feel attracted to her anymore...............................

But I talked to her parents and I am just so scared of disappointing anyone, its not like I can see in the future and foresaw this.

Would it be wrong of me if I let her go for the best of it ?

To be honest I also asked my parents what they think of it, especially my mom because well yeah Moms are the BEST Alhamdulilah. They specifally told me they think she has a ''Double-Face'' (like acting differnt outside and inside feeling something else or thinking). My moms heart says that she Just Doesnt FEEL it in her Heart.

There is not to be messed with moms heart, I sincerely asked her to be honest and to think of Allah and she meant it when she said, so I trust my parents of course. I also asked too pray Istikhara for me and I myself will also pray it InshAllah.  I am just very confused about how I can Best go around this and let her know that this is over.

(In the relationship also certain things happened which were never too happen, for this I ask Allah over and over forgiveness from as I was lead astray by the Shaitaan and my deen was not strong enough, but Allah knows best)!

I will not blame her, but this is also one of the reasons which distresses me so much as those things have happened I feel like I am abandoning someone leaving and throwing away as trash.

Don't mis-judge me please, before the relationship started I suggested not only but also fought for it and asked for Nikah so things could be done Halal, but all protested and no one agreed and asked us to wait 3 years.

I also believe in Marriage with some one that doesn't find SeX that important, I wish to be with someone for who they are and that I can be with that someone without having the need of sex. (this will eventuelly dissapear anyway when we grow old, thats why I wish to be with someone for their inside/character and not what they can offer. (they as in referring to InshAllah a my soulmate chosen by Allah soebhaan Wataa'Aalah InshAllah).

Problem just lies that she LOVES me so much, I am pretty sure she wouldnt be able to get over it, or even attempt suicide. I also know that her Family is a very big bother for her, as they are not practizing Muslims and rather despite her for being the way she is a Muslima.

If you want too know more or need more enlightment, Ill gladly help.

Please I need help before 31 of december 2010. Please help me quickly,I beg of you InshAllah will you all be able too.

I am really Confused, help me make the right choice InshAllah and remember me in your dua's as I will also remember you all and may Allah bless you for your troubles, InshAllah!

JazzakAllah

- Raja