Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We met on social media and fell in love

So basically I met this girl on twitter and I stated dating her and before we even met in person we were in love. We were in so much love it felt so good to us that we didn't even look back. Then eventually you know what happened don't you? Yes. We slept together and committed Zina pretty much every time we seen each other over 4-5 years. Although we promised each other from day one we would only get married to one another and would never leave one another.

Me myself to be fair was not doing much other than working here or there, where as she is still doing law and working part time in a call centre, drives a nice car, nice phone. I have lots of things as well alhumduillah but not as much as her on the career front or even wealth wise. First she uses to say I am her priority and she wants to make me happy, live the rest of her life with me and now it's her studies & which is a priority, that we are going our 2 separate ways meaning timings have changed. She knows my family so well & has come to my house several times to meet my mum and I know her sister. I went aboard for a few years and she stuck by me and waited for me until I got back, although I would come on my holidays for a week or 2 & we would obviously meet straight away. We loved each other so deeply. It was so romantic and amazing. Then I came back to the UK for good, we've had some ups & down because Iv said some things I shouldn't of to her & vice versa.

Now she is saying after 5 years that she doesn't feel the same and she wants to move on without me. She feels we will fight even when we get married or she is worried that my family is on her case to get married ASAP but my family says we shouldn't be hanging about in public and it should be all halal but she can't get married right now because she's studying and I completely understand that and I am happy to wait for her no matter what my family say. I really love her and I want her back and work things out. Iv put so much time in her and she has as well in me. I think she's matured now and realises i'm not the one for her even though I have bettered my life from before for my family & her family to accept me and I was still working on it. She is saying we will fight when married, her hearts not in it and she won't ever love me like she used to. I'm not sure if it was actually true love or just the passing time relationship or the true colours are exposed..


Am so upset, please someone help me.

Has she betrayed me? Used me?

Should she get married to me after all the promises & zina?

Should we repent together & get married to each other? (if we absolutely stop fighting & I wait for her & put my head down and try my best in my studies)

Should I just let her go?

Is she right we will fight in the future once married?

Is she right to commit Zina with one person so many times & in the end tell them I'm tired of this relationship & I want to go my own way?

Any help would be much appreciated.

Am sorry for committing big sins in my life, I know I am the worst human ever & I have let my religion down.


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5 Responses »

  1. I understand both you and your girlfriend. It is easier said than done: REPENTA CE! Yes you should repent , whther you want to marry her or not. However, being involved in a haram relationship tires you out. She's weary of it. This is what haram relationships hide.
    I was in a haram relationship and he loved me like a fool. He was crazy after me. But me, like your girlfriend, was tired of him. I started to feel less love. I started to feel superior. I am more educated than him. I started to realize that it was not love in the end it was only having someone to text, someone to chat with, someone to be together etc.

    • I was in a haram relationship for a year, and to be honest, that opened my eyes that haram relationships are not worth it. The guy loved me like crazy but as you, Layali, I started to feel less love and I realized how in many ways I am better without him, especially I sacrificed a whole year of not studying for him just to spend some time. My advice is to start engaging in Islam, watch videos and lectures, try to keep up with your salah and perfect it. Slowly you are getting closer to Allah. No one can just be religious one day, Make it as your habit and understand the purpose of it. And Everybody has sinned, so don't feel guilty, I understand. I just hope as much as you get closer to Allah and repenting, move on and prioritize your studies and make yourself happy. Your happiness is important on this journey. And If you want to get intimate my brother. Finish your studies and talk to your family about marriage.

      Hope this has helped you, my brother,
      May Allah Forgive All of our sins and give us a new start in our next chapter with him by our side guiding us to the straight path
      Thank you or your time
      Sister K

  2. Plz brother first you should do is do repent which you have done and if she do not love you then leave her may be she used you and leave her if she sincere with you she marry with you and after zina she should realized that she did big sin and ready for marriage with you bcz she let you to usr her body but she do not releaze so far away from her and not meet her and make dua that you forget her .Thanks pray for me

  3. you went to UK..In that time she may had felt alone and empty..but if she loves you she should've happy to see you back again..but i think she is messed up right now.

  4. Allah forgives everyone..have hope..just cry like a child cry and ask for will definitely be forgiven. believe in allah and words of allah...he is the one who forgives..

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